


United we stand - Divided we fall

by jesse (jesse_blue)



Series: Tripping and falling, rising and persevering [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Asgard, Child Abuse, Desperation, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, FrostIron - Freeform, Fury is an asshole, Help, Homophobia, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, Howard Stark's Bad Parenting, Hurt/Comfort, Jotun, Jotunheim, Loki got a suit, Lost Magic, Lots of dialogue, Love, M/M, Nightmares, Odin's A+ Parenting, Odin's Bad Parenting, Pain, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, S.H.I.E.L.D., S.H.I.E.L.D. are evil bastards, Self-Loathing, Slow Build, Suicide Attempt, Super secure Stark Tower, Telling the truth, Torture, get help from the Avengers because they are the good guys, lots of talking, magical artifact, secret project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-03-21 06:20:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 49
Words: 128,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3681237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesse_blue/pseuds/jesse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki was captured by the Chitauri who had a score to settle with him. Tortured and seemingly dead he fell on Tony Stark`s tower. He survived against all odds and Bruce and Tony did their best to understand what had happened in New York and what happened to Loki, who lost his magic. Tony and Loki discover a secret S.H.I.E.L.D. is hiding and it might cost them both everything they are. They need Thor and they need the other Avengers by their side. Loki gets his own suit. Suit like armor, not Armani, even when there`s a grey suit involved in the story in one chapter. It took Tony and Loki frustratingly long to understand what they might feel for each other. The Avengers have a bone to pick with S.H.I.E.L.D. and therefore need to break into a secret facility to save the day. Things get a little bit complicated, but hey, considering their lives they should by now be used to complicated shit, shouldn`t they? Even if it means traveling to Jotunheim.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Down on luck

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:  
> There`s a generous amount of using the f-word and other bad language.  
> There are mentions and descriptions of torture and pain and nightmares in a lot of chapters. An unhealthy amount of alcoholic beverages is consumed.  
> Chapter 4 describes a suicide attempt and it is mentioned in chapter 5 again.  
> Chapter 10 contains graphic descriptions of child abuse.  
> So if anything of this things trigger you, please don`t read it! Take care of yourself.

Something went really, really wrong on that day and nobody even noticed.

It would have been a beautiful day in Central Park with the sun shining from a light blue sky. It would have been if it wouldn`t be the day Loki should return to Asgard with Thor. They both reached for the case in which the Tesseract was placed a moment before. The gem started to glow a bright blue when the connection to Asgard was established. Loki and Thor stood in circles of dancing blue lights. They disappeared into two turquoise light pillars. And then something went horribly wrong. For one of them. Only Loki felt the strange sensation of dizziness and numbness. Traveling between the realms shouldn't feel like that. His hand that hold on to the Tesseract was whipped away from it. It felt oddly familiar - and it felt cold, dark and incredibly wrong at the same time. Loki fought to secure his grip. But despite his effort, he still got pulled away. One finger after the other lost touch of the container that hold the blue gem. He thought about screaming, about alerting Thor but he was gagged and could do nothing against it. _Would Thor even care? Not that it matters..._ Everything around him spun in radiantly blue lights and sparks of white. He wasn`t able to see anything apart from this blinding light. There were no voices, no sound, no smells, nothing to see apart from the flickering shine. Everything else had stopped to exist. Just blue turquoise light remained. He struggled but at last, he gave up and surrendered. There was nothing to fight against, nothing to help himself, nothing he could do. Loki closed his eyes and it was like falling from the Bifrost a second time.

 

Loki opened his eyes again in the moment he felt his fall had stopped. There was cold stone under his body. The blue lights were gone, replaced with gloom. He was back on this rugged black rock in space, back to the cold and darkness. He lay on his aching back, his head hurt, he felt dazed but at least the chains and muzzle were gone. Breathing was painstaking but he ignored it because he wasn't alone. The Other with a sardonic grin and a handful of Chitauri already waited for him. And behind them, he caught a glimpse of Thanos and something broke inside of him. He saw them coming closer but he wasn`t able to move. He was pinned to the ground. All he could do was to gaze at them and wait for the inevitable. Helpless. Again.

He had heard this promise before. The words sounded like thunder and lightning, echoing cold but loud and from everywhere around him, like dead-sounding mist: "If you fail, if the Tesseract is kept from us, there will be no realm, no barren moon, no crevice where he cannot find you. You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

 _It`s over._ Loki knew it. Nothing would save him from this. He had tried. This would be the end - if he was lucky.

He wasn`t.

Because the Other added laughing: "Thanos brought you back here. I told you, he would find you. You shouldn`t have failed, fallen prince. You will have more than enough time to regret. We will make you long for something as sweet as pain."

 

He had not overpromised. Loki had never felt something like this before. Not when he fell into the void. Not when they caught him the first time. It was more than just pain, more than all the pain, he had been through in his whole long life. It was much worse than everything before. Pain concentrated like a viscous venom slowly crawling through his veins. He was scared witless when he heard screams of pain, just to discover that they were his own screams he couldn't stop. His screaming, the sound of breaking bones and a dark whisper inside of his mind was all he could hear. Everything he could smell was the metallic rancid smell of blood and wounded flesh. He saw himself bleeding and breaking, saw every hurt he ever felt again right in front of him, every memory clear like crystal, sharp as a knife. He was not only a crying child, a betrayed son and a tortured prisoner at the same time, he was everything that felt pain. His heart was wrenched and his mind ripped to pieces. He couldn`t fight against this, there was nothing he could do, nothing he could think of and nothing else existed anymore. Inside of his chest love and hope and warmth died first, leaving behind a bleeding emptiness. Loki found himself cornered in the part of his mind, that knew only pain and desperation and sadness. It took over his whole existence, ripping him apart over and over again, the only more or less clear thought that came back to him again and again through the mental and physical destruction, was the wish to die so it would end. _Please._ It was the incarnation of desperation and evil. Desperation deeper than every abyss could be, embracing everything in suffocating coldness. He was caught in this endless Horror and yes, he longed for something as sweet as just pain.

 

Meanwhile, the Avengers parted. None of them had noticed anything, they didn't know that something went wrong when Thor and Loki left earth.

Steve went on a road trip and from time to time he sent a postcard to Tony and another one to Bruce and to Natasha and to Clint. Postcards! Not the electronic kind, the kind that got delivered through the postal service. Handwritten. Slightly out of date but nevertheless touching. It made Tony chuckle. And it made Bruce smile. Hell, even Natasha and Clint shared a smile.

Tony and Bruce went back to Stark Tower, with the big A, the only letter that stayed at his place, still shining. Tony showed Bruce his Candyland like he had promised. R&D all concentrated in several floors full of laboratories, workshops and testing facilities and gadgets. They both relished in the fact that there was someone that actually understood what they talked about and how fascinating all this was. And Pepper was at Tony`s side, pleased that he had a friend that could take it up with him. Everything seemed fine for a while.

The two assassins went back to S.H.I.E.L.D. to do whatever agents might do after saving the earth from an alien invasion. There might even be a protocol for that. S.H.I.E.L.D. had protocols for everything, didn`t they? Clint and Natasha just visited Tony and Bruce once. It was two days after the day in Central Park and they came to tell them that Fury would call them to get together if it would become necessary. Until then they could all go on living their lives. Not that they would need Fury`s Ok to do so. Especially not Tony who wrote an uncompromisingly forthright email to Fury to clarify his position on that matter. Streaked with creative insults and a very detailed description where Fury could shove his permission.

 

A few days after the Chitauri invasion the Stark Tower looked battered but it was still standing. The damage wasn`t structural but the upper levels of the tower were destroyed. Tony decided to use the chance to make the tower even better. Better and above all safer. Looking down at the city through broken windows, he stood there with a barefoot Pepper and they planned the renovation and conversion of the building. It was Pepper`s idea that every Avenger should get his own floor, despite the fact that Fury made clear that the Avengers aren`t needed at the moment. But the time will come, she said to Tony, so he consented. If it would make her happy or feel safer, he would do it for her. And he kissed her and smiled.

 

Just a few weeks later the kissing had stopped and Pepper had left.

Tony had escaped death by a narrow margin as he flew that nuke through the portal, being certain that he would die there in space. All alone. Surrounded by cold darkness, encased in his suit without JARVIS. Without anyone and not even on fucking earth. Convinced that the last thing he would ever see would be the explosion spreading from the alien ship, the only light in the crushing darkness. And for sure it had affected him. It added to all the crap he already was through in his life. He had nightmares that woke Pepper in the night and left him trembling and covered in sweat beneath her. He tried to ignore it, make it go away by working harder, drinking more, trying to treat her like a princess. She tried to drag him to a psychiatrist without any other success than a bad case of a headache on her part, and even more caginess and irritability on his part. It was the last straw for her. She couldn't take it anymore nor was she willing to try anymore. She confronted him with the choice whether he would keep on being Iron Man or stay with her and do his best to get over whatever might be tormenting him. To change.

Giving up being Iron Man? He was pretty much surprised. Who would have guessed that she still thought that Iron Man and Tony Stark are two different human beings that could be separated? He valued her but he couldn`t throw away a part of himself and change into someone, who might be what she wants but wouldn`t be him anymore. He couldn`t do that. He was willing to do a lot but not this.

They managed it without drama, they broke up and got back to being friends and workmates. Perhaps they just weren`t made for each other in any other way. It stopped hurting unexpectedly fast. Sure, from time to time it still felt strange but that way it worked for both of them. Far better than being together as a couple. They were good as friends, as brother and sister of some type but not as a couple.

 

Two months after the day Thor and Loki left Earth the blonde god came back. He materialized in New Mexico again and Tony was immediately alerted by JARVIS who scanned for data signatures since the battle of New York. Including energy signatures like the Bifrost or the Tesseract had produced. Tony wanted to make sure not to miss it if some of the gods from Asgard visit Earth again. Or anybody else not from this nice blue planet he called home. After all the last two times didn`t end that well. As soon as JARVIS alarmed him he suited up to meet the hammer swinging blond. Unsurprisingly Tony arrived before the S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, JARVIS was by far faster than any computer system they used. So he was the first to come to know that Loki had disappeared. That the journey to Asgard wasn`t successful and that Thor was searching for his brother since then. Odin had prohibited to use the Tesseract to travel or bringing the gem to earth again, so Thor had to wait with his search until he was able to use the Bifrost. They were able to repair it by using the Tesseract. But in none of the nine realms, a trace of Loki was found. Thor told him about Heimdall, who sounded suspiciously like a big brother system of Asgard. But even he couldn`t see Loki. Thor was worried and he was convinced that his brother wasn`t on the run but in deep trouble. He looked like a kicked puppy and at the same time like a determined warrior, a strange combination. "I`ll find him."

It somehow hurt Tony to tell the sad looking Asgardian, that Loki was not on Earth. That he had found Thor and would have found Loki if he would be there. About the energy signature, JARVIS would have recognized. "I`m sorry, Thor."

"Thank you. Nevertheless, I`ve got a big favor to ask of you. If you find him, would you call Heimdall to send me? I know he wronged you, man of Iron, and Midgard, too. But after all, he`s my brother." Tony complied although he doubted that Loki would come back to earth. To the planet, he failed to occupy. _Why should he come back? It would be an incredibly silly idea and as crazy the god might be, he absolutely isn`t dumb._ Tony kept this thoughts for himself. Thor looked sad enough.

Thor departed before S.H.I.E.L.D. could talk with him so Tony was the one to tell Fury, who was fuming with rage, that Loki was missing. Surprisingly Fury knew a few cusswords even Tony haven`t heard before. You live and learn.

 

Tony went back to New York to keep on taking care of Stark Tower. A naughty amount of money was needed to realize everything he had thought of. In the end, when all was finally ready and perfect, the Avenger's floors stayed mostly empty. Just Bruce had moved in. Thor was out somewhere searching for Loki. Steve was still on the road and Clint and Natasha refused and told Tony that they wanted to give him some space after the recent breakup with Pepper. _Recent? It was months ago. And_ s _pace? What a feeble excuse. A fucking tower should be space enough._ But Tony had shrugged his shoulders and accepted it. Like he was used to. A bit offended but hey, nobody would be forced to live in the sexiest building on the face of the earth filled with more amazing technology than one can imagine. And with a beautiful new Stark logo high above the ground.

 

Tony had taken extraordinary steps towards safety. The tower was more or less build new rather than being repaired or getting a retrofit. Several architects and consultants submitted drafts and he had personally combined what seemed useful. Everyone involved, from the workers to the architects were changed at irregular intervals. They never saw the whole construction plans, just the part they were working at. No one despite Tony knew the whole plan. Stark Tower would keep him safe in the future, whatever this future might bring. It may have been paranoid but he preferred being paranoid to getting surprisingly killed in his own home.

 

Finally, the tower reached up 60 floors, covered in elegant glass, that mirrored the light blue of the sky. The building looked like a modern but average skyscraper. Everything extraordinary was hidden behind the visible surface. On the inside, the building was more a bunker than a skyscraper. A fortress made of concrete and steel and technology. A concrete core went through the whole tower and deep into the ground beneath it. Whatever might happen to the exterior of the tower, this sturdy core would always be safe and offer protection to his inhabitants. Even if the whole structure around the core would be flooded with biological or chemical weapons, burn down or even collapse completely, the concrete core would stay intact.

Pressurized Stairwells, pressurized so smoke would be forced out, inside the core gave the possibility of evacuating people. The elevator lobby in the middle of the ground-floor was covered by a bomb shield, hidden under thin plates looking like wallpapered mural. The building's life-safety systems were encased in a core wall almost two meters thick and contained a narrow additional emergency stairwell, communication cables, ventilations shafts and a single elevator that only linked Tony`s floor, his main workshop and the lobby. 

 

Of course, there were video surveillance and alarms that all safeguarded the tower. A lot of redundant security features were build to make it the safest private owned building.

The energy was provided by the Arc reactor and even if it wouldn`t be able to produce energy anymore, something that shouldn`t happen in the next hundred years, a backup power system would switch on. If someone would manage to shut down the backup system, there was still a battery powered generator hidden, strong enough to keep the security and sustainment systems running for at least 24 hours.

 

The first ten floors were windowless but wrapped in a stainless-steel screen that glowed a faint red and gold with the words Stark Industries displayed over floor number three.

The fragile looking glass front was built with windows that were bomb-resistant and would shield the inside from an explosion, deflecting the energy of a blast, even the blast of the Chitauri-weapons. The windows were literally unbreakable and resistant to most chemicals and acids. The hardness and durability of this material was impressive but it looked like ordinary glass. From the inside it was transparent, but from the outside, it looked like dull mirrors or steel surfaces.

 

The only terrace of the building was now on the top floor and was combined with the Iron Man landing point. Beneath it, the new Stark letters were shining.

In the case of an attack, the whole front of the top floor could be covered with bombproof metal plates that would slide down in front of the glass if activated, leaving terrace and landing point out and keeping the room behind safe. The room itself was huge and was used as Tony`s main living room. Equipped with a lot of seating accommodations, tables, and tech. There was also an open kitchen with a big kitchen isle and the generously armed bar, the same Tony was standing at when he offered Loki that drink.  was one of the few things that stayed mostly like before. Tony liked that bar a lot.

Tony`s bedroom, dressing room, and bathroom were at the end of a short corridor, one door at the left and one on the right led to two identical guestrooms. Finally there was a panic room hidden behind Tony`s bedroom, protected by a heavy vault door. JARVIS` hardware and backup-systems were concealed in different parts and floors inside the concrete core, his main hardware and backup were in a secret room hidden in the panic room behind another vault door. Only Tony knew the access code. JARVIS was safe.

 

The floor beneath Tony`s was more or less a private hospital. Two operation rooms and an intensive care unit for at least two patients were located there. There were patient rooms and medical equipment sufficient for the treatment of a dozen people at the same time. The medicines stored in apothecary cabinets should help against almost everything imaginable. The appliances for imaging techniques were more than just up to date. Tony should never be forced to set foot in a hospital again.

Beneath the medical floor was Tony`s main workshop. It span over three floors, so Tony had enough room over his head to test features of the suit while flying. He had brought DUM-E and U from Malibu to keep him company there.

Below the workshop was another floor with laboratories and testing facilities and underneath it, the floors dedicated to the Avengers followed including a containment cell for the Hulk, just in case.

The rest of the tower was filled with two gyms and a lot of workshops, laboratories, and bulks of equipment Tony found interesting or useful. The first ten floors were used as offices for Stark Industries. These ten floors were strictly separated from the rest of the tower.

 

So his tower was now alien-, terrorist- and S.H.I.E.L.D.-proof which gave Tony a feeling of security he had missed after the invasion. No one would enter without his permission, no one would get out without it either.

 

And New York was fast recovering, too. What got destroyed by the Chitauri and Loki was repaired or replaced and it started to look like a normal city again. The view has changed, New York looked slightly different, but hey, New York keeps on changing anyway.

 

Far away from earth Loki`s fate changed when Ronan attracted Thanos` attention. Ronan who was outrageous and dumb enough to threat killing Thanos. Thanos who controlled not only the Other and the Chitauri, but so much and many more. Ronan really thought he wouldn`t need Thanos anymore to destroy Xandar. He was no longer willing to hand the Infinity Stone to him but had put it on his hammer to use it himself. This was much more interesting than this disgraceful god. Thanos had already lost the Tesseract, he wouldn`t lose this infinity stone, too. So he decided that it would be no more fun and just plain boring and impractical to keep Loki alive, even when his suffering was exhilarating, a nice pastime that he really enjoyed. But he needed the Other elsewhere. "Let him fall. Wherever he will end, he will be dead anyway. Get rid of him and let him bleed to death somewhere else." And so the nearly lifeless and unconscious body of the Norse god was pushed through a hastily opened portal to perish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is a character from Guardians of the galaxy. Ronan is a Kree and despite a peace treaty after a long war between the Kree and Xandarians he wants to destroy Xandar (a planet), no matter the costs. He was an Ally of Tanos (the creepy warlord that commands the Other & the Chitauri) but then turned against him and keeping an infinity stone he had promised Thanos, what someone like Thanos pisses off completely.


	2. The probability of surviving

"What do you think of it, JARVIS?"

"Kindly tell me you don`t intend to actually install an ice maker for your drinks into one of the suits, Sir."

Tony laughed. "We`ll see. It could come in useful." He was in his main workshop and closed the blueprint he was working on. Then he got up, walked to the bar and poured himself a glass of whiskey when JARVIS all of a sudden set an alarm.

_What the fuck?_

"Sir, I`ve noticed an energy signature, similar to the one of the Tesseract-induced portal on your terrace. It lasted for just a few seconds and vanished without a trace or any damage to the building, New York or any human being, but it left someone behind I identified as Loki from Asgard. He is unconscious and severely injured." Tony choked on the brown liquid and dropped the glass. It shattered on the floor. Then he started running. JARVIS opened the doors and the elevator, so he could get to the terrace the fastest way possible. Unconscious meant he could save the time he would have needed to suit up or at least that was what he hoped for. _What the hell is happening here?_

He came to an abrupt stop when he arrived outside. There was something on the terrace, but sure as hell, it doesn't look like the God that had tried to conquer earth and let humanity kneel before him. Tony wasn`t even sure if this bleeding something was alive. Must have been at some point, but there was too much blood.

"Shall I inform S.H.I.E.L.D, Sir?"

"No, JARVIS. Not yet. Let me think. And scan him or more precisely scan what looks like his remains."

"Yes, Sir. He is alive but barely breathing. He has a heartbeat, but it is slow and irregular. An alarming amount of bones in his body is fractured or dislocated. He suffers from internal bleeding and minor injuries of internal organs, a massive loss of blood and parts of his skin and tissue are cut, burned or otherwise bruised. He is malnourished and dehydrated. The probability of surviving amounts to less than 1% even if considering he is a Norse god. But I don`t have much data about his physiology. So the precise probability may differ."

 _O yes, a fucking murderous god was lying on his tower, bleeding to death. Great._ He searched feverishly for an answer, what to do now.

"JARVIS, call Bruce Banner. Tell him it`s an emergency and that he shall come upstairs. Now! The sooner the better."

"Yes, Sir."

Oh, it would be hard to explain to Bruce why the man, that had threatened the whole world and threw Tony out of his own window, now lay on his property closer to death than life. And without Tony informing S.H.I.E.L.D. _I need a drink._ Tony sighed internally. _Or two._

Thankfully Bruce arrived fast and looked questioning to Tony, who stood in his huge living room in front of the door to the terrace with a strange look on his face. "Are you Ok, Tony?" He sounded worried.

"Not as Ok, as I would like it to be. You have to promise me a thing. I`ll show you something but you will not talk to anyone about it. Not with S.H.I.E.L.D. Nor anybody on this fucking planet. Or from another world. Not to forget, you won`t hulk out. Please?"

Bruce looked concerned. "What have you done, Tony? Ok, Ok, I`ll do my best."

"Sorry, but no, that`s not enough. Not for this, I`m afraid. I appreciate your best, but I need a promise. A promise or just leave and forget about this, don`t think about it. It`s Ok. I just need your decision. This mess is nothing that should get more complicated - if that`s even possible."

It took a lot of trust for Bruce to agree, but he nodded.

"Come." Tony dragged him outside where the battered body was still lying. He hadn`t moved an inch, but at least he still seemed to breathe. Bruce winced. "Is that Loki? What happened to him?"

"For fuck's sake, yes. You worked as a doctor - can you help him? I´m not even sure if I could move him without killing him instantly. I don`t know what happened. JARVIS alarmed me and when I arrived, he was lying here in his blood, dying. Can you help?"

"Oh no, that is not going to happen." He raised his hands in a defensive gesture. "The other guy still wants to slam him into the ground. I can feel it. I´m not going to touch Loki, the other guy wouldn`t appreciate it and you said no, how`d you put it? No hulking out. Call S.H.I.E.L.D., should they figure out what to do with him. In addition, I`m not an emergency medicine specialist. They`ll know better what to do than I."

"If I call 911 I could just as well call Fury. Bruce, you know institutions like S.H.I.E.L.D. perhaps better than I and you know I can`t hand him over, all the more in this condition. Fury would either let him bleed to death or keep him alive long enough to screw out every secret or knowledge Loki might have and torture and kill him himself. Even the bastard Loki didn`t deserve this. Look at him. He`s a mess. Someone broke him in little bleeding pieces and threw him away. We couldn`t stand here and watch him die. I can`t. Can you? Really?"

Bruce`s Eyes wandered to the body that was lying in a terrifying large puddle of blood, his dark hair soaked with it. He had never seen someone in such a state. How could someone be in such a state and still be alive? He was wrapped sparsely in torn clothes, but most pieces of skin, that Bruce could see, were injured and in different stages of healing. He could see a fractured bone sticking out of the skin of his right arm. And how could someone bleed that much without already being dead? _It`s a wonder, he`s still alive._ Whatever happened to Loki was far worse than everything he ever saw. Everything he could think off. And after all, this was still a living being and who was he to decide to let him die? He sighed. Then he went to Loki, carefully turned him around and decided to bring him in to start a desperate attempt to save his life.

"You have medical equipment here and an operating room, since Stark Tower was renovated, haven't you?"

"Yes."

"Go, fetch a stretcher and hurry. We have to bring him down before he dies. We`ll need morphine and sedatives and we will need help!" _And it`s likely that he will die nonetheless._ _This is way beyond anything I had dealt with before._

Tony hurried and both men carefully lifted the body on the stretcher and went to the elevator.

"JARVIS, please tell me as much as you can about his condition. And we`ll have to make radiographs and an NMRI - whatever you are equipped the medical unit with. I have to take a closer look at his injuries." Bruce Banner asked with his soft voice but the anxiety was audible.

It was difficult to fix the electrodes of a heart monitor to Loki`s body because they could hardly find enough not injured skin to stick it to. But his heart was still beating. Slow, but it was beating.

"Shouldn`t we at least inform Thor? He`s searching for him, isn`t he?"

"No, Bruce. Either he will destroy this world in a rage because his little brother lies here dying or, and I really, really hope, that this is not what happened, or the Asgardians did this to him and he escaped. I don`t think so, but let`s just keep it on the down low and try to save his life."

 

They would need a surgeon and nurses. The severe injuries and multiple fractures were too much to handle for Bruce Banner. They couldn`t just call a doctor and nurses and let them walk through the front door. It would entail too many questions. And additionally Tony still didn't trust Fury for a second, so in case S.H.I.E.L.D. would keep the tower under surveillance there would be even more questions. Regarding recruiting people fast and dependable it`s a real blessing to be a billionaire. A lot of money makes it easier for everyone to maintain complete confidentiality. In conclusion, they sneaked the distinguished surgeon that Banner chose into the tower only half an hour later dressed as a pizza delivery boy. He wasn`t too amused about this measures but again, money compensates a lot. And an awful lot of money all the more. To get the female anesthetist and the operating room nurses into the building was even easier. Tony met them in the little restaurant beneath the tower and walked with them broadly grinning through the front door. To have a reputation as a playboy was sometimes helpful, too. Pepper would give him hell if she ever finds out about that show. The nurses that would later care for Loki, assuming he survived, would enter the building the same way. Very convenient. It took exhaustingly long and two additional surgeons, delivering Chinese respectively Indian food, to patch up the patient but his chances to survive had increased distinctly.

 

Even so, Loki was in a coma.

 

After a week the doctors stated that he would survive.

Bruce took the opportunity to ask Tony: "Now, that you know, he will survive, will you call Thor? Or what have you planned? He will hopefully wake up one day and you should have a plan for that moment. And a plan B, just in case. Considering he`s crazy, perhaps also plan C and D."

"I won`t call Thor until I know what the hell happened to Loki. He might be a fucking crazy bastard but I won`t risk giving him back to a possible repetition of what was done to him. He`ll wake up and we talk to him and then we decide what the fuck to do with this clusterfuck. And Bruce? You`re a good man, do you know that? Thanks for helping. And for just everything." _For being a friend._

"You`re welcome." It was a warm smile that accompanied the words. "And no more broken deities for me, please."

"I`ll do my best. But as I`m wildly popular I can`t promise. Perhaps I could put up a sign on the terrace? Like trespassing prohibited for Norse gods, world conquerors and aliens in general."

"Sounds good, we`ll try that." It was good to hear Bruce laugh, he did it way to seldom.

 

Loki healed rapidly, much faster than a human would but after all, he was a god. He had survived against all odds. Nevertheless, it took him four weeks and a lot of medical care with three additional operations, to finally wake up.


	3. You`re my guest

After the second operation, the doctors had registered that Loki might wake up and decided that because of the extreme trauma they would put him in a medically induced coma. When they decided that it would be better to reduce the drugs to let him wake up they told Bruce and Tony that the patient should slowly but surely wake up and that they would need patience. After such a long time unconscious it could be that he would be confused or agitated due to the side effects of the sedatives and opiates and due to possible withdrawal from the drugs they gave him.

But slow wasn`t something that worked for Loki, it seemed. It took just a few minutes for him to wake up. Before he opened his eyes he felt the pain again, everywhere. But he also felt soft sheets under his skin. Confusion. His brain tried to get it together. A strange new way to torture him? To make it even more interesting for them? He panicked. He could take no more. But he was trapped like a helpless animal and there was no way out for him. He gasped for breath as the panic washed over him like a wave, trying to drown him. The heart monitor started beeping nervously. It wasn`t a noise he recognized. Everything was wrong. His eyes went wide, torn open almost to the point of distortion, in fear and anxiety. There were lights, too many lights, and voices. Hurting. While still on the bed, his upper body rose up just to enable him to crash himself against the wall in an attempt to flee. He ignored the wounds, that opened again and started to bleed. His central venous catheter got ripped out of his neck. He didn`t even notice it. Tony and Bruce did their best, to calm him down, but Loki doesn`t recognize them, he was unable to see or hear them. He didn`t speak. He was just screaming, trying to get away from them and trying to protect himself with raised hands. He flailed around but he was too weak to harm anyone else than himself. He clawed a shallow scratch on Tony`s left arm, that was all. He was too weak but he fought anyway. Only the tranquilizer Bruce injected in his upper arm finally stopped him. It took a little time but then Loki sat still for a moment, spent, his face gone white as snow and he fell down on the bed again unconsciously and the heart monitor softened his noise.

Bruce Banner looked at Tony. "Wow, that was..." He stopped. "That was more than drug-induced confusion. I`ve never seen anyone in such great terror. I can help his wounds but..."

"I know." Tony answered, staring at the motionless body. And he feared he would never be able to forget Loki`s desperate screaming, no matter how hard he would try. That was bad. Worse than he expected. He just hoped it would get better.

 

They argued a lot if it would be better to fixate Loki to the bed or if this would make waking up even worse for him. But considering the damage he had done to himself, they decided that sparing his mind could mean too much damage to his weak body.

The dose of the tranquilizer knocked him out for 24 hours.

So the next day Tony sat down in a chair beside the bed and waited. It seemed to be a better idea when Loki would see Tony Stark and not Bruce Banner at first. The memory of the Hulk, slamming him into the floor wouldn`t be helpful to someone already panicking. So Tony sat there with his tablet and went through some equations and blueprints while he waited. Wearing a hospital gown Loki looked somehow fragile and at the same time absolutely ridiculous. _A god in a nightdress. Really, that`s hilarious!_ Tony laughed and concentrated again on the tablet. It took some time but finally there was a movement on the bed. Loki woke up the second time. He still suffered pain and additionally he wasn`t able to move. But he was still able to scream. Bloodcurdling screams of pain. They already gave him painkillers with the infusions but it seemed not to be enough. They wouldn`t help much against this amount of panic anyway. Tony leaped from his chair to the hospital bed where Loki fought against the restraints without even opening his eyes. As soon as he seemed to have someone registered there he stopped screaming and stammered something. And the faint words sent a shiver down Tony's spine. "Please. No more. I can`t... please." Loki wailed with pain.

"Open your eyes!" Tony screamed because he was sure, Loki couldn`t hear him otherwise. He remembered how Loki screamed and panicked the first time he woke up and resisted the temptation to grab Loki by his shoulders and shake him. He knew being touched now would make it worse. The god had tightly closed his eyes, not willing to open them and tears were streaming over his face like rain. "Open your fucking eyes! Look at me! You`re safe here. No one will hurt you." He had to repeat the sentences a few times before it seemed that Loki started to understand the meaning.

Loki opened his eyes and braced himself to open them to just an illusion created by his kidnappers and to more pain. But there was just a white room and Tony Stark. He remembered the mortal, that couldn`t be controlled by the scepter. Or at least he looked like the human he remembered. Loki still didn`t believe that he wasn`t anymore in his captor's clutches. It had to end. He was broken and even they should have that much mercy, he hoped. It was the only hope he had. Hope. He thought every hope had died in him, but here it was again, just to fail him again. It was enough. More than that. He could not endure any more. His voice was coarse and he had to speak slowly between painful breaths. "If this is just a new chapter to torture me, spare us all the time and kill me. Please. If I have to beg, I`ll oblige. I`m broken. Just let it end. Please." He whimpered and it made Tony cringe. He almost missed the fury and arrogance he remembered.

"You`re on earth. No one will hurt you now. You`re safe." To see him in deep desperation, with such a hopeless broken voice made it hard to find appropriate words. "Stop begging. It makes me feel like I did something to you. At the moment you`re in safety. You`re on earth. New York. Stark Tower. The genius with the sexy Iron Man suit. Does that ring a bell?"

Loki was confused and he felt torn between the wish to be saved and the fear, that everything was just another trick to torment him. If he`d believed to be saved and was wrong, could it really get worse? Another broken hope to add to his own personal hell. His body was trembling.

"Would you calm down and try to breathe slower? You`re hyperventilating and look like you`re going into cardiac arrest. The doctor would take some minutes to get here and I`m afraid you wouldn`t like him. It would be really nice if you would not die because it was an expensive and tedious thing to save your life in the first place, Joker."

 _Joker? Indeed?_ Perhaps this was really the man that fought with the Avengers. The Chitauri would hardly be able to joke in such an inappropriate manner. But he still wasn`t sure. Couldn`t be sure.

"Tell me what you want to hear and then slay me." Loki whimpered the words in pain.

"You could call me a handsome genius. And tell me what happened." _And please stop begging me to kill you, it wasn`t me who did this to you._

 _Handsome genius? This really has to be Tony Stark._ But that would mean, it had to be over. It was over. The agony was over. Loki allowed himself a moment of relief. It didn`t last long. He seemed to be on Midgard now, captured by the Iron Man. It was an improvement but this man had all reason to be as nice to him as The Other was. He knew he wasn`t strong enough to even try to flee or fight the mortal so he decided to try threatening him. He was just tired and he couldn`t bear anymore but he had to try to keep himself safe. If he had a chance, he could just as well try to use it. What else could he do aside from dying? This was the best plan that he could make up in seconds, with a dizzy head.

"Touch me and I will break your skull before you can even scream, miserable mortal."

This brought a slight grin to Tony`s face. "No offense, but I highly doubt that. You`re tied down. So I would like to see you try. Don`t know if you had noticed it, you`re severely injured. Oh, we saved your life, by the way. You`re welcome."

"Nobody told you to do so."

"I`m anyway not good in doing what I`m told. And you are a bit over the top of arrogance. Do I have to remind you, Overlord, that you begged me to kill you a few seconds ago?"

Loki jerked. "No. That won`t be necessary. What do you want, mortal?"

Tony started to get really pissed. _That you get your shit together. Your broken voice sounds not that impressive and I`m not patient enough for this game._ "That you come off your high horse, would be a nice start. And then you can tell me who did this to you?"

Loki thought about lying or remaining silent. It would not help him, he decided. He had no plan what to do next yet, so he could just as well answer while trying to figure a way out of here. "The Chitauri. They don`t respond well to being betrayed and to fail." Loki tried to keep an expressionless face but the fear in his eyes threatened to overcome him. "I´m not sure how I get here. Quite likely they thought I am dead. Or they are just done with me."

He paused and swallowed. And decided to face the truth. It couldn`t be much worse than the last weeks or months or how long he was held there. He lost track of time. The pain had felt like an eternity. _Don`t think about it._ "How long since I was sent away to Asgard?"

"That was nine months ago. One month you were here, lying in a coma. So there are eight months missing. You were with the Chitauri the whole time?" _Three months Afghanistan were a horror, but eight months? How do you survive something like that?_

"Yes." _And it felt like an eternity, far longer than eight months._ Loki grinned his teeth."Tell me, will you hand me over to S.H.I.E.L.D.? Or is Odin waiting to confront me with his precious Asgardian justice? Do you seek your own vengeance? Who will get me next?" He tried to breathe calmly but his hands had started shaking and the look of fear in his eyes has turned to pure terror. Tony still worried that Loki may suffer a heart attack. He was annoying and all but he would prefer it if Loki did not die in his home. Thor would kill him if he`d ever find out, that is when Fury wouldn`t be even faster than Thor with finding out and killing him for not handing Loki over. Fury would love it.

"None of these. I`m not going to pass you to anyone and I`m not here to take revenge. As long as you don`t try to kill me or take over earth or something like that." Tony tried to grin, but it doesn`t look convincing. "Time will tell what will be next."

The Norse god was surprised and searched for words. Finally, he just asked, "Why?". His voice was almost too silent to be heard.

"Because I think you went through hell and back, literally probably, likely more than once and had to suffer more than anyone should." Loki flinched but he was really good in hiding it in a fraction of a second. "But don`t get me wrong. This is not a sign of affection. I`m just a decent human being. And I didn`t want you to bleed to death on my terrace. Would be a pain in the ass to get the blood off the floor and hide your corpse." _And_ p _erhaps it was partly sympathy for you because, hell, you were broken into pieces. Tiny, bloody pieces. Nobody has deserved something like that._

There was a moment of silence before Tony asked: "I know you already heal much faster and better than we humans would, scared us a little with waking up that fast, but couldn`t you use your magic to heal yourself, now that you`re awake and able to speak and to annoy me to no end?"

It took a long, long moment, but then a terror-stricken face answered his question. Loki`s voice was high-pitched like he finally lost control over it. "My magic is gone. It´s gone!" He was gasping. "How? It`s gone. My self-regulating forces are everything I have to heal myself." Loki tried to steady his voice." They are of course superior to that of human beings, but it takes time nevertheless."

 _Back to arrogance, Ok._ "How do you know your magic is gone? Is this even possible?"

"It became apparent, that it can. And I know it because you would know it if you couldn`t see or hear anymore, wouldn`t you?" he snarled.

"If you try to screw me, you will regret it, Loki."  
The pale man with the black hair just lay there without saying another word and closed his eyes again. He gasped for breath and he really looked surprised and scared and lost.

"How? They took my magic. He took it from me. That was everything that was left. How could he? He took it. It`s gone. Gone." He mumbled to himself. His words were quiet, Tony almost overheard them. The god seemed to crumble into himself.

 _If this was a show, Loki would deserve a whole bucket of Oscars._ Tony believed him. Not even Loki could feign something like that. So he decided to remove the restraints of Loki`s body. He wasn`t a threat at the moment. Tony was sure, he wouldn`t even be able to get out of bed let alone anything else. And JARVIS would keep an eye on him. The whole medical floor could be locked up. Including ventilation shafts. They already knew from the last weeks that narcotics had the same effects on Loki than on humans. Just the dose had to be substantially higher. So they would be able to get him down if they had to. Tony would like to find out what happened to Loki but he wasn`t naive. Loki has proven to be dangerous. He may be no threat at the moment but that may change. He was weak and regarding the medical records it should take months for him to recover. OK, considering the god-thing perhaps just weeks. But now, he couldn`t do much. Tony looked down at Loki who has opened his eyes again. His expression was empty. He didn`t move an inch. He just lay there and stared at the ceiling.

"You should get some sleep. You were barely alive when I found you, you will need a lot of time to heal. So sleep. I`ll be back later."

 

"JARVIS. Mark Loki as a, hmm, guest with reduced scope - for now. He`s allowed to stay in this patient room. Lock the door after me. Alarm me when he tries to leave. No elevators, no access to anything else. Stop him if you have to. And keep an eye on him."

"Thank you." Loki`s voice was silent but ridiculing. _Seems he starts to feel better._ Tony hoped and left to let his visitor, or whatever you could call Loki, get some rest. "You sleep and heal. I got work to do. I`ll come back later." With this, he turned round on his heel, left the room, entered the elevator and left. He had a lot to think about.

 

Loki glanced around and thought about what he could do. He needed a plan. This may be his last chance before the human would recover his senses and hand him over to Asgard or S.H.I.E.L.D., before the other Avengers could get their hands on him, before - he was too tired to even name all the threats out there. There was just one thing left to mend this debacle.

It was incredibly hard for him to get out of bed, he managed it through sheer force of will. He had to pull some cables and tubes out of his body to get up and cried out in pain while doing it. Breathing was hard. He would have cursed if he would be able to get enough air in his lungs. His legs were trembling, everything hurt like hell, but he had to do it and he had to do it fast. Stark could return. So he got out of bed and took the scalpel from the table, that someone forgot there. His sharp eyes had immediately spotted it underneath a pile of bandages and compresses.


	4. So please, leave me alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter describes a suicide attempt and a very depressed Loki. If this might trigger you, please don`t read it.

"Sir?"

Loki cringed. He remembered the strange thing that spoke out of nowhere. Stark called it an Artificial Intelligence and Clint had explained to him what it`s capable of.

"What?" His voice was cold.

"Please put that back and return to bed."

He more or less fell to the floor, placing himself with his back leaning against the bed. He couldn`t stand any longer. His body was weak and it made him curse. "Why should I?" It was hard to breathe, his chest was hurting with every breath like the rest of his body and he was trembling.

"Because if you didn`t intend to use the scalpel to create arts or crafts I couldn`t think of any use of it that wouldn`t force me to alarm Mr. Stark. I assume what you are about to do will harm you. Especially considering how you arrived here and aren`t cured anywhere near enough. And it will hurt. Again."

"I hope so."

"I`m afraid I don`t understand, Sir."

Loki sighed impatiently. "It doesn`t matter. Everything`s fine. What was your name again?"

"JARVIS."

"So, JARVIS, please stop bothering me."

"I`m instructed to keep an eye on you. So this is your last warning before I call Mr. Stark or organize medical treatment."

"No! What I want you to do is, to shut the fuck up and leave me alone!" Loki thought for a moment if he had heard this words from Barton or from Stark. His voice was calmer when he added: "Please, leave me alone. And no Stark! There`s no need to call him. You don`t understand this. I`m a god. This is necessary. It`s fine. Just leave me alone. You don`t understand."

"As you wish, Sir." And the AI went silent.

 

In his workshop, Tony was working on his suit and was deep in thoughts when JARVIS approached him."Sir, Mr. Loki told me to shut the fuck up." Tony laughed given the diction. "But he is about to get injured again. By himself, I should add. I`m afraid he will try to commit suicide."

"What the fuck? Show me the camera footage of the room."

"Yes, Sir." The design drawings and calculations in front of Tony changed instantly to the picture of a more than ever pale Loki. He still sat on the floor in the long-sleeved hospital gown. His whole body looked tense and was trembling at the same time. In the short meantime between his conversation with JARVIS and now he had managed to sink the scalpel into the flesh at the inside of his left forearm and struggled to cut through it with an unsteady trembling hand. His body was shaking even more as blood started to drip to the floor.

 

"Fuck!" Tony jumped to his feet and started to run. It seemed to take an eternity for the elevator to reach the right floor and to run to the room.

Alarmed by the noise Loki cursed in a foreign tongue, jumped up and turned his back on the man that rushed through the door into the room. He tried to calm himself down, while he let the sleeve slide over his arm and hid the scalpel under some medical supplies with a precise and surprisingly fast movement. The fight-or-flight response seemed to work for gods, too.He took a few unsteady steps away from the door.

"What`s now, Stark?" He tried to speak calmly but his voice was betraying him, shaking and revealing how much strength it took him to speak through the pain.

"You tell me, Loki!" Tony screamed.

"Nothing. Oh, and you mustn`t forget to remember me to disassemble your damn JARVIS. Everything`s fine. So go back to work, I don´t wish to talk to you at the moment."

"And I don`t give a shit. You will talk to me."

Tony had stepped behind Loki, grasped him by the shoulders and turned Loki to face him. The god gave a wince of pain at the sudden movement. He looked worse than before. Bloodshot eyes and gritting his teeth. His eyes wandered around nervous and restless. Tony grasped his wrist firmly and managed to roll up the sleeve despite the miserable attempt of resistance. There were cuts of various depths. Irregular, conducted with shaking hands but nevertheless badly bleeding. It was only Loki`s current weakness that had prevented substantial or fatal damage. And it was luck, that his right arm still healed from an open fracture and wasn`t fit for use. Tony could feel that his stomach seemed to knot itself and a lump formed in his throat. This shouldn`t have happened. _I shouldn't have left him alone like that_. Stark was angry about himself and about the trembling god equally.

Loki looked embarrassed, shame, fear and growing anger alternating his facial features. "That`s nothing, you pesky mortal." he hissed. "Go away. Leave me alone." _And let me end what I started_. He tried to turn and free himself from the grip on his arm but he was too weak to succeed.

"No. That`s the one thing I will not do - leave you alone. I`m here and I will not go away before you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you! I saved you from dying, so I won`t watch you cutting yourself into ribbons now. Tell me, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

 

Loki screamed and took a fast step forward, pushing Tony out of his way. A laughable push compared to the strength he once had. But Tony took two steps back to leave him some space. "It doesn`t concern you. Go away! You can`t help me and even more important, you shouldn`t. Oh and before I forget, this pain and blood are by far better than this agonizing burning in my chest and in my head, that breaks me from the inside out in thousand pieces. And better than everything waiting for me if Odin or S.H.I.E.L.D. or whoever gets me." His voice has gotten louder with every word, that the yelled at Tony."I would prefer to ram a blade in my heart and feel all blood draining out of my body. I just don`t have the strength now to cut through my stupid ribcage or I would just do it. Everything repeats itself over and over again. I`m done with failing and getting punished for it. Yes, there is nothing that makes up for the horrors, they are a part of me and they will never go away. Never. So if you`re not going to kill me, there`s nothing you can do. I am a monster. I should have never lived. I was meant to die. He should have left me there. It would have been better for everybody. I would have never felt that pain. I am a burden and should be dead. I should have had the dignity to die instead of fighting for my life. But I did it nevertheless again and again and it brought nothing but pain and destruction. Especially to me. I can take no more. I`m a monster. I don`t deserve to be alive. I understand it now, took me long enough.

The magic she taught me was the last good thing I had left. And it`s gone. Like everything else. I`m useless and at latest now I`m worthless. All that is left is the monster. I can`t change that. Everything broke and this is all that`s left. I am not willing to suffer any more without cause and I can`t deny that I`m a failure. So kill me or let me do it, at least, Stark." His words sound harsh but even more than that exhausted and plain desperate. Loki painstakingly breathed and sank to his knees, he wasn`t able to stand any longer. There was no power left. He tried to steady himself by resting his weight on his hands but he trembled like a leaf. _Pathetic._ He felt like drowning in the tidal wave of desperation and embarrassment.

He looked a lot like he did when Tony found him. Bleeding and barely breathing. Wounded. Broken. He looked like he was going to fall apart.

 

Tony knew this feeling. To some extent at least. His life wasn`t just unicorns and rainbows, not by a long shot. As long as he remembered, he always felt alone. Dominated by his cold, calculating and violent drunken father. When his parents were killed in a car accident just Obadiah Stane was left. But still, nothing a bottle of whiskey, scotch or vodka or some companion in the bedroom couldn`t cure, huh? Afghanistan might have been something worse. After being wounded and kidnapped he underwent surgery without proper anesthesia, got tortured and there are the other things, that happened there, that he never told anyone about. Like losing Yinsen. Obadiah had betrayed him. He had to kill him to survive. Others followed, trying to finish him off. He fell out of the sky, escaping death by an atomic bomb or by hitting the ground by the skin of one`s teeth. The darkness up there followed him sometimes into his dreams adding a new chapter to his nightmares. But after all, he was still standing. While Loki seemed to fall right now here in front of him, getting shattered by the impact. Tony felt for the underdog, empathy for the god that radiated desperation. He knew this feeling. Regrettably. So Tony sighed and decided to try and help.

 

"Listen, Loki. You found your way here, I don`t know how. You were so badly injured that it was just your stubborn will that kept your body alive. You were shattered to pieces and nearly drowning in a pool of your own blood. But you fought. With a strength, I`ve never seen before. You`re here now. Still breathing. Hell, you even managed to get out of bed and cut yourself despite the fact you shouldn`t have the strength to do so. Everybody else in your condition, even Thor I assume, would be dead." Loki cringed as he heard the familiar name."Yes, you`ve done horrible things. I can`t deny it and I won`t. And I`m sure I don`t even know half of this things. You`ve done mean things to me, like throwing me out of my own window. And we`ll talk about this, believe me because this sucked. But I choose to not take vengeance for it when I found you lying in pieces in your blood. You survived and it is a mystery to me how, but you survived. I, too, shouldn`t be alive unless it was for a reason. Find your fucking reason. Just don`t give up now. That`s not your style. You fought until now, you can keep on doing it. Don`t give up."

 

Tony wasn`t sure if Loki was still listening. He was silent. But he lifted his head and looked at Tony and for a moment Tony thought he could see a small spark between all these pain in his eyes. Then Loki lost his conscience and collapsed to the floor.

 

"JARVIS, when for fuck's sake did I volunteered to be the shrink of a Norse god? I will quit if I get thrown out of a fucking window again, I swear! What did I do to deserve this anyway?"

"I have a few suggestions of an answer, Sir."

"Save it!"

 

When Loki woke up, he was lying in the hospital bed again. A big bandage covering his forearm. "Good Morning, Sir. Mr. Stark instructed me to tell you, in case you`re searching the scalpel you`ve used, it`s gone and he will be back in a few minutes. He advised you should do nothing he wouldn`t do." JARVIS` voice told him. Loki just lay there and waited, his eyes closed.

 

Perhaps five minutes later he heard steps and then Tony Stark`s voice.

"Life sucks sometimes. Often. Yes, life can suck for long stretches of time. Life can kick you in the nuts. Again and again. But there are things that are just marvelous and gorgeous, too. I think I understand your pain to some extent but you will not kill yourself in my house. It`s a rule that is not up for negotiation. You're worth more. I can give you shelter but you won`t kill yourself or me or anyone else while I do so. You`ll help me understand what happened in New York, I will keep you alive and safe. That`s the deal. Think about if you can accept it. I`ll be back in an hour to hear your choice." And the footsteps went away.

 

An hour later Loki agreed to the deal.


	5. New York

"Bruce?" Tony sat down on a table in the lab where Bruce Banner was sitting with a microscope and slides. "Loki woke up. I tend to give him shelter so he can heal. Don`t think he`s dangerous at the moment. And I also don`t know where he could go without being killed. I don`t want to do this without your approval. This is also your home, not just mine. Not to forget we could get in deep shit with S.H.I.E.L.D. Don`t think it will be a lot of fun with Loki at all, but I, I would like to try." He looked at the scientist. "Soon after waking up he tried to kill himself. I was an idiot and left him alone. Has JARVIS told you that?"

"No. But I have to admit, I haven`t asked about Loki."

"His magic is gone, he said. Jarvis` scans confirm his energy signature has changed compared to the old scans he took before I flew out of a window. He`s not human but all that distinguishes him from us now are his ability to heal faster, he is stronger and he will live longer than we all. But he is broken like shattered glass. He was so fucking desperate and I hadn`t realized it and left him alone. Somehow he managed to get out of bed, don`t know how the bastard did it because he`s wounded and weak but he did. He cut himself with a scalpel, just missing his artery by a hair`s breadth. Had to have one of the nurses come and stitch it after he passed out on the floor. I suggested a deal to him - he will not kill himself or you or me and I will try to help him and let him stay. I know it sounds crazy. The whole collaborate with the enemy thing. But have you seen what he`s been through? And he kept on repeating, that he`s a monster. Told me to kill him. I can`t explain it. I just think it would be the right thing to help him. HE`s desperate and broken. And I`m not sure whether the whole New York thing was his fault alone. The scepter seemed to have an influence even on him. Have you seen the footage of his arrival at the S.H.I.E.L.D. base? He looked like shit and was gray and sweating. He looked as confused as he looked scared. The Chitauri didn't even try to defend him. Like it wasn`t important for their plan if he was killed. Would be a strange tactic for a commander. I will find out. If it`s OK with you. What do you think?"

Bruce looked at him and considered carefully what to say. He sighed."Uh, from the beginning, you were the only one that had trust in me. The only one that doesn’t walk on eggshells around me. No fear and dread. You made jokes, treated me like a scientist, not like a time bomb. You seemed convinced, I will not simply kill everyone on board of the Helicarrier without a reason. Even I wasn`t sure about that. You poked me. I know it wasn`t to see if I turn green. But to show me that I can control it. You trusted me. Now I trust you.

I focused on helping other people. You did, too. So I trust your decision to help him. Even Loki seems to have some kind of trust in you. I don`t think it was absolutely random where he landed. On your Tower. And at least he hasn`t tried to kill you. Yet. So, um, yes, it`s OK for me."

"Thank you. Really, buddy, thank you." He paused. "Hmm, I want to talk to him about New York. Do you want to listen?"

"I don`t think, he would appreciate my presence."

"JARVIS can record it."

"But you`ll have to ask him. He will never trust you if he`d find out something like that. Especially if you`re right with your theory." Bruce looked thoughtful. "Shouldn`t you let him get some rest first? It`s just a few hours since..." his voice trailed off.

"I should, yes. It would be ethical and moral and he would have the time to get his shields up and I wouldn`t get the truth out of him. He would be back to I`m a king and you will kneel before me. If I reckon his character right, he is too proud and stubborn and a dozen other things that would hold him back. He`s scared at the moment and traumatized and I know it`s an asshole move but I`m convinced it will get us some answers. Including the answer to the question if I`m endangering humanity with helping him and keeping him hidden."

"I`m afraid, that`s right." Bruce sighed again.

Tony jumped off the table. "Thank you."And the inventor went to the elevator to go to the medical floor again.

 

"Hello, sunshine." Tony leaned at the door frame.

"What do you want, Stark?" Loki was awake and bad-tempered.

Tony knew that but hey, he would have places to go, too, definitely nicer than a patient`s room. The ungrateful god could at least try to cooperate. "How do you feel?"

"Splendid."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I try to help you here. Could you at least pretend to appreciate this a little bit?"

That struck a nerve. Loki swallowed. "I apologize."

 _Has the stubborn god apologized?_ Tony was stunned. He had expected a lot more refusal.

"I appreciate your help. I know you could have decided otherwise but I am thankful that you..." He swallowed and took a deep breath. "Saved my life." He bit his lip.

 _Now, that was something to work with._ "Can we talk about New York?"

"Do we have to, Stark?"

"Yes."

Loki sighed. And he knew that Tony Stark would not just go away. The mortal was stubborn and persistent and he was too tired to fight a verbal battle. "I`m afraid as this was part of your so called deal, I owe you some answers. What do you wish to know?"

"First thing first, Dr. Bruce Banner. I would like him to hear this, so JARVIS will record this conversation. Is that OK for you?"

"As I already said, I know I owe you something, so do it. What do you wish to know? Why did I fail? Bad luck, I suppose. Even a god..." he grinned but was interrupted by Tony before he could finish his sentence.

"Is it even possible to use the scepter without getting influenced by it?"  
Now Loki was stunned. He looked confused. "No. But how do you know of that? I have not told you about it, have I?"

"When we were on board of the Helicarrier we all got into a heated argument with a lot of yelling and accusing and on one point, one of us took the scepter without even noticing it. It glowed blue and it seemed to be difficult for him to put it down again although a lot of armed agents were ready to shoot if he wouldn`t." Tony was not willing to tell Loki who took the scepter and that Bruce was angry and hurt as he did so. Tony speculated that the scepter had a way of sensing and inflaming unstable emotional states in his surroundings. It would be a good explanation why Bruce took it and an even better explanation why someone like Loki got it handed over in the first place.

"You are more intelligent than I thought, Stark."

"Thank you. I hear that often." Tony grinned.

And Loki smiled for a second. Tony Stark was indeed entertaining, especially considering he was only a human. But then he remembered the conversation on top of the tower and that he threw the man out of the window. The same man that was now standing in front of him after he had saved his life. The smile on Loki`s face vanished. Tony furled his eyebrows.

"I grabbed your throat and threw you out of the window. And I can`t tell which part of that was my decision and which wasn`t. I was so angry and desperate. The Chitauri wouldn`t excuse failure and that was all that was important. And you were just another mortal that stood in their way."

"How do you met the Chitauri?"

"Met might be the wrong word."

"What would be a better word?"

"They found me. Somewhere."

"OK, could you speak in complete sentences and tell me the whole story? Where have they found you and why were you there and not on Asgard?"

"If you insist. It`s an unsatisfactory story, but if you wish to hear it."

"Yes. Now would be highly appreciated. Patience was never my strong point."

"It started with the end of my life as a prince of Asgard. It is not really important what happened before. You know what the Bifrost is?"

"Yes. It is an Einstein-Rosen Bridge. Really cool." _  
_ "Whatever you want to call it. It got destroyed. By Thor and me when he ruined my plans. It was my fault, how could it not be my fault. We fought, I fell, I clung to Gungnir, Odin`s spear that Thor caught. He tried to pull me back on the destroyed Bifrost. But then Odin appeared. He said `No Loki.´ again for what felt like the ten-thousandth time, perhaps I should have counted, and I just had enough. Everything went wrong, nothing will get better, so I let go. I fell into the abyss. I thought I would die but obviously, I don`t. I found myself at a place I didn`t know of, didn`t imagined to exist. I was suffering, I fought because that`s what I do when I have to. It seems I have an absurd aversion against dying. And the only thing helping me staying alive was hate. I remembered all the lies and betrayals that Odin brought upon me. My hate grew. Against Odin, Thor, against all the lies I was told - against everyone including myself. I was broken, perhaps already damaged beyond repair when the Chitauri found me. Or I got damaged beyond repair after they found me. I am not sure.

Their leader, one that they called The Other, seemed to be curious about me. He was in my head. For a long and uncomfortable time span. He was the only one in all this time who spoke to me. He just left when they tortured me. I wasn`t able to understand why they would do this to me without wanting to know or do something for them. They asked no questions. They don`t speak. They just did it again and again." Loki`s voice has gotten angrier and louder while he was speaking. He stared at the wall, with wide open eyes, his muscles tensed and fists clenched. He had started to rock slightly back and forth. Tony considered to stop him before Loki would have another panic attack. In this moment Loki looked at him and raised his right hand.

"Don`t. I will answer you. And don`t look at me like that, mortal. Or I`ll kill you for your disgraceful pity." he hissed. "Don`t you dare to underestimate me." He straightened his neck and tried to calm his breathing, then he continued. "It took a long time and an unpleasant amount of pain but at one point everything started to blur. Everything run together. The memories, the pain, his voice in my head. He reinforced me that I was born to be a king. He and his master just wanted the Tesseract, that they located on Earth. They need someone to get it for them. That should be my lucky self. I should be king of Midgard, they get the Tesseract. The pain would stop. My fate would be fulfilled. They promised me redemption. I agreed. I would have agreed to a lot of things to stop them. They gave me the scepter to rule this world and to force the humans under my control. And it gave the Other the possibility to stay in my head, even on Earth. It was extraordinarily hard to get Selvig to build a back door to stop the Tesseract without The Other noticing. Even during the battle, he was there. I just got him away from killing Thor as I stabbed the dumb oaf."

 _Everything went down in chaos and pain, culminating in a heartbroken nitwit trying to stop me without killing me, not knowing that I almost begged him to do so._ Loki made an angry snort. _I was pathetic. And he a sentimental moron._  
"That makes it clear why you used this toothpick. You knew it wouldn`t do much damage."

" Moth... Frigga wouldn't get over losing her only rightful son. So I let him be and rolled off the roof and joined the Chitauri. It was everything I could do. It worked in the end. And the Hulk got the Other out of my head." Loki shivered.

"Why haven`t you told this to anyone?"

"Why should I? Nobody would believe it. After all, it was my fault. It was my weakness that made it possible. I would not run away. I ruined it, I would take responsibility for it. And, frankly, above all I was tired. It was all the same to me what would happen with me. I was bitter and tired and had enough."

The engineer thought for a moment. "Are you hungry? You must be hungry. As long as you don`t want to get back to intravenous liquid diet I should get you something to eat." Then he went out of the door. He knew the most important things that he wanted to ask and he doesn`t want to torment Loki any longer. The pale god has gotten even paler from minute to minute, the back and forth rocking more violent. His breathing was uneven. As much as he tried to hide it, so much it was clearly visible, that it was just a matter of minutes till he would snap if he would keep on talking. Tony was curious but he wasn`t willing to force the injured man through another panic attack.


	6. I`m not a prisoner

"JARVIS, he shouldn't eat Pizza or something like that, should he?"

"Would he be human, he wouldn't be able to eat already at all, but he`s recovering at a more than unusual rate. Nevertheless, I would suggest something healthier than Pizza. Something including vegetables or fruit might be a good choice, Sir."

"Whatever. Can you order something?"

"Sure, Sir. I'll inform you when it arrives."

 

Half an hour later two meals with rice, chicken and a lot of vegetables arrived.

"I haven't told you to order something healthy for me." Tony knit his brows.

"Yes, Sir. But it would be a hospitable gesture to eat with your guest. And to finally eat something healthy wouldn't harm you at all."

"Smartass."

 

Armed with two plates of food, Tony went back to Loki, who seemed to be a lot calmer now, he sat on the bed and yawned bored.

"Dinner."

"What is this?"

"I have not the slightest clue. Food. Healthy food. JARVIS forces me to eat it, so you'll eat it, too. It's good for you."

"Well, if you insist."

Tony pulled a chair near the bed, handed Loki his meal with cutlery and sat down. They ate in silence. Loki chewed slowly, he hadn`t eaten with his own hands for a too long time.

"Stark?"

"Yes, Prince Charming?"

"Would you stop calling me strange names?"

"Nope."

An unnerved sigh followed. "Anyway! Stark, I think I should leave soon, or am I your prisoner?"

"Where do you want to go?"

"You are no friend of mine, Stark."

"You have friends?" Tony grinned broadly.

Loki laughed at that. "Mortal, I think I might like your sense of humor, so I`ll answer you although it`s none of your business where I`ll go. I don't know yet. Without my magic or something like the Tesseract, I'm not able to leave this realm. Even if I could, I have no home. Asgard would throw me in a cell when I'm lucky and I tend to be not that lucky any time recently. And staying on Earth sounds not pleasant either. I guess the humans in this town wouldn't be exactly happy to see me. Would be a potential health hazard, I suppose. And there's S.H.I.E.L.D. I must admit, I would like to avoid their hospitality. So I don't know. I find a way. I`m good in surviving it seems. Any further suggestions, mortal?"

"I already offered you shelter, I didn`t mean that you have to go as soon as you`re back to health. You could stay here. I don`t know where you should or could go without risking your life. I have enough space. You could get a room that doesn't smell like a hospital."

"And then? You said I`m not a prisoner and I can assure you, you wouldn`t enjoy trying to keep me one."

"Pleeeease no, you are such a pleasure as a guest, I wouldn`t want to miss that..." Tony dramatically rolled his eyes. "I`m not speaking about holding you as a prisoner, Loki."

"And I endorse you not to try it. To clarify matters even more, I'd rather die than letting myself be handed over to someone who will... " He came to an abrupt end and both new the words that were not spoken were _torture me again._ "If you plan to do that, I will not hesitate to kill you if I have to. I'm in your debt, I know, but this doesn`t include not defending myself. I will not... This will not happen, under no circumstances. It`s more than easy for me to break your neck with my bare hands even when I`m weakened. And your Hulk may kill me, but not get me alive. Not S.H.I.E.L.D. nor Odin will do this to me. Not again. I will not allow that." Loki had started to breathe fast and fitfully. Rage and determination showed in his eyes, sparsely covering a hint of fear.

Tony raised his hands in a surrendering gesture. "Calm down, please. I will not do this, Ok? You must be fun at parties." He sighed. "I don't have a master plan at the moment. We'll figure something out." He waited for Loki to take a few deep breaths before he continued. "Listen, I'll give you a room, like I said before and I use to keep deals. No one enters this building without my permission. I've upgraded the security systems after your last, let's call it a visit. Added a defense system and a lot of really cool stuff. No boring details, just believe me, I do what I have to, to feel safe here. The government tried to get hands on my suits before, S.H.I.E.L.D tried to hack into JARVIS, the Chitauri demolished the upper part of my tower - I had plenty of reasons to come up with security measures nobody would expect. I`m a genius, you remember? I`m brilliant, all the more if I have to. My suits, JARVIS, Bruce, myself - when I trust that all that has worth for me is safe here, you could trust in that, too. This tower may be the safest place on this planet. We'll find you a room and we'll find a solution. Alright?" _What am I doing here? That could backfire so badly, I would be in deep shit. Or dead. Fuck._

"I don`t need your protection. And what happens when you get tired of acting as host for me? I`m not a pet. I`m nobody`s trophy. I don`t have magic, I can do nothing for you. There`s no one willing to trade me for anything you might need. So tell me, Stark, why should I believe to be safer here than anywhere else? That you won`t turn against me?"

"Wow, you`re bitter! If I would like to hurt you I have had plenty opportunities to do so, don`t you think? And I would never, what did you say, trade you? I don`t trade living beings, thank you very much. Who do you think I am? Or do you just assume the worst of everyone? I don`t know how to prove that I`m not hostile. You may have to trust me at least that little bit. And the point is, is there really a safer place for you out there?"

"I`m afraid the point you so kindly pointed out is indeed I`m not safe wherever I am. So I accept your offer. But I`ll kill you if you`ll betray me."

"Heartwarming. You`re the trusting and optimistic kind, aren`t you? Nevermind. We'll organize some clothes for you unless you want to stay in this hospital gown. Cause it looks good on you." He grinned.

"What?" It seemed Loki hadn't really registered what he was wearing. He looked down at his chest. "Who dressed me in this ridiculous thing? Stark?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Not me. It was a nurse. JARVIS, would you order some clothes for Loki?"

"Sure. Delivery should take no more than a few hours."

 

"Can you get up? We could move you and leave this medical setting."

"I'll follow you, Stark." He straightened his back ignoring the pain walking meant. He would not allow appearing even weaker than he already was. _Who am I trying to fool?_ The thought tasted bitter.

Tony led Loki to a guestroom on the top floor. It seemed to be better to have him not too far away. And the top floor was also the one that was best secured against everything that may be a threat. Loki`s room was big with light yellow walls, fully furnished and with a generous bathroom.

"JARVIS, please note that Loki could use the whole top floor, the only exceptions being my bedroom and the terrace." He could be seen outside, it was too dangerous. And Tony wasn`t that sure Loki wouldn`t try to jump. Because his guest still looked like desperation. Dark circles around bloodshot eyes. Slightly trembling hands. Not that the god would admit it. Instead, he looked proud, standing bolt upright, there was even a bland smile on his face.

"I`ll see you tomorrow, Loki. If you need something, just ask JARVIS."

"That's how it should be."

 

When Tony closed the door behind him, Loki sank down on the bed with a painful sigh. He still was weak and walking and standing tall had exhausted what was left of his strength. He tried to breathe regularly, pressing his right hand to the left side of his chest where his heart kept working hard to keep him alive. Loki pondered why Stark did all this. Why he was willing to help him. Helping the enemy, the villain. Why? He could have just killed him or let S.H.I.E.L.D. do it for him if he doesn`t want to get his hands dirty. But instead, he saved him. Providing refuge. And the only thing he asked for in exchange were answers. Answers he could just as well try to get with torture or at least threats. He hadn`t done anything like that. But there had to be a price. It always was, sooner or later. And it could as well still be a trap. The mortal could be playing with him, trying to lull him into a false sense of security just to use or break him at a convenient moment. This could be just another part of a grueling chapter of pain. Or it was something he wasn`t able to understand yet. Loki was too tired to solve this puzzle now. He drifted to sleep on top of the blanket curled up into a ball with his knees drawn up, his chin tilted down and his arms embracing his legs. Like he was trying to guard himself.

 

"JARVIS? What time is it?"

"11pm, Sir."

"Is Bruce still awake?"

"He is already sleeping."

"Ok. Perhaps I should try to sleep, too. That is all just too crazy and tiring. Wake me in case of Loki trying anything harmful to himself or anyone or anything. I`ll talk to Bruce tomorrow."

He went to his room, hoping his headache would go away after some hours of sleep. After all, he was through some really weird shit in his life. But having Loki as a housemate, that was so far above crazy, he would need to invent a whole new word for it. _Like fuckedupgodbatshitcrazy._ Tony shook his head, he was too tired, really.


	7. Are there rules?

Tony was woken up by JARVIS at 4am. "Sir, your guest seems to have a nightmare or an anxiety attack, he is screaming and thrashing around in bed. He already has hit his head at the headboard and his bandaged forearm against the nightstand."

Tony bounced out of bed. He could hear Loki crying out as soon as he opened the door. _Hey, this is the first night without painkillers. The first night of sleep without drugs or being unconscious. Fuck. Should have seen this coming._ He hurried to get to Loki`s room. As he opened the door and JARVIS turned the lights on Loki woke up in a blind panic, disoriented, soaked in sweat. His heart was pounding in his chest like it was going to explode and crash him from the inside out. He screamed, cries of anguish. But as soon as Loki recognized Tony he started cursing at him. Then he just kept on repeating "Go away. Go away!" Until Tony did so. Tony wasn`t good dealing with panic attacks. Not his own and not of others. And sure as hell he wouldn`t force Loki to share this moment with him.

When Tony had left Loki cursed, he swore like a trooper for several minutes. He was angry. It was enough. He had enough of fear and pain, didn`t need more of it. That was more important than sleep because he needed silence in his head to prepare a plan. Panic wouldn`t help but make everything worse. And he was fed up with getting help from this mortal. Or he wasn`t. It was all to mixed up, twisted, chaotic. Earth, the Chitauri and then waking up out of darkness into this. _Whatever this is._ He needed an emergency plan, something which would keep him safe when everything here would turn against him. Too many possibilities how staying here could destroy him.

He didn`t fall asleep again.

 

At noon Tony knocked at Loki`s door. But his guest refused to get out of his room or talk about his night. The only thing he said through the closed door was: "You will not use this against me."

"You are not very trusting, Loki."  
"Why should I be?"

And Tony didn`t know the answer. But he wondered what have to happen to someone to mistrust everything and everyone like Loki did. He was mistrusting and paranoid himself, but Loki set new standards for it. Loki seemed to feel like every moment everyone around him could stab him in the back without any prior warning and without a second thought. And he acted like it wouldn`t be the first time someone did exactly that, stabbing him in the back and leaving him behind, bleeding. His current situation didn`t make things better, he couldn`t know for sure that Tony didn`t have ulterior motives, that the tower was safe, that he was safe now. He must feel like he was left to fight against an unstable and overwhelmingly hostile universe, alone.

 

After filling one cup with delicious coffee and another one with more or less delicious tea, Tony went down to Bruce Banner who was working in his laboratory.

"Isn`t it a beautiful day? I brought you tea!"

"You flute. You`re going to say something I won`t like, am I right?"

"Might be... Bruce? I think I invited Loki to stay at the tower, like moving in, I mean."

"You did what?"

"He can go nowhere. What shall I do? He'd die. S.H.I.E.L.D. would torture him, use him as a laboratory rat or kill him. The citizens of New York would lynch him. And he sure as hell would find a way to kill himself before he would go back to Asgard. Believe me, I talked with him. So what would you do?"

"You know, that you don`t owe him something?" Bruce looked thoughtful. "But you see a twisted reflection of yourself in him, aren`t you?"

"Perhaps. There are same parallels. But I got a second chance one day. I was an asshole at that time, really, but I got my chance. So perhaps I owe it to the universe to give some other asshole that possibility, too. "

"You haven't killed dozens of people."

"Not with my own hands but with weapons I invented and build. Hell, yes. Hundreds? Thousands? There was no one keeping track of. And if you count terrorists and other human scum, I've killed my fair share with my own hands, too."

"New York's citizens aren't terrorists."

"Some of them might have been. Or killers or rapists or eating little kittens. I don't know. I don't say he's a saint, Bruce. He isn`t. Oh, he definitely isn`t. I just think he has atoned for that with what he's been through. He even lost his magic. Believe me, I know how it feels when everything is taken away from you. It`s a point where you have to decide in which direction you will go. I had someone point me in the right direction, perhaps he deserves the same chance. And a chance is better than the alternative, letting him die the one or the other way. What good would that do?"

"Do you have a plan B? What will you do, if he goes crazy and tries to conquer the world again?"

"I'm Iron Man. Without his magic, he wouldn't stand a chance against my weapons. Even with his magic, I could get him. I support second chances but if he would go on a killing spree, you can be sure, I will stop him."

"You know that you are not very good in the whole stress-free environment thing?"

"I'm sorry, Bruce, really."

"And how shall this shared apartment or tower, whatever, how shall this work? What are the rules? Are there rules?"

"Not yet. Didn`t think about house regulations. Meet him. Talk to him. Make rules. You were here first. What do you say? Would that be ok for you?"

"Sounds like fun." Bruce sighed. "Perhaps you should give him a warning before."

"JARVIS, please tell Loki that Bruce and I will visit him in five minutes. Would be nice if he'd wear some trousers."

"Have I already missed something I should know?"

"Hospital gown. He wasn't exactly happy to discover he's wearing one." Tony giggled.

Another sigh. "I`ll share a building with a mad god and a goofy but brilliant kid. They could kill each other with ease. And the other guy would still like to break his puny god in at least two parts. Great. Tony, you are my friend but for that you owe me."

"I do, Bruce, I know, I do."

 

"Sir?"

"Yes, JARVIS?"

"Dr. Bruce Banner and Mr. Tony Stark will visit you in approximately five minutes. I should make sure, that you wear trousers."

"Banner? The Hulk?"

"The scientist, Sir. The Hulk just appears in very stressful situations. Dr. Banner controls him most of the time."

"I am a stressful situation! I am quasi the definition of a stressful situation. And I highly doubt that being slammed at the floor without magic to shield me, will end well."

"I can assure you, Dr. Banner is no threat."

Loki laughed. "I really hope so JARVIS. I would prefer to survive this in one piece. I am tired of repeatedly almost dying."

He walked out of the door into the huge living room. If this chamber should be his for the next days or weeks or whatever, he would at least decide who`s allowed in there. Even if it would be no more than lying to himself, because he was all too well aware that it was Stark`s room and tower. But sometimes an illusion would have to be enough. Loki ensconced himself in one of the armchairs in the middle of the room, with his arms on the armrests and his feet on the ground. He sat up straight and would have looked like a king granting an audience wouldn`t he have looked like death warmed up. Black trousers combined with a black tunic with long sleeves and black embroidery around the neckline didn`t exactly help masking his tired lividity and still visible marks of his injuries. When the elevator doors opened Tony made a beeline for the couch beside Loki`s seat, Bruce followed a little bit slower and they both sat down.

"Curling horns! Nice to see you." Tony grinned. "How are you?"

"Superb. To what do I owe the honor of this visit?" Loki smiled vaguely. He spoke with a steady voice and kept his face motionless.

Tony answered him. "I`m not the only one living in this tower. Bruce lives here, too. So we should all get along somehow. Might need some rules, didn`t it? Besides the nobody dies rule, I mean. Bruce?"

"Please just stay away from my floor and my lab for a while. I`m sorry, but I don`t know how the other guy will react if you just show up there out of the blue."  
"That shouldn`t be a problem, Dr. Banner."

"You`re not healed completely. Take care of yourself. I worked as a doctor, if you have a problem, I might be able to help you or least know who could. And you have to eat to get well. There`s a lot of stuff in the kitchen, take and eat what you want, please. I also convinced Tony of eating dinner together. I cook four days a week, he orders three days a week. Don`t let him cook. I speak from personal experience. Burned, smoked and bad tasting experience." Bruce shared a small smile.

"It wasn`t that bad! It was edible. Mostly. And I`m a genius, not a cook." Tony sulked just a little bit.

Loki would have laughed had he not felt so tensed up, so he just smiled. He wanted to go back in this room and lock the door. "So I have to join you?"

"We`re not going to force you if that`s what you mean. You can join. If you want to."

"Thank you very much. Is there anything else?"

"Are you in a hurry? Anywhere important to be? You look like you`re bored to death, Spock."

Somehow Tony`s audible annoyance pleased Loki. Looking bored was definitely better than looking hurt and vulnerable. At least he was in control of his appearance. That was better than nothing. And so his smile was a little bit more genuine than before when he said: "I don`t know what a Spock might be but I apologize. I`m tired. Are there any other rules I have to know about?"

"No killing, no maiming, no destroying of my property."

"And I assume, I`m not allowed to defenestrate you again, too."

"Right. Smart cookie!"

"It is too bad."

"So, how are you? What are you planning? Anything you want to talk about?"

"No, Stark."

"We had a deal, remember?"

"I do remember. I agreed to tell you about what happened in New York in exchange for shelter. But you don`t ask about New York. You ask about me. And I haven`t agreed to tell you anything more about me than you needed to know to understand what happened in New York. I stand to the agreement. If you want anything else - make me do it or leave me alone." His mask slipped for a moment and anger shined through. Anger that covered turmoil.

Bruce was the one to stop the two others. "There`s nothing more. Tony, I could need your help in the lab. Loki, I cook dinner tonight, you`re invited to join us. If you need anything, just tell JARVIS." And he stood up and pulled Tony gently up. On the way to the elevator, Tony turned his head to the god on his armchair: "I understand that you don’t want to discuss yourself, but when you decide you are ready to, I’ll listen. Now excuse me, I have work to do."

When the elevator doors closed Bruce sighed: "You always want the last word."

"Yes, when my counterpart is an annoying, bored god, I want to."  
"He`s not bored, he`s scared and terrified. I`m surprised he didn`t break a bone or torn a muscle so tense was his whole body."

"I know. I just don`t like it. And bored sounded much better."


	8. Insomnia or nightmares?

Loki stayed in his room. He didn`t join Bruce and Tony for dinner, missing a really delicious curry.

While chewing on a spicy piece of chicken, Tony asked. "JARVIS, what is our guest doing?"

"Nothing, Sir. Staring out of the window."

"Have you told him, he can come and have dinner with us?"

"Yes, Sir. He thanked and declared, he`s not hungry."

"Tell him, he`s an idiot. This stuff is yummy!"

JARVIS sounded amused when he delivered Loki`s answer. "I quote: `Thank you for your attention. If you try to sweet-talk me into something, the term `idiot´ may not be particularly promising, imbecile."

"You can`t argue with that. I think I might like this guy." Bruce added laughing.

"Touché! And more Curry for me." Tony shrugged his shoulders and grinned.

 

Later in the night, when JARVIS had confirmed that Tony and Bruce were gone, Loki went to the kitchen, rummaged through the fridge and a bowl of fruit on the counter and went back to his room with something to eat. And he repeated this behavior day after day.

Loki more or less stopped sleeping. He was awake as long as possible, mostly reading on the tablet Stark has handed him with all these books in it. "If you`re adamant to stay in this room, at least read, Loki. Watch a movie, I don`t know. You can`t just stare at the wall. Take this, I`m sure, you`ll find out how to use it, if not ask JARVIS, please."

When he wasn`t reading he was pacing up and down in his room, his hands clasped behind his back. Only when his body could take no more he slept for a few hours, sometimes curled up on the bed, sometimes huddled into a chair. Somehow lying in a bed under blankets doesn`t seem appealing enough. And definitely not safe enough. _Sleep is overrated._

JARVIS had ascertained that he was easily startled and often anxiously preoccupied with watching the door like he was expecting an attack. 

After a few days, Loki went into the bathroom, slammed his fist into the bathroom wall and cursed.

"Mr. Loki?"

"Loki is enough, Mr. Sounds rather strange in my ears."

"Loki, I'm not sure if this is a good idea. Your knuckles are bleeding."

"You are everywhere in this tower, even in the bathrooms?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Interesting. So you`re not just his friend but his insurance of safety because you see everything. Like Heimdall, without the stupid gold and without being a nasty prick. JARVIS, will you tell Stark everything I'm doing or saying?"

"No. Not what you do and no personal conversation if you didn`t wish so. With the exception, if you would try to hurt or kill yourself or anybody else or something comparable."

"I appreciate your honesty. If I keep on speaking just to myself in my head I`ll go insane. As an artificial intelligence, you`re at least more intelligent than most people claim to be. So I could as well speak to you. I assume that it is of no use if I would threaten to kill you if you tell anyone, considering you have no body I could harm?"

"You can try if you`d like to, but it will be of no use, yes."

"Can you tell me what Stark wants from me? I`m still here and he acts like I belong here in a more than strange way."

"As far as I know, he wants to help you. If the roles were reversed, wouldn`t you help?"

"I really don`t know. Odin and Thor always took my help for granted, so I never had a choice. And the rest of Asgard? They wouldn`t want my help. They always preferred my absence and not my help. So I don`t know. Perhaps."

"You should ask him about his motives, Sir."

"You like him. You know him. I don`t expect you to give away his secrets, just, what will happen if he gets bored with this situation? I`m forced to trust him with my life and there are no certainties at all that I get out of this unharmed."

"Mr. Stark is nobody who would stab somebody in the back."

"You have no idea, how much I hope you`re right. It's just so frustrating. I want to sleep. I even agree with waking up again. But I`m not sure what`s worse, sleeping or being awake? It doesn`t matter much. It feels not that different. Something is wrong and it hurts. I need my magic back. Magic helps. It`s soothing and I wouldn`t feel that..." the last word was spoken so quiet even JARVIS wasn`t sure if he understood it right, "helpless." Loki sat down on the rim of the bathtub. "I was able to use magic almost my entire life and I don't know how to go without it. I just want it back. I'm not complete without it. I`m useless. I`m no longer a prince, I can`t use magic, I have nowhere to go and I`m useless. I have no idea, where I`ll end. And now I`m even forbidden to beat this damn wall." his laugh was a strange hurt sound.

"I`m afraid beating any wall in the tower will not help. There is a gym in the tower, several to be precise. Hitting a punching bag may be something to try, but I have to point out, that you`re still in a period of recovery. So perhaps something without that much physicality would be a better choice."

And Loki had an idea. Because he was still so tired and he didn`t want to listen to the voices inside his head. "Are you able to read aloud?"

"Sure, Sir."

"Could you read to me while I try to sleep?"

"As a matter of course. What do you wish to hear?"

"Surprise me. If possible not the phone book. Thank you very much indeed. But please, don`t tell him. Or Dr. Banner."

"I wouldn`t, Sir."

Loki hesitated a moment while he walked back into his room, but then he decided to lay down in the bed, for the first time under the blanket. He looked at the ceiling.

"Would you wake me when I`m in danger?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Even if the danger would be Stark himself?"

"If you wouldn`t be a threat to him first, yes. I would wake you. But he won`t."

And Loki closed his eyes.

He listened to JARVIS reading poems until he fell asleep. JARVIS spoke more quietly but didn`t stop reading for the sleeping guest. For Tony, it would be ACDC but for Loki poetry seemed to do the trick and JARVIS made a note about it. Loki slept a dreamless sleep for six hours without waking up.

Apart from letting JARVIS help him to sleep sometimes, Loki refused any other help. Tony was sure it was a bad idea. But on the other hand, he also tried to get through things like that alone. So JARVIS was the only one that saw the nightly terror of the former Asgardian prince. Saw him waking up from nightmares. Saw him avoiding sleep. He had seen it before and JARVIS did his best to help, but it wasn`t enough. And Loki was stubborn. Still thinking his iron will would be enough to stand against that. That it will go away if he wants it to go away. He fought. And he screamed in pain and resignation because it wouldn`t work. His body healed fast but his mind refused to do so. Tony tried to talk to him. Every day he went to Loki`s room, knocked on the door, spoke with him and was sent away. _As obstinate as a mule._ _Even more stubborn than I am, can you believe that!_ Bruce tried, too. Loki was taciturn but polite whenever he spoke with them, his voice and face trained in centuries to hide his feelings.

He couldn`t let go. He was tired, dead tired, completely exhausted but he refused to let Tony or Bruce near him. After two more weeks in which nothing changed Tony started to doubt if Loki would ever decide to get out of his room and come to terms with staying on earth, in the tower, with Bruce, Tony and come to terms with himself.

It was 3 o clock in the morning when Loki stepped into the dark living room and he was so tired. There were just three light sources, the city lights through the big windows, a light blue glow of the arc reactor shining through an old black shirt and the light of Stark´s tablet. Tony sat on the couch working on a blueprint.

"I didn't know you were here. I`m sorry." He cursed himself for forgetting to ask JARVIS where the two men are. Then he turned, ready to leave Tony alone with his tablet.

And said man decided to start another attempt to get it through Loki`s head. "Insomnia or nightmares?"

"Excuse me?" Loki asked.

"I want to know if you`re awake because you can`t sleep, don`t want to sleep or woke up out of vivid nightmares." Tony gestured to the bottle standing in front of him on the glass table. "Do you want a drink?"

"No. And no. Everything`s fine. I was jus," he hesitated for a brief moment. "I was just awake and in search of something to eat." For him, it was a sufficient answer. For Tony, it wasn`t.

"You know, Bruce and I are really nice housemates. Sooner or later you`ll have to stop avoiding us, avoiding sleep and avoiding everything else or you`ll rot in your room. Even a room in my tower can be like a prison cell and feel like someone threw away the key. Sooner or later you will have to trust and talk to someone or you are breaking again. But this time, I`m not sure if anyone could fix it. I would prefer it if you wouldn`t fall into pieces that I can`t put back together. I don`t want to find your corpse in the bathtub because it finally broke you." Tony wasn`t someone to tiptoe around. "You`re head won`t stop until you face what happened. It will keep on showing you everything so clear, it seems real. In daydreams and nightmares. Re-experiencing of traumatic events, we call it flashbacks. They are a pain in the ass. It`s a little bit like the brain is still trying to understand, even after a time in safety. And perhaps that`s the problem, you can`t understand some things, like sickening remorseless cruelty."

"Oh, I'm usually pretty good with cruelty." Loki smirked.

"Not that good, I suppose. Killing someone and torturing him are different things and all the more being tortured yourself." Tony took a sip out of his glass and let the liquor flow down his throat." Take a seat." He gestured to the armchairs in front of the couch.

"You don`t do much talking, either. Do you?" Loki asked grinning and sat down, facing the man, who put his tablet down on the table.

"No, I do much drinking. But everybody tells me, it`s not healthy. Perhaps you should try something more promising."

"I still do not understand, why you are trying to help me, Stark." Loki sat there as straight as a pole, every inch a prince, every inch a mask hiding him somewhere safe underneath. "What do you want from me?"

"Would you please call me Tony? I'm not a big fan of being called Stark by anyone but the press and people working for me. Why I try to help you? Perhaps because it`s the right thing to do. Even if you do your best to keep me away. Would you stop stalling now because I was really patient with you? And I`m not famous for being patient."

 

There was silence for a few minutes. Loki feverishly tried to decide what to say or if he should just get up and run away. _The mortal wouldn`t follow me, would he?_ He kept still, forcing his body to just keep its position without trembling, without giving anything away.

"Loki, you can run, but you can't hide. Not from me, I`m not that creepy. But I was there. Not exactly there but to near for my taste. There is no easy way out. Ignoring a problem will never solve it. And I'm not trying to force you to talk to me. You can talk to JARVIS if you wish or Bruce or anybody else. I can hire you a psychiatrist. Whatever it takes. I'm just saying that you have to break your silence before it breaks you. You sneak out of your room to eat, you open the door when you think you have to and talk to us, but you`re fucking stupid to think that being broken into pieces by a power so much superior to yours would just go away without any trace. And what happened to you before that whole shitshow? Why are you so messed up? And you are. Takes one to know one and you talk to someone who is really experienced with being screwed up."

Loki felt sick and he still wasn't sure what to do. His head felt dizzy. He could always stay up and get out of here, he told himself. If his stupid legs would obey his orders. In front of him, Tony downed the liquid from his glass to refill it instantly. _I'm definitely not drunken enough for so much serious talk. If I even get him to talk._ He took another gulp. _I will need a hell of a lot of alcohol to get through this. This was one of my more fucking brilliant ideas to confront him, wasn't it?_ He wasn't sure why he was willing to talk through this for Loki.

 

Loki looked out of the window. Perhaps, just perhaps, Stark was right. And on the other hand, he was so terribly tired and felt like there was not much more to lose, whatever he might do. He was already stranded here. And perhaps it might help. "You could say, both. I avoid nightmares by avoiding sleep. It`s not the first time in my life without much sleep. It will change." Loki had to remind himself, that he had to breathe. This was uncomfortable, to say the least. "What do you want to know?"

"What is it that keeps you awake? What goes through your head? Who are you, Loki? And I think I already asked why are you so messed up? What went wrong?"

Loki tried not to visibly wince. He gritted his teeth. "A lot. But I rather try to get away from this things, not try to remember them better by talking about them." He paused, it was now visible that he tried to keep his features bland, but his eyes gave him away. His voice was quieter now, he sounded more like he was talking to himself than to Tony. "But how do you run away from things, that are in your head? Things, that grow bigger until everything else is pushed out."

Tony took another slug of alcohol. _This will really be a lot of serious talking._ "Holding on to your breathing, to your beating heart, to your body working to keep you alive. As long as your heart is beating and your lungs force oxygen into your body you`re still alive. As long as you`re alive there`s always a way to make things better. Oh, wow, I sound like a fortune cookie." He laughed, ascertained his glass was empty and that he was eager to change this, so he poured another drink.

 

"You really do a lot of drinking."

"Oh, I have a lot of exercise in this field." He grinned.

"Perhaps it would be better if I go to my room now and you stop drinking?"  
"No, it wouldn't. None of us will start this conversation again. Not before you become covered with moss in that room. And moss doesn't get together with the furniture. This is important. So please listen. This thing in my chest guarantees that my heart keeps on beating. But it wasn`t a voluntary choice to get it. Barton may have told you what happened in Afghanistan, as far as he knows the story. I was hit by a weapon I made. It literally had my name on it. Oh, the irony. I was kidnapped and tortured." Now it was Tony, who had to remind himself, that breathing was important for him. "To make a long story short. I thought I would die. But I had someone. I wasn`t alone there in this cave. He told me to not waste my life. He died to give me the chance to live a better life. I decided not to waste it, but to survive and make something better out of me. It's your responsibility to save yourself. I can help you, I think. I got help. I don't doubt the fact, that you can take a chance, seeing what you survived. You're still standing. Don't surrender. Make it better." He downed his glass and refilled it immediately.

Then there was silence.

 

"You know this, don`t you? Not sleeping, I mean. How long did it take you before you could close your eyes without it being there?"

"I`m afraid I haven`t found out, yet. But it gets better, that I can assure you. I still... Just not nearly as often and I learned how to handle it better. It`s bearable. It gets easier."

 

"Do you know, that I'm not from Asgard?"

"Thor told us a few things about you. He said you're adopted. But he never mentioned that you weren't adopted from Asgard. Where are you from?"

"Of course, he didn't." His voice was sharp. "Jotunheim. But I wouldn`t call it adopted. No. I was born as a Jotun. A Frost-Giant. Odin, Thor`s precious father, fought them, killed most of them and found a baby in a temple. Too small and left there to die. Their leader's son. He took me with him. I grew up without knowing about my heritage. But he told me my whole life, for centuries, how dreadful and gruesome they are. A threat. Despicable and worthless creatures. On Asgard, parents scare their children with stories about the Frost-Giants. About the monsters. And Odin just decided not to tell me that I'm one of them. When I found out, by accident, it became clear why I always tried to make him proud but never succeeded. Why I wasn't as good as Thor, his golden boy. Why he would never be proud of me. I was a planned diplomatic stroke, taken to ally Jotunheim and Asgard for Odin one day, but not a son, not even an adopted one. I would never be. Everything was a lie. He had taught me all those years to hate them so I hated the blood that flows through my veins as soon as I discovered what blood it is. Blood that made nearly every Asgardian someone better than I am. And while he told me, what I am, Odin lost his conscience and wasn't able to reign. Thor was here on Earth, banned by his hand because Thor almost started a war with Jotunheim. It was my plan that went wrong. I didn't thought he would act that stupid and attack them. I tried to stop him. To no avail. My mother told me to rule Asgard. It was my duty and I agreed. Odin wasn't able to intervene. It didn't end well. To make him proud, I killed my Jotun father. It was only fair, he left me to die when I was born. I tried to exterminate the Frost-Giants. I tried to destroy their world. I almost succeeded in eradicating them."

Tony choked and waved his hand "Wait! You were willing to kill a whole race, your own race to be exact, for a bastard like Odin who made you feel second best and not enough for your whole life?"

It was unmasked sadness, that darted over Loki's face. "I didn't say it was a good or sane decision. And perhaps it would be forgotten after time what Frost Giants are and that I am one of the monsters. I just thought, perhaps I could erase my own heritage if none of them was left. Perhaps I would stop being a monster. He could be proud of me, he finally would have to. Oh, how wrong I was. But Thor came back and stopped me and Odin woke up and told me No again. I told him, I could have made it. For him. And he just said No. So I let go. I fell from the Bifrost and I was sure, I would die. I wished to. I've had enough. But it turned out, there was more than I thought. Darker places than I already knew. That's two things I dream about. My heritage as a monster and falling into never ending darkness."

"Heritage doesn't determine who you are. You`re not a monster just because of the race you were born to. And just to point out the obvious, Odin is really a bastard. A pool-sized asshole. No, make that a continent-sized asshole. That's more accurate. You must be mad as hell at him. I would be. Considering all this, you are surprisingly sane." Tony stated and Loki laughed.

"Thank you. But I'm not too sure about my sanity anymore."

"Complete sanity is overrated. And you're not that batshit crazy I thought first."

"Thank you? But I almost killed an entire race because I was lied to and couldn't live with what I am and what I'm not and never will be. And in a state of madness and after being tortured the next thing I did was to try to rule another one, even if it wasn`t my idea. In the end, I agreed to do it, didn`t I? Didn't end well, too. You stopped me.

The Tesseract should have sent Thor and me back to Asgard, to be judged but I ended up with the Chitauri again. And they and their master were not happy about me. They told me before if I would fail I would beg for something as sweet as pain and they were serious about it. So serious. I remember the agony when my bones broke for the first time. Just to heal while others broke and healed and shattered again into more pieces. And the feeling of too much blood pouring out of me while I desperately tried to breathe. Like drowning in this metallic taste of blood in my mouth. I remember someone in my head, pushing me into the darkest corners of my mind, where only desperation and pain and guilt existed. Trapped. All that pain at once." Loki took several deep breaths and checked out the room to distract himself. This was too much. Too near. _No more, I will not allow this. Please._ He pleaded to his own conscience.

"This is the other thing that haunts me. Being back there and the pain, the agony, the desperation and... It ended with my broken body on your tower where you found me. That's it. More or less. I decided wrong so often, I'm not sure if this isn't the only thing I am capable of. To bring death and destruction. Monsters do that, don't they?"

"I don't think so. I was the merchant of death before I was Iron Man. That`s what they called me and I didn't care too much. I had blood on my hands I never knew about or didn't want to know about but I changed. I do my best. I'll keep on doing the best I can, try to make the right decisions, to do good, to be better than I was before. It's your decision who you want to be in the future. The past may haunt you, but the future may save you from it." He took another deep breath. "Loki, I've burdened myself with enough guilt to break all limits and I keep adding more. But when I concentrate too much on that, I'll come apart and vanish. It would destroy me. And this would do no good either. So I just try to make it better."

"I understand that, but I am so far from innocent, I miss the word to name the distance."

"Life tends to end the innocence in the most. You, me and damn it, the most people I've ever known. That doesn't mean that you deserved what happened. It is a struggle to be a good person when it is so fucking much easier not to be. You can try. If you don't want to be a monster, don't be it."

Loki was silent for a few minutes and looked out of the window, deep in thoughts. Then he suddenly said: "When I'm back to health again It'll be easy for me to kill you with my bare hands. You know that?"

"I think you would be capable of doing so already. But you haven't. I take that as a goodwill gesture. I don't think you want to kill me. And don't underestimate me. Even without the suit, I defend myself. At the minimum long enough to suit up. You're really strong and long living but not immortal."

"Why are you not afraid?"

"I`ve been through worse situations than a god threatening with his ability to kill me." Tony started laughing. "I have a rather interesting life, haven't I?"

After a brief moment, Loki laughed with him.

 


	9. Less off a mess

It wasn`t like one conversation in the middle of the night changed the whole behavior of the god from one day to the other. But at least it had started a slow process of change. Things became a little bit easier.

Loki had come to the conclusion, that perhaps, and it was a large and overwhelming perhaps, he wasn`t stuck here with his enemies in a play that would turn into a cruel, harsh trap.

So he decided to at least try and he interrupted his hiding from the rest of the world to join them for dinner two days later. And he did so two days later again and the day after. He didn`t talk much but it was a progress.

 

When Tony missed dinner for the third day in row Bruce had a message delivered to him by JARVIS that made Loki laugh out loud. "Tony, dinner! If you don`t want to step on two pounds of Lego bricks when getting out of the shower the next time, get your butt moving now!" It seems the engineer tends to forget eating or sleeping when he was working on something interesting. "I don`t know what Lego might be, but considering the context, the experience wouldn't be memorable for its pleasantness, I assume?"

"It wouldn`t, yes." Bruce grinned and Tony grunted but came to eat nevertheless.

 

It turned out Loki liked Bruce`s cooking a lot more than pizza, which led to a longer monolog of Tony about the advantages of Italian magnificence in form of dough, tomato sauce, and cheese which in turn led to Loki rolling his eyes and calling him philistine.

"Hey, eating dinner with you two is the closest to daily routine I did since - oh, ever! So just be thankful, I`m here and not in my workshop because I`m good company although eating is overrated. Tomorrow you try cheeseburgers and you better not treat them like the poor pizza. You offend the feelings of my favorite dishes!" Tony stated.

Loki raised an eyebrow. "I offer a compromise - I`ll try not to offend the feelings of your favorite dishes and you try to not order that odd pizza-something more than once a month?"

"Once a week at least!"

"Every two weeks."

"Deal."

"We should have a drink to celebrate a compromise." Tony suggests.

"I`d prefer water."

"Can you get drunk?"

"I can. I prefer to avoid it. And you would need a lot of your alcohol to even try it. The body of a god, Stark."

"Is that a challenge?"

And Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please, don`t. I`m not dealing with you two when you`ll have a killer hangover tomorrow. And I`m not drinking with you!"

Listening wasn`t exactly their strong point, of neither of them. So when Bruce went to his floor the two went to the bar.

Loki drank what Tony gave him without much effect. Until Tony remembered the 80% Stroh Rum. Loki grimaced as he drank the first sip. "That`s disgusting!"

"But effective. And just fair, you remember, the body of a god. You`ll drink that, I`ll be faithful to my whiskey." And he laughed.

It was surprisingly funny. It turned out, that Loki tends to giggle when drunk, which was a really nice sound. When he almost fell off the chair he decided to just sit on the floor. Tony commented it with "We`ll sit down on the floor for safety reasons." and joined him. And giggled, too. He didn`t even know why. Then they drank some more.

An hour later Loki tilted slowly to the right and fell asleep on the floor. Tony sat there and watched him, surprised how peaceful and human the god could look like.

The next day Loki woke up with a vicious headache and sore bones from sleeping on the floor. Beneath the spot where his head had laid was a yellow post it pinned to the floor and a pillbox with headache pills.

The post it read: "I drank a god under the table! This should help with a headache. Pizza (Fridge) and coffee might help, too."

 

Loki loved almost every flavor of Ben & Jerry`s ice-cream. Loving like in sitting on the couch and eating a whole container while reading or listening to JARVIS or sometimes even talking with Tony or Bruce or both for a few minutes, before returning to his room. It was obvious, that JARVIS liked Loki and vice versa. Perhaps JARVIS liked him because of the parallels between Loki and Tony. And because JARVIS registered that Tony liked him.

 

Loki looked better. The always black clothes changed into green or blue ones with increased regularity. "It`s surprising." Tony and Bruce stated one day in Tony`s workshop. Loki was a really pleasant company. When he decided to talk he was an intelligent conversational Partner with a dry humor.

 

But there were also the days on which he refused to even leave his room and the days on which he just stared out of the windows with dark eyes. The only answer he gave when asked what`s wrong was: "I´m fine."

It appeared that it wasn`t the best idea to bug him when he was in that mood. Tony learned it the hard way.

"Can I ask you something?"

"If you have to. But I`d prefer if you don`t, Stark."

"I got a message from Jane Foster."

"Well, good for you."

"She delivered a message of Thor. He`s still searching for you and wanted to know if I knew anything."

"I see."

"I told her, I know nothing new. Are you sure that creepy stalker of Asgard, what`s his name? Heimdall? Are you sure he can`t find you?"

"He can`t see me. There must be something left of whatever they used to hide me when I was captured. Odin had him look for me for sure when I didn`t arrive on Asgard to be judged and punished by him. Not for my sake, but it must have wrecked his plans for the afternoon. And above all, Heimdall is searching for a version of myself, that no longer exists. He`s searching for my magic not for," he stopped and swallowed, "this."

"I`m sorry."

"I don`t mind."

"Really? Because you don`t look like you don`t care."

"It doesn`t matter. As long as your tower is as safe as you claim. And now do me a favor and shut up."

"My tower is safe. Not even Thor would enter it without my permission."

"Good. And now stop talking! Especially about that fool."

Tony missed the edge of cautiously guarded anger mixed with fear in his voice. "You could tell me more about that Heimdall guy and magic and Thor, because..."

It all happened too fast and Tony found himself pinned to the next wall, a furious god in his face who pressed his right forearm to Tony`s neck while his left hand painfully fixated the other man`s right arm at the wall. He narrowed his eyes to slits and hissed: "I told you to shut up twice, didn`t I? Watch out, Stark! Your body is fragile and vulnerable. Try to force this conversation on me and I`ll demonstrate you how frail your body is." Then he pulled back his arms, turned and left Tony behind, who leaned at the wall and coughed.

When he closed the door of his room Loki`s anger subsided and he just felt spent. He sat down where he was, his back leaning at the door and hugged his legs tight to him. He sat still for a moment, staring at the floor, his face gone white as snow. And then he noticed that he cried. Which brought back the anger. It was a loss of control he wouldn`t accept. He sighed. How could one name, how could Thor, stir him up that much? How could there still be that hurt and grudge? _It`s not the name. It`s not even him. It`s the whole mess of my life that is linked to him._ And for a moment he wished he would just be dumb. Too dumb to feel. Too dumb to even remember. Dumb enough to just forget. But he wasn`t. He was too smart for his own good. And he could just accept it. Or smash his head against a wall. Or go back to Stark to get himself shot down by an angry Iron Man.

Speaking of the devil, there was a knock at the door and Loki couldn`t do anything but laugh. "Go away, Stark. No more discussing. I don`t strangle you and you just hold your mouth. I might apologize tomorrow but now go away." And after a short break, he added: "Please."

And the sound of feet departing made Loki sigh with relief.

 

He really apologized the next day. Tony apologized, too. Because to be honest, it wasn`t his best idea to keep talking. And he suggested that Loki could join him in his workshop. He was surprised but very pleased as Loki agreed.

 

It turned out, that Loki was not just interested in the things Tony worked with but he was also highly talented. He learned fast and he was so much more precise than DUM-E while holding things for Tony to solder or help him with his projects. It didn`t take much time to find out that Loki loved explosions as much as Tony and JARVIS ranted and raved at them both without any success so he gave up and increased the stock of fire distinguishers in the tower. They would need them.

 

And one day Tony was surprised about the hearty laugh of the god when DUM-E sprayed Tony with extinguishing foam. "That was just a spark! Stop blowing out a fire that isn`t even burning! I make a toaster out of you if you don`t stop! Damned."

Loki laughed till the tears ran down his cheeks and promised DUM-E to grease his hinges because this was too hilarious. And Tony couldn`t help himself, he started to laugh, too. He laughed about the fact, that Loki seemed to be something like happy and that it was a look he liked on him.

But it was still a pain in the ass to get the damned foam out of his hair.


	10. Too stubborn to die

"Sir, Captain Steve Rogers says he's here for a visit."

"Captain integrity? What the hell does he want? JARVIS, tell Loki to stay in his room and if you have to, lock him in there. I don't want blood and thunder in here if I can avoid it."

"Yes, sir."

As the Captain stepped out of the elevator Tony had to smile. He was still wearing these old-fashioned trousers with a belt and a plaid shirt. His blond hair had grown a little bit longer than the military style Tony remembered. But this was more than a year ago. They hadn't spoken during this time, so Tony was curious what the good Cap tain could want from him. He waved at him, to come and sit with him at the kitchen isle, where he drank a coffee. But before he could ask, Steve addressed him. "We have to talk."

And Tony rolled his eyes. "OK, I´m officially fucked. Seems I`m in an alternate universe and you are my boyfriend. What have I done, honey?"  
"Could you just be serious for, let`s say, five minutes? Please."

"OK, five minutes sound fair, so time`s starting now. Get cracking!"

"I have to apologize. "Steve Rogers sighed and Tony looked like a fish out of the water, stunned and mouth wide open. _Alternate Universe, I definitely was right._

"The things I said on board of the Helicarrier, I`m sorry. I was wrong and I had no right to say that to you. You saved Manhattan. You are a hero. I was an idiot and I am sorry."

"I paid back, as far as I remember and told you something like everything special about you comes from a lab. Wasn`t that nice, too. So I think we`re even, Cap."

"Thank you. I just wanted to make this clear. I'm cleaning up. Was on a road trip and made some decisions. I'll leave the apartment S.H.I.E.L.D. gave me. I need a break from Fury and the council and black uniforms. They still do research on the Hydra-weapons and I can`t stand there and watch them. I`m not enlisted in the army anymore and I won`t become a S.H.I.E.L.D.-agent. So I`m a free man now."

"I thought Fury has decided that you belong to S.H.I.E.L.D. and will work for them. You ignore his orders?"

"Surprised? I did it before. The army rejected me as a soldier, so I tried it again and falsified the documents. Colonel Phillips wouldn`t let me search for one soldier, that was my best friend, but I went nevertheless and found him. Dr. Erskine has not chosen me because I can follow orders, but because I can decide which orders to follow. I`m more than a poster boy."

"So no postcards arrived for Fury, I assume?"  
"No postcards for Fury."

"Sounds good. I love you for pissing Fury off, I would have paid to see his face when you told him that! What will you do now?"

Steve looked a little bit lost. "I don't know, to be honest."

And then Tony was speaking without thinking first and one day he has to invent something to stop himself before he says something, that brings him in trouble. "The offer to live here, in my tower still stands." In the moment he said it, he knew, it was dumb. There was Loki and so he strongly hoped, Steve would say no.

"I don't know. Thank you, but I have to think about this. This wasn't why I came here."

"I know. It's just an offer. Do you like a cup of coffee?"

"I'd really appreciate that."

Tony got up to take another mug out of the cupboard to pour coffee into it.

"It's too sad, that your dad isn't alive. He would be surprised to see me, it's a long time. He was one of the good guys." And Steve started to talk about Howard Stark, about the serum and Howard`s machine that turned him into Captain America. About the army and Howard's work and how they went to a bar and that he and Peggy helped him to find his best friend. He talked and talked and was totally blind to the fact, that Tony flinched almost unnoticeable when Steve said the name ´Howard`.

Tony could be an asshole, but he knew the man in front of him had lost everything and everyone. So he let him talk. Perhaps he saw Tony as a link between the past and now, but that didn't make it any easier for Tony to hear him talk about Howard. Especially not, when he highly praised him. Rogers had no idea who that man really was, what he had done to his family, to Tony. They didn't be best friends, something about fondue and Peggy, but for Steve, he was a good man. A brilliant scientist and a nice and funny guy. And Tony wouldn't break this picture and tell him who this man really was. Why should he take this away from Steve, it wouldn't do anything good for no one. Steve has already lost too much. But he grew angrier and more nervous from minute to minute. After the first hour, he thought about letting JARVIS calculate what would happen to Tony's hand if he would punch the still talking Captain in his face. Instead, he did his best to smile and nod from time to time and answering questions with short answers. He tried to change the topic a few times, but Steve just didn't get it. So Tony just gave up. It wouldn't kill him this conversation, would it? He was a grown-up man, this was not so different from a press conference, he told himself. _Nothing I have not done before. No problem._ In the end, Steve had talked more than three hours. It took a load of his mind as the Captain said goodbye and went to the elevator. Tony even joked with him about not letting another year pass before visiting him again and to think about moving in. Then the elevator doors closed. Bye Captain America. And Tony breathed out like he was holding a breath the whole time. He stood there for a few minutes and stared at the elevator doors before he went straight to the bar located in the back of the enormous room. He took a half empty bottle of Whiskey and went back to sit down on the biggest couch.

Tony skipped the glass and drank right out of the bottle. He drank fast. It didn't take much time to empty the bottle. This was a little bit too much. All the memories that pushed into his mind. He had to stop it. He had to silence it. And instantly would be preferred. _I can`t endure that again. Not now. I just can`t. I don`t want to._ His thoughts raced. He would prefer passing out drunk than watching his damned merciless flashbacks turning his mind into a nightmare, he couldn't escape. _Please, just stop._ Thinking of Howard Stark`s search for Captain Cant-shut-his-mouth America and of his way to cope with failing to find him. Of the drunken Howard Stark and how Howard's best friend Obadiah, that was more a father to him than Howard, has also betrayed him and pushed him into the arms of the men that tortured him. The surgery when Yinsen had cut his chest open, hands holding him down, while the world exploded in unbearable pain. The weight of a car battery and the pain after surgery without painkillers. Of being drowned. Gasping for breath. Of cold water flooding his lungs. Of electric shocks. Screaming in agony. Torture. Of Obadiah, he trusted and nevertheless he ripped the arc reactor out of his chest and left him there to die. Of his drunken ranting father. Pain. Howard Stark. The first one in a long row of threats. There was the fucking fact that so many people had tried to kill or hurt him over the time. And all had started with Howard Stark, the man Captain America dearly missed. Tony threw the bottle against the wall and it shattered with a loud bang. He was breathing too fast, he knew that, but he couldn't help himself. _I need a new bottle. I´m definitely not nearly drunken enough._ He staggered to the bar.

"Stark?" it was Loki`s voice behind him.

"Don`t call me that. Not now. Call me Tony or shut the fuck up." He yelled and searched the bar for an appropriate bottle to drink himself into a stupor. "Don`t call me his name." His eyes were wide and he was shaking. He found a scotch he liked, unscrew the cap and took a gulp.

"What is wrong with you?" Loki`s voice was surprisingly soft. He perfectly hid his surprise about the state Tony was in. He had never seen him so upset and pale and wondered what must have happened to cause this.

"Nothing. I`m fine. If I drink enough now. So please excuse me." He took another gulp and slipped to the ground, leaning his back against the bar. "JARVIS, dim the lights. It`s too fucking bright in here!"

"Yes, Sir." the A.I. answered and the lights darkened.

"Oh, and JARVIS? I remember that I have told you to lock Loki in his room. This isn't his room, is it?"

"He was in his room as long as Captain Rogers stayed here. I had no further orders, Sir."

"Well, screw you! We`ll have a talk about loyalty later."

Loki was not very pleased to get completely ignored, so he asked again a little bit louder. "Tony? What`s wrong?"

"I`m fine."

"You are not. I may add, you`re a terrible liar at the moment. So please skip ´Nothing´ and ´I don`t know what you`re talking about´."

"How about: it's none of your business?"

"That's at the very least true. But I'm curious."

"And I'm not interested in talking."

"I remember. You are more into drinking. But I also remember you were the one saying, it's not very healthy and to try something more promising."

"Never claimed to follow my own advice."

"What happened?"

"I'm fine. Go away and care about yourself."

" What is wrong? Please." _Where did this even come from?_ Loki was curious, he wanted to know what or who had managed to do this to Tony. In addition, he wouldn't confess it, but even more than that he wanted to help because it strangely hurt to see him like that, his face scarred by pain.

 _Please? Why is Loki even still here?_ Getting more and more inpatient, Tony felt anger creeping up inside of him. He wasn't into talking, he wasn't into making himself vulnerable and especially not with Loki.

"I just want to get drunk. So please go and fuck yourself."

"Sounds pleasant, but I am stubborn, too, as you might remember. You listened to me. But it seems you never talk to anyone. Sitting in the dark and drinking seems not very helpful, not even to me. Something is incredibly wrong with you at the moment. I owe you something. So here is a god that would listen to you." He grinned. And to his own surprise and displeasure, he really hoped to convince Tony to talk to him. Loki hated the helplessness he felt looking down at him, sitting on the ground with wild eyes. He strongly disliked the look, it seemed utterly wrong. And he disliked even more that it mattered to him.

"What do I have to do to get you away from here, god? Kill you?"

"That would work, I suppose. But I`m still stronger than you. If you`re not willing to try it nevertheless, you could instead talk with me."

"I`m anticipating to take your offer to kill you."

"And nevertheless I`m still here, so please tell me, what managed to get you in this state?"

"Loki, I tried to be friendly and patient but this is your last warning. Go or I`ll hurt you. I can`t discuss this now. Just go."

But Loki stayed. He didn`t move, not even his face moved as he asked again: "What happened?"

Tony laughed, it was a bitter twisted sound. "Wasn`t that what you wanted before? Me on my knees? Too bad, it wasn`t you, who brought me down. You couldn't do that. On my ass to be precise, as I`m sitting. And I`m afraid I`m too drunk to get on my knees, so sorry, prince. Now go, before I start talking about Thor and your own inferiority complex. Or about your daddy dearest."  
Tony watched some kind of thunderstorm move behind Loki`s green eyes and discovered that he hold his breath. And Tony smiled, afraid guilt and self-loathing would otherwise break through the surface. It was a cruel thing to say, but he just wanted to be alone, wanted the pain to stop.

That stung. But Loki couldn`t deny, that he was warned before. He could see that it wasn`t meant to really hurt him, Tony lashed out to keep himself safe. And Loki wasn`t willing to let him succeed with this trick. "You`re stalling. What happened to you? Who did this to you?"

Tony was too drunken to just shut up like he would normally do. Commonly he paid scrupulous attention to ensure that nobody would be around in a situation like this. He always found a way to get rid of anyone. Even Pepper. He always managed to keep everybody away long enough to have a little mental breakdown all alone and to put himself back together before anybody could notice. But tonight he forgot Loki. And he was already too drunken, too tired and hurt to stay silent.

"You want it? Then listen. Steve Rogers just couldn't fucking stop talking about Howard Stark. For three fucking hours. The Howard he knew, not the one that I grew up with. I don`t know who he was talking about.

I look a lot like him, you know? Like my father, I mean. When I look in the fucking mirror I can see him from time to time. I shrug and it goes away. I'm fine. I'm over this. But now Captain Perfect has to repeat his name over and over again until it's impossible to not think about him. And after one memory comes another, like water, like waves and these memories try to drown me. All the things that happened in my life trying to drown me. And it`s so much better to drown in alcohol than in flashbacks. In brown ice cold water that you get pushed into for what seems like an eternity. In blood. In childish horror. Alcohol is definitely better." He paused, trying to calm himself, trying to regain control.

"I`m sorry. You have your own burden. Just let me be. Tomorrow I`m Ok again. Go to sleep, it`s in the middle of the night. Forget about this. Good night. Everything`s fine. Just drunken blathering." He even managed to laugh and he devoutly hoped it would be convincing. It wasn't. Loki hesitated a moment but then he slipped to the ground and sat down beside Tony. "It`s alright. Tell me."

"Go to bed, damn it!"

"No."

Tony grit his teeth. "Go away. Now!"

"No."

"Fuck you."

"No."

"What the fuck is wrong with you? I don't need you here."

"But I am already here, so you could just as well talk about it, perhaps this will help better than poisoning yourself."

The silence between them lasted so long, Loki asked himself if he should let Tony be. If he was stepping over a line here. If this was way too much. If the next thing would be a raised bottle that would shatter at his head to end this. He was warned he could get hurt. Then there was a sigh like something broke in Tony`s throat. He looked defeated. Like he just had enough and there wasn't any power left to refuse. Tony let his head fall back against the bar with enough force to let the glasses on the counter clink while he still hold the bottle in his hand. His voice sounded strained as he finally spoke.

"My own father called me worthless and a disappointment. I never did anything right, never could make him proud or at least a little bit pleased. I`m his creation, not a human being. Something you built and tear apart if it didn`t work like it should." The words fell out of Tony`s mouth and he wasn`t able to withhold them any longer. Not now. Not in the mood, he was in. He had talked with JARVIS but never with anybody else. But just now he was tired of facing this alone again. Going again through memories that refused to get out of his head. "And I wasn`t his best creation, not even a good one, he never got tired of telling me this. He made me feel like I couldn't do anything right. Not good enough, never good enough." That was something Loki understood too well.

Tony stared at the painting at the wall. Modern Art. Ugly Modern Art. Too much red. _Blood red_. "He was cruel. I don't even think he hated me. Too much effort he wouldn't invest in me. How can Steve value him that fucking much? If this guy really was so nice, it has to be my fault, that he was a bastard as long as I knew him. Hell, my existence was enough to made him angry. But more likely he was just better at hiding from Steve that he was a drunken prick. Wasn't even trying to hide it at home. He wasn`t a really big man but I was a really short child with a small frame so he was able to throw me to the floor or at a wall with just one slap in the face. One day he pushed me down the stairs. It hurt like hell. But I had to get up. It would be a bad mistake not to. And I went up the stairs that I fell down a minute ago and he shoved me in his room. He wasn`t patient if I was unruly. It wasn`t long after that when I let myself fall down a staircase. Hoped to break something when hitting the concrete floor just to get away for some time. It didn`t work, by the way. Perhaps it was better that way. Had it worked I might have killed myself while falling down the stairwell to his underground car park too often." He took a sip.

"May I ask where your mother was?" Loki`s voice was low but sounded too loud in his own ears.

"You may, but I don`t know. Not there. Busy. Sad. Whatever. Her body was there. She didn`t find the will in herself to protect me. She left me alone with him although she was there. She wasn`t there for me."

Loki swallowed. He hadn't expected such an amount of raw pain. He had no idea what would be an appropriate reaction, never had someone trusted him with something so personal, so fragile and hurtful.

_I need to hang something else there. More blue. Or gold. An Iron Man picture perhaps. I just try to think about something else than Howard, aren`t I?_

"One day he threw me against the cupboard in my children`s room and I crashed to the floor like a fucking doll. He kicked my ribcage and I couldn`t breathe. He just didn`t stop beating me and I was sure, that it was over. I would die. I was still a small child and I was absolutely sure, that I would die. So I stopped fighting back. Just lay there with my hands and forearms on my face. I think I passed out for a moment. Next thing I saw was how he left the room. It took me damned long to get up again and to my bed. And there was the day when he was so drunk and furious that he didn`t stop after beating me but pushed me at the wall and almost strangled me. I frantically tried to get his hands off my throat and breathe. I don't remember how it ended, it's one of the sweet memories of which a part is missing."

His body was shaking and his voice was rough. A haunted and terrified look on his face mixed with anger. And Loki could feel burning hot anger flowing through himself. If the man Tony talked about wouldn't already be dead, he would happily help to kill him.

"One day I played hide and seek with a kid of a household help. I had to stop because of the pain of some fucking wounds I owed to him. I huddled up against a wall. Took me some minutes till I was able to get up and smile again. Sometimes I wonder how he managed to do this to me without breaking something. He managed to cause so much hurt and fear without leaving traces that couldn't be covered. Just one time I needed a doctor who was more than willing to believe that the son of the man, that so generously paid him, was a larking child, that hurt himself while playing." He took another pull on the bottle. "But it did have its advantages, you know. I don`t think I had survived being tortured in this goddamn Afghan cave had I`ve never been knocked down before. So thanks for that, Dad." The last words were followed by a bitter laugh." The only person I will ever let me hurt again without fighting for my life is me."

The sentence was sharp and Loki felt like it had cut right through him. It was something he knew and he wished the man beside him wouldn't know this feeling, wouldn't have been hurt so deep, so often. "JARVIS, how much had he drank and how much can a mortal drink before it becomes a health hazard?" Loki`s voice was still soft but worried.

Before the A.I. could answer Tony did. "I`ll answer that, JARVIS. Don`t worry, Loki. I`m too stubborn to die. I always was. Tomorrow I will be strong again. I will stand upright. I was through a lot of shit in my life but I am still here. I will be tomorrow. And the day after. I survived everything. But from time to time I just, it just hurts too much to ignore it any longer and then I might or might not have a little breakdown and I get through this, too and I start all over again. Because that is what I do. I never give up. I´m an engineer and I can fix things. Always fixed me. Nobody was able to break me forever. Don`t mistake this as weakness. I might be fucking unstable but I`m not weak. It is the contrary. I`m too stubborn to let anything break me. I´m fucked up but I always get up again. I always fix it."

"The Iron Man suit isn`t the only armor you wear to keep you safe." It was a statement, not a question.

"I´m tired."

As they stood up Loki turned to Tony. "Just let me say one thing. I am terribly sorry that you had to suffer so much." It wasn`t pity, it was heartfelt sympathy which surprised Tony even more. Then he went out the door before Tony could even think of a reply.

As Loki went into his room and closed the door behind him he stood there for a few minutes just starring at the wall. Thinking about what he heard and saw. _Why has he trusted me with something that was so painful for him? Why does it mean something to me?_ But more than anything else he was deeply impressed how someone so broken, so hurt, could be that strong at the same time. How the man has managed to get up again and again and again. After his father, after Afghanistan, after all this unspoken painful memories Loki had seen running behind his eyes. _Impressive._

Tony woke up a couple of hours later. The hangover was bearable but the memory wasn't. It was one thing to talk with Loki about Afghanistan because he already knew about that. It was in the S.H.I.E.L.D. files and Agent Barton had told him about. But this was something entirely different. This wasn't in any files. Even Pepper just knew, that Howard was a somehow violent drinker but she never asked for details and Tony never told her or anyone else. So apart from JARVIS Loki was the first living being he had ever talked to about this chapter of his life. And he doesn't know what to think about this beside the regret he already felt. So he decided to get some coffee first. It turned out to be a bad decision, because damn, there was Loki again. In the kitchen, drinking tea. He seemed to like tea a lot better than coffee and it was a mystery to Tony why. _Who the fuck even buys tea for my kitchen? Must be Bruce. Or JARVIS. Focus, Tony!_ As he wouldn't have time to think this whole thing over, he would have to improvise. But hey, he was good at improvising. So he filled his cup with steaming delicate coffee and before leaving the room he gazed at Loki and his voice was resolute and dangerous. "If you tell anyone about the things I said or if you decide to try and use them anyhow against me, I swear, I make you regret it. Regret it bitterly. Don`t even try it. Have I made myself clear?"

"I don't intend to do so but yes, you made yourself clear."

"Wonderful. See you later." And he walked out of the door like nothing had happened.

 _I would break you into more pieces than the Other did if you do this to me_. He hated feeling vulnerable.

Loki smiled. He would have been surprised if Tony hadn't said something like that. Slashing at someone for coming too near was too familiar to him that he didn't expect it. _You couldn`t feel safe without making sure you could defend yourself if your own vulnerability would be used against you._ He knew that and he understood it just too well. Trust was a rare and fragile thing.


	11. What have you done now?

Iron Man`s suit was scratched and had some major dents as he landed unusually inelegant on the landing point on top of the tower. Loki was in his room and Bruce wasn`t at home.

"Sir, may I suggest medi..."  
Tony cut the conversation short "You may not, JARVIS. Just get me out of the suit without breaking something. This means neither the suit nor me! I just need a shower, something to eat and a drink. Or two drinks." He was angry and tired and not in the mood for medical whatever.

 

It took JARVIS a while to separate Tony and the badly damaged suit. _I just need a fucking hot shower._ So he walked to his bedroom, his steps perhaps a little bit unsteady, he had to admit but that was just because his whole damn body hurts and he was tired and needed a shower. _Now_. He threw his clothes and shoes on the bathroom floor and stepped into the shower. As the water flew over his aching body he closed his eyes. The hot water felt good, streaming over him, dulling every other noise except the water. Warmth spread through his body. The soaring steam wrapped him in a soothing embrace. It was glorious. Until the world started to spin. Too fast to open his eyes. He passed out and suddenly fall down to the ground, hitting his head on the wall.

 

Loki was reading. "Loki? Dr. Bruce Banner isn`t in the tower at the moment and Mr. Stark was injured. He lost his conscience while showering."

"What? I`m sorry, JARVIS, but without my magic, I can`t heal him, you know that. I`m useless." The last word came out tart. "And I would appreciate it if you wouldn't remind me of that fact."

"I can`t get him out of the shower and his body temperature is dropping. I stopped the water but I can`t physically move him. I called Dr. Banner but it would be better if he wouldn`t lie on cold and wet tiles until he arrives."

"Excuse me. I understand. I assume he`s in his bathroom? You would have to let me into his room. As far as I remember, I`m forbidden there. If it`s not too much of a hassle don`t shoot me or whatever you might do with an intruder."

"Yes, Sir. Thank you."

 

As Loki stepped into the bathroom he was startled to see the unconscious body lying on the ground covered in bruises and minor scratches, that at least seemed to be not bleeding. The shining device in his chest, surrounded by scars, seemed to work fine. He opened the glass door and grabbed Tony`s shoulders. Loki had to confess that the naked mortal looked good. And that the man had way too many scars scattered over his body. Loki`s eyes traced them like he was searching something. Most of them were no longer an angry red but had faded to white. But some of them must still hurt. Loki was used to the fact, that he didn`t get permanent scars, they faded and blended and vanished after time. _The healing abilities of humans are so deplorable. On the other hand, this body tells a story of surviving, of being hurt and healed and never being like before again._ He picked the body up from the ground and decided to carry him like a child, one arm under his shoulders, the other under his knees. He placed Tony down on his huge bed, covering him with the blanket. His body was cold, he had felt it while carrying him to the bed. "JARVIS, would you please raise the temperature in this room?" "Sure, Sir." Loki sat down at the edge of the bed and waited for Dr. Banner.

 

After perhaps twenty minutes Tony woke up. He muttered something unintelligible. Then he cleared his throat. "What... What are you doing on my bed and why am I lying in it?" Loki crooked his head, cocked an eyebrow and looked at him.

"Stay in bed. Dr. Banner will come. You lost consciousness in the shower."

"And you put me in my bed? Naked?"

"As you are not wearing clothes while showering, yes. There`s nothing I haven`t seen before, Stark. Nothing I wish to see, I would like to add." _And if, I wouldn`t tell you._ He grinned.

"I feel offended, Loki." And to his own surprise, he really felt aggrieved.

"By the way, you are surprisingly heavy for a mortal so short."

"Are you calling me a fat dwarf, beanpole?"  
Loki just grinned again.

"We should get you to an eye doctor because you are obviously gone blind suddenly. I do look great, especially naked, I`m all muscles and they are heavy. Perhaps you are a little bit weak today? And I`m not short, I`m vertically efficient and concentrated awesome!"

 

"What have you done now?" It was Bruce Banner`s voice that made Loki fringe and stop laughing instantly. He jumped to his feet.

"For crying out loud, nothing!" Loki took a step back, away from the door.

Bruce raised his hands in an attempt to show Loki that he was no threat. "I didn`t mean you, Loki. I asked this fool. Tony, what monkey business have you been getting up to?"

 

"Perhaps I was hit by a collapsing building. A little bit."

"Perhaps? A little bit? I`m getting gray hair because of you!"

"But it looks good on you." Tony was smiling and trying to look as much as a puppy or kitten as he could manage. "I`m sorry. But I was flying around because it`s a nice evening and then I saw that fire and the firefighters couldn't enter the building to save the family still caught there. I got them out but I miscalculated because I was tired, so some of the rumble hit me. But no one else, that is."

The physical examination was short enough, but Tony was eager nonetheless. Bruce checked Tony`s blood pressure, pulse rate and rhythm, looking in his ears, eyes and mouth. He inspected head, neck, and back and Tony looked more impatient from minute to minute.

"Are you ready? I think everything is in place. Ten fingers, ten toes, I'm fine. Oh, and this is a really interesting threesome. But bad luck, I`m the only one that`s naked. So if you two intend to stay here, you should get out of your clothes, too. For reasons of fairness."  
"Tony, get some sleep. I`ll be back in a few hours to check on you. So sleep, doctor`s order. And please have an eye on him and his vital signs, JARVIS."

"Yes, Sir." JARVIS and Tony answered simultaneously, Tony with a lot of cynicism and Bruce smiled as he left the room with Loki.

 

"Loki? He was just exhausted and has a slight concussion. Nothing serious. I didn`t mean to startle you when I entered the room."  
"I`m just a little bit too used to being blamed and punished. Old habit. It wasn`t your fault."

"We could go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea."

"I would be delighted."

 

"JARVIS, do we have cookies?"

"Right wall cupboard, Sir."

Bruce waited for the water to boil and then brought two teacups and a plate of cookies to Loki, sitting at the kitchen isle.

"How do you feel, Loki?"

"Amused."

Bruce's smile was calm and questioning. "Amused? I wouldn't guess that."

"I am a homeless god, living in a high-tech tower with two Avengers and I am still alive and in one piece. I get ice cream, I can let things explode, sorry JARVIS - Oh, I talk with an A.I. All that together is strange, isn`t it? And it amuses me."

"Looked at that way, amused makes sense." Bruce laughed. "But you`re not homeless."

"This is Stark`s. Everything here is his, isn`t it?"

"I don`t think he sees it that way. You are still worried he would turn against you or sent you away?"

"I don`t know, to be honest. But you don't understand that. He is your friend and you are not a wanted criminal."

"Somehow I am. There are enough people out there who either think I am the property of the U.S. military or that I should be locked up in a cage and they'd like to throw away the keys. Tony never cared about what others or authorities might say."

"You helped save the world."

"You, too. Getting Selvig to built a backdoor to close the portal?"

"Is that the reason why he lets me stay? I don't understand it. It`s too good to last. I'm still waiting for his demands. Or for the point when everything goes wrong. Whatever may come first."

"There may come no demands. He wanted to help you. That's the way he is. And I think he likes you by now."

"That`s highly unlikely."

"Why?"

"Empirical values."

"He might surprise you."

And that was something that silenced Loki because he had absolutely no idea what more to say. Or what to even think about what Bruce had said.

 

The next day Tony decided that Loki needed more TV series, more movies, more entertainment. So he introduced him to Star Trek. The original series. Halfway through the tribble episode, Loki started to giggle. Yes, giggle. "What`s so funny?"

"Just try to imagine your Captain America instead of this Captain Kirk. That`s hilarious!" And Loki kept on giggling.

And yes, the picture of Captain America, all dressed up, with dead tribbles on his shoulders, petting a squeaking fur ball, was indeed hilarious. Even better was the image of Captain America flirting with half of the female inhabitants of the Federation. Tony had a laughing fit thinking about it.

Bruce joined them for a movie night on the weekends. It was fun. It turned out Loki could eat his own weight in popcorn while Tony shared chili chips with Bruce.


	12. I`m a misfit

Tony knocked at Loki's door. "You have to get out of here. You`re gathering dust. We're going out."

"I don`t think so. I`m not in the mood to get killed by someone, who remembers me opening a portal for the Chitauri."

"With the right clothing, hairs and sunglasses, no one will recognize you. There are YouTube videos about everything, I`m sure JARVIS find the right ones to make you look like someone else."

"I don't like the concept of going out either. I don't like to spend time with other humans. Consider yourself honored that I'm willing to spend time with you."

"Consider yourself honored that I`m willing to let you spend time with me! And tonight you spend time with me outside with other people."

"I don't appreciate society. People are dumb, dull, boring, demanding and I don't understand why it's so loved in all nine realms to waste time with festivities. I thought you would understand that. You spend more time in your workshop than anywhere else. And you have enough alcohol in this building to celebrate for years without leaving the safety and comfort of your home."

"Ok, to be honest, I have to go there, it`s a charity thing and Pepper will give me hell if I don`t come. And I`m so not into this. I don't want to suffer alone. So would you please stop being stubborn and do me a favor?"

After long and tough negotiations, Tony was finally able to convince a grunting Loki.

 

An hour later they met again in the kitchen. Loki still looked angry and pissed but he was dressed to go out. His dark hair looked shorter, however he had managed to do this without cutting it. He was dressed in a light gray three-piece suit with a 2-button jacket with wide lapels and straight cut trousers. It was combined with a white shirt with a point collar and a tie with a green-on-black pattern, tied in a half Windsor knot. Black shoes and sunglasses completed the look. The suit looked like it was tailored to fit absolutely perfectly. Tony wasn`t sure where JARVIS finds this things, but he sure was thankful, that he did find them. Because Loki looked good. Like really, really gorgeous.

 

Tony whistled. "You look good in this clothes! Damn hot. Hot as in fucking sexy." This earned Tony a death stare from Loki. "What? I don't try to get into your pants, it was just a compliment. But these are definitely nice pants with you in them. You’re straight up sexy, you know that, don`t you, sweetie?"

Another death stare followed. It would have been a wise decision to stop there and shut up, but nobody ever claimed Tony's decision were always the wise ones. So he kept on babbling and teasing.

"Since when compliments are a problem for you? Would have thought your ego is used to them not to say appreciate or even need them, beauty."

"Just shut your mouth."

"Ah, it's the compliment from a guy thing, right? Relax. And better get used to it. You will get a lot of compliments from women and men with this ass in this suit. Because this ass might deserve a national holiday. Please tell me that Norse gods aren't homophobic, it would be a shame to live thousands of years and just stay on one side of the river. Believe me, you'd miss something, princess."

And with this word, Loki snapped. There was a yell and he raised his right arm, ready to slap the man in front of him, but he managed to stop himself and instead stormed out of the room.

"Wow! What the hell was that?"

"You found a sore point, Sir."

"No shit, JARVIS? I already figured that out. But he has just too many sore points. It`s like playing minesweeper. Especially when he`s already angry before I even start to annoy him. I just don't get what his problem might be this time."

"He is in his room, you may ask him."

 

After knocking and Loki ordering Tony not to enter and Tony completely ignoring this, he stepped into the room where Loki sat on the bed and looked extremely pissed off.

 

"I'm sorry. I don`t know why, but it seems like I really put my foot in it. Whatever I did to upset you, I'm sorry." Tony held his arms up in a surrendering gesture.

"I am not one of your concubines." It was more of a hiss than talking. Loki's eyes twinkled with fury and rage.

"What? No, nobody said something like that!"

"Princess?" Loki whizzed, and if looks could kill, Tony wouldn't have enough time for last words.

"That`s the problem? I still don`t get it. It was an innocuous enough joke. You might remember, I'm a funny guy."

"Sometimes not as funny as you think."

"Why is princess a bigger thing than Prince Charming or any other name I already called you?"

"Do you really don't get it?" Loki sounded genuinely surprised.

"Fuck, no! Tell me. I really don't know what the hell is wrong enough to almost hit me. So please tell me, what have I said to make you that angry?"

"I'm not a woman."

"I've noticed that."

"Shut up for once and listen, I'm not going to repeat myself. You can listen now or never, I will not discuss this again, is that clear?"

 _A really sore point it seems._ "Okay, I'm listening."

Loki swallowed and he seemed to search for the right words with immense attention, trying to find the right words and trying to keep the undertone of hurt out of his voice. But it was anyhow visible in his eyes. Tony had now watched this face so often that he could see the signs, even when Loki was so very good in hiding everything behind a blank expression. A lot of hurt. Old and bitter and burning. "I'm not how a male Asgardian prince should be, I never was, it just got more and more visible as time went by. Asgard is a world with inflexible roles. I grew up in a culture of muscular warriors. Beneath Odin and Thor. You`ve seen Thor, that's what Asgard wants. And just that. Too bad I always was more a thinker than a fighter. To play war the whole day is so damn boring and my brain needs something more to do than dumb fights. I can defend myself, I`m more than capable of fighting and killing, but why risking getting killed when you can make a plan and succeed?

I don't know why they even make the effort to teach all these dull idiots how to read. They would rather kill something or someone than read a book or learn something not requiring a weapon. So reading and using your head for more than wearing a helmet on it is something that's more suitable to women than Asgardian males. Magic is considered a women's art, too. Practicing magic is a social taboo, it`s considered unmanly and effeminate, Odin is the only man who can use magic without defaming himself." Loki stopped and murmured "Hypocrite!" before taking a deep breath and starting to talk again. "Men are warriors, women may use magic and don't have the same rights or reputation. With the exception of Sif. I hate her guts but she fought for the respect she wanted in a way Asgard understood. And it was hard for her to be taken serious as a female warrior, she had to break a lot of bones to convince them, including Thor's wrist, shin, and nose by the way. He walked funny for the rest of the day and was black and blue for days. That was really hilarious, I couldn't stop laughing about the mighty warrior that called me a sorceress who was now beaten up by a woman."

Tony giggled. "I would have loved to see that. It sounds like Asgard does not only look medieval, it is. Dark, backward times. Stuck with stereotypes."

"Yes, you may say that. Sif is an exception, one of a kind. I am an exception, a despised one of a kind. I can use magic, I am... I was very good at it. Magic can do things physical strength can't. There`s more power in magic than in a damned sword or dagger. My mother, Frigga, taught me to use it, I learned more from the library Odin has and never uses. Why should he be the only one to use magic, if he humiliates it every time he told me, I should be a man and quit my silly studies? It is an art, it's beautiful and powerful, it really is. But for Asgard, it is nothing compared to a warrior's noble deeds. I`m extraordinarily skilled in the one thing that is considered womanish and more or less worthless, except for healing magic. I fought with Thor but I never was considered a true warrior. To save their lives by creating an illusion and not using a physical weapon is not honorably. They mistrusted me as long as I can think."

"What the fuck? Saving someone's life is always honorably."

"Not everywhere, believe me." A dark twisted smile crossed his face. "I am for Asgard what Earth would call a misfit, a freak. Even your twisted Norse mythology made me a shape-shifting trickster and declared me a father and mother of monsters and freaks, made me the cause of the destruction of the world and gods. By the way, you mortals have a really, really strange and weird fantasy! A horse? Really, what is wrong with you?"

"Hey, that`s not my fault! I didn`t write it. And I`m not the representative of mankind." He stopped and weighed his words. "Uh, but that`s not all, is it? Not that all this wouldn`t be a good explanation, but you exploded like nitroglycerine in my face. Why?"

"To make things even better, Asgardian males and females are meant to be together and that's it. Two men or two women together is not designated. And the opinion that it doesn't matter if someone is a man or woman is not designated either. So on top of being not manly enough on a battlefield and in the choice of using magic I had the dubious honor to make even this wrong. I was raised with an image of how I should be that never fit me. And I refused to hide it. I always stood in Odin`s and Thor`s shadow and hid everything personal inside of me, but there had to be a point where I should have an opinion of my own, a decision of my own. Time is slow in Asgard. Beliefs outlast thousand years with ease. So, how do you say it? You`re screwed if you don`t fit in. Massively screwed." He laughed and took a deep breath. "Being a prince they couldn't just ignore me but were forced to cope. It was an interesting mixture of mocking, insulting, tormenting and fearing me. And calling me a weak girl or sorceress or princess! I may be a lot of things, but I'm not weak. I could break your bones without so much as lifting a finger even without magic. And I contemplate to do so. Because you're not better than them, it seems!"

"Hell no, don't twist my words. I'm not from Asgard, and I was not mocking you. It was just meant as an honest compliment. I would have to be dead to fail to notice that you are gorgeous. But you might get compliments if you leave this tower. Hell, you`ll get them when you stay here, too, it seems. I`m not sure if I should really apologize for a compliment.I don't see you as a woman, I never have. But nevertheless we don't consider women weak in this society, you remember Natasha Romanov and Maria Hill? Calling them weak would make you sing soprano for the rest of your dramatically shortened life. I wouldn`t try it with Pepper either." He smiled encouraging. "Want to tell me more?"

"Why not. I`ve already made a fool out of myself."

"No, you didn`t. I`ll tell you if you do so, Ok?"

"Ok. So Thor calling me a sorceress was one of the nicer things I was called. Mostly behind my back, mostly not meant as a joke but as a deadly insult. Warriors prefer not to discuss, not with a prince. First I ignored them but it just got worse. I started to lose every respect from them and this wasn`t acceptable. So I had to do something. Accusing a man of being the receptive, passive part during same-sex intercourse gives the offended the right to demand a duel with the accuser."

"But to be the more active part is just fine?"

"It`s uncommon but acceptable. And no, that doesn`t make any sense! It`s simply moronic! But it`s the way Asgard judges. So duels would be expected but I wasn't too keen to grab a sword and fight them all, so I needed another plan." A grin appeared on Loki's face. "I can be very convincing if I'd like to, so seducing the ones talking about me seemed adequate. I learned fast, that the ones speaking the loudest were the ones to seduce the easiest. Funny, isn`t it? Making them beg for me was satisfying, having them on their knees before me, even more. Thereafter they kindly hold their tongues. Up to this one man I highly underestimated. He was so reluctant and much stronger than I thought, stronger than me at this time. Unfortunately, this happened before I learned how to teleport. It doesn't matter, after all, I killed him as soon as I could, so it worked even when it didn`t go according to plan." Loki's eyes shimmered for a short moment with pain and to Tony's surprise, with shame, before they get back to staring detached at a point on the wall.

"It stopped being amusing when Thor started to call me a whore. I wasn't able to do anything against his insult. I had to let it go unchallenged. He broke my arm as he forced me to promise to not touch his warriors again. He didn`t mean to break it, but he did. I understood for the first time, that tradition and believes are stronger in him than the feeling of brotherhood he likes to showcase. And back then I had no idea, he`s not my brother at all. Have I already said, that he called me a whore? I should have poisoned him." Loki clenched his hands into fists. _It had hurt, damn, it still hurts._

Tony watched him narrowly. "It doesn't matter to me if you prefer men or women or both. I just had no clue that this could be an issue to you if I`d call you princess. I just, it was not meant as an insult."

"Thor started a war at Jotunheim when he was called princess."

"So I can consider myself lucky that you didn`t start a war or demanding a duel." Tony took a breath and looked the still angry god in the eyes. "I am sorry. Even on Earth, it can be difficult. In a lot of countries you can marry a same-sex partner and in some other countries, you could be executed just for being accused of having one. Not better than a duel, I suppose. I could fuck every woman on this planet and they would congratulate me, but to fuck a man brings you on the front-page of every newspaper and magazine. Had to promise to Pepper to be more discrete about men than women because of Stark Industries. I don't claim to know how hard this was on Asgard, but I assure you here it's not important if you fall for men or women or both. You`re in New York now and here it doesn`t matter. You can be who you want to be.

And as much as I don`t like magic, I don`t like it because of its power, not because I consider it weak.

Oh and I`d like to add, Thor talks about Asgard like it`s borderline orgasmic, but the more I hear of it I tend to say he may be a friendly guy but he`s a blind idiot, too."

"He is indeed. Nonetheless consider yourself warned, call me a woman again and I'll make you one."

Tony felt the urge to cross his legs, just in case. "I understand." After a brief break, he added, "I can do that. But just to clarify, you won`t demand a duel if I ever make a compliment again regarding your butt, I hope."

"Depends on how annoying you are." Loki grinned, his arms folded across his chest.

Tony nodded. "Can we now finally leave? There's a party waiting and even better, there are drinks waiting!"

"If you insist."

"I do." Already walking Tony turned his head and looked at the man. "Loki, have you ever even recognized that, considering all the shit and pain that happened to you, you should be proud, that you survived it? That you made it out of it and survived where other men or even gods would have surrendered, died or killed themselves? Do you understand how strong you are? Have you really never realized that you`re intelligent, brilliant and special? Screw Asgard! Screw them all. You shouldn't give a fuck what others are demanding or expecting from you. But you should realize who you are and you should be damn proud of it. Be proud of yourself. Not just act like you are, but be it. And now, let's go, I`m thirsty."


	13. Get used to it

They took a Taxi and as expected nobody recognized Tony Stark`s company.

 

To avoid the press at the main entrance they entered the venue through a backdoor. There was no press allowed at the event itself, so they wouldn`t find a picture of Loki and Tony on the newspapers the next day. The man guarding the door just took a look at Tony, recognized him and let him in, telling them to follow the doorway and then turn right. Tony gave him a generous tip before the door clicked shut behind them. They walked through a small doorway, past the kitchen, storerooms and a lot of formally dressed waitstaff, already hearing the chatter and laughter of the guests. Then they entered a huge luxurious hall with classical architecture and décor, dominated by large shimmering chandeliers.

There were lots and lots of people dressed in suits, tuxedos, evening dresses and sequin gowns. A full bar was set up along the far wall and three bartenders filled glasses with drinks and cocktails. Waiters walked around with silver trays laden with champagne flutes or food.

It was loud. Somewhere classical music was played, dominant strains of violins and a piano. Glasses clinked and people talked.

As Loki saw all these boring humans he felt anger rise. He was angry at Tony for dragging him there, angry at himself for not being above this things and angry at everyone else for just being there and annoying him. Loki hated every second of it. And it painfully reminded him of Stuttgart and what led him there. As Tony handed him a glass he gulped down the drink and clutched the glass with as much pressure as possible without breaking it.

 

"You look like you suffer from the mother of constipation, Loki."

"You look like I should hit you on the head with something heavy."

"Do you want to go home?"

"Yes." And Loki asked himself when he had started to think about Stark Tower as home.

Tony grinned "Say please."

"If you're trying to get yourself killed, you're doing an excellent job."

"Suggestion: I`ll do my duty and play meet and greet with all those important people, that are as boring as watching paint dry. In two hours we`ll disappear through the backdoor and go home. Ok?"

Loki nodded. "That is acceptable."

"Fine. In the meantime, try not to kill someone who pisses you off. I can comprehend the wish to do so, but please don`t." He grinned, waved at Loki and walked away in the direction of the guests.

 

Loki watched Tony closely as he walked around, shaking hands and talking. He watched the big smile plastered on his face that looked so completely different from the genuine smile Tony had in his tower. He realized that Tony used a little trick Loki also knew. Looking at the point between someone`s eyebrows while talking, to avoid really looking someone in the eyes but giving them the illusion that you do so. He watched the tensed muscles and the upright posture that was meant to look so self-confident but remembered him more of the Iron Man suit. It seemed Tony didn`t like being there much more than Loki.

 

Loki positioned himself behind a column after snatching another glass from a tray and putting the empty one there instead. From his location, he could watch the hall but it was unlikely that someone would see him and try to engage him in conversation. Or at least that was the plan. Until all at once a lightweight hand landed on his shoulder. Loki tensed and spun around.

An elderly woman with pinned-up gray hair and wire-framed glasses smiled at him. She was dressed in a long, dark blue gown with golden embroidery combined with blue elbow gloves. "How do you do?" she asked.

"How do you do?" Loki smiled politely while his eyes had already found an escape route, just in case.

"You look a little bit lost, dear."

"I am not, but thank you for your attention."

"Why don`t you walk around with him but stand here in the shadows?"

"What? Who? I apologize but I think you mistake me for someone else. I don't know you."

"I don't confuse you with anyone else, I am well aware that I don't know you. I'm old, not senile. But you looked lost and angry and I decided to keep you company for a while until he comes back to you. I watched you arrive together. You're a beautiful couple, like my grandson Matthew and his husband John."

She smiled a soft smile and her eyes shined like Frigga's did when she was happy about something. Somehow the woman reminded him of her. So he tried to answer patiently, despite the still lingering anger in his guts and the overwhelming wish to just push her aside and hide somewhere else in the hall.

"We are not a couple." He shook his head.

"Then let me hand out an advice. Tell him how you feel before it's too late. Life changes so fast and good people vanish if you don't hold them tight." She laughed, a soft and deep sound.

"I appreciate the effort, but I am not feeling that way. And I don`t know what you want from me." Slowly but surely he felt like losing his temper. _Stupid rule not to kill someone annoying me that much._ For a moment he clenched his hand not holding a glass into a fist.

"I saw how you watched him. Saw how he smiled at you. You`re both blind, it seems. Believe an old woman who saw a lot of love and denial, you feel love for him, even if you don't see it yet or refuse to recognize it. When I was as young as you are, it would be so difficult to be together, be happy you are young now. My best friend Stacey jumped from a bridge when her relationship with Marianne was made public. That was 1958." Her smile saddened. "Let an old woman tell you the most important thing I learned through the years. Life is too short and too hard and cruel to let the best thing life can give, love, slip through your fingers. Pain finds you without your assistance. Love does, too, yes. But love will not stay without some effort, the pain will. Every moment you lose will be gone forever. Unhappiness, sadness and regret are born out of things left unsaid." She looked at the bar and then looked at Loki again, the sadness gone from her smile. "Please excuse me now, there is someone I must welcome. Just don't wait too long to recognize it and to tell each other. Do it before it's too late." She turned and walked with slow elegant steps to an older gentleman that stood at the bar. She gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He smiled and handed her a glass with a light red liquor in it, then they both walked away.

Loki looked at her, confused. _What was that?_ He didn`t have the slightest clue what might have given her the idea of being a couple. _Eerie._ He was considering Stark a friend, but not more. _Wait. What? When did I start seeing him as a friend? More a former enemy in whose house I live._ Oh, this was all so complicated and intricate.

 

And time went by too slow, it was unbelievable how long two hours could get. So much time to think about things, he didn`t want to think about. But finally, Tony joined him and dragged him back to the doorway they entered through. When they stepped out of the backdoor the crisp, cold air hit them, a harsh contrast to the overheated ballroom. The guard was still there and called a taxi for them while they waited in silence, both caught in thoughts.

 

When they were back at the tower Tony offered Loki a drink.

"Not again this disgusting brew I drank last time! This is not going to happen."

"We find something you like." And he saw through the bottles that were stored in the bar. "Try this." Tony handed him a brown liquor.

Loki grimaced. "That`s disgusting as well. It tastes like burned wood with a touch of gasoline."

Tony laughed snorting. "That`s fucking expensive whiskey, Loki. Ok, let`s try something else." Loki didn`t like cognac, scotch or bourbon. Gin was categorized as: "If needs must." Finally, they found something he liked. A rum with honey. "Told you, we find something you like!" Tony grinned pleased and filled a whiskey tumbler with ice cubes and the brown liquid and handed it to Loki.

 

"You don`t like such events very much." Loki took a sip of his drink and looked at Tony.

"Not anymore, No. Your powers of observation do you credit. But I have to like them or at least let everybody believe I enjoy them. But no, I don`t like them."

"Why?"

"I`m just another egoistic, arrogant, self-centered, rich asshole for these people there and nothing more. For them, I am the sum of all the mistakes I made, all the character defects that made it into media and above all that I`m money. They all want something from me while they are convinced that I don`t deserve my wealth or anything else. But I am the face of Stark Industries and it seems I have to let myself be seen from time to time."

"I`m surprised you go there if you don`t like to. You don`t tend to do what you`re told,"

"Pepper can force me to go to three events per year for the sake of Stark Industries, that`s the deal we made. That was number two for this year. Don`t tell me, you never went to an event at Asgard just because you had to."

"Touché. I went. Far too often. Following my bounden duty."

"There`s your answer."

"Can I ask you something else?"

"Go ahead."

"You don`t look very happy, do you?"

"Neither do you. Show me yours, I'll show you mine."  
"What does that even mean?"  
"You tell me what's going through your head, I'll tell you what makes me not looking that happy." _What? When did this start that I'm willing to tell someone what's in my mind? Voluntarily. Without a death threat._  
"I agree." Loki grinned and made an inviting gesture with his right hand. "But you'll start."

"Not fair. It was my suggestion."

"Never claimed to be fair." He grinned.

"Touché. You remember what I told you about flashbacks? There's something alike. Similar annoying. Flashbacks tend to appear real, but this form of memory is clearly a memory. You see and hear and feel reality but at the same time, like an additional dimension or layer over the four dimensions of reality, there is a memory you see and hear and feel at the same time. But you know damn well what is real and what is a memory. Hurts nevertheless. Hard to ignore. Ok, impossible to just ignore. Seems like when a glittering hero triggers nearly every trigger you have it messes you up for quite a while."

"You described it better than I could have. This strange form of remembering. Mostly of Stuttgart. And banquets on Asgard. Frigga. Thor. Let me guess, you know nothing to stop it, do you?"

"No, sorry. It's like throwing a stone into a lake, it takes some time till the waves the stone made disappear again.

"Annoying."

"Learned one thing over the years. What is bad enough to fuck you up, will come back from time to time, no matter what you do. And I tried a lot. The only way is to accept it. Cry, break down, lock yourself in your workshop, drink, whatever might help for a few days, but then get back on your feet, straighten your back and carry on."

"Isn't life a funny thing."

"Things get better. And then they get worse. And better again. You`ll see."

"Tony?" Loki stared at his glass. "In all that time I lived in Asgard nobody wanted to know that much about me. Despite my mother perhaps. Nobody asked me that much and moreover was willing to actually listen. Thank you."

"You`re welcome."

"Even if I still puzzle over the fact, that I`m still here without doing anything for you."

"You`re an idiot. You`re so fucking perceptive and highly intelligent, Loki, but regarding yourself and how others might see you, you`re just a complete idiot." He sighed. "Have you never had a friend, who didn`t want anything from you apart from your presence?"

"No, I don`t think so."

"Get used to it." Tony had a good yawn. "I`m tired and I smell like a fucking gala dinner, I`ll take a shower and a nap. See you tomorrow. Join me in the workshop, I`m doing an exciting experiment JARVIS will hate. We might need DUM-E as a volunteer fireman."

"Sir!"

"Everything's fine, JARVIS. It`s not that bad, I promise. Good night." Tony laughed and walked to his room.

He left behind an utterly perplexed god.


	14. What does that mean?

The next day JARVIS invited Loki to join Tony on a floor he had never before set a foot on. When the elevator doors open Tony was already waiting, grinning and spreading his arms.

"Welcome to my shooting range! As much as I don't like weapons, and isn't that funny considering who I am? However, the bad guys love weapons of all kind, so my suit better measures up to that."

"What is that?" Loki was curious and pointed at a strange object. At some distance from him, positioned on a pedestal, was a big cube, the size of a moving box. It looked like it was made out of the iron man armor.

"New plating. The cube is open in the back, there's ballistic gel inside. It reacts like human flesh. And now we verify if the new plating is as good as I calculated. We'll shoot at it and test whatever might get through. Or better said, what won't."

"And that pile of weapon cases over there, what`s inside of them?"

"Flamethrower, bow and arrows and a whole lot of other funny things to test against the armor."

"Sir, is that really necessary? I can simulate all this and calculate the outcome precisely."

"But that would be plain boring! I even brought DUM-E with a new fire extinguisher down here. And you already simulated the really big weapons like rocket launchers, missiles, rifles, grenades and everything else that better not be in my tower. All is fine JARVIS. I'm a genius, I know what I do."

"Or at least that's what we all hope." Loki grinned and Tony was sure his AI would have loved to agree with that.

 

"Smartass. Tell me, can you use a bow?"

"Yes."

"Fine, we have a bow and arrows, shoot at that thing! Oh, and try to hit it." Tony opened one of the bigger cases.

"When I shoot at something, I always hit my target. But tell me, despite from Hawkeye, does anybody on earth still use a bow or has ever tried to shoot you with one?"

"Not yet, but could be. And it`s fun, so would you please?"

The god grabbed the bow and the quiver with more than a dozen arrows in it. "These aren`t standard arrows, are they?"  
"No. Each of them is made out of different metals and alloys. Made them myself. They should be even more sturdy than Hawkeye`s."

Loki took the bow with his left hand, his left shoulder pointing to the target. The clothes he wore, black jeans and a blue tunic with short sleeves, fit surprisingly good with a bow. He stood upright, one foot slightly in front of the other and looked rather comfortable and relaxed. Then he pointed the bow towards the ground and took the first arrow. Three fingers hold the arrow on the string as he rose and drew the bow in a fluid motion. His face was concentrated and his motions perfectly controlled, the muscles in back and shoulder clearly remembering the movements. He aimed, released the string and shoot. The arrow hit the cube in the middle and broke at the impact.

Tony whistled appreciatory. "A lot of experience?"

"Asgard. Medieval, more or less. I also can use a crossbow, sword, ax and a handful of other uncomfortable and needless weapons."

"Remind me to not make you super angry at a medieval market."

 

"And the target is, what, 10 meters or 33 feet away? Even you should be able to hit it."

"What`s that supposed to mean - even I? Forget it, I think I don`t like the answer anyhow. But, could you teach me to do that?"

"As long as you don`t expect to become an accomplished marksman in an hour, yes. To hit something that big and near and not moving isn`t that hard. If you really want to try?"

"Yes, please."

"You`re right handed, so hold the bow with your left and pull the bowstring with your right hand. Posture`s important. Turn your left side to the cube, stand at a right angle to it, your feet shoulder width apart and against an imaginary line from you to the target so that this line would go across the middle of your feet."

Tony did his best to follow the instructions while Loki was grinning and looked like the cat that got the cream. He handed Tony the bow.

"Stand straight and tall, or in your case, relatively tall."

"Don`t start that again or I´ll swear..."

Loki chuckled and pressed his flat hand down on Tony`s right shoulder. "Shoulders down and relaxed." He poked Tony in his lower back. "Stand straight, not like you`re waiting for your coffee to be made."

"Coffee sounds wonderful. I would take one."

"Later. Relax. This isn`t going to hurt. Probably."

"The mischievous grin while saying that isn`t particularly helpful for relaxing."

"Just do as I say."

"That`s what she said."

"What? Concentrate, Stark. Or you`ll shoot yourself in your clumsy feet or even worse, me."

"The latter sounds compelling. A little bit. Nothing concerning me can be described as clumsy!"

 

"Look towards the target. This is your head’s natural unstressed position. Try to keep it that way. Point the bow towards the ground and place the shaft of the arrow on the arrow rest, attaching the back to the bow string with the nock. I`ll show you." He took an arrow and showed Tony how to place the arrow.

"Use your index finger above the arrow and the middle and ring fingers below to hold the arrow on the string. Raise the bow by bringing the bow arm to shoulder height. Rotate your arm inwards to avoid slapping your forearm with the bowstring unless you like to get an enormous hurtful bruise. Draw the string along the bow arm in a straight horizontal line. Draw with your back muscles, not the ones in your arm and move the shoulder blades towards each other. Focus on the middle of the target and release the string by gently slipping the fingers of it. Don`t move until the arrow hits something, preferably the target. Try it."

Tony draw the string and the arrow flew in direction of the target but missed it by approximately a meter to the right.

"Interesting." Loki raised an eyebrow. "Now go and get the arrow and then repeat and practice a few months till you, more or less accidently, shoot your teacher in the butt to stop having to practice." Then he realized what he had said while Tony started to laugh. "Oh, no, don`t you dare! That worked for me but shoot me and I`ll do something to you that involves the bow, arrows, a screwdriver and a metal spoon and I swear you won`t like it!"

And Tony chuckled and tried again while Loki corrected his posture by pulling and pushing at him. It took Tony some tries, the arrows flying nearer to the target with each shot. When the first arrow really hit the cube Loki got his left hand comfortably positioned on Tony`s lower back and his right hand on his shoulder to help him find the correct posture. He felt the warm body under his fingers and the moving muscles. And all at once it started to make sense what the old lady at the charity event had said to him. He drew his hands away from Tony like he had burned himself. _That can`t be true! No. No, and damned again no! I`ll store these annoying thoughts about Tony Stark somewhere in a dark corner of my mind. Feeling, being emotional, in any capacity, is a bad idea, always was and ever will._ He pushed the thoughts aside when Tony started to laugh and grinned broadly. "I hit it!" He dropped the bow to the ground and hugged Loki which was exactly the last the latter had expected or wanted at the moment. So he pushed the other man away but at least he managed to smile, then he picked up the bow. "Well done. Now there are some arrows left, shoot them. There are a lot of funny cases left for us to try. I`m curious."

"Have you really shoot your teacher in the ass?"

"Yes. And assured him that I would do it again with various body parts if he keeps on trying to force me to practice what I already mastered. We came to an agreement. I spent the training time in the library and he told everyone I was practicing without him getting shot again." Loki grinned from ear to ear then he handed Tony the next arrow.

The result of bow and arrows were 19 broken arrows and one that was stuck in a wall. Even Loki wasn`t able to get the arrow out again. The armor didn`t even have a scratch.

 

For the next tests, they stood behind a translucent wall. "Don`t want anybody to get hit by ricochets." They did test after test while JARVIS protested and DUM-E made his appearance as a firefighter. "Oops!" The plating got scratched bit by bit but considering the ballistic gel someone inside an armor like that would get some bruises and maybe a lot of headaches but he would surely survive. Tony was highly pleased and Loki liked the look on his face. He had enjoyed the day, too. Immensely. So, being friends. That was something Loki could do. Or so he hoped. Friends sounded good and like a foreign concept at the same time.

 

The next day Tony visited Bruce in his lab and told him about the tests he performed with his new armor.

Bruce listened patiently and finally shook his head in disbelief. "Let me sum up. You invited Loki to an experiment including lethal weapons and explosives?"

"Yes."

"And instead of killing or maiming you or at least hitting you with something, he taught you how to shoot with a bow?"

"You sound a little bit dissatisfied, which isn`t nice at all. But yes. Oh, and I hit the target. Repeatedly. I`m quasi Robin Hood."

"And you mention in passing that you hugged him? You of all people? Tony Stark, with trust issues bigger than the Hulk."

"Hey!" Tony protested.

"You hugged Loki?"

"Is there a direction your questions are heading?"

"Where do you think might my questions lead?"

"I have no idea, but I´m relatively sure I won`t like it."

"Ok, then all I`m going to say is, be careful what you do. Neither he nor you are especially emotionally stable."

"Thank you?" Tony sulked. "What are you working at, emotionally stable scientist?" He pointed at Bruce`s microscope. It wasn`t a very elegant distraction but Bruce was kind enough to change the topic and explain what he was doing at the moment.

The next evening Loki joined Tony to watch Star Wars and he fell asleep on the couch. And Tony felt something like cozy satisfaction in his chest about the fact, that Loki had enough trust in him to sleep beside him. Without armor, without being drunken, without the security of a locked door between them. And that was the moment he recognized something else. His eyes went wide. _Fuck. I`m enjoying that a little bit too much._ He stood up as silent as he could and walked to the elevator. When he was in his workshop he took a bottle and a glass out of the small bar.

It sometimes felt strange how soothing booze could be. Soothing like a hand patting your back, telling you everything is going to be alright. You know it's a lie, but it helps nevertheless. Making everything easier. But his thoughts went back to Loki and his body tensed. _That`s what Bruce adumbrated._ _When the hell did this even happen? This is fucking impossible. Unthinkable. Not going to happen._ So, no, that was nothing. But on the other hand, he spent too much time with him, building things and letting other things explode. _Testing the armor was fucking fantastic._ He knew how Loki looked when he was concentrated, standing by his side at a workbench, trying to get something to work, that Tony had explained to him or JARVIS had found online. He knew how his face looked laughing. Beautiful, by the way. _Oh Fuck, stop! Tony, just stop. This will never happen. No fucking around with the unstable god. Nothing at all with said god. No way! Tony Stark didn`t feel that way for anybody. Nope._ Even if he would, the operative word being would have something like feelings for him, it wouldn`t work. Never. He sighed and put the glass of whiskey down. "JARVIS, play me some music. I`ll stay here for quite a while."


	15. M.C.U.

Since then Tony was in his workshop for two days. JARVIS had relayed a message to Loki, that Tony was working with the newly tested armor. And Loki was bored to death. Or at least that was what he told himself, trying to ignore the fact, that he was restless. And even more trying to ignore the feeling that he had done something wrong and therefore wasn`t in the workshop, or that Tony liked to play with his toys with him but would never let him near his hallowed suits. _And why does it even matter?_ He needed something to distract him from the thoughts and questions in his head. "JARVIS?"

"How can I be of help, Sir?"

"Do you have access to S.H.I.E.L.D. documents?"

"I have the files of their databases copied from the Helicarrier. And I have new documents from the last months. They are not complete, I'm afraid, but nevertheless there are a lot. Mr. Stark didn`t found the time yet to read or sort them and didn`t ordered me to do so."

"Am I allowed to read them? Especially the documents they have about me."

"Would you please wait a moment?"

 

Tony was still in his workshop when JARVIS asked him for permission to give Loki access to the files. "Why not. They don't have much data about him anyway. And even less about me."

 

"You have access to the files, Sir."

"Thank you. Please open them on the tablet."

So Loki started to read through the S.H.I.E.L.D. files. He was reading fast. He read everything he found mentioning his name, oh and what a nice opinion they had about him. The only thing missing was a suspicion, that he prefers to eat little children for dessert. Or bathed in his enemies' blood or something similar.

Then he started to read cross-references and followed intern links and read more cross-references. Without looking up from the tablet he asked: "JARVIS, are you sure all these documents are original S.H.I.E.L.D. documents? Nothing was altered or corrupted?"

"Yes, Sir. All files were copied from S.H.I.E.L.D. servers, they are the original files, no data was changed, added or deleted from them."

Loki cocked his eyebrows and kept on reading for another hour. His eyes dancing over the screen of the tablet, long fingers opening file after file and saving a few dozen of them in a new folder. With every saved file his face changed a little bit. First, there was sadness, then hurt, then his face got angrier and colder until it finally was completely expressionless.

"Where is he?"

"If you are referring to Mr. Stark, he is working at one of his suits in workshop one."

 

When Loki arrived, he knocked on the glass door, that separated the workshop from a small vestibule in front of the elevator. Tony looked up from the gauntlet he worked on. "Let him in, JARVIS."

"Do you or Bruce still work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?" Loki`s voice was filled with anger and an overwhelming amount of betrayal as he marched in Tony`s direction, his face still emotionless while he felt like a blade stuck in his chest and he was bleeding out.

"Good afternoon to you, too. What are you talking about?" Tony was surprised but in a good mood, so he took the belligerent tone lightly.

"Don`t you dare lie to me! Do you still work for S.H.I.E.L.D.?"

"Nope. I am a consultant. Not more. Never more. They didn`t even want me as an Avenger at first. Tony Stark was not recommended. Neither I nor Bruce would work for them. With them, if we must, to save the world but not for less. I don`t trust S.H.I.E.L.D. They lied before, they will again. They are not trustworthy. Never believe them without verifying it yourself. Don`t know how that`s on Asgard, but here on earth never trust governmental agencies und institutions. Never. And S.H.I.E.L.D. even less. Lying bastards."

"Is that true JARVIS?"

"Yes. S.H.I.E.L.D. and especially director Fury are not the biggest fans of Mr. Stark. or Dr. Banner." the calm British voice of the AI confirmed.

"Have you only just asked JARVIS if I`m trustworthy? Really! You still don`t trust me, you moron? Sometimes I would like to..." He raised his eyebrows and his voice. "What the fuck is in this damn files? Pray tell!"

"I believe you. I trust you." _Oh surprise, I really do. Why? Damn._ "But I, this, I`m sorry." His voice was softer now, the hostility in it replaced with a tired sadness.  
"Thank you very much, his majesty. And now tell me what the fuck is going on?"

"They, this project, it's my fault, I made it possible, but... I brought the damn scepter. I had to, it`s not like I had a choice. Thor, the big fool, should have taken it to Asgard. He should have taken it or destroyed it."

"I have not the slightest clue what you`re talking about. What happened? I thought the scepter is in a secure S.H.I.E.L.D. storage, locked away. Loki, I´ll lose my patience, so cut through the shit." Tony banged the screwdriver he was holding at the surface of his worktable.

Loki waved the tablet around. "I wanted to know what data they have gathered about me but then I found files that were hidden behind files in other files."

And Tony thought to himself: _Wasn`t that clear? If anybody despite JARVIS and me would be able to find a way through the thicket of S.H.I.E.L.D. files it would be Loki._

The latter swallowed, then he continued. "To make it short, there is a project called M.C.U. - Mind Control Unit. Not very creative, I might add. Shortly after the battle of New York, they started this project to use the Chitauri-scepter. They search for a way to control the human mind like I did. Control them fully, like I controlled Barton, not like I was controlled with at least a fragment of myself still present. To use politicians to support S.H.I.E.L.D.`s needs and use ordinary people as weapons. As assassins. To make extraordinary people to agents even if they don`t want to. There is even an essay about the possibility of mind controlled children, that would make assassins with a low profile. These plans are vile, devious and cruel. And we both should have a part in them."

"We both? How? What have I to do with them and what do they want from you? They even don`t know where you are."

"When you at the behest of Thor informed S.H.I.E.L.D. that I´m gone they started a search. They just weren`t successful. It seems like they don`t have a way to locate me. And yes, they aren`t confident that I would ever return to earth, but they search for a way to find me. If I would come back, they plan to find me and captivate me. They want me to use that ominous thing again, want me to teach them how to use the scepter. Using the same way of convincing me as the Chitauri before... There`s a discussion how to torture me without killing me, isn`t that nice?" It took a lot of self-control for Loki not to throw the tablet at the wall, instead, he dropped it on the table and slammed his flat hand at the surface of the workbench. Hard enough to send the screwdriver over the edge, and fall noisily to the floor. "I`m so finished with plans that include torturing or killing me! Really. I am so done with that. I might be a bastard but that`s stretching it too far!" He took a deep breath. "They don`t know that I can`t control the scepter and that I can`t even use it without magic. They assume that the Tesseract was the source of energy powering it. They have no idea, or categorical refuse to accept, that without magic it won`t work. So their conclusion is, that without the Tesseract the scepter will not work. And that`s the point you come in. They presume that without the Tesseract they will just need another power source. Small enough to be portable but extremely strong and long living. They found just one thing that met their requirements. They want your Arcreactor."

"They want what? Oh, Fury will regret that! Fuck him! That dipshit moron. Fuck Fury! Fuck S.H.I.E.L.D.! Fuck the fucking Council! Give me the tablet. He won`t get you and he won`t get my technology either!" Tony was furious. When Loki gave him the tablet with the marked folder Tony started to throw the files in the air, spacing them out on different monitors in his workshop and started to read. A few minutes later it was Tony who threw the tablet at the wall.

Loki was standing beside him and watched for a few moments. He stared at the files in front of him and tried to maintain his composure but it was cracking. His low voice was shaking and he spoke slowly, trying hard to steady his breathing. More like speaking with himself than speaking to Tony. "If they succeed, if they could force me to use the scepter again, even without magic, they would sense me. He, they... They would not be unaware of that. They will get in my head again. Or at least they would come and this time, they wouldn`t... I have not enough of myself left to go through something like that again. I can`t. It`s like throwing you back in this cave but this time, you would be alone with them. Forever. No one would be willing or would have the ability to help you. No one would..." Loki`s chest hurt. Like something embracing him mercilessly, crushing his ribs and lungs, making it nearly impossible to breathe. A burning pain, starting in his chest, flowing through his body, paralyzing. It hurt so much. The workshop, Tony, everything seemed far away, like reality was bleeding out, getting blown away by a storm that would squash him.

"Stop!" Tony interrupted him and without thinking he grabbed Loki`s hand. "This will not happen. Not to you. Not to me. Please stop. Breathe. Slow down. Focus on your breathing." A warm, strong hand on his, a connection to the crashing reality. He lifted his head with an effort, looking into brown eyes filled with anger but not anger directed at him. "Breathe. You`re safe here." And Loki forced himself to follow his advice till his breathing evened out and his heart found a steady pace again, the panic subsiding. The dizziness in his head eased. But he felt exhausted and so unbelievable sad.

"Loki, no one will force you to use that fucking scepter and nobody rips the Arcreactor out of my chest when I refuse to build them another one. Not again." He still held his hand.

"Again? Does that mean...?"

"Oh yes. The man that was there for me when Howard wasn`t. I trusted him and he ordered the strike in Afghanistan against me. I came out alive and he took the Arcreactor out of my chest and left me there to die. DUM-E saved me. And my stubbornness. I told you before, interesting life, never gets boring." It was meant to sound cynical but came out tired and hurt. Loki squeezed his hand before he let go of it. He smiled. It looked sad, not amused. "Sometimes boring would be a welcome variety, wouldn`t it?"

"Yes. But I´m a genius. You are, too, I have to admit. And Bruce likewise. If anybody will find a solution for this fucking shit it would be us. So we`ll find a solution. Loki, let me read what you found. The more I know the better. And then we`ll tell Bruce. We`ll rip them a new one."

"A new what?"

"Rip them a new asshole. It`s an idiom. It means they`ll regret what they did when we`re finished with them. Oh yes, they will regret that."


	16. At least we have time

When Bruce arrived Tony told him about the new situation. A little bit more caring than Loki would probably have. No use in making the Big Guy too angry. And Bruce started to read the same documents while Tony made coffee and JARVIS ordered donuts for them. Loki went to get tea for Bruce and himself. Three hours later they had drunk way too much coffee respectively too much tea and ate a dozen donuts. Tony tried to summarize: "The only way to get them off our backs not just temporarily but permanently is to get the godforsaken scepter and destroy it. The question is just, how? First, we would have to find out where the scepter is and then we have to find a way to get into a S.H.I.E.L.D. base without being seen, captured or killed and find out how we could get out again. Alive. We desperately need more information. There`s too much missing. JARVIS has to hack into S.H.I.E.L.D.`s systems without being discovered. And it will take time because this time, they would smell a rat if they recognized that it`s JARVIS, so he has to take detours. A lot of them. Nevertheless, just in case they would find a trace that someone unknown broke into their secrets, he has to copy everything about everything to not give a clue for what he`s searching. So that will take a few days." Tony waved his hands around. "At least we have enough time. They have a lot of tests scheduled for the next six months to find a way how they could attach an energy source to the scepter. And they assume they will need time after this tests to find a way to locate, find and convince you." Tony looked at Loki.

"You can cut the euphemisms. Find me, torture me and break me. Hurt me and use me." His green eyes had darkened so that they were almost black.

"I`m sorry, really. If it's any consolation to you, I don`t know if their plan to get the arc reactor will be much more gentle. I haven`t found anything about specific plans how they think they can trick me or force me to make them one or if they just want to get their hands on the one in my chest. We need more information."

"Tell me, why should it comfort me, that I shouldn't be the only one to suffer? Actually, that would make it worse. You assume I'll appreciate it when someone is in torment? When you are? Like the villain, no, like a monster should." Loki hissed.

"What? Fuck no. It's just something we say to cheer someone up by pointing out he's not alone in this. Stop projecting your inferiority complex on me. I'm an asshole, I know, but you don't need to cast another slur on me. I'm vicious enough by myself!" Tony shouted at him.

"Are you two then done with depreciating yourselves and each other? Because that won't help." Bruce was the voice of reason."I understand that you`re both angry, hurt and frightened, but to go for each other`s throat will not do any good."

Tony and Loki started in unison with "I`m not..." but Bruce stopped them with a wave of his hand. "Oh please, give me a break. You are! I know that better than anybody else, given that I was on the run from the military for a good part of my life. I know what it feels like to know, that they are after you. Knowing what they would do to you, what they would force you to do."

"Ok." Tony`s gesture was one of surrender. Loki gave a small nod but refused to say anything. So Tony continued. "You`re right. And now?"

"Now, we`ll wait for more information. And then we`ll make a plan how to destroy their project. Together. Without killing each other. And then we follow that plan."

"Sounds easy enough."

"It will not be easy. It`s S.H.I.E.L.D. we are talking about. But it will be manageable. I hope."

"You know, that I just ask you to help us with a plan, don`t you, Bruce? They want nothing from you and you won`t encounter S.H.I.E.L.D. for us."

"I think that will be my decision, Tony. Don`t even try to decide something like that for me. When we`ll have enough information, we`ll decide what`s next. And Tony? Stay in the tower as long as you can. Don`t leave the building without bodyguards, plural. Don`t eat or drink anything outside, especially not if someone hands it to you. S.H.I.E.L.D. had Natasha planted at Stark Industries, they could try something like that again. They could try to drug and or abduct you. Take your suit with you if you have to go anywhere."

JARVIS added helpfully: "May I suggest the rebuild Mark V, Sir?"

"Oh yes, the suitcase armor. Good idea."

"Loki? Don`t leave the building."

"I know. That`s not a problem at all."

 

They all skipped dinner after all that donuts but Tony and Loki decided that they would need a drink. Loki just wanted to take a shower first. His hair was still wet when he went into the living room, barefoot, dressed in washed out black jeans and a green t-shirt. Tony was nowhere to be seen, so he sat cross-legged on the couch and waited.

Tony joined him a few minutes later. He wore an ACDC-shirt, blue jeans and - Loki raised his eyebrows: "Star Wars socks?"

"Yes, Star Wars socks. Jealous? Want some for yourself? I can arrange that."

"They are cute." Loki grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"Nah, cool. Nothing with Star Wars on it is cute!"

"Not even Ewoks?"

"No, fighting teddy bears are definitely cool." _How can someone look that fucking good in a simple t-shirt, while sitting cross-legged on a couch? Woah! Very wrong thought. Very, very wrong time for such a very, very, very wrong thought._ Tony thought about slapping himself on the back of his head because he was obviously an idiot. He shook his head and walked to the bar.

"Loki! I have a surprise for you. More honey rum but from different producers, from Spain, the Canary Islands and other exotic places. Hope you like them. "He gave Loki a charming smile while he put a selection of different bottles on the counter.

"You do that a lot, don`t you?"

"What? Ordering alcohol? Yes, you should know that by now. You know, everybody needs a hobby. Alcohol is a fine one. Beneath some other nice things." He grinned.

"No. Caring for others. Listening. Doing something nice and then doing everything to keep them from mentioning it particularly."

"Shenanigans! We both just need a drink after this day and you like that stuff, that's all." _I ordered it a week ago and not today, but no need to be particular about that._

"Then get me something to drink. And don`t forget your own glass." He smiled softly.

In the end, all the different bottles stood on the glass table between the two couches, together with a bucket of ice cubes. Most of the liquor Tony had bought tasted good.

 

"Are you alright?"

"I`m Okay. And you?"

"I know you`re not. But it`s a stupid question anyhow."  
Loki tried to remember when Tony`s present turned from annoying to pleasant and soothing. _Yes, think about that because everything isn`t already complicated enough._ He wanted to slap himself on the head, instead, he hold out his glass so Tony could refill it. "You could tell me more about your preference for pop culture branded merchandise. Please tell me you don`t own Star Trek or Superman underwear."

"If you want to know anything about my underwear, you have to find it out for yourself."  
"Thank you. I`ll defer that until later." _Oh, and wouldn`t that be a nice thing to do? No, it wouldn`t, you fool!_ "Would I find an Ewok plushie somewhere in this tower?"

"I can neither negate nor affirm."

"So, that`s a yes." Loki dissolved into giggles.

"I repeat, you`re just jealous. Want one?"

"No. Then I had better get back to Star Wars socks. They are at least useful."

"Veteran bore. JARVIS should teach you about internet shopping. I`m sure that there`s a lot of more or less awkward things out there that you`d like to have. JARVIS? Show him tomorrow how that works, will you?"

"Sure, Sir."

"That will not be necessary."

"And that`s exactly the point. It`s nothing that`s necessary, but it`s something to enjoy. You should try that a little bit more often, Loki. Before you know it, there might be a governmental agency after you and then you`d wish you had funny Star Wars socks when you had the time to do so. Otherwise put, do what makes you happy or at least makes you grin, because the bad things happen anyhow and you`ll feel miserable soon enough."

"Interesting concept."

"Genius, remember?"

"Yes, because you keep on repeating it. Perhaps you could save yourself time if you print it on a t-shirt and just point at it?"

"Oh, it`s not a chore to say it, don`t worry." Loki rolled his eyes at that but couldn`t suppress a smirk. Then his face became serious again.

"You know, you could just give them an arc reactor and they might leave you alone."  
"They might. There`s no certainty that they would. And even if, I wouldn`t let them get away with such a project. I will not, in any way, help them to torture and kill people. And I won`t let them catch you. I said it when I found you on my terrace, S.H.I.E.L.D. would use you as a laboratory rat if they could get their hands on you. And wow, was I right."

"You would have it a lot easier without me here."

"Yeah, no thanks. I would have it a lot easier without S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Yes."

"Star Wars would be a nice thing to watch now. Interested?"  
"Why not. As long as I get a drink with that."

They fell into a comfortable silence after deciding to watch Star Wars.

 

When Tony stumbled back to his room to finally sleep, he had just one more thing to do.

"JARVIS? Order some Star Wars socks for Loki, please."  
"Will do."

Tony giggled, then he fell on his bed and was asleep before he could undress.


	17. Nothing good scotch couldn't solve

There was a knock at Loki`s door and a loud voice more or less singing: "I have a present for you!"

He opened the door and Tony thrust something into Loki`s hand. He looked down at the soft bundle and raised his eyebrows in a combination of bafflement and amusement. "Star Wars socks? Really?"

"Yes! Oh and I have, oh, are this good or bad news? I have news."

"What happened?"

"JARVIS found new documents about the M.C.U. project. Want to read them with me?"

Loki`s smile died and the look in his face hardened. "For sure."

"In the workshop. More monitors and better music."

 

While reading Tony started to babble. "Are there just dumbasses working for S.H.I.E.L.D.? The theories how the Tesseract powers the scepter and how they could exchange that energy source for another is spine-crawling."

"It doesn`t matter how dumb that is, the problem is what they want to do with it and that I´m not willing to suffer for their pathetic wish to feel omnipotent. And just imagine that they really find a way to use the scepter. Nobody in your world would be safe from the effects."

Tony tried to open the next file. "Sir, I`m not sure if it is advisable to read this specific document."

"What the fuck? I`m an adult, Ok, JARVIS? I`m allowed to drink and watch porn, so open that now."  
"As you wish, Sir."

He read out aloud: " ** _Based on statements of employees of Mr. Stark they observed behavior suggesting that he suffered from symptoms of PTSD, eventually based on childhood experiences, even before he was captured in Afghanistan. It got worse after he came back._**

Wait, they did what? JARVIS, search the documents for the names of the employees that were so eager to talk with S.H.I.E.L.D. and fire them!"

"Sir, that may be tactically unwise. Wouldn`t it make S.H.I.E.L.D. suspicious?"

"You`re right. Ok, find a way to get rid of them. I don`t give a fuck how you do it, just do it over the next two years, that should be inconspicuous enough. I won`t pay gossipmongers that talk about something like that with S.H.I.E.L.D. And, by the way, they were guessing wrong. Thank you very much."

"Will do, Sir."

Tony`s eyes went back to the screen and he continued.

" ** _He may have been subjected to torture while his whereabouts in Afghanistan were unknown. We have no evidence of it because Mr. Stark refused to answer questions regarding the events that took place in Afghanistan. These should be considered if he refuses collaboration with us._**

**_Documents and witnesses of his childhood, adolescence and the time spent in Afghanistan may be very useful for finding a strategy to convince Mr. Stark to cooperate._ **

**_At all events everything that might cause permanent damage to the body has to be avoided to ensure that Mr. Stark is able to build the arc reactor and if necessary help with other parts of the project._ **

Wow. Now I feel nauseated. Oh and it gets even better, there is a whole list of suggestions what they could try to get me more cooperative. From psychological shit to what? Waterboarding? Ok, now I`m definitely nauseated. I`d like to find the guy who wrote that trash and have a word with him. In my suit."

"I would happily help you." This strange anger again.Furious in Tony`s stead, not for himself. Loki slowly shook his head. _Why?_

 

Before he could say more JARVIS interrupted. "Sir, there`s an urgent message from director Fury. You should come to the S.H.I.E.L.D. Central here in New York City. In two hours. If you are not willing, he`ll send Mrs. Romanov and Mr. Barton to drag you kicking and screaming to his feet. He is determined to get your ass there. His words, not mine, Sir."

"You`re kidding me."

"I never would."

"Holy fucking hell! From all possible times, he chose now to bug me?"

"You should go. There`s no reason you shouldn't. Not without getting him suspicious." And Loki was right, Tony knew it and so he went, all the while cursing the whole way to S.H.I.E.L.D. He took the Mark V with him and a very bad feeling.

 

Tony came back a few hours later. As he walked into the living room the first thing he did after putting the Mark V on the kitchen counter was to walk to the bar to grab a glass and a bottle. Loki sat on the couch and looked at his distorted face. "What happened?"

"I hate the S.H.I.E.L.D. Central. It`s super secure and from the moment I set a foot in that building I wasn`t sure to get out again. Not even with my suit. But apart from that, nothing good scotch couldn't solve. Cheers." He raised his glass and took a big gulp.

"I can`t help you if I don`t know what`s wrong. And don`t forget they want me, too."

"Give me a moment or kindly fuck off!"

"You`re really charming when you`re angry and willing to get drunk."

"I´m sorry. I`m pissed. Not your fault." Tony rubbed his forehead with his empty left hand without letting go of the glass in his right. "Just let me drink something first, OK?"

"Perhaps you should try something more promising. Like telling me what happened for example?"

"Therefore I would need to be a little more drank already, Loki. I work on that."  
"You`re stubborn."  
"So are you." Tony downed his second glass.

Loki observed the other man. As Tony drank a third glass of scotch, he had enough. "What had happened?" As no answer came he repeated louder: "What had happened, Tony?"

"Ok, Ok. S.H.I.E.L.D. Fury to be precise." Glass number four.

"Do I have to worm it out of you word by word?"

"Fine then. Thor is still searching you, you know? It turned out that they called me because he was visiting S.H.I.E.L.D. to talk about you if they had an idea where you are, how he can find you. And while they are on it, try to convince me to develop a method to find you. Had to agree to come up with a plan to not get them suspicious. But hey, that will take so fucking long, they could frost and defrost the Captain again for a few decades. But the point is, Fury`s fucking reaction. You could see it in his damn face that he would like to find you first and that it wouldn`t end well for you. It wouldn`t end well for me either. And all this and his smug expression, I just had the enormous wish to punch him in the face and break his fucking nose. Perhaps I should have done it. Would just have been adequate."

Glass Number five and a deep breath. Tony collected his courage to tell Loki what`s in his mind and he knew, he wouldn`t like it. And at the same time, Tony knew he had to say it. "Loki, it is possible that sooner or later someone will find out that you are here and then all we could do would be damage containment. If we would let Thor in on the whole thing, we might be able to pull the strings. I don`t want to hurt you, but without magic, you can`t fight S.H.I.E.L.D. forever. Not without dying or being captured. I do my best, but it might not be enough against a whole agency of assassins and spies and god-alone-knows what. I`m great and awesome and all but even I have to admit, there are things that are too much, even for me."

"Oh, I have to remember that you said that. JARVIS, would you take a note?"

"Sure, Sir."

"Funny. Your brother..." Loki interrupted him "Thor and I are no brothers."

"Oh come on. The guy will see you as his little brother as long as he lives, which is pretty long as far as I know. He might not have been the best brother in the past, I understand that, but I believe him, that he`s deeply sorry. If he could he would turn back the time and make it better. He`s searching you against Odin`s express wish. To find you is all that matters to him. He´s weary and sad and misses you. He`s feeling guilty. You should have seen his face. He is your brother and Frigga is your mother. They will always be. They love you, accept it, they keep on loving you anyway. And Odin is an asshole. I get that. Really. To hell with him! But honestly, what did Thor did to you that wasn`t caused by Odin? Was Thor really that bad?" He put the glass down, putting his hands on the counter. "You saved his life. By stabbing him, which sounds strange, but you saved him while your own life was at stake. He matters to you, otherwise, you wouldn`t have made an effort to save him. Don`t you think, you could swallow your pride to save your own life now? Please! You know, he could help. I`m not saying, you two should play house. You have a fuckton of things to discuss and sort out and under normal circumstances, I wouldn`t even ask you to think about it, but you`re in the utmost danger." _And I don`t want to lose you. I can`t watch you suffer or die. I simply can`t. I won`t, you stubborn git._

"Thor could guard you. He could help us, make a plan to get the fucking scepter. Because I don`t think we could do it alone. I read more of the new documents while I was in the car. That`s big. That`s too big to risk more than necessary. Two gods, Bruce and an Iron Man are better than just one god, Brucie, and Iron Man. Also, he could take the scepter and take it to another, how did you call it, realm. Where it`s safe or can be destroyed. For my part, he can throw it into the lava of Mount Doom or something like that. Before S.H.I.E.L.D. can try to get it back and before it leads the Chitauri back to earth. And if S.H.I.E.L.D. would try to get you nevertheless then Thor could threaten them with an Asgardian army, destroying Earth. Or something like that.

You can kill me now if you feel the urge to."

 

Loki sat on the couch without moving, staring at the wall. He even seemed to have stopped breathing. Quite suddenly he started to laugh. He laughed so hard that he had a coughing fit. When he was done laughing at the absurdity of what he heard and nearly coughing to death, he said: "Odin wouldn`t let Thor lead an army just to save me. But thanks for cheering me up with such an idea."

"I know he wouldn`t. Or I´m afraid I know. But Thor could threaten them nevertheless because S.H.I.E.L.D. don`t know that!"

 

Loki`s voice was quiet. "Perhaps you are right."

Tony swallowed up. _Has he said I am right?_ "Ok, JARVIS, I need a note of that! I am right."

"Done, Sir."

"I said perhaps. I didn`t say I made a decision. Perhaps we need the fool before they use me as a weapon and you as a battery. There`s a lot to think about. Would you now please give me a glass of my own? Full, please. When I have to talk more about the oaf, then I need to be more drunken, too." Loki smirked distressed and walked to the bar.

They drank a glass in silence but then Tony added carefully and with a soft voice:

"You know, that I would have to tell Thor how you ended up here, the condition you were in and what the hell happened. What S.H.I.E.L.D. wants from us."  
"I know. I just... I ... I fear I can`t do that. I know it had to be done but to show so much weakness and vulnerability, it feels like stripping my skin off in front of him. Him of all people. I would rather strike his aggravating face."

"I don`t see another way of keeping you safe long-term. While we`re on it and you decided to let me stay alive after saying that, there`s more. I`m not sure if we shouldn`t let the other Avengers into this secret, too. As fucked up and bloodstained as they are, I don`t think they would support the M.C.U. project. Not Clint, because he was on the other side of the scepter."

"And as soon as I turn my back on him, I`ll have an arrow through my chest or my skull. Or both. Most likely both."

"If Clint agrees, Natasha will, too."

"Marvelous, another one who wants to kill me. The only difference would be the choice of weapons, I think she wouldn`t prefer arrows. And I made her angry. Personally and by using her precious Hawk. She would take her own sweet time. Sounds not pleasurable at all, so I`d like to avoid that."

"Steven would be furious because it`s cruel and despicable and he wouldn`t be able to reconcile something like that with his conscience."

"Fine, at least someone who wouldn`t just kill me. He would try to knock me down without success. I`m still stronger than him. But if he somehow could manage it, he would probably wrap me in that national flag he loves that much, decorate the present with a bow and gift me to Fury. And we know what all this will come to."

"Bruce already knows and hates the project."

"Would you stop ignoring me? You`re talking about my life! They are your friends. They might help you, but I would be the one dying in the process. That is not going to happen. I won`t let you sacrifice me. Do you understand that?" Loki`s face turned red, his back stiffened and with both hands he caught Tony`s wrists and gripped tight, bruising them and holding them down on the counter, keeping Tony in place. He was shaking with anger. _Why do you want to risk my death? Why would you do that to me?_

"Stop! If you break my arms, we`ll have a fucking problem, you moron! I`m not sacrificing you, I`m trying to save you, you incredibly stupid dork.You are the one I try to keep safe." _If you let me, goddamn it._

Sounds honest. Confusing.Damn uncomfortable feelings. "Then you are gullible. They hate me. And the best part is, I even understand why, considering their point of view. I brought the Chitauri here. I killed. I hurt them. The last faces I saw before I found myself on a blank rock in space, screaming in pain, were theirs. And I would bet, at least Clint and Natasha would compliment them for that, because I got what I deserved, didn`t I?"

"No, you didn`t deserve what happened. What they did to you. I know how difficult it is to ask someone for help, but when the alternative could mean dying, perhaps it`s better to ask!"

"They wouldn`t trust me. And why should I trust them?

"They are perhaps the most trustworthy allies we could find. I`m afraid they will kick me in the nuts for lying to them about your whereabouts, but even when they wouldn`t forgive me, they could help us. I can explain it, they will understand. They are not that cruel. And at least they would hate the project and would be committed to destroying it. Even if they wouldn`t like to help you, they will like to stop a project like that. They don`t need to like us to hate M.C.U. For fuck's sake, it`s not like we were best friends when we stopped an alien invasion. We don`t need their friendship or forgiveness, we just need their help. There are not many people we could trust. So I suggest that we trust them. Because I don`t know how to fight against S.H.I.E.L.D. with just three men. The Avengers may be weird enough to understand, I think."

"Are you calling me weird?"

" I meant the situation is weird. Nevertheless, I would call you the prince of oddness."

"And you are what? The king?"

"Hell, yes!" A hearty laugh followed.

"Give me a day or two to think about this, Tony. I need time."

"Alright."

"And for, how do you phrase it? For fuck's sake, give me something to drink now."


	18. Green and gold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are different theories how the suit is controlled. I didn`t found an official one but from all the different possibilities I read about, the one I mention in this chapter seemed to be the most plausible to me.

Loki lay on the bed and watched sunlight move across the ceiling.

He understood Tony`s recommendation, he could comprehend it on an intellectual level, but that doesn`t mean he could simply overlook what that would imply for himself. _Should I ask Thor for help? Like I need him?_ He grabbed for the next thing he could reach without moving more than an arm. It was an empty water glass from the nightstand. _Perfect._ With one forceful move, he threw it at the wall in front of him where it broke noisily into pieces that rained to the floor. It made him grin.

"Sir?"

"Everything is fine JARVIS, I'm just angry. Stark said something about internet shopping. Order new glasses, I might need a few more for this."

"Will do. If it helps with whatever it is you are doing."

The snippy intonation made Loki smirk.He could easily imagine JARVIS rolling his eyes about stupid behavior. _A cheeky AI, just Stark could create something like that. Someone like that._

He got up from the bed just to walk straightway into the kitchen, where he took a dozen glasses out of the cupboard, piling them on a tray and walked back. He placed the tray on the nightstand and got back into bed, leaning his back and head against the headboard.

 _I spent so much time trying to prove that I`m better than him, that I don`t need him, and now I shall ask him for help?_ He shook his head in anger. _Even if I would decide that it`s an acceptable thing to do so, what could I do if he would decide to take me back to Odin? The moron normally does what he is told to. I didn't survive just to let myself be dragged to Odin's throne to die or rot in a cell on Asgard._ He threw another glass at the wall. _I'm still a god but against a dozen warriors of Asgard that would accompany Thor if I refuse to follow him?_

The next glass hit the exact same spot as the two before and a dent started to form in the wallpaper. He decided it would be best to vary where a glass would hit the wall, mostly because getting a lecture from JARVIS wasn`t really desirable.

_And the other Avengers? I'm a lot stronger than they are but if they work together against me, I'm probably stranded._ Another glass stroke the wall, a hand's width higher than the ones before. It added another layer to the pieces of glass on the floor. _On the other hand, the two of all people, that want me dead the most, could also be the most helpful because they knew a lot about S.H.I.E.L.D._ _But what`s that good for if they kill me?_ There was the sound of smashing _glass again._

_And what about the Captain? What if he decides_ _S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn`t have the right to use the scepter but that I should get punished for everything I did nevertheless?_ _What could I do if he convinces the others that I have to be handed to_ _S.H.I.E.L.D.?_ He watched the next two glasses shattering and falling with an angry glare.

 

 _Whichever way I look at it, it`s risky, dangerous and could easily cost me my head._ Another glass broke at the force of the impact. _But what are the alternatives? And after all, they do not want only me. They know where to find Stark and it seems they wouldn`t hesitate to use him to their advantage._

And as much as it aggravated him he knew that at some point in the last months, he couldn't point out when, he had started to care for this stupid, ingenious human that seemed to care for him, too, what was at least equally strange. _Stark listened. He really listened to me. That was new. He didn't claim to know everything better than I do. Not like, oh yes, everyone else._ He rolled his eyes but still hold the next glass in his hand.

 _And without noticing it I've made myself comfortable here. Without an escape and survive plan. I don`t know why. It just happened. It became normal, eating with Bruce and tinkering in Tony's workshop. Like it always was that way. Like I wasn't an uninvited intruder, not fitting in, not a monster. And now I care for them. Damn. Especially for one someone. Damn again. S _omeone__ _I actually care_ _about who could abandon, betray and leave me_ _._ _I have something to lose again. That shouldn't have happened. It makes me vulnerable and weak, didn`t it? I`m thinking about risking my neck for him._ The heap of broken glass grew again. _If that carries on like this, I will have to go and get some more of these._

 

 _W_ _hat is wrong with me feeling something for a mere mortal like Stark? Is it because we are so bloody similar?_ _How can there even be so many parallels between the life of a god and a mortal?_ So many parallels. Being the prince to Stark Industries respectively a realm. Or being it not. The father for whom they never were enough, growing up in a larger than life shadow, being it Captain America and Howard Stark or Odin and the god of thunder, falling into the hands of terrorists or of the Chitauri.

 _Similar despite my monstrous heritage._ And then he remembered how the man, that had faced terrorists and aliens without backing off from danger, broke down and drank like his life depends on it when he was forced to talk about his father. About the pain that had painted his face because of what his father had done to him. _So somehow he is as much the son of a monster as I am. But he decided not to live like one. Opposite to me. I`m not sure if I really had a choice, after finding out what I am, but the fact is, that I acted like a monster._ This glass hit more of the ceiling than of the wall. _But perhaps I could make an exception and let him get the Avengers to help even if it endangers me. He saved me, perhaps the Avengers are necessary so he could be saved._

 

"Sir, Mr. Stark asks for your attendance in his workshop. So perhaps you could spare the other glasses?"

Lost in thought, Loki flinched when JARVIS suddenly spoke. He still got startled easily what was unbelievable annoying to him _._ And the worst part was, that it made him shudder or wince or otherwise do something that would show someone watching that he got startled _._ It showed too much vulnerability for his liking and he hated it. All these strange restrictions he experienced over the last months that weren`t there before he fell into the void, before the Chitauri, before the whole mess. And it looked like these restrictions would stay. That was not a question of magic or not, it was something that was broken and couldn`t be put together again, it seems. He hated it with the passion of a burning sun. This glass flew against the other wall before it was smashed to pieces, falling to the ground below.

"Just for you JARVIS I`ll spare the other two glasses. I`ll take them back to the kitchen. For now." He stood up, grabbed the tray and went to the door. "Alright, I am on my way. Would you please tell him that?"

"For sure."

 

When Loki stepped out of the elevator Tony was already waiting and he was all smiles. He wore one of the undersuits he mostly wore under the Iron Man suits, his hair was tousled and his eyes bright.

"I have a surprise for you!"

A big grin, like a child in a sweet shop. Loki couldn't help smiling.

"I can`t give you back your magic, Loki, but I can give you the next best thing - science."

Loki raised his eyebrows. He was curious what this was all about, mostly because the man in front of him seemed so happy that he might explode. _What a beautiful sight._ Loki smiled but sighed internally. _Complicated, stupid feelings._ "You give me science? I am afraid, I do not understand what you mean."

"I give you science. Science to stay safe. Science to beat S.H.I.E.L.D. I`ve made you your own suit. It will enhance your already superior strength, speed, and agility even more and it`s so much more protective than your medieval armor was. Even Thor wasn`t able to crack something like that open. It`s practically indestructible and very well armed. The helmet has a retractable visor that delivers a holographic HUD, showing you everything JARVIS can provide about the things you see or whatever might be necessary. You can speak to JARVIS directly. And the best, you can fly with it!"

 

He held up two bracelets, both similar, in silver and black, simple but elegant. "These bracelets work like a barcode. When the suit is deployed, either by your voice or by pressing this two buttons on one of the bracelets, the suit automatically will fly to you, scanning for the bracelets. Once it locks onto them it will use them as anchor points to scan your body and wrap itself around you without any need for external mechanical assistance. It`s fucking cool, you will like it! So please put the bracelets on. As long as you wear them you can always be sure to be protected by this suit whenever it will be needed. Oh, and it`s green and gold!" Tony beamed with joy and pride. "I`ll show you how to use it. Especially getting used to the repulsors can be a little bit tricky."

Tony took his arms and the two bracelets clung to Loki`s wrists perfectly.

Loki let him do so without a struggle. He just stared at him. He didn`t say anything, just stood there gaping. Then he took a deep breath. "You have built me my own suit?" He was at a loss for words. "I`m... I`m... You don`t have to do this." Something in his chest started to hurt and he couldn`t point out why.  
"Don`t have to but like to. You`re the second person who ever got a suit from me. And to be honest, the first time I was dying and hoped he could replace me as Iron Man."

That made it even worse. Or better. Loki didn`t know. "Nobody ever did... This is the noblest and kind and generous thing ever done for me." He swallowed. "Thank you."

Tony still smiled from ear to ear. "Try it. You will love it!"

 _I might love you. And it frightens me to death. And it`s impossible._ He cursed internally because Tony doing something like that for him didn`t make the whole mess of unwanted feelings easier. Not the slightest.

 

Tony handed him a black bundle made of a fabric Loki never saw before.Questioningly, he gazed at Tony, still not really knowing what to say. "You should change into this, it`s a two piece armor undersuit. You can use the suit without, that`s not a problem. But it`s lightweight and comfortable. Feels way better than metal on skin or on scratchy clothing. If you have the time before you want or have to wear the suit, wear it. But like I said, when you have no time, forget it. The undersuit is a little bit like a diver’s wetsuit. It applies compression to your body, enhancing your performance whilst keeping you comfortable and dry. It helps to regulate your body temperature, improves recovery and helps to minimize muscle soreness."

 

"High-tech-clothing? That`s striking." Then he paused. "You expect me to change my clothes? Now and here?" _That sounds like a very bad idea._

"Yes, Mister. How did you say it? There`s nothing I haven`t seen before. I will spare you the part where you said and don`t want to see. Mostly because you can keep your underwear on in that thing if you like to, no need to strip completely naked. Unless you want to." He grinned. "I can turn around if you`d like to. Now get into the undersuit so you could try the real suit!" Tony actually turned around, even without cheating because he thought it would be a very bad idea. He knew a skintight suit wouldn`t be the best choice to wear when staring at a half-naked and incredibly attractive god. So he corrected an equation on the monitor he now faced and thought about a lot of boring stuff. When he turned again, Loki wore the black long-sleeved undersuit with a few gray stripes. _Incredibly attractive, indeed._

 

"JARVIS deploy Mark LOKE I."

"LOKE I?"

"Yes. Mark LOKE I. LOKE is an abbreviation and I will never ever tell you for what because otherwise you would strangle me." Tony laughed again, a genuine happy noise.

The suit was folded and stored at the other end of the workshop but it flew effortlessly with its repulsor units and small fold-out wings. Then two robotic arms equipped with laser scanners were extended. They sent red laser light in a grid over Loki`s arms and locked with the bracelets. LOKE I then started to fold an exoskeleton around his body starting with wrapping itself around his arms. One part after the other. Mechanical perfection of technology and virtuosity of its inventor. Gold and green shimmering metal plates shifted in the right places, joints locked in place and the helmet was closed with a faceplate. Finally, the HUD loaded, displaying various data in front of a stunned god. "Hello again, Sir." JARVIS greeted him.

 

"You look gorgeous!" With a proud smile, Tony looked at the golden and green armor which safeguarded Loki. "The repulsors at your hands and feet enable you to fly, they are there for propulsion and are the primary weapons. You have to mainly use the foot repulsors to fly but be careful, they are forceful. When I tested the first ones I invented I was dashed at a wall. The hand repulsors stabilize your flight and they are a great weapon. Just aim and fire. But please not in my workshop, we blew up more than enough here.

This arc reactor," he laid his flat hand on the chestpiece "powers the suit. The unibeam repulsor is on top of it, it can be charged and you can fire a powerful blast. Envisage the recoil of it. You can order JARVIS to generate a repulsor shield to protect you against firearms and explosives if the plating isn`t enough. But the plating itself can withstand the force of a missile.

There are missile launchers and some other weapons but at the moment they are deactivated. First, you have to learn to fly."

"How?"

 

"The helmet's inside is covered in electrodes and sensors, a hell of a lot of them. That's the reason why it's rather tight, they have to be close to your scalp. It's a little bit like making an EEG. It measures the voltage fluctuations resulting from ionic currents within the neurons of your brain and amplifies them. Then JARVIS can transform them into instructions. So you just have to think what you want to do for most things. Or just do it, like moving an arm. But it has to be calibrated to your brainwaves. JARVIS will record them and learn. Try it. Oh and nobody but you can use this suit."

Tony hit a red button on the wall Loki had never observed before. The ceiling he was used to seeing turned out to be made of various ceiling panels that folded themselves over each other, sliding to the sides. Revealing bright lights at the walls and the new ceiling. For the first time, he saw how big the workshop really was. "Impressive. How high is this?"

"Three floors. Enough to test the suits and enough to learn how to use one."

 

Tony got in his own suit while Loki tried to listen to JARVIS who told him what to do and of what functions he should think so he could record the specific brainwaves. It took a few tries than Loki hovered over the ground. Flying looked unsteady at first but he got used to it fast. He was surprisingly good at that. Flying and turning, like an artist.

 

"This is simply fantastic! Terrific. This might as well be the best I`ve ever felt in my life." Tony grinned because he could hear the happy laughter from Loki.

"You know what Loki? You look so good in that, you could as well be an Avenger."

"Perhaps I should shoot you with this repulsor to show you the contrary?" Loki laughed and raised his right arm, his palm with the repulsor aimed at the red and gold Tony in front of him.

"I am the only one allowed to blow up things with a suit in the workshop. Sorry, but there are rules." Tony shrugged his shoulders.

"Too bad." And Loki lowered his arm again, floating a few meters above the ground.

"When you fly fast and have to land fast, bend your knees. Or land on one knee. Otherwise, your joints in your feet and knees may try to kill you a little bit. Believe me, I tried to land standing upright on both feet out of full speed. Didn't try it a second time. The force of the impact can just partly be absorbed by the suit. You have to slow down to land on both feet standing completely upright."

Loki flew a curve and the landing was just perfect. His left leg bend at the knee, his right lower leg on the ground and his right hand beneath his knee, stabilizing him enough to allow him to get back on both feet faster than Tony would have.

"I`m impressed. You`re a natural talent."

"Thank you. Now show me more! I think there`s a lot more to learn."


	19. It`s a damn big elephant

After getting out of the suits and undersuits and changing back into normal clothes, again without cheating, because Tony wasn`t that big of an idiot, they let JARVIS order cheeseburgers and donuts. They were in an excellent mood when they went to the kitchen. They ate the cheeseburgers, really good ones with chips, and then decided that Tony needed coffee and Loki tea for donuts. The sun was shining through the huge glass panels of the floor. They waited for the water to boil. It smelled like bitter coffee and chocolate and sugar, in a strange way it was domestic and familiar. Warm. Like it should always be like that. Loki looked at Tony who laughed so hard about his own Iron Man joke that he blew icing sugar from his donut in the air. Loki just wanted the moment to stay like that a little bit longer before reality would break it. For the first time in ages, everything just felt right. This impossible perfect moment. The strange desire to stay, just like that, forever.

And then it shattered. When Loki`s mind was silent for just a moment and he stopped thinking it over and just reacted. He bent forward to kiss Tony. His lips were soft and tasted like sugar but the man froze beside him, his whole body going stiff. Tony took a step back without saying a word. Disbelief in his eyes he raised his hands, holding them up in a gesture to stop.

Loki`s eyes widened in shock, he stuttered "Sorry. I'm sorry." Then he turned and was out of the door. He was fast and Tony cursed.

 

It took him some time to get hold of himself. "JARVIS, am I sober?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Drugged? Sleeping? Hallucinating?"

"No, Sir."

"What the fuck happened?"

"I`m sure you`ll figure it out, Sir. It`s not like you`ve never been kissed before, I might add."

"Smartass. For a long time not by anyone who meant anything to me. And never before by a god that could break me in half with his bare hands and grew up in a completely homophobic society. A very violent homophobic society. Where it might as well be appropriate to kiss someone and then kill him when he reacts like a complete asshole. So tell me what to do, Mr. know-it-all."

"Too much variables. I don`t know it, Sir.

"Me neither. Oh, fuck everything! That wasn`t a kiss to just lure me into bed."

"That sounds right."

"I wish, it was. That wouldn't be a problem. But this kiss? Something with meaning. Fuck!"

 _What had Bruce said? Trust issues_ _bigger than the Hulk. But can you blame me for that? Blame life and most of the people for_ _some pretty outstanding trust issues. I don't belong in a relationship. I just can't do it right. I tried, I failed, I`m done with that. It still scares the hell out of me. And I`m not scared easily._

_It was fine the way it was, why did he have to change that? I hate emotions and feelings and that turmoil. Can`t we just pretend there`s nothing? This can`t be trusted. I can`t be trusted. He has given me no reason to distrust him, rather the opposite. But trust someone again? With my heart. A heart in a cracked open ribcage. He seems to be worth it and strange enough that makes it even more impossible._

Tony hunched his shoulders and let his chin fall on his chest _._ He dropped his hands at his sides, both of them clenching into fists as he tried to take deep breaths and decide what to do before Loki would decide to leave the tower or Tony`s life.

_There are just two options. Number one: I just ignore it and hope he does so, too and we live with the damn ignored elephant in the living room. But really, how long would that work? Number two: We talk about the whole mess. And I really hate the whole idea of talking. I`m fucked either way._

He sighed and rubbed his head because the whole plight gave him a headache. That won`t be pretty. "JARVIS, where is Loki?"

"He`s on the medical floor, in his previous patient`s room." _Why on earth?_

 

As Tony stepped out of the elevator it was dim on the floor, just the lights in the hallway were on, the rooms were dark. One door wasn`t closed and Tony leaned himself against the door frame. "Hey."

No reaction. Loki sat in the corner of the room on the floor, his knees pulled to his chest, back and head resting against the wall and gazed in abstraction. He looked smaller that way, a short glimpse of vulnerability, but his face and tensed body looked like he was hopping mad. And Tony knew what the god was capable of. _Oh great, he`s royally pissed. And he has every right to._

"May I come in?" Tony asked with a soft voice. There came no answer, so he decided to enter uninvited. He went to Loki and sat down beside him. They sat there in silence. Not looking at each other, hoping the other would do something, say something, anything to ease the embarrassing situation.

"I`m sorry. I should not have done this. I apologize." It was Loki who finally broke the silence. "Can we now forget what happened and never speak about it again?" His voice contained a lot of tedious suppressed anger. Tony couldn`t figure out against what or towards whom the anger was directed. He just hoped not at him solely.

"No, we can`t. Because it`s a damn big elephant." Tony muttered.

"Elephant?" Loki sighed and rolled his eyes but Tony continued after taking a deep breath. "Why did you kiss me?" He was serious, there was honesty in his voice and something Loki couldn`t identify.

He looked at him. "I'd rather not answer that." _You don`t make me say it._

"If it was because of the suit, that`s..."

"No. That wasn`t the reason. I`m not a wench, thanking you that way. And if you imply something like that again, you will regret it." His voice was sharper than he intended.

"That`s not what I meant." _Oh shit. Perhaps the elephant would have been the better choice before I fuck this up completely._

 

"I am a fool, that`s all. Why did you build the suit for me?" Loki still didn`t look at him.

"Wanted to keep you safe." It was the truth. Even if it was just half of it.

"When did you start to build LOKE I?"

"Two days after you taught me how to shoot with a bow." _Where is this heading?_

"That was before I found the M.C.U. files."

"Could you stop questioning me? It is you who still has a question to answer. Why?"

"I just try to understand something I seem not be able to grasp." _And misinterpreted, it seems._

"Why did you kiss me?"

And then there was that crushing silence again. _Because I`m still an idiot who feels and risks too much._

 

The two sat in the dark room, staring into the dim light where the door was and both felt all alone in the dark. Breathing was hard with a hurting chest.

 _If it wouldn`t be so painful, it might even be so fucking funny the way I fuck this up._ "The point is, you deserve someone better." The words were out of Tony`s mouth before he could think about them anymore. "Sooner or later I would hurt you. I always do. And I refuse to do so. I broke more than you think. I`m like a bull in a china shop when it comes to feelings. So forget about that. You deserve better."

 

Loki's laugh tasted bitter. _I've already heard enough of that._ His eyes met Tony`s, but only for a second, then he looked away again. "Don`t lie to me. Don`t insult my intelligence. To use your words, I really deserve better than that. I came here, to this room, to remember how I got here in your tower. And what went wrong from there on, asked me how it could have come so far." _How I could fall for you._ _How I could be so stupid and kiss you._ "I am a god, even if just a disgraced one. I`m so much older than you and I assure you, I understand a no. I should have expected it. Actually, I expected it. I don`t know why I did this nevertheless. I am sorry." _I really don`t know. I usually have my emotions better under control than that._ He took a deep breath, his face covered in an emotionless smile. _I am quite too used to smile to hide._ "I've ruined it. You were generous and kind. I am thankful and anyway I ruined it. I bring destruction, I told you." There was that bitter and loathing laugh again that gave Tony goose-bumps, painfully got under his skin and made him shudder. "I cause devastation, I destroy the things around me. I bring ill luck." Every word Loki spoke inflicted more pain in his own chest. It hurt more than he was prepared for and it took him all his strength to not start crying like a despicable child. _I put myself in this situation, so I have to take the consequences of it now._ "I don't want you to pity me. I don`t allow it. Show me at least that much respect. Stop looking at me like that. At once and on the spot. I could still kill you, mortal. With ease. But I... I'm sorry." And he went silent.

"You don`t understand, Loki. I don`t pity you. It wasn`t a lie. You`re not the fucking problem in this equation, Ok? It`s me. And I really hate talking about feelings." _The whole kill-me-part would be more fun than that. Stupid decision. The elephant seems so much better now. Even getting trampled down by a real one sounds better. Getting killed never sounded so tempting.  
_

"You have no idea how much I hate it to talk about my feelings. About the feelings of others, no problem, I like talking. About nearly everything, but about me? Thanks, no. But it seems I`m not getting out of this without." _Not without hurting you more than necessary._

"I`m more or less alone as long as I can think. And it`s Ok, I suppose. That`s how it works. Did you know that I let Pepper sent my one night stands away? Went to my workshop when I woke up in the morning and let her deal with it. That`s how I do interaction with others! I didn`t know them, they didn`t know me. That`s fine. That`s just sex. That works for me, with me. But you, you know me. You kissed me. Not like you just want to get laid. That wouldn`t be a problem." He laughed. "That`s even something I`m really good at. But there was something more. And that`s a bad idea. The only person who ever wanted more and stayed in a relationship with me for more than a few days was Pepper. And it didn`t take long before she couldn`t bear it any longer. She couldn't endure me any longer. Told me in great detail how selfish, arrogant, uncommunicative and self-destructive I am. She had enough of me. I wasn`t able to change into someone who would make her happy. And I didn`t want to, to be honest. If I`m unlovable like I am, then be it like that.

I try to make the world just a little bit better my way. But apart from that, I have failed in life more times than I can count. I am damaged and nobody wants damaged goods. Whenever someone steps into my life I always wonder how long they'll stick around once they see how much of a mess I really am. I annoy the hell out of people on a regular basis. So I got really good at shutting other people out." He narrowed his eyes in determination. "I won`t look in anybody's eyes again just to see the love vanish and turn to disappointment. And you would have centuries to regret it." _Fuck. How could talk hurt so fucking much? Getting shot was less painful._ Tony has never ever wanted to kiss anyone so badly but he just couldn't let this happen. _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._ "I'll destroy you. Or make you hate me. Or both. Quite likely both. I`m good at that. And I wouldn`t get over that, I`m afraid." And he won`t fucking do that to Loki. Not even if it meant repudiating another part of himself.

 

Loki turned his head and stared at him. That wasn`t what he had expected to hear.

"But all this does not matter. You`re an idiot. Do not push me away. You don`t have to. I don`t want you to change, that`s the point. I want you like you are. You`re good like you are. After all, if you get too annoying I could always kill you, right?" He laughed but this time, it wasn`t bitter, just unconfident. You don`t get it. You will not destroy me. And speaking about being damaged, I am afraid I do not count as whole, too. I am damaged, too. Don`t you recognize that I am dangerous and flawed?"

"Don`t you remember who you are talking with? I am a mess. There should have been some hints that point towards that conclusion over the time you know me, smarty-pants." Before Loki could answer Tony laughed.  "Wait. Do I get it right that we are both trying to convince the other that it would be a fucking bad idea to be together because we`re fucked up and we are both damned convinced to be of no good to someone?"

"I`d phrase it differently, but yes, it seems so."

"Lovely. And stupid." Tony shook his head in astonishment.

"Not that stupid. There are a million things that could go wrong."

"Sometimes wrong is a hell of fun."

"Might be. We`re fools. But don`t say, I haven`t warned you. I`m Loki. I`m complicated."

"It`s noted, you warned me. I warned you, too, by the way. I`m Tony Stark, one of the things in this tower without an instruction manual. Oh, just out of curiosity, if Thor finds this out, will he kill me? Or both of us? I don`t want to get my arm broken to promise him I wouldn`t touch you again. Because I would do it again and I just have two arms and I need them both. And have you ever heard about the shovel talk? On earth big brothers, or whatever you call him, tend to threaten potential boyfriends. Like: Break his or her heart and I will break your bones. He seems really capable of doing so and I greatly like my bones unbroken. And unmjölnired. First and foremost unmjölnired."

Loki burst out laughing. "Let`s get to that problem, when it appears." And then he kissed him again.

"Finally." JARVIS sounded deeply contented.

"JARVIS?"

"You can`t be surprised, Sirs. Dr. Banner already bet a month ago that you`d kiss in the end. I might quote: When the two idiots have finally realized what they feel **.** "


	20. Worth it? Absolutely.

The problem with perfect moments, not so perfect but awkward discussions and really perfect kisses is, that they all inescapable end. In most cases, the end comes way too early. Here the bitter end came while they were still sitting on the floor when JARVIS announced that Bruce wanted to talk to them. Urgently. Now.

"No. No! Give me a chance to breathe! I refuse. Because I like being here at the moment." _Very much._ Tony smiled and protested but JARVIS insisted. "Dr. Banner's stress level isn`t within his normal parameters anymore. So I would strongly advice to get in the living room now and calm him down." So they swallowed the bitter pill and get up to meet Bruce.

 

It was obvious, that Bruce was upset but did his best to stay calm while pacing up and down in front of the couches nervously.  
_Ok, that doesn`t look good._ Tony had seen this tense expression before and it never led to something nice. Never.

Bruce pinched the space between his eyebrows and sighed. "S.H.I.E.L.D. contacted me."

Loki`s face went blank.

"They wanted to know if I could help them finding Loki. Fury himself asked if I have any idea what they could try or if I at least could help you because we worked that well together finding the Tesseract." He gritted his teeth. "Told them, that I doubt, that an Asgardian god has a gamma signature like the Tesseract had, but that I take a look at whatever you do, Tony, and ask you If you could need assistance. So much on we have time for plans. I`m afraid we will have to come up with a plan soon before they get even more resolute. I don`t want to lose my friends over that goddamn S.H.I.E.L.D. project. I already lost more than enough because of one or another military organization."

"You cursed! The first time I heard something like that from you. Not a really good sign." Tony looked at Loki that still didn`t show any sign of emotion. "Have you made a decision?"

"About Thor and the Avengers? You know what I think about Thor."

"You never said you hate him. You keep on repeating he's not your brother but a fool, but you never said you hate him. I think, that means something."

Loki crossed his arms over his chest. "Perhaps it just means, that you wish it means something, Tony."

"He for sure doesn't hate you. So - do you hate him?"

"For someone that hates talking about feelings, you talk a lot about mine!"

"For someone that intelligent, you're fairly bad at distracting. Do you hate him?"

He seemed thoughtful for a moment before he spoke. "Perhaps not. That doesn`t necessarily mean, I want him here."

"No. But, I´m sorry, I`m afraid we need him. And the other Avengers."

 

The following silence was long and Loki looked sad and tired when he finally made the decision to answer honestly. "You forget something." His voice was soft and gentle but somehow it made Tony a queasy feeling in his stomach. And not just him, if the look on Bruce`s face was any indication.

"What?"

"Thor is a loyal supporter of Odin. If the Allfather would command him to take me to Asgard, he would obey. And Odin will probably sentence me to death, or if he`s in a surprisingly good mood to centuries or eternity in a cell or banishment somewhere in the nine realms. Either way, I`m sure he wouldn`t let me stay here with you. Without magic, I`m in no way able to defeat him. Thor would have to lie to him and he`s a bad liar. I don`t know why he should be willing to lie for me anyway. So it feels like it doesn`t matter much if I reveal myself to him or just walk into the S.H.I.E.L.D. central. Either way, in the end, I will wish I had died when I fell on your tower."

Loki sat down exhausted, or more precisely, he fell on the couch, feeling dizzy and nauseous. Completely defeated. "I know we need help, but that will also mean, I haven`t much time left. I couldn`t come up with a plan just involving us and succeed against S.H.I.E.L.D. I have not enough information. It would be a suicide mission and so it would be useless."

 

"You, you are a complete idiot sometimes. You think you`ll get sent away or tortured or die and that I just would let that happen? That was what you were thinking about, why you asked for time?"

"Yes. You need them to save yourself. I couldn`t do it. Needing them including the two S.H.I.E.L.D. insiders that want me dead and including Thor, that wants to be Odin`s pet and will deliver me to him. So basically the only thing I could do would be to do a damn wonder, which I can`t. I might have been able to, but that was long ago and far away and I can`t do it anymore!"

"Talk to me about something like that, you damned moron!" _Oh. Ooh! I should send Pepper flowers when this whole S.H.I.E.L.D. bullshit is over, with a card with something like:_ _I`m sorry I didn`t tell you when I was dying and I`m sorry that I never, never ever allowed you to help me_.

"You`re not alone in this. We will find a way to get out of this alive. Both."

Loki just stared at him doubtfully. A piercing stare from this too green eyes, questioning.

"Oh for fuck's sake! We`re not on Asgard, I am not whoever did that to you. I don`t give you a problem and leave you alone with it, to solve it or to die!"

"But that's how it goes. Since, forever. Someone, mostly Thor, does something incredibly stupid or at least thoughtless and I try to find a solution without getting Thor, me or his friends or other Asgardian idiots killed. And in the majority of cases, I pay the price for it one way or the other."

"Are you comparing me to Thor and the rest of the godly mob? Moron! I look way better flying and I`m not willing to list the other 101 differences. I`d really like to slap your face for that."

"I`m sorry. Bad habit of mine."

"Then kick that habit. I can`t believe I`m saying that but talk to me instead of keeping everything inside. You kissed me! So you now face the consequences. What is a threat to you, is a threat to me, too. We either stand united and do everything together or we fall."

 

"I`m an independent creature."

"And I`m not? I might add, independent doesn`t mean to do everything alone, that`s called stupid. Or desperate. Whatever you prefer."

"Everybody thinks I always do what I want to. Not considering anybody else. Partly that's right. But on the other hand, I always considered everybody else. And I had to do what I was told. For centuries. After all, I was the prince, heir to the throne and everybody expected a whole list of things from me. And I was stupid enough to try to give them what they wanted. Until I recognized that it was never me they wanted, nothing was ever in my favor but in theirs. And that I will never be enough, no matter what I`ll do. I adapted to that. Learning to trust nobody and finding a way out.

So that here, whatever it might be, is new to me. I need to adjust to that."

"Hurry up adjusting."

 

Bruce grinned. "Wait, wait! What was that? The part with the kissing."

"Oh yes, what was that with a bet and calling me an idiot?"

"I`m rather sure I called you both idiots, Tony."

"Pffff! I`m sure JARVIS will tell you that you apparently won a bet you had with him."

"But I might add, that I would be right just regarding Mr. Stark. He wouldn`t have said anything for the next months." JARVIS sounded almost offended but mostly amused.

"Enough of that, I`ll innovate something called sphere of personal privacy!

But regarding the assholes of S.H.I.E.L.D. we all basically agree that we need the Avengers, that we need them soon and that we need a plan?"

"Yes." Bruce and Loki both approved, followed by uncomfortable silence.

 

Then Tony had an idea. "We could trick Thor."

"What?"

"He`s into the whole honor and worthiness thing, isn`t he?"

"Oh, yes." Loki rolled his eyes with exaggeration.

"He would be bound to an oath if I get him to swear one, wouldn`t he?"

"Yes, he would be. Considering that you can talk everybody`s ears off, that could actually work."

A bright grin. "Thank you!"

"Not sure, if that was a compliment." Loki grinned and nodded. "Alright. I agree. Talk with Thor. Find out if he helps."

 

Tony called Jane because Thor still had no phone or even an idea what a phone would be good for. Or how to use it. The god of thunder was still on earth, staying at Jane`s home. He should arrive at Stark Tower the next day.

"JARVIS can show you a live feed off us and you can decide if I shall tell him about you or not and if you want to join the conversation."

Loki nodded. "That's how it should be." Then, without even looking at one of them, Loki walked towards the door to his room, murmured something like good night and was gone. Tony wanted to follow him but Bruce grabbed his arm and shook his head. "Give him some time." That was not how Tony had thought his day would end after he got kissed by the gorgeous god. But he was sure it wasn`t like Loki had thought his day would end either.

 

Loki didn`t sleep well that night. Or slept at all. He sat on his bed and just couldn`t stop thinking about the consequences. He didn`t want to leave Earth. He didn`t want to leave Tony. And he didn`t want to face Odin ever again.

Thor. He just couldn`t be sure what Thor would do. Especially not about what would win, brotherly love or loyalty towards Odin. _Odin who always acted like I was part of his property and then it turned out, that was all that I was. And he might want his property back, even if only in order to destroy it or lock it away forever in case he might have the need for it._

Odin is powerful. Loki had first-hand knowledge of that. Even with magic abilities, it would be difficult to escape this power, without them it would be impossible to get away from Asgard.

 

And even if it worked out - the other Avengers were an unpredictable risk. What should he do if Barton or Romanov would decide to just hand him over to S.H.I.E.L.D.? He couldn`t endure another day of torture to force him to handle that scepter and even less he couldn`t risk alarming the Other or his master, because everything, really and literally everything, would be better than falling into their hands again.

Memories turned into present. There was that pain again, fear, hurting deeply and it was so tiring stressful to keep it all safe inside. To distance himself from overwhelming memories, to stay calm and not breaking down. Concentrating on an emergency plan, not on the fear. It would be easier to get stabbed or shot or anything else. Another kind of pain to focus on, physical pain was easier to endure and would cover that dark pain lurking inside. Because talking or crying or screaming wasn't an alternative, increasing the risk to break down completely and that was simply not acceptable, not now. He needed to focus. But he couldn`t. The longer he thought about a way out of this, the more the memories piled up. And the dread of a future where they might get him again.

And with that the memories overpowered him. How should he live through what they would do to him? He couldn`t. And he couldn`t breathe. Pain. Burning pain, consuming him. A voice far away. It took him so long to understand the words. JARVIS. JARVIS` calm voice telling him to breathe in. Breathe out. Loki pressed his right hand against his chest. Where his heart tried to keep him alive. Beating too fast. Breathe in. He clenched his hands into fists. Breathe out. He couldn`t do that again. Breathe in. He couldn`t let everything good in his life got taken away from him again. Breathe out. He couldn`t recover again. He couldn`t lose Tony. Tony would care. He would try to save him. And get killed while trying so. And it would be his fault, too and they would let him relive that loss again and again, and his soul would shatter.

 

He couldn`t hear JARVIS anymore.

He didn`t hear the opening of the door and didn`t saw when Tony entered the room and crouched down beneath him. Talking, he reached out his hand and laid it on Loki`s arm. The god flinched like his touch hurt. It took long for Loki to really recognize Tony. And it took him even longer to form coherent sentences.

"I`m sorry! I can`t lose you. And I don`t want to die either. But above all, I can`t be caught by the Other or his master again. I can`t. Please. I`m sorry. I try but I don`t have the strength again. I tried so hard but. I. Just. Can`t." He stared at Tony who still crouched in front of him.

"You don`t have to. I won`t let that happen to you again, Ok?"

"You can`t guarantee that. You can`t even guarantee, that you will not get hurt. Or killed. Instead of killing that agent with the polite way of talking, the Other should just have killed Fury and we wouldn't have that problem! I should have killed him."

"You couldn`t know what would happen and don`t forget the World security Council, they also have a word in this. Even without Fury, we could be in this situation. We can`t change what happened but we can sort this mess out.

Now please move over. I`m too old to crouch any longer and I`m more than sure that I will still need my knees in the next years." He put a hand on the bed to help him get up, then he sat down in front of Loki. "You know, it´s rather unfair. You are, what? More than a thousand years old? But I am the one with the hurting joints and bones."

"And I`m still the better looking one, too." Loki grinned and looked at him, his features softened and he smiled.

"That is more than debatable." was the answer he received from Tony.

 

Loki grimaced as he spoke fast: "I am really tired of you having to deal with me in a weak and emotional state."

"You say that to the guy you found trembling on the floor, trying to drink himself into unconsciousness?"

"Yes, but you are a human."

"Perhaps gods and humans aren`t that different."

"That might be. But between all that humans, you are special."

That was a sweet smile.

"But I would prefer it if you would see the other parts of me. Not just the weakness. I led armies and fought against creatures you didn`t even know. I´m a tactician and warrior, my fighting skills are professional, I´m persistent. I`m more intelligent than the majority of Asgard and Midgard. In times past I could teleport, make myself invisible, create duplicates and illusions. I could manipulate the elements everything is composed of and travel between the worlds." Loki couldn't help but look slightly sad and disappointed. "I am strong and powerful. And I just wish you would see more of that than of this!"

"I know all of that, Loki. I saw a lot of it, I see a lot of it. And I know even more than you do. Most people who would be forced to live through what you survived would never get up again. Never. You do. That it sometimes hurt is a fact. To deal with it is not weak. There's so much that you've been through. You`re so much more than pain. You are not your past. You`re not a burden." _I know how strong you are, perhaps better than you. And I`m willing to be at your side, no matter what._

 

Loki really felt a little bit better. Perhaps they could do this. They would try. Fight for it. And yes, this, the man in front of him and this strange content feeling inside his ribcage was worth it. This warm glow inside.


	21. Challenging a thunderstorm

Thor arrived the next afternoon at Stark Tower. He smiled as he walked out of the elevator with bounding strides, dropping Mjölnir on the nearest table. It seemed Jane had managed to convince her boyfriend of wearing blue jeans and a shirt instead of armor and a cape while on Earth and not in a battle. _Makes the big hammer stand out even more, but hey, nobody`s perfect._ "Anthony Stark! Have you something new for me? Your machine, was it able to find my brother?" Thor took him in a hug before Tony was able to answer or take a step back.

"Would you please not call JARVIS a machine? And you are crushing my ribs, Vicky the Viking. I still need them. All of them!" Thor let go of him and Tony adjusted his crumpled t-shirt. "Thank you. Let`s sit down, Ok?"

 

So Thor followed him, placing his huge body on one of the couches around the large glass table. Tony skipped the small talk. "Thor? Tell me why you are searching for Loki. Why is it so important for you to find him? So that he can be sentenced on Asgard? What will you do with him if you find him?"

"Why do you ask? Thus far it didn`t seem to bother you what will happen to him. Except for mother and myself, nobody seemed to be bothered as a matter of fact." The heartbroken look in his blue eyes had the potential to physically hurt. Tony tried it with the truth. A part of the truth. The other part where he knew where Loki was and what happened could come later. Or not, depending on Thor`s answers.

"I just try to understand this a little bit better. It seems you worry about him although he attacked and stabbed you right here at my tower. Although you took him prisoner."

 

"He did. I did. And I was angry when we set off to Asgard. Then he vanished. He was gone. I had already mourned for him once and before I could be relieved about him being alive father sent me to Midgard to save it from Loki and the Chitauri. Odin didn't give me an explanation. He still refuses to tell me how he knew Loki was on Earth or how he was involved with the Chitauri or who they are or anything else. I still don`t know where he came in contact with them and what happened. However, I mourned before and I`m not willing to accept his death that easy again. As long as there is no corpse, I believe he is alive."

 

His shoulders sagged, followed by a heavy sigh. "I´m ashamed to admit it, but first I just searched for him because it was my duty as his brother and above all as heir to the throne, wasn`t it? Odin ordered me to stop searching for him after the first month. He just gave up. And I noticed that I really, really miss him, whatever happened and that I will keep on searching for him with or without Odin`s permission. I finally started to think about him. About the things he said to me. I thought he was like me, a beloved son of Asgard, but I was too blind to see, that he indeed wasn't loved the way I was. That he never was so easy forgiven, never as favored and loved as I was. Mother loves him, I love him, but it wasn't enough. It wasn`t fair. I couldn`t see it back then because I thought if I love him, everybody would do it, why would they not? Because wasn`t I the benchmark for everyone? My arrogant pride was bigger than I`d like to admit.

I`m still not sure if I see him like he would like to, but at least now I try. He was my brother, he was a good brother. I`m afraid I wasn`t all the time. I might have wronged him in more than one way.

He must have felt alone and I should have been there for him but I was too busy caring for me, being a warrior and future king. I was a fool, Anthony Stark. I was so self-opinionated. While I was searching for him in the last months might be the first time in my life that I really tried to understand him.

I took him for granted. Like I took a lot for granted. He always was at my side in Asgard, but no one, including me, was willing to stand at his side. Not just for him without a price for him to pay." He sighed again and looked at the floor.

 

"But he stabbed you. You`re no longer angry about that?" This mess was too important to not probe Thor.

"That dagger hardly wounded me. I know how he fights and if he had wished to kill me, he would have stayed and end the task, or at least try to end it, but he didn`t. Something wasn`t right and I still don`t understand what. I would like to ask him. And I beg he is willing to answer. I don`t think he wants to go back to Asgard. I wouldn`t force him to go back. Perhaps he found a place where he is happier than in the palace. I just want to know he is alright." Thor`s face showed worry and sadness and guilt instead of the beaming smile he mostly had. Tony knew these feelings would intensify in the next hour and he was a little bit worried about that. He eyed Mjölnir suspiciously. Perhaps he should have started this conversation in his suit and not as a simple mortal that Thor could squash like a bug. At least he had his bracelets, so he wasn`t exactly helpless. And _it`s too late and everything will fall into place, please._ Because his smartphone just now delivered Loki`s message that he could tell the foolish oath the rest of the story. _Ok, that`s going to be fun._ Now it was Tony who sighed, followed by a heartfelt groan.

 

Tony had thought a lot about how he could get that oath out of Thor, then he decided to hell with that. Plainspoken would probably work best. "Thor, if you swear an oath, a vow, are you obliged to fulfill this oath, even if Odin would order you not to?"

"That`s a strange question. You have a lot of questions today." That sounded leery. "But yes, an oath is an oath. It´s an irrevocable commitment I wouldn`t break, not even for my father."

"Ok, I have to tell you something. Something important about Loki. But first, do you vow to tell no one about it? Absolutely nobody. Not Odin, not Frigga, not Jane, not S.H.I.E.L.D., nobody living or dead or whatever and wherever and not using some divine loophole? You will tell no one about what I`m going to disclose? And you can hit me with Mjölnir, please don`t, but I won`t tell you anything without this vow!"

After this opening speech, Thor didn`t need to think twice about it. "I swear." His face tensed with worry.

 

"I found Loki. Alive." Tony bursts out. Because there was no sensitive way to tell all of this mess anyway, so he could as well start straightway.

"What? Where? What happ..." Tony interrupted him willing to get this over and done with as quickly as possible. "He was in a horrible state. He spent months in captivity. He was tortured the whole time. A portal opened and he fell on my terrace. We assume, they thought he was dead or would die wherever he would end. They discarded him. He was unconscious and bleeding and to call him severely injured is certainly nowhere near enough to describe his state." _More or less dead and broken into pieces might fit._ "I thought he was dead. I haven`t thought anyone could survive something like this.

JARVIS - show Thor the footage of the day our guest arrived and show him the medical documentation Bruce made." He gestured to a monitor that JARVIS extended from a small table beneath Thor.

He looked at the screen, where the recording of Loki crashing onto the terrace of Stark Tower was shown. He was trembling a bit as he watched Tony and Bruce bring him inside of the tower and he read the short summary Bruce had made about their efforts to keep his brother alive. His eyes widened at the close-ups of his brother's wounds and his general state. The god of thunder finally started to cry in silence. That came unsuspected and Tony had no idea how he should react.

"Who did this to him?"

"The Chitauri, the Other and their master. They punished him because he failed to get them the Tesseract. That was what all of this was about from the beginning. Not about earth or him or us. He was forced to try to get it. They found him after his fall from the Bifrost. Tortured him until he agreed. Nevertheless, he managed to save your life and get Selvig to incorporate a backdoor we could close." Tony answered. The very short version of the story.

"Why haven`t he asked for help? I was here! He could have asked."

"No, he couldn`t. You don`t understand. Like Clint Barton couldn't ask for help but follow the orders. Loki was tortured to get him to obey and he was under a form of mind control until the big guy slammed him into my floor. And after the battle, they captured him again because he betrayed them by letting us close the portal. He helped us as much as he could while someone else controlled him." Tony spoke fast with _his guts_ in a _knot_ because damn, he didn`t want to think about it.

"He healed. Mostly. His magic was destroyed or ripped away from him, anyhow it`s gone. He lost it. But at the very least, he is still alive. The problem is, there`s someone out there trying to get him and he won`t make it out if they get him. He needs your help and I need your help too."

 

"May I speak with him?"

"You may." Loki`s voice was steady. He stood in the doorframe, for the first time in weeks dressed in just black. Even without his armor, he looked like a warrior prince. The epitome of tall, dark and handsome. With the addition of slightly annoyed and angered with a hint of fear.

Tony was as relieved as he was delighted that Loki still wore his bracelets. So he would at least be able to deploy LOKE I if Thor would decide to attack him or to take him to Asgard. It was hardly probable but better be safe than sorry.

Thor stared at his brother and Loki stared back at him. Thor took the few steps to stand in front of Loki and Tony really hoped he wouldn`t have to renovate again if he tried to hug Loki. But Thor just stood there before he raised his right hand slowly and put it on Loki`s shoulder. "Loki."

"Thor." Tony watched as suppressed emotions, bottled up inside, mostly anger and sadness, turned Loki`s facial expression grim.

 _Wow, toasty!_ "I`m Tony, just for the files."

 

"I`m so glad to see you again. Alive and well."

"I`m not sure if I am glad." _Fool._

"I`m sorry. I know, I said it before, even on Midgard to the destroyer, but I didn`t even know what for back then. But this time, I know it. I apologize for not being a good brother for you while you were one for me in all these centuries."

"It doesn`t matter anymore. But thank you nevertheless. Things aren't the way they were before. I have changed. Not that you knew me back then. You had no problem believing that it was my free will to lead the Chitauri invasion. And I wasn`t even surprised by that. When we were children you proudly proclaimed that you would hunt the monsters of Jotunheim down and slay them all when you`d be king. And we both know what I am by now."

"Who." Tony interrupted. "For fuck`s sake, it`s who, not what!"

"However. You know it, Thor. Why should I believe you will not return me to Asgard or hand me to S.H.I.E.L.D. or kill me yourself? Why should I believe you, that you want me to be safe and happy?" _Please give me a reason. A reason I can believe in._

"We are not children anymore. We grew up, we learned, we changed. And I also remember that I told you, that I love you. And that hasn`t changed. I just hope to remain, or better to become, a part, any part of your life."

 

"There's only one thing you should know now, Thor. I put my trust in you mostly because I simply have to, but if you betray me at least one of us will die. We`ll talk tomorrow about everything else. We`ll have the whole day," _And isn`t that enjoyable?_ "So go and sleep or eat or whatever. Until tomorrow, then."

With that Loki turned and walked away and into an elevator with impressive dignity. He didn`t know where he would like to go, he just wanted to get away. Now. On the spot.

 

 _That was short._ But at least everybody was alive. So Tony counted it as a success.

Thor turned to Tony with the most serious expression on his face, that Tony ever saw on him. "Anthony Stark, I am deeply indebted to you for saving my brother`s life. Whenever you need me or Mjölnir, I`ll be by your side."

"You`re welcome. Just do me one favor Thor, don`t you dare to betray or hurt him." _Or I`ll make you regret it. And neither one of us will have fun with that or get out of it unharmed._

"Such is not my intention at all."

"And that`s fine, Shakespeare. But you might hurt him without having the intention, so please think before you speak and just be a loving brother for him. Follow me, I`ll show you your floor." Pepper`s idea that every Avenger should get his own floor finally wasn`t entirely useless.

 

After showing Thor his floor, answering a few questions and explaining the kitchen appliances to him as well as where the fridge and other provisions were hidden, Tony went to look for Loki. He found him in the workshop.

"You like it here, don't you?"

"Where? On your chair, in the workshop, in the tower, on Earth, in this life?"

"Workshop. It's my favorite spot, too."

"I know, adds to its charm. And it's safe. It's home."

"Having Thor here, how are you? May I give you a warning? If you say splendid or marvelous or another cynical lie, I'll hit you!"

"I felt better before. It`s exhausting. I`m tired of not knowing what the fool will do. I`m tired of feeling vulnerable. I`m tired of my life being threatened. I want it to be simple. To be easy." _To be with you._

"Something I could do for you?"

"You already do. That makes you an idiot, but you do."


	22. Play the game on hard mode

Thor woke at dawn, but he had to be patient. He started to pace through the rooms on the floor, wishing Jane would be here. He wanted to talk to Loki, wanted to ask him what had happened to him, even wanting to just forgive and hug him because he almost lost his brother without ever knowing the truth about the Chitauri invasion, without knowing his destiny.

And there was the guilty conscience about his part in everything, for which Loki had to suffer the consequences directly or indirectly. _I wish we could just go back in time to the months before the coronation, we could change what happened. He could be happy and unharmed._ But that was something not even the allfather could accomplish.

 

When JARVIS invited him to the living room, telling him Loki and Tony were waiting for him he was relieved. Bruce had decided, that his greener alter ego wouldn't be too happy if Thor and Loki start fighting or throttling each other, so he stayed on his floor for now.

The three sat down to a breakfast of bacon, eggs, buns, and donuts. Not to forget coffee for Tony and Thor and tea for a surprisingly self-composed Loki. Yet nobody spoke. Just three men in everyday clothes eating breakfast at a kitchen counter.

 

Until Thor looked at Loki and asked out of the blue while chewing a whole donut: "Your magic was taken from you?" Tony frowned and almost choked on a piece of bacon. _Oh, Thor!_ _So much for thinking before speaking, I`ve fucking told you yesterday!_ For a moment he could just see the pain in Loki`s eyes and he wanted to hit Thor for that. _Fuck!_

It was a sure bet that small talk during meals wasn`t exactly Thor`s strong suit. But he seemed to be very successful in striking a nerve, because as might be expected, the pain in Loki`s eyes was near-instant complemented with anger and Loki more or less exploded with rage.

"Yes, I lost my magic. I can`t use it anymore. How convenient for you. Now it`s again like it was when we were small children before I learned. You were stronger than I and you might think you are again. The older brother who always won and still will." Loki rose from his chair.

 _Why  did Thor have to ask about that?_ From all the hurtful things he could have asked about, he chose the one thing that had led to Loki trying to kill himself when he got to know about. It made Tony wanting to bang his head on the counter.

"You won, too. You were clever and skillful." Thor seemed unimpressed, still sitting on his chair he grabbed another donut.

"Oh yes, I were." The pungent sarcasm made Tony cringe but Thor just swallowed the donut to get another one with pink icing and sugar sprinkles. Which seemed to make Loki even irater. And wasn`t that easily comprehensible? Thor just twisted the knife simultaneously in a lot of metaphorical wounds of Loki and at the same time he was eating like nothing important happened.

"And I really was foolish enough to beat you more than once. But then your annoying friends came and took vengeance for you, because it wasn't possible that I would beat the mighty Thor, was it? Not without tricks. Sif and the warriors three were always so protective of you and your tender heart." Loki almost spat out the words.

"I didn`t know that. Why have you never said anything?" Thor dropped the donut on his plate and looked straight in Loki`s face.

 _Are there really surprise and regret in his voice?_ Loki wasn't sure if it was real or just wishful thinking. _And even if, it doesn`t matter._  
He crooked his head, cocked an eyebrow and laughed before he spoke. "Oh, Thor! I heal fast, but not in minutes. Where do you think the bruises came from?"

"I was always bruised."

"Because you were always fighting and sparring and falling from trees and doing other stupid things! I am not like you! I never was, never will be, you idiot! I was mostly reading when left in peace. I tell you a secret, books don`t tend to leave bruises. You should try to read one, one day." His voice was again dripping with sarcasm, his eyes more or less glowing in a dark wrath.

"I am sorry, honestly. I didn`t know. You could have told me. You should have told me. Why do you always do everything alone?"

"Because I have to, you insufferable dullard!" _It`s not like I had a choice._

 

Now Tony had enough. He gulped down the last bit of bacon. "Holy shit, stop! You are both over a thousand years old, if you start to talk about everything that went wrong, I`ll die while you are shouting at each other. Or we all die because you`ll kill each other. Or perhaps S.H.I.E.L.D. will settle that for us. I know you have a fuckton of issues, issues at least the size of this nice blue planet, but we don`t have the time to let you two discuss them. I am mortal, a few decades more or less make a big difference to me. For S.H.I.E.L.D., too, by the way."

 _Fine, I drew their attention, and now? Oh!_ "I think I have an idea that could help. I have a few questions for you, simple yes or no questions, that should help clear the most important things. Ok? Do it for my sake." Pepper had done something similar with Rhodey and him when they almost broke each other`s skull during a heated argument. It had worked. It had felt like kindergarten but it had worked. He hoped he could adjust what she had asked to the two gods. _I really should thank her one day for all of that. First of all, I`ll send her chocolate and flowers later._

Loki looked like he was seriously considering killing everyone in the room. But he resignedly rolled his eyes and smiled, well, technically smiled. He twisted the corners of his mouth upward into something resembling a smile, while his eyes still glistened angrily. "I`ll do my best."

"I will." Thor`s face was a mixture of confusion, doubts and a surprising amount of other feelings.

"Fine. First question: Thor, do you hate Loki?"

"No."

 _Holy fuck, he looks as honest and upright as Cap when he`s talking something patriotic and heroic._ Tony shook his head in astonishment.

 

"Two: do you hate Thor, Loki?"

"Not more than before."

"Loki, please."

"I`ll make you suffer for that, Tony, but the answer is no, not exactly." An icy stare made Tony shiver.

 

"Three: Do you love Loki, is he still your brother, you`d protect and take care of?"  
"Yes."  
"I don`t need anyone to take care of me. I`m capable of that all by myself. And Tony, I warn you, you stretch my patience. And my goodwill. I start to contemplate throwing you out of another window."

 

Nearly unimpressed Tony continued. "Four: Loki, do you love your brother?"

Loki froze and stared at Tony like he'd sprouted a second head. "I`m not going to answer something stupid like that!"

"Do do you love him? At least a little bit. Thor. Not Odin or Asgard or a hurtful past. The guy sitting here. Is there anything left of brotherly love?"

"Defenestration, Tony!" A cup and a plate crashed to the floor, knocked down by a fast movement of Loki`s right hand.

"Yes or No, Loki." _I will regret that so much. He`s going to kill me with a spoon or something like that._

Loki made a few steps in Tony`s direction, towering over the still sitting man. Thor also stood up, looking like he wasn`t sure what he should do if the two in front of him would start to strangle each other.

Tony rose, leaned in Loki`s direction and whispered. Quiet enough that Thor couldn`t understand the words, but Loki heard them very well. "Please. Swallow your pride this one time so someone can help us saving our lives. Please. You don`t have to talk to him ever again if you don`t want to, when all of this is over."

After a long moment of hesitation Loki turned to Thor. "Do you remember your coronation? I told you that you should never doubt that I love you. I meant it."

He turned back to Tony and whispered in his ear. "If this isn`t enough of an answer to you, I`d rather die." Then he sat back on his chair like nothing had happened.

 

Tony cleared his throat. "My, Ok. Five: Are you willing to help Loki and me against a threat we`ll tell you about in a minute? You would not be allowed to talk to anyone about it. You can`t rush there and just smash everything with Mjölnir. We need a plan and each of us will have to follow that plan."

"Yes. I`ll help you. Whatever it takes."

 

"Six: Loki, are you willing to let Thor help us?"

"If needs must."

"It must, so could you just say yes, for my sake?"

"Yes."

A reluctant and unhappy approval, but an approval nevertheless. _Can`t complain._

 

"Fine, so we all agree on that! So, here`s the problem, Thor. Do you remember how S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted to use the Tesseract to produce weapons of mass destruction? They have a new project, but this time, the Chitauri scepter, Loki and I are what they like to use."

It took some time to explain everything they knew to Thor and to calm him down at the same time, stopping him three times from gripping Mjölnir and storming out and have a word with Fury and every other S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that would stand between him and the scepter. After two hours of talking and questioning and answering, Thor happily agreed to help them and he also accepted to take the scepter to Asgard afterward.

He decided to spend the next day with Jane again, while Tony would speak with Steve Rogers who was invited by JARVIS for tomorrow. Thor would be back the day after tomorrow. He looked at Loki with a gaze that was almost longing but withstand the temptation to bombard him with more questions before he left.

 

When Tony accompanied him to the terrace, because Thor had decided that flying was more comfortable and faster than every "Midgardian carriage", Tony addressed him. "Thor, please remember to talk to nobody. Not even to Jane. I am still searching for Loki, you have absolutely no idea about his whereabouts or about whether he is still alive or not."  
"I know. I`m not as stupid as my brother thinks I am, Anthony."  
"You two are just very different, that makes it that difficult."

"I know. But I am hopeful to resolve some of the things that went wrong and he will call me his brother again."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed. And you know you can`t take him to Asgard. He will rather die. and when I say rather, I mean he will kill himself. Believe me. You`ll lose him if you try. He will find a way to escape into death for sure rather than facing Asgard and Odin again." _I`ll lose him. Just be careful._

"I swear I won`t even try."

"Thank you. See you in two days. Have fun." He waved and the god of thunder took off with a smile.

 

When he went inside again, Loki was sitting in front of an armchair, his back and head leaned against it, his legs outstretched on the floor. He had his eyes closed and kept them close while he spoke.

"That was the hardest part. The others just want to kill me but he, he wants to save and above all change me. To treat me like a child. He wants to turn me into this image he has about me. He wants to see something I am not. And he is still not listening. Nobody ever was. Nobody ever just accepted a no as a no."

"Was Thor always that, hm, how to phrase it?"

"Let me help you out. Simple, dim, dense, annoying, dominant, reckless, impatient, insensitive, unsubtle, inattentive, spoiled, loud - stop me when you picked out an adjective, I have a few more if you'd like." A shadow of a smile ghosted over his face.

"All of that, yeah. I even think it`s with no ill intent. He just doesn`t grasp what he`s doing and saying sometimes."

"Yes, he was. Mostly. Imagine growing up with him when you are not like him but, well, more like me."

"I can imagine it a little bit. I grew up with a dead but omnipresent Captain America as the ideal I could never live up to. But with Thor, just take into account that he might not be able to understand some things. His life, his whole life, he was loved by everyone. Living in a golden city where everybody told him that he is on top of the food chain, and he was. He had loving parents, a bunch of friends, a throne that would be his sooner or later. He never had to play the game on hard mode. There`s nothing in his past that would really haunt him. He never was alone. He never really had to fight for something unless he wanted to. He might have been sad from time to time but he never knew the feeling that there is no way out. He never felt desperate. He never was broken."

Loki opened his eyes again. He looked tired. "You have a point there. But enough of that. I'm not going to talk the whole day about the idiot or the Captain or S.H.I.E.L.D. I'm sure we find something that's more entertaining."

"I like the way you think!"

 

Tony stretched out his hand and helped him up. Standing so close to him felt strangely soothing after that day. Tony raised his hand and stroked his face, tracing the sharp features with his fingertips, his breath warm in Loki`s face. He placed a gentle kiss on his lips and he could feel a smile there. Tony took it as a signal. One hand behind his neck he kissed him again. His mouth opened and he deepened the kiss. His arms around his back he held him tight, feeling the silky black hair on the back of his hand, the strong shoulders under his palm.

There was a warm hand on Loki`s back. But when it reached his pants he froze. His voice was just a little bit too low. "Don`t." He gently moved Tony`s hand away. Loki looked away, out of the big windows. Tony could have sworn there was a sad and wet glistening in that green eyes that wasn`t there before. Loki took a step back, literally. And then a second and a third one. He looked like he wanted to flee.

"I`m sorry. Did I do something wrong?" Tony was confused and startled.

"No."

"But?"  
After a great deal of hesitation that looked a lot like balancing reasons for or against a lie, Loki finally answered with a defeated sigh. "But what you have in mind involves a lot of naked skin and excessive touching. The last times that these circumstances occurred together, I was either tortured or medicated. And I always was in pain." He passed his hair out of his face and tried a smile. Emphasis on tried.

"I don`t want to link you with that, but I`m not sure if I could separate it right now.

I apologize.

I like the kissing, I even admit that I like you lying on my shoulder while watching movies." _I like to feel when your breathing and pulse slow down when I hold you like I`m somehow good for you._

"But at the moment I..." He struggled for words. "I feel ill thinking about anything else." He shook his head. "I`m sorry."

"Don`t. You don`t have to. That`s perfectly fine for me."

"But I could take care of you."

"No. Contrary to popular belief, I can wait. In addition in a case of emergency I have two perfectly healthy hands." He grinned and looked at Loki. There was something else in his face and Tony just didn`t understand what. Until he finally got it. He slapped his forehead. "Oh fuck! You, you think I`ll look for someone else if you don`t. Am I right?"

"Will you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"This is awkward, really. I don`t say that often, but trust me. I won`t. That`s all I can say."

"I`m sorry."

"No reason to be. What do you say to a movie and microwave popcorn?"

"Sounds like the best idea I heard all day."


	23. The star-spangled man

After the Star Gate movie ("So you aren't that foreign to the idea of gods coming to earth!") and a big bowl of popcorn, Tony looked uneasy at the figure sitting cross-legged beside him. "Can we talk, Loki? About the other Avengers and how..."

Tony was interrupted before he could start the well-considered speech he already had in his head. "You want to show them the recording you showed Thor." Loki stated calmly.

"How do you know that? Am I that easy to read for you?"

"You want to go for their pity." _And I loathe it._

"No, for their empathy. And I want them to understand, that the Chitauri are not and never were your allies."

After a long time of thinking, Loki answered the unspoken question. "I will allow you to do that on one condition."

"What would that be?"

"You allow me to kill the first one who says I just got what I deserved and you should have let me bleed to death. Or that they should have just kept me." _Because if they think so, I am already a S.H.I.E.L.D. prisoner or dead._

"If someone says that you may do it. Hell, I'll even help you. Because it would be cruel and unfair and plainly wrong."

"Then do what you think would be best."

"Thank you."Tony sighed tiredly. "This week is shit, really. Want to join me in the workshop? I sure as hell won't go and sleep now, and as I can't have a hangover when Captain stars and stripes arrive in the morning, drinking is out of the possibilities. So working it is. Want to join me or want to get some sleep?"

"I'll follow you."

 

So they started to work on an upgrade of the suits' repulsors. Mostly silent, the only sounds coming from the music JARVIS played for them and the clunks and boings of tools and metal.

When Loki went to the bathroom Tony addressed JARVIS.

"JARVIS, I know you let Loki in the last time the Captain was here, because you thought it would be helpful. But this time, I can't have a breakdown like that again. Not now. We have too important things to do. I know Bruce will be there, too, but nevertheless... If Cap would start talking like that again and I can't stop him and start freaking out, please do something. Call me to the workshop, blow up something if you have to. Could you, fuck, please save me?"

"Sure, Sir."

"Thanks. I hate it. But thank you very much."

"You are more than welcome, Sir. Always."

 

In the morning Steve Rogers was dead on time, not that anyone would have guessed otherwise. He shook hands with Tony and Bruce, politely refused Tony's coffee and asked for a glass of water and followed Bruce to the couch.

He sat down in curious anticipation of what would come. "So tell me, why I'm here. I figured you didn't call me for an Avengers class reunion."

Tony started without small-talk. "Cap, remember that you told me, you left S.H.I.E.L.D. not least because of the research they still do on the Hydra-weapons?"

"For sure. I might be old considering the year of birth but I'm not senile."

"You're a little bit touchy, Methuselah. I just tried to give you an introduction before I tell you, that the bastards of S.H.I.E.L.D. have an additional project that you will hate even more. Or so I hope."

And he and Bruce told Steve everything they knew so far about the M.C.U. project. It was almost surprising how serious and fierce his face became. He was icy calm. For a moment he just sat there, silent. "I assume, you have a plan to stop them?"

"Yes. More or less. Ask the Avengers for help and then make a plan."

"Count me in! But there is something else, isn't it? You two still look like kids who stole chewing gum in a store."

"Yes, there's something else. Or someone. And it's a little bit worse than stolen gum. Probably you won't like it." Tony replied with a raise of his right eyebrow. "And you have to promise me to hear us out before thinking about calling the cavalry or whatever a hero might want to do with that information." Steve looked from Tony to Bruce and back and then just nodded.

"Fine. Thank you. Oh, and I might use my suit to hold you here, if I have to and you decide to do something dumb, Rogers."  
"What you're saying makes no sense! But, alright, I promise."

It was mostly Bruce who told him about Loki. The whole long story. Tony sat there and watched Steve intently. He wanted to be ready if he would decide that he would like to take Loki prisoner. He watched him even more attentive when Bruce finally showed Steve the recording. He couldn't watch it again and he wanted to see how Rogers would react.

"Dear god! What did they do to him?" Steve looked shocked.  
Tony stared at him. "Please tell me, you don't want details! Because I don't know much of them, I won't tell you about and I sure as hell won't ask him!"

"That's not what I meant, Stark! It's just, I fought in a war, I rescued prisoners of war, I was in some Hydra-bases and you don't want to see what I saw, but I think nobody I ever saw was so..." He searched for words. "...destroyed. And still alive."

It was Bruce who answered. Tony was more than thankful, that he hadn't to do that alone. "He heals fast. Really, really fast and really, really severe injuries. Gave them the opportunity to agonize him over and over again. And that's exactly what they did. Physical and psychological torture for eight months."

"I'm sorry that happened."

"Help us, that it will not happen again." Bruce laid down his glasses on his knee and pinched the bridge of his nose. He would be happy if that was all over. It gave him a headache and a relentless grunt and murmur somewhere in his mind that felt suspicious like someone was really impatient and furious. _Think the other guy likes Loki, too. And doesn't want him and Tony to get hurt._ " JARVIS, would you please ask Loki to join us here?"

 

A few minutes later Loki entered the room, he walked straight up to the three men with steady steps and stopped a few feet before Steve Rogers who rose from the couch. He just stood there, his back straight and looked at the Captain with the bright smile of a politician. How he missed the armor at such moments, and bearing weapons he missed even more. "Captain Rogers." His voice was casual and he shook the hand Steve offered him.

"So it was in fact you, who made it possible that Natasha and Dr. Selvig were able to close the portal?"

"Yes." _Where is this heading?_ He was still smiling.

"Thank you."

"What?"Loki's smile faded and was replaced by confusion and suspicion. But just for a moment before his polite façade was back. "I fear I understood that incorrectly. What did you say?" _If he is mocking me, I hope Tony will agree with me when I hit his stupid smiling face. And even if not, I'm not going to let this human make fun of me!_

"I said thank you." And that was an honest smile on Steve's face.

"For what?" Loki was really confused by his behavior. That was not what he had expected. He had gone through multiple possibilities in his mind, variations of how this could end, but this version was simply strange. This wasn't a possible outcome he had thought about and he hated the feeling of not having the slightest clue what was going on.

"For helping us. You weren't here voluntarily. They tormented you but nevertheless you chose to help, even if it endangered you. You could have just conformed to their will, it would have been easier. But you didn't. So, I would like to thank you."

"Even I wouldn't let the Chitauri bring pain and horror to a whole realm. And they would have killed me if they won, that I don't doubt. Or do worse. But you forget that without me, they wouldn't even be here." Oh, how Tony hated that bitter laugh and the twisted smile even more.

"Without you, they would have found someone else, sooner or later. Someone, who most likely wouldn't have decided to try and help us."

That was a new approach. A perspective that made sense even if it confused Loki more than anything else.

"You are welcome?" He was too distracted to end his sentence without letting it sound like a question because he still didn't grasp what was happening here. _Could as well be a trick. Would be the most plausible explanation._

"Captain Rogers, if this is a try to lull me into a false security or to gain my trust to make it easier for yourself to hand me to S.H.I.E.L.D., I have to tell you, that this is not going to happen. And the serum made you a lot of things, but not immortal. You may survive being frozen but there are ways to kill you, I'm sure." His voice was an unmistakable warning and threat. _And I have some ideas what could work. And no problem to try them if I have to._

Now it was Steve who was clearly as surprised as confused. He looked at Bruce and Tony and then back to Loki. "If that would be my intention, I would just overpower you and call Fury. What I said was meant honest."

 _Believe him or not?_ Loki studied the face in front of him and recapitulated the information he got from Barton about the Captain. It could be that he was honest, he seemed to cut corners rather than trying a trick. _But would I bet my life on it? Literally my life._

Then he had an idea. "Would you be willing to stay in the tower until this is over? As far as I know, there's a whole floor that was meant to harbor you. JARVIS would tell us if you try to contact S.H.I.E.L.D. or try something else. I prefer facts over blind trust. Especially when my life depends on it."

"I would agree with that if it's Ok for Stark. It's his tower after all."

"That's fine. A fine idea. We'll do that."

"But I have a question. I'm not sure why you need help? I saw you teleport, Loki, why don't you just teleport yourself to the scepter and take it with you?"

"To begin with I would have to see or to know where I want to go if I didn't want to end inside of a solid wall or an ocean or something like that. Even I can die. And I prefer to avoid it."

"Is there a second reason?"

"Yes."

"And that would be?"

The silence, that followed, was long and uncomfortable. But Loki decided to answer him at last. He would find it out sooner or later anyhow. "I can't do it anymore."

"Why?"

"You are persistent." _And I agree with Tony, how would he phrase it, a pain in the ass!_ "If you need to know it, Captain, I am no longer able to use any magic. So no teleporting or clones of myself or anything of use." His voice was steady but with an edge of bitterness and anger.

Tony interrupted because no way this conversation was heading somewhere useful or nice. "Rogers, are you staying at a hotel? I can send someone to get your stuff."

"Thank you, that would be nice."

"Perfect! I'll organize that, Bruce would you please show the Captain his floor in the meantime? What do you say, dinner for four at 7 pm? Fine!" He clapped his hands. "Oh and you need lunch, don`t you? Fast metabolism and so on. Just tell JARVIS what you want. He will hear you when you speak and order it for you. And JARVIS? Order food for the fridge in Cap`s kitchen."

"I have a kitchen?"

"Yes. And bedrooms, bathrooms, a gym and an artist's workroom. Bruce will show you. You will like it!"

"Thank you very much."

 

Bruce showed Steve his floor and Loki went to get his tablet, that he forgot in the workshop. Tony took their glasses to the kitchen. He was tired. Sighing he leaned his forehead against one of the kitchen cabinets, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. And another one until a hand gently touched his shoulder. He swung around to see who was there.

"Loki! I nearly got a heart attack! No sneaking up on me, please. No stealth mode." He pushed his right hand on the Arcreactor.

"I wasn't sneaking, you weren't listening. Are you alright?"

"Yes. Just tired. But that went better than expected."

"I have to apologize because I should have asked you before I asked the Captain to stay. I just, I was unable to bring myself to trust him completely."

"I understand that and it was a good idea."

"But it's stressful for you."

"He has a whole floor on his own and I'm not babysitting him, JARVIS will watch him so we would know if he decides to betray us."

"I know. That's not what I meant with stressful." He hesitated before he continued. "I heard you talking to JARVIS in the morning."

"You have ears like a bat! And that wasn't meant for your bat ears."

"But I heard it and didn't think about it and the impact on you if he stays here."

"The impact on me if he would alarm S.H.I.E.L.D. and they would try to get us out of here with his help would be way worse. So would you stop blaming yourself for a good idea? It´s a bad habit of you.

Oh and by the way, I'm not that fragile. I'm not going to break, just because he stays here. It's just Steve. I highly doubt he will be running around in his costume, screaming stories about Howard. And don't forget your own stress, Thor will be back tomorrow and will stay here. We both can do that and you know it. You`re just nervous, too."

"I`m never - oh, forget it! I think now it`s me who could do with a drink. And a nap."

"Brilliant idea!"


	24. Birds of prey do not sing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for all the kudos and for the comments!  
> And a special thanks at jldw for reading and commenting, I always look forward to your words.

JARVIS had ordered a menu at an upscale restaurant. A colorful mixture of different foods, rich in variety and enough to feed considerably more people than the four gathered around the big dinner table. They were on the never before used floor that once was supposed to be the communal floor if the Avengers would have moved in.

Steve ate for two but was skeptical towards too exotic food. He swallowed another bite of a chicken breast before he spoke. "Stark..."

"Tony, please. Or I'll call you with really gruesome nicknames, starting with Capri pants. Or Captain pants?" He smiled a triumphant but kind and gentle smile and Steve laughed.

"Ok, ok, Tony, the floor, the gym and everything is great! Why did you do that?"

"Pepper suggested that every Avenger should get a floor on his or her own when I started renovating the tower. Just in case we would be needed again. Together."

"The studio is stunning! How did you even knew that I draw?"

"At the foot of the tower is a cafe. When I started the remodeling of the tower I went to get some pie for pepper. The waitress, her name was Beth, told me that Captain America himself saved her. That she saw you before. You sat at a table with a sketchbook and drew. Really good and skillful, she added. So I thought, you might like a place with lots of light and artist's stuff."

"I love it. Thank you very much! You..." He couldn`t end his sentence.

"All fine, Rembrandt. Did you get all your stuff from the hotel? Including your uniform and shield? We'll need it soon."

 _That's exactly what I said before. He tends to do really nice things and then he does a lot to not get thanked for including sounding and acting like a complete moron._ Loki sighed internally while he picked at his food.

"Yes, thank you again." Steve smiled. "I`m really thankful for your hospitality and everything you did there for me. I really appreciate it."

"Might need your help tomorrow already. But I try it alone first. I don`t think Clint would like having that conversation with more than just one person because he`ll sure be pissed. But if things would go out off hands, I`ll need you. Talking with Clint may be the easiest or the worst of this." Steve nodded and Tony turned to Loki. "On the one hand he knows exactly how it feels when someone else controls you, on the other hand for him it was you, who brought that upon him. I'm afraid you're not exactly in his prayers."

"I know. I understand it. I didn't try to kill or hurt him, that would be something he could deal with. He was made a tool, taking away what defines him. Took away his moral compass and his emotions. The scepter in combination with the Tesseract itself chose what would be necessary to control them. Selvig felt that everything he did was for a greater good, for science, for truth.

But for Barton, it wasn't like that. He turned into the perfect agent, nothing was important but his mission. He lost his humanity, his free will, and I had the feeling it wasn't for the first time. And it was me who caused it. I'm not sure if he can ever forgive that without seeing me dead."

"So tomorrow will be another beautiful day."

"Yes. Likely."

"Fine. JARVIS? You definitely not ordered enough alcohol with the menu!"

"I`m sorry, Sir. You might fall back on the bars distributed in the tower which will serve more than four people with ease."

"Smartass!"

"Tony, language!"

"Really, granddad?" Tony protruded his tongue at Steve. Like every reasonable, responsible adult would.

Despite the metaphorical sword of Damocles hanging over their heads it turned out to be a most delightful evening. If one would blink he could have missed the subliminal threat over the laughter and talking. Even Loki had to laugh about a joke Steve made. It was a break they all could need.

 

Clint Barton was casually dressed wearing a dark blue shirt, black jeans, boots, and a black leather jacket when he arrived early in the afternoon. Fortunately without bow and arrows or other weapons, at least no visible weapons. He was an agent after all, so Tony wouldn't bet on the guess, that he was unarmed. He smiled like someone who was absolutely aware that there's something cooking. So when Tony asked him if he wants a drink or something else he just answered: "Thank you, no drink but you could just come out with. Why am I here and why do you look like you're just a minute away from a stroke?"

 _So no small talk, that's fine with me._ "Clint, I know it was once your mission to kill Natasha but you decided against."

"Stop, Stark! How do you even know that?"

Tony had hoped the anger would not dominate Clint's face until later, but so much for that."S.H.I.E.L.D.-files. The point is, you decided against following an order. So I assume you would not do everything they want you to do. Am I right?"

"You may be."

 _Still angry. Great_. An internal sigh. "And now I have to ask you a favor. If you decide that you're fine with a project of S.H.I.E.L.D. I'll tell you about, that's fine with me. You can walk out that door with the only condition not to tell anyone anything about it. Can you promise me that?"

"And if I am not fine with the dubious project?"

"You can help me do something against it. It would be easier with you. Fuck! This is fucking complicated. I could need your help, but even talking with you, could as well get my life in danger. So could you at least promise me to hear me out and not reveal my knowing to Fury or anyone else at S.H.I.E.L.D.? Please."

It was the please that made Clint sit up. It was an almost desperate sounding plea. Something had to be heavily wrong. Under normal circumstances, Stark would march straight into Fury's office demanding to stop whatever it was that bothered him garnished with one or two threats. That he instead begged Clint to listen to him was disturbing. Really disturbing.

"I can promise you that much. Because you are really unsettling."

 

And Tony sat down and told the archer about the M.C.U.-project. He watched the muscles in Clint's whole body tense up and his face darken while he was speaking. He skipped the part affecting Loki. That nice part of the whole fucking ordeal could come later if he would decide to trust Clint that much.

"Do you have a plan how to stop them?"

"Would you help me or try to hold me back?"

" I'll help you. That's something not even S.H.I.E.L.D. is allowed to do. I thought Fury had learned his lesson when phase 2 was revealed. Or when it was me who shot him while being controlled or when Selvig opened a door to let these creatures of doom in."

That took a load off Tony's mind. "I have the general outline of a plan. Involving all Avengers if I could convince you and Natasha. Bruce, Steve, Thor and Loki already agreed."

"Repeat that. I thought I heard you saying something about Loki." His face showed confusion followed by anger and then by suspicion, like thunderstorm clouds moving by.

"That's the fly in the ointment for you. Remember you promised to hear me out." Bracing up Tony told him about the part Loki should play in the M.C.U.-project and about the fact that Loki wasn't on Asgard. Never was. Where he was instead, how he got in touch with the Chitauri the first time. Why he was on earth and what happened when he should be sent back to Asgard and where he ended instead. He showed him the footage about Loki's arrival and a short medical status. Clint listened patiently. Then he stared at Stark till the man got nervous as hell and then he stared some more. "So you're saying, he's still here. In your tower. You took him in like a stray cat, or what?"

"No. He's not a pet someone accidentally hit with his car. He suffered more than enough. More than anybody ever should. He deserved a second chance and I gave him one. I'm living proof people can change. You'll like him. Under other circumstances, you might be friends. I know that would be the part of all this that you would like least of all. But believe me, he changed. He took his chance."

"You're a fucking asshole, Stark. I mean like seriously, what the hell were you thinking?"

Tony doesn't answer straight away. He understood the anger of the archer and so he just stood there while Clint berated him. Then Barton stopped and looked Tony straight in the eyes. "I want to talk to him. Now. Alone." Clint looked royally pissed and hell-bent.

"Why?"

"I´ll talk to him or we can get Fury and he will do some talking. Your decision."

It was clear that discussing with the bowman would make things just worse and that he wouldn't listen to Tony any longer. "You won't kill him. You won't injure him. No weapons, no bow, no arrows, no knives, no whatever you may hide under your clothing or could improvise out of something here. Promise it or you'll go nowhere."  
Clint took a deep breath. "I will not kill or injure him now. I talk to him. And then I'll decide if I'll kill him and if I should add you to the list."

"Thank you very much?" Tony felt ill at ease. Clint gave him a dirty look. So Tony escorted the angry agent to Loki's room. "Here we are."

"You'll stay outside." It was an order and Tony decided that it would be better to not contradict him now.

So Clint opened the door, walked in and shut it behind him. Tony sighed defeated and tired, then he ordered JARVIS to alert him if anything went too wrong.

 

Loki stood bolt-upright in front of the little couch in his room, waiting patiently as the man walked into the room. He was dressed in military boots and black clothes, similar to the ones he wore when he talked with Thor. Warrior prince. The bracelets he always wore since Tony gave them to him, hidden under long sleeves. JARVIS had forewarned him that Clint Barton would like to talk to him. The agent had no interest in sitting down. He just stood there with his head up, chin out and one hand holding the other hand behind the back. He took his time to study the sharp features of the man in front of him. Loki waited silently, his back straightened, his hands by his side, outwardly unperturbed by the agent's stare and just staring back. His face a mix of arrogance and amusement. It wasn't what he felt but it was something that he felt would be useful to showcase because he would not, under any circumstances, show nervousness or weakness in the presence of this man.

All of a sudden Clint took a step forward and slapped Loki in the face. Loki grabbed his arm, holding it still for a few seconds before letting it go again. He laughed and said with a bright grin: "You get that one because I understand your helpless fury, but don't ever try that again unless you want your arm broken."

"You owe me an explanation."

"I owe you nothing! But I'm willing to give you an explanation nevertheless, archer. So what do you need to be explained?"

 

"Stark told me getting the Tesseract and ruling Earth with that damn scepter wasn't your idea."

"That is only partially true. It wasn't my idea to steal the Tesseract or to mindcontrol humans. It wasn't my idea to try to rule or destroy this world. But choosing you, that was my decision, my fault. Would have been a waste to just kill you. I felt you would be useful and I wasn't in the position to let someone useful behind if I wanted to succeed. I was really motivated, Tony might have told you about the reasons."

 

Clint gnashed his teeth. "You were in my head."

"As one might say."

 _Arrogant asshole!_ "But you weren't the only one, were you? There was a presence that was cold and distant, watching. Someone not really tangible. An implicit threat. At least that part of your story seems to be true." He observed the face in front of him closely. Loki seemed nervous and there was a hint of hidden fear under that arrogant façade. It made Clint grin, it was satisfying to see that the conceited man that had enslaved him, could feel fear. Could feel pain. That he wasn`t an almighty deity but a creature that had feelings.

"I thought about it even before Stark told me. Some things didn`t seem to fit. So let's assume for a moment you were controlled, too."

"To a certain extent, yes." A shadow of hurt in the light face.

"How did you get a god to obey? A fucking arrogant god, a mage, apprenticed as a warrior. How did they get someone as overbearing as you, to do something against your will?"

"Madness and despair of the god help and intense torture might help even more." Loki tried to steady his breathing and to speak the words in a relaxed voice, but he wasn't able to deceive the man in front of him who was watching every move of his body and face. The trained agent saw far more than the smile plastered on Loki's face and the deliberately relaxed posture but he had to admit, Loki was really convincing in this role. It was just his training that made it possible to see the small signs giving him away. He noticed the slight tensing of muscles, an almost unnoticeable clenching of teeth, the subtle twitching in his face.

Clint has promised, not to kill Loki but that doesn't include to handle him with kid gloves. He was still goddamn angrily. But his voice stayed calm.

 

"You told me, I have heart. And then you touched me with this damn scepter and incarcerated and enslaved it. You turned me into a soldier, mindlessly following your order, without free will. Turned me into a weapon without conscience. And I remember killing for you. Without a second thought. I fought against Natasha. You chose me and there was nothing I could do against you. It wasn't a fair fight. And I lost. Lost who I am. Because of you! Because you messed with my head. Rummaged through my mind."

"I know. I was there, Barton. I'm not saying it wasn't me who chose you because I did. It doesn't change anything, but it was the scepter, that messed with your head, not me. The scepter chose what to use, how to manipulate someone into obedience. The scepter was linked with the Tesseract. Remember when I asked you what the Tesseract did show you? I didn't know because I couldn`t just take a look into your mind. I wasn't the one giving the really important orders. You did what I told you to do just because they told you to follow my orders. If they would have ordered you to kill me, you would have done it without asking a question. You answered that the Tesseract showed you your next target and then you told me what you would need for the plan you came up with, not the other way round. There was a goal we all wanted to achieve. But I was the only one with a free will or at least a fragment of it.

I didn't saw what's in your memories or what you think or feel if that`s what you fear. I didn`t see the dark secrets that are undoubtedly stored in your head. What you were, you are still. Nothing in you was changed permanently. They and I gave you orders, you obeyed. That`s all. The other, the one controlling me, saw everything inside of my mind and used it against me. Every memory, every disappointment, every secret I tried to hide, every painful moment, every fear that he found. So let me tell you, it could have been a lot worse for you."

"You don't expect me to thank you, do you?"

"No. But I would appreciate it if you`d stop whining. It`s boring." _._

"Are you suicidal or just an arrogant asshole?" _You`re not going to break through my reserve with a simple trick like insulting me._

"I told you I explain it, and that's exactly what I try to." _But nobody said it would be without a price you`ll pay when I have to suffer through this conversation. To aggravate you is at least a little bit amusing._

"By claiming you're just a victim and everything's going to be alright?"

"Don't play the dull-witted fool, it doesn't fit you. You know perfectly well that's not what I'm saying. I am aware that it was all my fault because if I hadn't made the decisions I made the Chitauri would never have had a chance to get their hands on me. I brought that upon myself and you were collateral damage. I try to explain, do with that what you want but don't waste my time."

"I don't give a damn about your guilty conscience or your hurt feelings. It looked like it was you who led an army to earth that killed dozens of civilians. And good men died. So forgive me, when I'm not sure if what you claim happened to you is trustworthy. I don't know if I can believe you. Stark believes you. But I have questions."

"Then ask and I might answer."

"So they tortured you, brainwashed you, and then they send you here with a magical scepter? That you could have used against them?"

"Yes, they did and no, I couldn't."

"You need my backing so I would recommend you try some honest and detailed answers or you and Stark can forget that. More than yes or no."

 

"Well, all right. I was in the captivity of the Chitauri and the Other long before I appeared on earth. Their hospitality was..." he trailed off and disregarding the burning in his chest started again. "I don`t know how long it took, but I reached a point where I would have agreed to everything to stop them from torturing me. I agreed to get the Tesseract for them. When I stumbled out of the portal into the S.H.I.E.L.D. base, I was injured and in pain, my conscious mind was in tumult and blurred. I had a mission and was bound and determined to fulfill it. Get the Tesseract, let the Chitauri in, rule earth and give the Chitauri the Tesseract for Thanos. It took time for me to sort out what I was doing. That they would destroy earth sooner or later and me with it. I tried to do little, tiny things to learn to hide this small deeds without them noticing it.

I couldn't have used the scepter against them because I hardly was able to do even this little things without it being noticed by them and I knew too well what that would mean for me and for my plan to at least stop them. They gave me the scepter out of two reasons. One was to force humans under my control when I need them. And it still gave the Other access to my mind. To whisper in my ear. To inflict pain. Giving me pain that brought me to my knees when I did something wrong. To remind me of the consequences if I`d fail or dare to betray them. I did both and he kept his word." He remembered the noise when the armor around his legs and knees hit the floor in one of these underground corridors. Aching bones. Looking at old walls and breathing became painful. Struggling for air. The smell of dirt and dust. Gasping. Memories. Feelings. Intrusive. Loki shook his head, ignoring the pain, his eyes focused on Clint again.

 

"I saw the recording of your arrival here on Stark Tower. I'm not a monster, I feel sorry for you actually."

 _The part of the monster in this room is already taken, Barton. By me._ That was a bitter thought, well hidden behind a motionless smile.

"I wished you the worst and it seems my wish was fulfilled or exceeded. And really, what was done to you was horrible. Perhaps and just perhaps I could forgive you if I decide to believe you, that you had no choice either but..." He took a deep breath.

"But now you're telling me, that in addition, I need to save you if I don't want to let S.H.I.E.L.D. do the same mindfuckingsomething to others? Like it`s not enough that you live here, seemingly happily ever after. I could instead kill you. It would be so easy. I wouldn't have to decide if you got what you deserved or if you suffered more than anybody should. If I would just kill you, you wouldn't be able to use the scepter or to tell anyone how it works. I just had to help Stark get the scepter so that the world and Iron Man are safe. Why shouldn't I want revenge?"

"I assume I would like to take revenge if I would be you. I understand your wish. I would wreak vengeance on all of them if I could. Causing blood and screams and destruction and kill one by one. I can't. And I will never be able to."

Something changed while speaking, Loki's eyes sparkled with rage, his facial features grimly resolute. If Clint wouldn't know it better, he would have said, like a mythological god on the brink of causing havoc on a large scale.

Loki lowered his voice again, his posture and face relaxed again. "I apologize. I don't know what to tell you. I can't undo what I did and I'll have to live with what I've done like you have to."

"I would really like to believe you. Perhaps you can be useful. Perhaps you suffered enough. Perhaps you're telling the truth. Perhaps! I'll work with you but if Stark is expecting me to just trust you, he is more naive than I thought."

"I don`t trust you either but the main point is that we might need each other to stop this project."

"The last question. Is your magic gone? Really? So what are you now? Just another human?"

 _Oh no, I`m not going to lose my temper._ He gnashed his teeth. "I`m still a god. I`ll most likely outlive the extinction of humanity in a few thousand years. I`m stronger and more resilient than anybody on this planet. Don`t underestimate me. I don`t need magic to kill you, Barton."

Clint turned round. "I find my way out." With this words, he reached for the door, not even looking back to Loki.

 

"Bastard." Hawkeye looked at Tony who still waited. "He's alive. What's next, Stark? I tend to believe him. So what are your plans to stop M.C.U.? And I'm super excited how you will explain all this shit to Natasha. Really, I would like to watch! Perhaps with some popcorn because this will be epic. You being strangled while trying to tell her Loki is your houseguest and you plan to keep him."

"He's not a pet, Arrow. And I thought you could help me with Natasha."  
"I could. But it wouldn't be so funny! I have to work with Loki, why should I be the only one to suffer?" He grinned at Tony.


	25. Must be Russian for f*** you, too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for reading and commenting and kudos left! It always makes me smile :-) Thank you!

Tony tried his best to persuade Clint to help him but he failed miserably. At least he managed to get him to follow him to the communal floor where Bruce and Steve were waiting. "Can we maybe sit on the couch and talk about it?" Steve asked Clint who agreed with a growl. It took some time, a lot of time actually and a lot of energy, patience, and effort, but at last Steve, Bruce and Tony convinced him to help with Natasha.

"Stark, I can call her but you know her, if I do that she won't have any of your shit. She'd want to come now and find out what's up. Any objections?"

"I have to ask Loki. Because she will surely want to talk to him."

"Yes, ask your house pet. But hurry up, please." He stared at Tony then he rolled his eyes and finally shook his head.

"Stop calling him anybody's pet, singing bird. I'm thankful for your help, but that doesn't mean I listen to that crap or let you continue with it." Tony was as angry as he was exhausted while he stumped to the elevator.

 

When he arrived at his floor he went and knocked at Loki's door.

"Come in." He opened the door and found Loki lying on his bed. He had thrown his boots and socks into a corner. With bent legs and his barefoot feet resting on a pillow he lay on his back, his hands under his head, his dark, curly hair splayed out like a crown. _Amazingly beautiful._

"You`re gorgeous." He shook his head while Loki laughed a soft laugh, a sound that made Tony grin. "What I originally wanted to say was, are you alright?" Tony sat down on the edge of the bed.

Loki turned his head to look at him. "Of course. A hit from S.H.I.E.L.D.'s favorite bird is nothing to worry about."

"He hit you?"

Tony's raised eyebrows were countered with an amused chuckle. "I would hit me, too, if I'd were him. He's angry and I understand it. I was the reason of his misery, so it was a comprehensible reaction. I told him, I will break his arm if he ever tries it again and I intend to do so. That's not an issue."

"That's... let's call it weird. But it's not why I came here."

Loki reached with his right hand for Tony, pulling his arm and shoulder down until Tony`s head rested on his stomach.

"Am I in trouble?"

"No. Not more than before at least. Clint offered to call Natasha but that would mean, she would come today and unless I'm very much mistaken that would also mean, that she would like to talk to you. But at least Clint could help me break the news to her. It's your decision."

"Thor will be back this evening, will he not? So if she decides to try to kill me or drag me to S.H.I.E.L.D. I would at least not have to talk to him again. So yes, let's get over with that because I'm losing my patience talking about the same things over and over again."

_And I lose the strength to pretend it doesn't even matter._

"So I'll tell Clint he shall call her."

"Do that."

"Loki? Don`t kill her, she`s useful. And she might provoke you, challenging you. Don`t harm her or she and Clint will do their best to bring you down. And please, try not to infuriate her. She is dangerous. Even I don`t know much about her. Her S.H.I.E.L.D. files are nowhere near complete, there are more secrets in them than in 10 seasons X-files. She once worked for me, I'm sure you know from Clint, and she betrayed me. Lied to me. She's a professional liar. And I have problems with trusting people that betray me. Things like that tend to end with someone trying to kill me. Or in that case, trying to kill you."

"I´ll be as nice as sunny weather."

"Don't piss her off would be enough."

"I'll be good as gold."

"You sure will." _I'll bet._ He sighed and sat up. "Ok, I tell Clint he should call her. Don`t get yourself killed, please!" _I need you. I really need you._ His face was worried when he stepped out of the room.

 

It wasn't even an hour later when Natasha arrived. Her red hair had a slight curl to it and was just a little bit longer than the last time they had all seen her. She was clothed in black skinny jeans tucked into ankle high black boots with straps and buckles, a dark red t-shirt and a brown leather jacket. The blank, trained expression in her face was replaced by a genuine smile when she saw the assembly in the room. "Hello, boys!" Friendly greetings led to small talk and laughter until Natasha finally asked: "What's the trouble? It's nice to see you but why did you call me?"

And for the third time, the same story was told, with the difference that this time mostly Bruce, aided from time to time by Steve, made the talking. Tony was thankful for the break. He really had no interest in talking again about Loki's bitter suffering. Or about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s plans to use Tony as a power source and Loki to control something to brainwash others, something that brought nothing but pain over everybody. Which was a point even Clint had some things to say, too. Natasha listened to everything with interest written all over her face, she watched the footage with the same impression and then she just sat there for a moment, thinking everything over. Then she looked at Tony.

 

"Let me guess. You want to talk to him."

"Clever boy." Natasha smiled without any engagement.

"Want to play another game of Who blinks first?" Tony sighed worriedly.

"One might say."

"No killing or maiming or anything related! Just don't touch him."

"I'll do my very best."

"He's in a guestroom, I'll show you the way and..." Natasha didn't let him end his sentence. "Call him. He should get his ass here." _We're not going to do that in his comfort zone._ She smiled somehow softly, but there was a dangerous glimpse in her eyes. Like a predator planning how to catch and eat his prey - after playing with it. Tony didn't like the look.

"And you can invite him personally because all of you will leave this room. I'm sure there are some interesting toys in that tower you could play with and not get bored."

Tony protested but in the end, they all left Natasha alone and JARVIS called Loki. He arrived a few minutes later, his outfit from before completed again with the black boots, wearing his best fake smile while walking up to Natasha. He stopped a few feet away from her.

 

"Pleased to meet you again, Ms. Romanov."

"I'm sure you are."

"I already told everything interesting to your lover." He just shrugged his shoulders and smiled excessively polite. "Ask him at your next intimate encounter or hand-to-hand fighting. Whatever you prefer."

She sat down on an armchair and pointed at the couch. "Humor me. I'd like to listen to a good story. I might even believe it."

He actually sat down and replied with an impertinent grin and a mischievous look in his eyes. "So ask your questions. I might even answer them."

 

She watched him closely, well aware that he watched her, too. That he had studied her before, that what Clint knew about her, Loki knew in all probability, too. But she was also well aware, that Clint doesn't know all about her and that Loki might have simply not asked the right questions. So the odds were in her favor to read him while he would miss a lot about her. No matter how skilled he may be in hiding himself, in lying convincingly, no matter how strong he may be, and she didn't question that; no matter all that, she knew only too well that enough pressure applied in the right places shatter every protection in the end. She was a master in finding already fractured pieces, in slipping into the smallest cracks to break apart lies, uncovering tiniest scars and interpreting them.

 

She smiled a soft smile at him, comfortably leaned at the back of the armchair.

"So you found yourself confronted with someone called The Other and the Chitauri who took you prisoner, tortured you, persuaded you to get the Tesseract and out of their good will they promised you Earth as a thank-you gift?"

Loki laughed. "That's not so much a question but a statement. Nevertheless, yes, I was subjected to their hospitality that mainly consists of breaking someone's body repeatedly and getting into his head. They are most convincing. And no, I highly doubt, that they even know what good will means. Promising me earth just fitted perfectly to everything floating around in my head in a nice, bloody pool of madness."

"See, that starts like a good story." She cocked her head slightly with a patronizing smile. "Why didn't you fight? You were still able to cast spells and fight when they caught you. Why didn't you put up resistance?"

 _That stung_. _But I won`t make it that easy for you._ "Because I couldn't. They caught me off-guard. I fought and lost. And found myself confined between The Other in my mind and pain. I couldn't think straight, let alone use magic. When they were done with me and send me to earth I barely knew how to use my body. I just knew what I had to do, little girl." The last two words were sharp like damask steel but he still smiled seemingly unfazed.

 _A first crack._ She saw the rupture she had expected to find there.

 

"And then you appeared at the base, looking like a mad man. Why Clint?"

"How touching old love can be." The smile turned boastful. "I had the feeling he was the most useful man in this room in addition to Dr. Selvig who I was told I needed. I should explain to him how to generate a stable portal so that he could build what was needed for that. But I knew I needed combatants and he seemed skilled considering his fast reaction. Take it as a compliment for your birdlike admirer."

 

"Then after gathering people and all this stuff and making plans, why did you finally decide to betray your proprietors?"

"I am nobody's property! Don't you dare..." He stopped mid-sentence and laughed. "A point for you. You are really good at this."

 _There was a fracture. Something broken but true._ Her face stayed completely emotionless. "Why did you betray them?"

"Because with my body healing and The Other occupied with not only controlling my mind, but also controlling what I ordered the ones I touched with the scepter to do, I was able to think a little bit more for myself. To hide in a corner inside my mind he couldn`t reach. Not the whole time, but for a moment ever so often. I realized, that Thanos couldn't get the Tesseract because it would mean danger for everything living. And I was sure, that they would kill me and destroy earth as soon as they get the Tesseract into their hands and would be able to secure its transport."

 

"And they weren't satisfied with you after getting their butts spanked here and their mother ship, or whatever it was, was destroyed."

"Unsurprisingly."

"So they decided that you are no longer useful despite having some fun with you and getting their revenge."

"Yes, you know that yourself."

"Yes. After what you did to Clint I also had liked to have a few days with you in a soundproofed room. No need to wake the neighbors with your screaming."

One breath, so much faster than the others before he was able to control himself again. He cursed inwardly because he knew, she had sensed the fear that dripped into his mind for a moment.

 

Her voice was still passive but clear. "People tend to underestimate me. I'm a small woman, that let's most people think I can't be dangerous, much less cruel or merciless. They are wrong.

You lost your abilities to wield magic, were exposed to a good deal of cruelty and destruction. They took away your power. One could think you're broken and weak now. An easy victim. Do we underestimate you?"

He managed to keep an even and icy voice despite the wish to slay her to make her stop. "Most likely. Definitely, if you think I am weak. To fear me would be much wiser than to think of me as easy prey." His voice became lethally soft. "I don't underestimate you, but I survived worse than you. I may bleed. I may scream. But be aware as long as I am able to, I will fight. Against you or anybody else deciding to be a threat to me.

I might not be fearless, but I am not defenseless either." He wore his strength like an armor, his head held high, his eyes firmly fixed on hers. He had to believe in his own words or he would lose it. And he was determined to get out of this without another wound, physically or mentally.

"Thank you, for your cooperation." She said with a smirk before looking at the ceiling. "JARVIS? Please call them, they should move their asses here. Now."

"Yes, Mrs. Romanov."

When they arrived again Natasha and Loki still sat where they took a seat, both looking like nothing had happened. "I believe him. For now. But I wouldn't go so far as to say I trust him completely."

"It`s not like I trust you entirely either, Mrs. Romanov, so I would say we are even. But we have a common goal. We just need enough trust to work together for that."


	26. Watch your language

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading, leaving kudos and especially for comments. I really appreciate it and it makes me happy!  
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"And now?" It was Steve who asked the question everyone had in mind.

"Now, we`ll wait for Thor and then make a plan. He should arrive in an hour or so.

And I`ll order some food and drinks for later in the meantime. So would you please excuse me? Talk, have fun, don`t kill each other, don`t do things I wouldn`t do which leaves a lot of funny stuff you could try. We`ll be back with Thor, Loki would you accompany me?"

"I`ll follow you."

The two went for the elevator while the other Avengers stayed at the communal floor.

 

Immediately after watching the doors close, Tony turned to Loki. "The fact that Natasha and you still have all limbs in place lets me think of your conversation as a success without too much collateral damage?"

"You could say so. I refrained from killing her like you recommended, but I was tempted."

"Nice. Still no blood shedding in the tower, please."

"Killjoy."

"I assume, if your face is a reference, you're not willing to talk to me about your two chitchats of today? They are both dangerous people and I'm sure they weren't especially nice. So if you want to talk, I would like to listen."

"You assume correctly, I'm not willing to talk, there's nothing worth mentioning."

"You look tense. Are you nervous?"

"Why should I? It´s not like there`s a room full of Superheroes and spies who could as well plan at that very moment to hand me over to S.H.I.E.L.D. Or a stupid not-my-brother who will arrive soon and with him his annoying cheerfulness and the total lack of understanding or brains but instead the possibility of kidnaping me for Odin. So why should I be nervous?"

"Ok, ok, it was a stupid question." Tony raised his hands in surrender.

"But enough of that. You want to order food and drinks? You're throwing a party for your illustrious guests?"

"Yes. After talking about a plan. Perhaps it eases the tension, relaxes one or another."

"I guess it is no option that I just stay in my room and do something funnier, which includes almost everything?" Loki looked rather reluctant and cautiously.

"You`re right. You'll be on your best behavior, and I'll be, too. JARVIS, you know what to do, order, hire, whatever you think would be useful to entertain all of them without somebody getting hurt."

"Absolutely, Sir."

"Thanks. And Loki? You and I, we take a break. No Avengers, no plans, no nada. Just you and me and some fucking peace before we'll be more or less responsible adults again. One hour without thinking or talking about S.H.I.E.L.D. or Asgard or anything else related to the fact that they are out there to get us. Nothing about torture or death or enslavement."

"That sounds simply wonderful." And that was a genuine smile on Loki`s face.

 

They didn`t decide to do something spectacular. More of the opposite because they already had enough excitement. So they just lay on the couch, Tony leaned against Loki, Loki`s arm on his shoulder and they watched an episode of MacGyver. It felt familiar and cozy, warm and surprisingly normal. Until JARVIS made a noise like he was clearing his nonexistent throat before he announced: "Sirs, Mr. Thor Odinson landed on the terrace."

"Let him in." Tony sighed. That meant the break was over.

And yes, there was a tall, blond man walking to the glass door. This time, he wore his Asgardian armor with the red cape and Loki rolled his eyes when he saw it. Thor, on the other hand, was smiling, walking in red and shiny silver.

"Was something speaking against normal, civilian attire?" Loki asked in the second Thor stepped in the room. "This is not Asgard." _And you`re not a prince here. You are not better than me._

"Be greeted, brother." Thor simply ignored the question and gave Loki a smile.

Before Loki could start his whole You-are-not-my-brother-speech Tony answered. "Hello, welcome, greetings. The others are waiting for us. Do you mind just following us?"

It was surprising how long an elevator could take getting from one floor to the other when one of three passengers looks like he contemplates different possible methods to get rid of another one. The limited space doesn`t exactly help and Tony jumped for joy when they arrived at the right floor and everyone was still alive and able to leave the elevator.

Thor greeted everybody with loud words and painfully enthusiastic hugs.

 

After a while, Tony coughed slightly. "Perhaps we could celebrate this get-together a little bit later? I already ordered food and drinks. But could we first think about a plan how to get the damn scepter?

Let me start. First, we have to find the godforsaken thing. It's not on board of one of the Helicarriers, that much I found out, so it has to be at a land base. Which has to be equipped with labs and workshops, space for scientists to work. Any ideas? Clint, Natasha, where would S.H.I.E.L.D. hide such a project?"

"The Sandbox?" Clint guessed and looked at Natasha.

"No, that's mostly a storage and disposal facility. They wouldn't have the equipment for the required tests and the necessary staff. They quarantine and research artifacts there but they wouldn't use it for something with so much research needed and that classified.

But there's a top-secret research and experimentation location named the Lighthouse. I never was there, but I heard of it. It's classified, it's off the books, so it might be what we search." Natasha stated in her typical nonchalant voice.

Tony wasn't nonchalant at all. "You have cute little nicknames for the places Fury uses to forge out plans I would like to kill him for? Lovely! Do you know where it is located?"

"Not yet. But I know how to find out. I think I can get us the construction plans." Her face was emotionless. "But there's a condition. The scepter has to be destroyed or handed to Thor to carry it to Asgard if we couldn't destroy it. He," she pointed a finger at Loki "will not even touch it. Is that clear?"  
Loki stared at the finger that pointed at him like a gun with a stony expression without even a hint of the polite smile he had a second ago. "That's the plan. Destroy it or give it to Thor so he can take it with him to a safer realm or somewhere where they would be able to destroy it eventually. And I might add I wouldn't touch it voluntarily. You don't have to trust me but you can believe that one thing, I would not use it. If I take it and the scepter still works, you`re invited to kill me."

"No!" Tony didn`t take that lightly, it wasn't amusing. Not the slightest. "No. Nobody will be killed, is that clear?"

"It'd be better than the consequences." Loki insisted stubbornly.  
"Idiot! I'd rather have you alive, thank you very much. And Natasha? You're not killing him. Under no circumstances. I`m good at solving problems, but I can`t bring someone back from the dead. Nobody will die!"

 

"Do you sleep with him Stark?" Natasha looked from Tony to Loki and back, then she grinned. "My, my! He's more than that. You found yourself a cuddly boyfriend. A relationship, isn't it, Stark?" Natasha asked bluntly, blinking.

"What? I... What? Why..." Tony stammered. _How the hell did she know that?_

"Yes. Is that a problem?" Loki's voice was sharp and hostile, he sounded and looked like he was taking account of killing her. On the spot. _Ah, the sore point again._ Tony thought. _I would have preferred to get S.H.I.E.L.D. of our backs before we_ _deal with Thor. He will demand my head on a platter._

"Not mine. The contrary. If one of you fucks up this mission because of the honey-bunny-god, I'll kill the other one. And let the other one watch. If Loki is playing with you, Stark, you're a goner, because you let him in your head or heart or bed or whatever and then I hand him to S.H.I.E.L.D. And Tony, if you mess something up completely because of him or for him, we'll have a nice dead god for S.H.I.E.L.D. to perform an autopsy on and I`ll haul you into Fury`s office personally. I will have an eye on you both. You get your chance but if you don't deserve it, I'll take the chance back without hesitation." Her voice was cold and even, her face emotionless relaxed. It was impossible to tell if it was just a threat to make a statement or if she meant it literally.

Nobody said a word. Clint nodded in something that might be approval or might as well be just surprise considering his facial expression. The Captain stared in sheer disbelief at Natasha and Bruce looked strained with a slight tint of green at his neck. Thor swallowed and looked at Tony and the latter just wished for the floor to swallow him because this was so fucking uncomfortable. Loki's face was still belligerent when he said: "I understand."

"Good." Natasha had turned the whole room speechless, everybody occupied with trying to figure out how to react.

 

After a few minutes of silence, Steve asked: "You two are a couple? When did this happen?"

"Yes, we are. So Steve, Thor, Clint - if you want to say something disapproving or homophobic, do it now. I'm in the right mood for it. Someone who wants to tell me, I`m not good enough for him? Just say what's on your mind." Tony radiated fury. This was not like it should have gone. _Why do things always tend to do something else than I planned them to?_ "Say it plain!"

 

Clint was the first to speak. "You may fuck whoever you want or get fucked by whoever wants you. And I will need a serious amount of drinks to get that pictures out of my head again! Keep on looking at him like a lovesick fool, Stark, if you want to. Yes, I saw that glance. It doesn't matter. I just hope that he isn't using you to get his scepter back and all of this turns out as nothing more than a big lie. Because I consider killing you both, if he would. Just to be sure. I trust Natasha to see it first if something would go awry. She sees things like that. But I will be happy for you if he's not here to use you, Stark."

"Thank you?" Tony shook his head when he was interrupted by Loki with a growl. "My so-called brother, will you now start calling me a whore again? I swear to whoever may hear me, I'll kill you this time if you do so!"

"No. I have to apologize for doing it before. Jane taught me, this world taught me, that Asgard is wonderful, but we are outdated considering some convictions and beliefs we shared. I almost lost you, I won`t push you away now. I watched you with him," he looked at Tony who tried his best to smile "and I have not seen you so unbent in decades. If he had such an effect on you, it's not my role to try to talk you out of it. I made so many mistakes, I won't add another one. Choose who makes you happy."

Loki stood there, his mouth opened to say something that never came, thunderstruck. He just stared at the blond man. It took him a few moments to answer. "If you are not lying, and I`m not sure about that, but when you`re not lying then you really changed." _Would have saved us a lot of pain and blood if you did it sooner._

"Steve?" Tony asked.

"Why is everybody assuming that I'm homophobic? I'm getting tired of it. I have moral standards, yes, and it seems that most people misunderstand them. Moral is not the same as having prejudices, it's the contrary. It doesn't matter to me which gender you are, what race or sexual orientation you have.

You both did things I wouldn't do because they are just wrong but being a couple is not one of them. I don`t care about that. If you two are good for each other, why do you expect me to say something against? I congratulate you if it`s what makes you happy.

And I might add, I grew up in Brooklyn. New York after all! Even in the 1920s and 1930s it wasn't exactly a completely straight town but host to, how do you call it today? A big LGBT community, even when it was prohibited. I have more problems with your persistent swearing than your choice of relationship. You should really watch your language!" That made Tony convulse with laughter till he held his sides. " Holy fuck! Thank you! I`ll let JARVIS count for a swear jar if you`d like to. And I`ll teach you a few new ones that will make you blush fucking scarlet."

"That won't be necessary! None of the two." Steve`s face looked close to something like desperation and there really was a blush creeping across his cheeks. "Hmm, that`s more pink than scarlet, but I`m working on that." Tony grinned.

"No, you will not work on that! Can we now go back to the question what we`ll do? So you guess the scepter is located in the Lighthouse?" Steve took them back to the subject.

In the meantime Natasha had seated herself beside Clint, her right leg folded over her left knee. "I know how to find the actual position of the Lighthouse and more information including perhaps even the blueprints. I`ll need two days for that. Then we can make a plan. So all you can do until then is waiting."

"Ok, then we`ll wait. I hate waiting, but Ok. Anyway! It`s the first time we are all gathered here together. Someone hungry or thirsty? Because I, or rather JARVIS, ordered food and drinks. A lot of."


	27. Drinking is an emotional thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading, commenting and leaving kudos!

Happy Hogan, who Tony had already made the head of security for Stark Tower while he was still rebuilding it, stepped out of the elevator fifteen minutes later. He was followed by a handful of men in black suits with ID badges and earpieces. They were definitely security guards and not waiters although they were carrying trays with food. They placed it on the big table and left to come back a few minutes later with more food and beverages, repeating the whole procedure two more times under Happy`s scrutinizing look before they vanished, leaving behind an enormous buffet. There wasn`t any space left on the table or on the big kitchen cart that was placed beside the table and was filled with a big bucket of ice cubes and both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages as well as glasses, plates and cutlery.

Tony smiled and was hugged by Happy. "May I introduce Happy to you? Mr. Happy Hogan. A good friend of mine. And bodyguard, chauffeur and head of security. He`s protecting Pepper and the tower. And me if necessary."

"Which is really too often." Happy added grinning.

"Nah, nonsense! Want to stay? You might have seen we have plenty of food and drinks." That won Happy over who went first to speak a few words with Natasha. Since the day at Hammer Industries he hasn`t seen her, but Pepper, who was in Hong Kong, had asked him to greet her.

 

The whole party was somehow awkward at first, but the awkwardness began to subside after some relaxing drinks and plates of amazing food. JARVIS supplied them with Music, constantly adjusting the volume to the volume of conversation and later of laughter.

Loki was polite and downright unsettling silent. He sat on an armchair in a distance, with a drink in his hand, observing the people around him without attracting attention. He just got up from time to time to refill his glass then he sat down again.

Steve and Bruce were unobtrusive but great conversationalists.

Clint seemed to really intent drinking the serious amount of drinks he had mentioned. He varied between drinking and eating from nearly everything that was available, smacking with pleasure. But he also watched Loki with caution.

He tried to ask Thor questions about Loki till Tony intervened and told him to ask Loki himself if he was that curious. "If you want his life story, it`s about fighting, survival, pain, strength, making the best of what you're given and not giving up. If you want to know more, he's sitting right there. I'm sure you already know that, considering you're watching him like your namesake." Clint groaned. "For fuck's sake, would you at least try to give him a chance and stop acting like an asshole, Tweety? If you try to get details to blackmail or hurt him because you feel the need to be able to defend yourself if he would decide to stab you in the back, you have more in common than you think. But if you do it just to get revenge for something that wasn't his fault and he already suffered more than enough for, than I would say, stop being an asshat and grow a spine, angry bird." With this words, he turned and took a plate to fill it with a colorful variety of food.

Sitting down in the armchair beside Loki he shoved the plate in his hands. "Eat something. You're drinking enough to fill a bathtub, so give your stomach something to go with that." Loki glared at him but ate nevertheless.

Natasha drank vodka without any visible effect on her. She seemed to have a preference for substantial food. She mainly ate everything involving cheese, making surprisingly friendly small talk with everyone that went near her.

Happy knew the best jokes, including some that made Steve blush.

Thor at least decided to forgo the cape and put it away. And he looked just enviable happy. He drank a lot, he ate enough to feed a small country and he laughed and joked as much as he ate and drunk. Parties seemed to be his business. His loud voice drowned everything else while he told stories about Asgard. At one point he stood up and addressed himself to the gathered people.

"Let us enjoy this feast tonight, each other's presence, this fantastic food and wine, my friends and companions." Thor boomed with a hearty laugh. Loki watched him and Tony thought, if Wikipedia would ever need a picture of disgust, it was his face, right now in this moment, before he gained back his control over his features. Tony caught a glimpse of pain filled eyes before Loki's face went back to a polite smile. Tony took a sip and thanked himself for filling his glass with Whisky and nothing but Whisky.

 

It was a lot later when Clint walked over to Loki, surprising the latter that much that he wrinkled his forehead. Barton sat down in the armchair beside him where Tony sat a few hours ago.

"Your sugar daddy told me to ask you if I want to know something instead of getting general information out of your more popular brother."

 _Oh, I remember,_ _he snarks because it makes him feel safe. Seems like I make him uncomfortable. Nice._ Loki grinned at the agent. "Just two insults in two dozen words? You slacken. What do you want to know now? I already answered your stupid questions. Since when are you so slow? Perhaps you got hit on the head a little bit too often?"

"And I wish I could take a look inside of your head to figure out what is a lie and what not."

"I'd prefer it if nobody ever again messes with my mind. It's mine and mine alone.

Have I really damaged your ego that bad? I was under the impression that you trust in your ability to read people. So what do you see in me?"

"An arrogant asshole with serious problems. Fighter. Damaged. Mentally ill. Intelligent. Conceited but with self-doubts right up to self-loathing. And as much as it makes me angry I think you might actually tell the truth. And it annoys me more than it should. You're way too arrogant for a plan that starts with you broken, bloodied, half-naked, closer to death than to life and helpless like a baby, outcast ex-prince."

Loki gulped down the rest of his drink. "What is your real problem then, lonely circus boy?" _You`re not the only one who can push someone`s buttons._

Surprisingly that made Clint grin for a moment before he put on a serious look again. "What you`ve done, bastard."

"I`ve done so much, I`m afraid you have to be more precise, my dear. But I guess that this is not just about you being used and manipulated. You`re too used to that to let it cloud your judgment, aren`t you?"

"Phil Coulson."

And some things fell into place. _Is this about gratitude, debt or love?_ "The agent who was the only one to recognize that there`s a lack of conviction? Even if he had no idea why."

"Yes. You stabbed him!"

"He was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Like the guards, you shot in Germany. It's not like you asked me to spare his life and I killed him nevertheless, Barton. Wait, that's the point, isn't it?" _Guilt, therefore._ "Despite you know you weren't in control you blame yourself that you didn't tell me to spare him for whatever reason you might think of. And you're angry at me because I didn't ask you the right questions to do so. I didn't give you a chance to save someone that was more than just an agent to you. And you did nothing to stop me."

Clint stared at him unmoving and silent. _You might be right, asshole._

"Clint, this man aimed a weapon at me." It was the first time ever Loki used Barton`s first name. "I couldn`t get close enough to turn him into a minion with the scepter. And I wasn't on earth to make friends. So whatever you might have asked me for, it wouldn`t have saved him. And to be honest, I had no need for more men to succeed so I would have killed him anyway because he was an obstacle. Don`t try to pretend you wouldn`t kill what gets in your way. Especially not if your life depends on it."

"Who. He was a human being, not a thing!" _Bastard._

"He was there, holding a weapon, so yes, for sure I`d killed him.

But just for you, think it over. In theory, there were three possibilities. The first, let him kill me, and neither I nor the Other would have let that happen.

Second, I could have surrendered. With the Other in my head, it wasn`t even a choice. Even if I would have liked to stay in S.H.I.E.L.D.`s hospitality and I can assure you I didn`t want to, it would have been irrelevant. It wasn`t a choice given.

So I went for option three, the only real option, be faster and kill him. And I stabbed him. You couldn`t have saved him. No way. The moment he decided to get in my way, he was already dead."

There was a moment of silence. "I still think about shooting you."

"If you don`t intend to do so now, I`d like to excuse myself. My glass is way too empty." And he got up to refill his glass and end these disturbing discussion.

 

Everyone kept busying themselves with the food because it was superb. JARVIS had done a wonderful job ordering and organizing everything. The atmosphere became surprisingly relaxed and buoyant. They all started to really enjoy it, simply loosened up and almost forgot why they were there in the first place. Apart from Thor`s talent of telling tales about Asgard and the other realms, it also turned out, that Steve was really capable of telling exciting stories, too. Mostly about his time with the USO and the Howling Commandos.

And it also turned out that Bruce could do the Moonwalk while Tony was able to solve a Rubik`s cube with his left while drinking with his right hand.

It was three o'clock in the morning when they all finally departed, going to their respective floors to get some sleep. Natasha left the tower, she had some work to do to get the plans she needed. Clint accompanied her.

 

 

Loki was unmistakable drunk. He swayed slightly from side to side when stepping out of the elevator, his eyes glassy. Tony struggled with himself. Should he really use this to get something out of Loki? He had asked him so often how he feels the last days and the obligatory "I`m fine." was a blatant lie. He just wanted to help him, but did that justify using his intoxicated state to persuade him to talk? _Yes, it does._ _I`m done with patience._

"How are you? After the last stressful days, your brother being the loud center of attention at the improvised party and Barton persistently playing the part of the asshole?"

"I`m fine."

"You are not."

" I don`t need any help. I'm just tired. Apart from that, I am fine."

"You're not fine! So would you stop lying? I can see it. Your eyes, your face, your posture, the little signs even you can`t hide despite you`re scarily good at hiding. I don`t think anybody else sees them, but they are there. Really, I don´t get it how Thor who knows you for centuries is unable to recognize it."

"He never made the effort to try to see past the I`m fine." Loki`s voice was soft and resigned.

 

"You use too much energy for pretending everything is fine. I know you need it with all these people in the tower but even with me? It must be exhausting and making you feel alone because you have to pretend you're unharmed and fine and on the inside, it just hurts and nobody should see it. Not even me. And your eyes burn half of the time because you would never allow yourself to cry about yourself no matter how much it hurts."

There was no reaction from Loki but he was still there, listening. Not strenuously denying, getting angry, pinning him violently against a wall or rushing off. So Tony went on.

"When you do that, I see it. I see the pain in your eyes. I saw it downstairs and I still see it. And I see how much strength it takes you to stand upright and smile and pretend. So would you stop it for me? Just for a while? Here? No Avengers, no Thor, just me. Because it breaks my heart to see you in pain and see you inflicting more pain on yourself because you are trying so hard to hide it.

I fully understand, that you don't want to talk about whatever it might be that makes you feel so hurt, but you harm yourself even further by shutting it away and using your strength to hide it away and denying its existence. I see it. You look exhausted and I'm sure you are exhausted, but you are so grimly determined in not letting anything out that you can't just stop and rest. You are in pain. I know it. So please, for your sake and for mine, let me help you."

It was a plea. A prayer addressed at a god that stared at him without saying anything. Then Loki laughed grinning. "Sounds a little bit hypocritical, don't you think so? You just know it, because it's the same thing you do so often! You are the one vanishing into your workshop for days without talking or eating or sleeping."

"Yes. Sue me. I know what I'm talking about. I know. I can understand you. And you were the one dragging me out of my workshop the last time, telling me you had enough of me working myself into delirium, comforting me and forcing me to rest. Now let me help you!"

"How? And why would you want to? It`s not important."

"You could talk to me, let me be there for you. It is important. It`s important to me because I see what it`s doing to you and you are important to me. The most important even."

 

Loki remained silent and Tony sighed. "Loki, sometimes I`m unable to make head or tail of you. Sometimes you are honest and open. Which sometimes scares me to death because I am so fucking awkward and disappointing with feelings.

And then there are so many times where you just close up, tight as a clam. And I don`t know how to reach you."

"Sometimes." _What do I have to lose? I`m feeling miserable already._ Loki stopped but after a few moments, he continued. "Sometimes it just hurts and yes, it's so damn stressful to keep it all inside. It would be easier to get stabbed or shot. Another kind of pain to focus on, covering the pain inside. Magic would make it easier and would solve a lot of problems. But I`m crippled and there is no magic to help. So I have to be in control over my feelings or what I let show of them at least because I will lose everything that is left of me when I`d stop controlling myself. And talking isn't an alternative, that is simply not acceptable."

"Why?"

"I'm not that weak! I`m not a mortal, needing a shrink. But you`re right insofar that I should be stronger."

"That`s not what I said or meant! Moron. You are strong, that`s part of your problem. Because you use your strength to stay silent and alone and as a consequence use it against yourself. If you see it as a weakness to have feelings because you can`t control them, then you`re wrong. Took me long enough to understand that. Sometimes drinking was the only way to keep myself from falling down on my knees, screaming out in pain. Helped to keep it inside a little bit longer. It becomes a weakness if you ignore it till it breaks you down. Why don`t you trust me?"

"That`s not about trust. I trust you. I just don`t want to talk about it. It`s not like you talk very much either."

Tony thought for a moment. "What do you want to know?" _If that's the price, I'll pay it._

"Really? Do you want to know what is up that bad? That much that you are indeed willing to talk about yourself?" That was a real surprise.

"Yes. Perhaps it helps even both of us to get out of the self-imposed armor."

 

"If you wish so... What is it with you and Captain America? This time, he didn`t talk about your... about Howard Stark. But you look at him when nobody sees you like he had tried to kill you. And you are so pointedly self-confident and superficial with him while the muscles in your back and shoulders clench up."

"You`re way too perceptive."

"Saved my life a few times. And you are, too, so it`s not that much of an advantage."

"Ok. Howard worked for the government at a project named rebirth. He helped to turn Steve Rogers into the super soldier Captain America and he also built his shield. Sure, you know that. They were friends. After Rogers crashed the jet into Antarctica and was turned into deep-frozen food, he became totally obsessed with finding him, no matter at what costs for him, for his family, for me. The longer it took, the more he drank. The more he drank, the meaner he got.

Even I can`t count how many times I had to listen to a laudation how great Steve was and how disappointing I was in comparison and I`m really good with large numbers. Until the day he died he was convinced that Rogers was the best, he helped to bring into this world. It`s not the best precondition to get along with him when I remember getting beaten because I am not him. His name is linked with a strange mixture of childish hero worship and a lot of pain.

Spare me the speak that it`s not Roger`s fault, I already know that. But one of the first things he did when we met was insulting me. He wants Howard back and I`m just the inferior substitute he has to work with."

"I`m really sorry."

"It`s nothing we could change. Your turn."

 

"I can't. I`m sorry. I..." Loki had walked to the windows, turning his back to Tony and staring into the night. "I don't want to. Alright, that might not be the whole truth. Sometimes talking about it, is everything I desperately want to do. But. I. Can't!

You would think I am weak and worthless and I am neither!"  
"No, I can`t imagine why I should! This image you hold about yourself, it`s not the truth. You are blind. But I can see it, I see your worth, your beauty, the whole you, not just the dark part and the pain you are focusing on."

"I don't want you to know all of that. I don't want you to see me as weak and helpless and therefore worthless. " He banged his right fist on the glass with enough force that normal glass would have shattered probably.

"I know you are not. Would you please try to really understand and accept that? You`re not just defined about magic and ruling a kingdom. I know you are strong and brilliant and special."

"You know what? Sometimes I am just tired. Of being afraid. Of living with the memories of pain and destruction. Of the things that I did and of all the things that were done to me. What they did. Why I wasn´t able to resist and why did he..." He shook his head like he was trying to shake something out of it. "And often it`s not the memory of physical pain that is the worst. What I mostly feel is another sort of pain and even more than that, fright, fear. Mortal fear. I wake up from nightmares and my heart is beating like it`s going to explode and I can barely breathe and it`s always that feeling of mortal fear that is the worst. Not the brutal acts, not the details, the worst is the fear that seems to squash my core. When I dream, this fear is all-embracing, it`s replacing everything else until it`s the only thing in existence. And I wake up and even after I calm down again, this fear is lurking inside of my mind, trying to get me. Sometimes I just want to flee. Hide somewhere in the hope that everything stops or that it was a really bad and weird nightmare. But it doesn't work that way, does it?"

"No, it doesn`t. I`m sorry."

 

Loki still stood at the window, staring into the night, with his back to Tony. "I just want to be with you, enjoy living, just look in your eyes and kiss you and often it is exactly like that. But all these other things will haunt me forever, will they not? There's rarely a day without it. At one point or another there is a memory, there is pain, sometimes I'm just occupied with breathing, waiting for the pain to subside and then I carry on like nothing happened. Sometimes just a few seconds and the rest of the day is fine. I`m happy. Really. And isn`t that strange?

But on other days it´s more than just a single occurrence, it´s longer and more often and it hurts. There will ever be the memories and the pain they inflict. There will always be the things I did wrong, my mistakes and failures and inadequacies. There will always be all the things that were done to me. I don't tend to just give up but is that enough?

Am I weak? Is that why I can't just ignore it? Is it my fault because I am not strong enough?

I know I'm strong. I survived where others wouldn't. I didn't go insane. I didn't kill myself, with some help of you and luck, but however, I am still here. I didn't let anyone else kill me. I understand that. But perhaps it isn't enough. Perhaps I am not trying hard enough."

It was mostly the alcohol that made him speak like that. It wasn't the first time, that this was in his mind, not the first time he thought about talking with Tony, but normally he just kept it inside. Being tired and exhausted and drunk let him spill all that and he regretted it the moment he spoke it but he couldn't get himself to stop. Perhaps speaking could get a part of the pain out of him. Or perhaps Tony would just hit him or shake him, tell him to not be a whining disappointment to him. Anything to stop it.

But Tony didn't. He just looked at him with sadness and empathy. "You're enough, you do enough. You are not weak. But you went through so much, alone, and it's normal that it hurts. I'm sorry. I wished, I could take it from you, but I can't. But I can assure you, that I am here. And partly I know what you're talking about. It will get better, but I doubt it will go away, that's not how this works. You have scars. Not on your body because holy fuck are you healing fast and completely, but you have them. And they get better but when the weather changes they hurt and sting."

 

Loki placed his right hand on the window like he needed to support himself. "Sometimes I do it on purpose. Thinking about it. Remembering. Because if I can`t control what it does to me, then I deserve the pain. If this still hurts me, then I deserve the pain!"

"So you punish yourself? Making it worse? I understand the tendency to self-destruction but I also understand that it`s not helpful. Or at least everyone keeps telling me that. Can I help you?"

"You`re here, listening to me whining. That`s a lot and you don`t even know that, do you?"

"It`s not whining. It`s not a torn nail or a bruise."

"On Asgard, any display of weakness is an invitation to attack."

"First, you are no longer on Asgard. Second, I never was there but I don`t like it. And third, It`s not a sign of weakness to want affirmation and support and help. These are appropriate needs."

"The Other said: "Nobody will come for you. You are not worth the effort. You are alone!" and I hear that sentence again and again in my head, echoing and repeating."  
"But it`s a lie. It`s no longer true. You are not alone. You can count on me and I, I, I think... Wow, when did I start stammering? I love you."

That made Loki turn around. He stared at Tony with wide eyes. "You never said that before."

"You don`t have the absolute monopoly on being shitty with expressing feelings."

"I love you, too."


	28. Locked doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I`m very, very thankful for your comments and for you reading and following this story and for leaving kudos.  
> *  
> *  
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The next day they woke up on the couch when JARVIS repeatedly talked to them. Loud, very loud.

"...ake up! Sirs!"

"What`s up? I hope for you that the tower is in flames if you wake me like that!" Tony was still drowsy with sleep.

"Mr. Odinson requests to enter. He's waiting in the elevator for more than five minutes and he is getting impatient with my answer that you are still sleeping."

Loki looked at Tony who yawned and raised his arms in a surrendering gesture. "It's your decision. You don't have to talk to him, you can send him away. You're living here, too, so you can also decide who enters or not."

"Let him in JARVIS. He'll be even more annoying if he has to wait and I highly doubt he will just go away." _But I wish he would._

"Stop! JARVIS, wait a minute." Loki glanced a questioning look to Tony. "Let me dress first. I`m not sure a homophobic god of thunder will be happy to walk in on us snuggled together in underwear on the couch! I need coffee mandatory before I get killed." Loki stifled a laugh while standing up, reaching for his shirt.

A short while later JARVIS opened the elevator doors.

 

"I brought breakfast!" It seemed Thor`s voice tends to be loud and cheerful no matter what. He carried two large bags.

Loki raised his eyebrows, his face darkened and his voice was angry. An effect that always appeared as soon as Thor opened his mouth in the last few days. "When did you even understand, that breakfast isn`t just mysteriously appearing on a table for you? What will happen next? You learn how to do the dishes?"

"Jane had forbidden me to do so, she says I break too much tableware." Thor grinned sheepishly and Tony burst out laughing.

It also dumbfounded Loki. He shrugged his shoulders. "I accept my fate and set the table."

"And I make coffee. Coffee is always good." Tony gabbled while on his way to the coffee machine. Thor wasn't exactly his favorite alarm clock and he already thought about the headache he would likely get when the two would start to fight. _Will not take long, I'm sure._

 

Thor started unpacking what he brought. Turned out, that he bought half of a pastry shop. He piled donuts, cookies, cream puffs and diverse other pastries on the table.

They all sat down and Tony cocked an eyebrow. "Are you expecting more guests, Thor?"

"No, why?"

"Oh, just asking." Tony grinned, grabbed a chocolate chip cookie and dipped it in his coffee. "I suppose that means, you`re a little bit hungry."

"Yes, I am." With that, he put a whole éclair into his mouth. "Brother, are you..."

"I am not your brother, nitwit."

"You are still my brother, Loki."

"No, I am not. It was a lie. Everything was!" He shot Thor a dirty look.

"There were lies but they weren't my lies! I didn't lie to you. I made mistakes, a lot of them to be honest. That you can blame me for. But I did this mistakes as your brother. I didn't lie to you. I didn't know that you weren't my brother by blood. It wasn't me who lied to you! For me, you were my brother and you still are."

"I don`t think so. You were more than willing to gag and bind me to bring me to Odin. You wouldn`t have listened if I had tried to tell you what happened because you think you know the monster under my skin."

"No, your heritage had nothing to do with that but what you did before. You are not completely innocent, Loki. Before you fell from the Bifrost..."

Loki interrupted him, his voice sharp and irritated. "You mean, before I let go because I couldn't endure anymore. Because it felt like getting shattered into pieces was the only thing left for me!"

Thor closed his eyes for a split second, his face sad and when he opened his eyes again there was true grief in bright blue irises. "Yes. Before desperation overwhelmed you. Before I failed to save you. You let the Jotun into Asgard, you lied to me, you almost killed me and you almost destroyed Jotunheim and its population." Loki`s breathing became faster but his face didn`t change. Tony could just watch. It wasn`t his fight but listening to them, seeing Loki`s façade crumble again was hurtful.

"Don`t pretend that you`re in mourning for the Jotun! It was you who almost started a new war with them, willing to kill every one of them with your bare hands. I had at least a reason, even if it was a stupid one. A war from which Asgard would emerge victorious without losing any warriors to death and injuries." _Doing it for Odin`s appreciation. More than stupid._ "And let`s be honest, Odin, you, the whole of Asgard, you would celebrate a victory if it would have been you, who killed them!"

"Even so, it would be wrong. I was wrong. If you are one of them," And that made Loki visibly flinch. "Then they can`t be like we were told.

And it happened, no one can wipe the slate clean. I don`t want to address reproaches to you, I just try to point out, that you get a second chance here. And I ask you for the same. I'm not expecting forgiveness. I want a second chance to be your brother.

Do you remember when we climbed that mountain and walked high above a mountain lake on a small footpath? And the path broke down under your feet. You stumbled and fell. I caught your wrist and pulled you back up."

"I know, you like to see yourself as a hero, you don`t have to remind me."

"That`s not what I tried to say. Do you remember that one time we were hunting bilgesnipes and one of them hit me with his fangs? You killed it just in time to save my life. That`s what I wanted to point out. We were there for each other. And I want a second chance for us to be brothers again."

"How one woman, one human woman, changed you is unbelievable." Loki shook his head.

"Not just Jane, but Darcy and Selvig and Midgard itself. Humankind has changed in the last centuries. They evolved. Even more than Asgard perhaps. Not just their science and technique but their ethics and beliefes. Empathy in a way I didn`t know."

 

Loki looked him over, silent. His voice was low when he spoke again. "And what will happen with your new found empathy if Odin orders you to captivate me? Where will your loyalty be? He is your father. I am not even the same species than you."

"I haven't told him about you."

"But there will likely come a day when he finds out, what will you do then?" The question hurt Tony as much as Loki. The soft voice filled with resignation and sadness while his face was an emotionless mask felt like a weight on his chest. "He will take me away from him." He pointed at Tony. "Away from the only being that..." _Loves me. Accepts me. Completes me. Wants me._

"Odin will want to have me executed. Or sent me into exile and he will not let me come back. Never. I`m of no use to him anymore, I destroyed the plans he had for me. I was a useful pawn but I ruined his game. At the best, he will lock me away in a cell forever and I`d rather die than go insane in solitude. One way or another he will murder me and you will take his side." _And if I let you near me again your betrayal will hurt even more._

 

"Then we`ll have to make sure that he doesn`t find out."

"How do you think that would work? And since when you are willing to lie to Odin?"

"I have an idea. Since he repeatedly lied to me."

"Oh, excellent, you have an idea!" Loki hissed and threw his hands in the air in anger. "Your ideas tend to be extremely dangerous for my health!"

"I will find a way."

"Then I should have nothing to fear." The syrupy sweet sarcastic answer garnished with a fake smug smile made Thor sigh wearily.

"You don`t make it easy for me, Loki."

"I don`t have to make it easy for you. It is no longer my duty to make anything trouble-free for you! You had it far too easy for too long. Oh and you can go whenever you wish to do so to recover your fragile nerves."

"No."

"No? What do you mean with no?"

"No. You don't get rid of me so fast."

"Superb. Is it too early to start drinking?"

That was Tony`s keyword. "It`s never too early to start drinking. The sun`s up, you`re awake and you even wear pants. You`re good to go." With that, he stood up and headed for the bar.

"Loki, you will always be my brother, no matter what you do or say. But I would stop you again if you`d did something like destroying a realm! I still have the image of the child that you were in my mind but you are a man. Not an innocent child, but a warrior and I saw what you are able to do for better or for worse. I don`t underestimate you, but I hope for you. You used to look up to me but I was an idiot and never treasured it enough. But I`ll do my best to keep you safe. We`ll be brothers again."

Loki shrugged his shoulders but he didn`t object.

Tony brought each of them a drink and the rest of the breakfast went by relatively peaceful.

 

They all ate Shish taouk for dinner together on the communal floor. It was delivered from the place where they ate Shawarma and the five truly enjoyed their meal without arguing.

 

 

Natasha came back the next day. She carried a large mailing tube and a black backpack. Clint walked at her side with his bow and quiver over his shoulder and wheeled a sack barrow with several big boxes. Bruce, Steve, Thor, Tony and Loki already waited for them.

"What`s in the boxes?" Tony was curious. "Presents? You shouldn't have!"

Clint rolled his eyes at that. "Tactical gear. S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms. Will be better if we look like we work there."

"I have a perfectly fine suit! Completely bulletproof and very well armed. And fucking beautiful!"  
"You have a perfectly recognizable suit that would blow our cover. So no, we will all wear this uniforms. Just in case. Furthermore, we have a plan and brought some other useful things with us." Clint sounded more relaxed than he had two days ago. "Like an anesthetic gas. We can get into the base, get the scepter and nobody will get hurt. After all, they are still S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and I'm not going to kill even one of them." _Never again._

 

Natasha opened the mailing tube and spread out a map and a blueprint on the table. She waited until everyone gathered around it. "Turned out the Lighthouse is a mostly underground base with paranoid security measures. It`s on a little island that's part of an archipelago. There's a small building with an entrance above the ground, concrete, looking like an abandoned bunker. Inside is a lobby with some agents and an elevator and a staircase that both lead to two huge underground floors with laboratories, storage facilities, high-tech computer knick-knacks and so on. This is the only entrance we can use.

The only additional exit of the base is for emergencies, can just be opened from the inside with two security codes and an iris scan and is linked with different automated alarm systems. Trying to open it from the outside would cause the base going into lockdown. The same if we trigger an alarm inside of the Lighthouse.

There`s no way out of the base while on lockdown. S.H.I.E.L.D. would send a crisis intervention team instantly. In lock-down, all access codes of everyone inside the Lighthouse are revoked, and a master code is put in place that only Fury knows, to give full control to the crisis intervention team he would send. They can open every door with it, get access to every computer... We would be left stranded.

They would try to re-take the facility but have a time-limit, if it elapses, they`d destroy the whole base. I don`t know what they keep in there despite the scepter but they really did their homework how to secure it. This is no standard S.H.I.E.L.D. protocol."

"So Fury`s being an over-protective paranoid mother-hen for a really dangerous baby or babies. Wonderful." Tony grunted.

 

It was Clint who continued. "The bunker is really secure, but we should be able to drill a tiny hole through the back wall without triggering an alarm, just big enough for a hose. We`ll use the gas to knock the agents in the lobby out. Then we`ll need you, Stark. Can you hack into the control panel of the door? We can`t get the codes. They change daily and are not noted in any of S.H.I.E.L.D.`s databases."

"For sure, especially with JARVIS` help."

"Great. Inside I`ll disable the cameras with a localized EMP device. There we`ll have access to the computer and with it to the video feed of the lobby. Your turn again, Stark."

"Let me guess... I should be able to upload older footage in a loop before they come to look why their cameras are offline. But I can`t guarantee how long that will work."

"It doesn`t have to work for long. There`s a vent in the ceiling we can use. Tasha is the only one small and versatile enough to fit in the vents. Unfortunately.

There are three hubs where she can release the gas to sedate them all, covering the whole ventilation system. It should knock them out instantly. Then she'll use the vents to get into the security room. There is a control panel to open the door to the stairway so we can get down."

And as Natasha continued Tony asked himself if they practice alternating talks like that or if it came with working together so often and trusting each other. "I should be able to open the lab doors as well from there. There should be just a few guards and the scientists. When you enter they should already be sleeping, if someone doesn't for whatever reason, we use tasers, so we can eliminate them without killing them. The scepter should be in lab A III. High-security area, separated from the rest. We go there, eliminating everyone in our way who might still be conscious without using deadly force, get the scepter and get out again as fast as possible. No traces, no hesitation, it's a S.H.I.E.L.D. base, we have to be careful. Paranoid careful!"

 

"And how do we get on that island?" Steve asked and Tony answered. "Private jet, I suggest."

"We can't land in front of their door, Stark." Natasha sighed like he had said something incredibly stupid.

"I know, Romanov. I´m not your favorite anything, but I'm not dumb and you know that. So let me finish, would you? We'll land on the next island outside their radar range. And here are three people who can fly. If each of us carries one of the other three we all can get there without too much sensation if we stay just above the water surface. And Bruce has to stay at the jet if you don't want some very conspicuous Hulk-shaped holes in the Lighthouse. After landing there we can hide the suit and Mjölnir safely away and walk there in the damn S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms."

"Three people? Had the Captain learned something new?" Clint asked.

"No, but Thor can fly, I can and Loki can by now, too."

"You said, he had lost his magic!"

"I have, Barton. But Tony can do his own magic." Loki couldn't resist grinning at Clint.

"No. No, no, no! Stark, you didn`t build him a fucking suit, did you? You have to be kidding me!"

"I have built him his own suit, yes. Get over it. I'm so done with exculpating myself. And don't worry, I will be the one carrying you. So if you worry about being dropped, I don`t think about it yet. Loki will help Steve, Thor Natasha."

 

It was a hell of a discussion with occasional shouting and yelling but at last, they all agreed on the plan. They would start tomorrow morning, so they would arrive at the island in the darkness of the evening, making it harder to recognize them flying over the sea or walking to the entrance.

 

When Clint and Natasha left Tony followed them into the elevator. As soon as the doors closed he turned around, facing them. "You`re big fans of threatening, especially you Natasha, so it should be no problem for you to understand this. If anything happens to him, I will personally hold you both responsible. I don't give a flying fuck whatever your reasons may be, but if anything happens to Loki because of you, then I will hunt you both down and kill you.

Have a nice day. JARVIS, would you?" The elevator stopped at the next floor and the doors opened.

After Tony left Clint turned around to look at Natasha. "He really loves him, doesn`t he?" And Natasha nodded. "The strangest thing is, I tend to believe the crazy god loves him, too."

"Stranger things happened, don`t you think?"

"Yes, but not many."


	29. The Lighthouse

JARVIS found out, that an island that was far enough from the one where the Lighthouse was hidden, belonged to the CEO of Global Incorporated. Tony already knew and disliked him but he coaxed him nevertheless to let him borrow this island with the mansion and a very useful runway for a business jet.

They met at the private part of the airport, located apart from the main terminals. A major advantage of flying on a private plane was that there was no security screening. So no questions were asked when they got on board of Tony`s Gulfstream with their equipment consisting of bow and arrow, Mark VII, LOKE I, Captain America`s shield, Mjölnir and a whole lot of military material. The pilot already was in the cockpit and they could start a few minutes after they closed the door. They used the crew area for storage because there was just the pilot on board.

 

"What does it cost to borrow a whole island?" Clint asked curiously while stowing away his bow.

"A very exclusive Ferrari for the island and one of the most beautiful Lamborghinis ever built for complete confidentiality. Omar is still a shark."

"Wow! And I have to admit, your jet is way more comfortable than the Quintjets." Clint let himself fall into one of the ergonomic airplane seats.

"And hugely useful. This jet can fly at a top speed of Mach 0.925 and has a range of over 7000 nautical miles. So no stops. You could say further, faster and fully comfortable. Not much more to wish for, I think. Although I owned a jet which also had a pole and stewardesses who knew how to use it."

"A stripper pole?" Clint grinned brightly.

And Tony grinned back. "Absolutely. I already sold it a long time ago, sorry. But this one is great, too! With a kitchen, a bar, audio and video systems and in-flight Wi-Fi."

"This is not a holiday but a mission, guys!" Natasha objected. "So shut up, sit down and get some rest. It will be exhausting enough when we arrive."

"Yes, Ma`am!" Tony saluted and looked at Loki. He was the only one on board who appeared elegant and slightly bored even under this circumstances, his tall body leaned against the back of something that looked more like a sofa than an airplane seat. Tony sat down beside him. Or to be precise, more on than beside Loki. Which made the latter first raise an eyebrow but then grin, Clint grunt and Thor looking amazed. Bruce and Natasha didn`t seem interested at all.

Loki saw the questioning and thoughtful look on Thor`s face and he realized that in all that time Thor never saw him with someone that meant something, meant everything. Not just a craving or revenge or pastime. Not only a means to an end or the pathetic try to escape loneliness.

But now everything important was sitting smiling next to him with his legs draped over Loki`s lap. This warm weight that made him smile for no reason. _He`s everything important and safe and precious. And isn`t that remarkable? How did that even happen?_

Right now everything was good and Loki and Tony closed their eyes to get some rest.

 _When did I go from naked stewardesses and stripper poles to this? To love? But to hell with that! I like it._ Tony smiled when he fell asleep.

Loki didn`t sleep. He just closed his eyes and while resting listened to Tony`s breathing and to the conversations between the other people on board. He wasn`t that credulous that he would sleep on a plane with Barton, Romanov, and Thor. _Better safe than sorry._ It was mainly boring small-talk he listened to but it felt better than trying to sleep.

 

It was a soft landing and the mansion on this not that small island was impressive. A huge white villa with an oversized pool and garden. Everything in a modern oriental style with authentic furniture in the large rooms. _It`s tacky, really. Even for Omar._ Tony thought to himself.

They stayed in the living room and waited till the setting of the sun. They all had changed into the shirts, pants, and boots that were part of the S.H.I.E.L.D. gear. The rest was too uncomfortable for flying and there was absolutely no way to get inside of one of the suits with something like a helmet or a bulletproof vest. Thor, Loki and Tony would not only have to carry Steve, Clint and Natasha but also the rest of the gear, the weapons and tools. Bruce would stay at the mansion, waiting for their return and having an eye on the things they had to left behind. Even in uniforms Hawkeye`s bow and arrows and the Captain`s shield would be too conspicuous.

They had to wait. Bruce was reading a book, Natasha and Clint laid on the big white couch while Thor sat at the table and ate the content of the fridge. Loki sat in an armchair watching his surroundings, Tony fiddled with something on his tablet on the smaller couch beside Loki and Steve was unexpectedly uncomfortable. He paced up and down before he turned to Tony.

"I never thought I would have to break into a S.H.I.E.L.D. base! Especially not because of something like that. I thought projects like that were something just HYDRA did. That shouldn`t happen. It`s too bad that Peggy has Alzheimer's disease and the other two founders of S.H.I.E.L.D. are dead. Your father, he wouldn`t let something like that take place."

"I`m not that sure about." Tony answered while he read on his tablet, not willing to discuss this topic. Especially not now. _Howard would perhaps think me useful for the first time, by sacrificing me. Wouldn`t surprise me._

"But I am. He and Peggy and Colonel Phillips founded S.H.I.E.L.D. to protect not to subjugate, to save not destroy."

Tony did his best not to grimace. _That's all we needed! Let`s talk about S.H.I.E.L.D.`s noble intentions._ He stared at the tablet.

"Your father," And with this Tony frowned, "He was perhaps a little bit too good with lying to get what he wanted but he always wanted the best for this land and for the world, for the people. He wouldn`t allow that to happen. He was loud and stubborn, you remind me of him. A lot. Like you, he..."

And that was the last straw that broke the camel's back for Tony. "Ok, that`s enough, really. I know, that he was your friend and I respect that, I actually do. And I know you lost all the people that were important in your life, lost the ones you love and miss them. Because of that I was determined to never tell you that he wasn`t the man, you think he was. But there are people out there who have a fucking list of cruelties they could do to Loki to use him as a mere tool and the same people have such a fucking list for me, too. I`m about to walk into a high-security S.H.I.E.L.D. base without my suit and without knowing all details. With all of this on my back, I really don`t have the energy left to just let you talk bullshit and pretend that he was a nice guy. He wasn`t.

He would have no fucking problem with S.H.I.E.L.D.`s experiments! Do you hear me? He would sign every order if it would get him closer to something he wants.

You have no idea how obsessed he was with finding you and what he did while trying to.

I know you would want me to be like him, Steve. And I don`t blame you for it. He's the man I was supposed to be and for the biggest part of my life, I wanted to be like him. Whenever you think I am most like Howard was, it's just a show. I just give everybody, what they want to see. This is not who I am or ever was, but it's like Howard would like me to be and it seems everybody else, too. And let`s be honest, you would trade me for Howard if you could, without batting an eye! Sorry, you`re stuck with just me." _And I might not be good enough for you like I never was for him._

"I am. Not. Howard Stark! And I swear to the gods if I ever find myself being like him, like the man he was at home." _The man that disregarded and humiliated me._ "Like the bastard, he was to me." _That hit me until I thought I would die._ "Then I'll just end it myself because it would be the most, most evil thing, that could happen and would mean I already died somehow. So for everything you might consider holy, never, ever. Compare me. To him. Again."

_It took me so long to accept and even longer to appreciate that I am capable of loving in a way he never was. That there are things way more important than success and science and wealth. That he`s an asshole and I don`t need his approval. And yours neither._

Steve's face and body language screamed _what_? He just didn't get it. The hate in Tony's voice and the honesty he felt in this words. His head was spinning. It took him some time to get himself together. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"It doesn't matter. Just, just..." he struggled to find words after this eruption of feelings. "Just don't compare me to him. You have no idea what you imply." And he turned his back to Steve and walked out of the room already angry about himself. _How could I lose my composure like that_?

Steve looked helpless as he sat down. Loki stood up and turned to him. His voice was so low, that even the soldier with his advanced hearing had to strain his attention. There was no need that anybody else in the room could hear him. "Captain, let me just say this, Tony is caring and compassionate, he`s a loving person. His father never was. He was so long torn between being the man he is and the man others, and above all Howard Stark, wanted him to be. You won`t make him feel like that again. If you ever compare him to Howard again, I`ll make you regret it." With this, he left the room to search for Tony.

Bruce smiled softly. He only knew that Tony and his father hadn`t a good relationship, but considering his own upbringing, he hadn`t asked. If Tony would like to talk, he would. If not, that was fine, too. Bruce hadn`t understood a word but he was sure that Loki had made it clear to Steve to shut up. How Tony and Loki stood up for each other was something reassuring in all that chaos, not just for him but for the Hulk, too. _Seems he has a soft spot for love. Even with Loki. And isn`t that simply unbelievable?_

Thor blinked. That was surprising. It had been a long time since he had seen Loki take sides and defend someone like that. It made him smile as he ate another sandwich. Until he remembered, that it was Thor himself, that Loki mostly had defended. And that he never appreciated it. _Things will have to change._ He slugged down something sweet that tasted like honey and pistachios.

Half an hour later Loki and Tony came back and sat down like nothing had happened. Nobody felt like talking so they just waited in silence until the sun set.

 

It was a strange flight with the sea just a handbreadth below them and surrounded by darkness. They arrived at a shore near the Lighthouse and after getting out of the suits they all completed their disguise. It didn`t take long until they were all dressed in the same dark blue and black tactical gear of S.H.I.E.L.D., with ballistic vests, black gloves, drop leg pistol holsters, balaclavas, goggles, and helmets.

Loki thought of the Helicarrier, where soldiers in similar gear walked him through the corridors to imprison him. And that almost made him laugh. This would be the second time he would walk through S.H.I.E.L.D. property and again his life was in danger and again someone wants to use him. _Makes an unpleasant pattern._

"I look like a soldier. I fucking hate it." Tony whispered to Loki. "But you look hot!" Loki grinned involuntarily at that.

They hid Mjölnir, Mark VII and LOKE I near the Lighthouse and started to walk the last steps to the back of the base silently.

 

The entrance was mostly hidden under trees. A simple concrete building that seemed to disappear into the ground and the trees. They approached the back wall and Hawkeye kneeled down on the ground. He started to drill a hole through the concrete with a sturdy gimlet. He worked fast and with a steady hand. He threaded the hose through the hole and they waited two minutes before they moved to the door.

Tony undid the screws of the control panel of the door. _Security screws, really? They might be tamper-resistant but not Tony-resistant._ The tool kit he brought included the right parts or in this case bits. He worked fast inside of the panel. After a minute or two, the door slid sideward silently and he screwed the panel back. They put on respirator masks that were stored in the vests. Steve peeked inside and motioned the others to follow. They entered carefully but there was nobody to stop them. The door closed behind them again. They walked straight through the entrance hall. Tall white walls, a light gray floor and neon light shining down on a huge desk with computers, some chairs, and even some big indoor plants. It looked a little bit like the waiting area of a multinational company.

Behind the desk lay three S.H.I.E.L.D.-agents, two men and a woman in black suits. Hawkeye crouched down in front of the agents and felt their pulse. "They are alive. The gas worked." Meanwhile, Black Widow had used the localized EMP device to stop the cameras, then she tapped Tony on the shoulder. "Take a look at the computer, you should have access to the cameras."

He inserted an USB-stick and started to typewrite, making a loop with the video feed of the last ten minutes before they arrived. While he worked he whispered: "And JARVIS? Copy everything you find on the computers here."

"Yes, Sir."

 

Meanwhile, the former Russian agent climbed into the vent with the help of Hawkeye. Crawling through this metal tubes wasn`t easy, not even for her. When she arrived at the first hub she opened the cylinder with the gas. It didn`t take long to get to the other two hubs and open a cylinder at each one. When she finally jumped down from the vent into the security room there were eight uniformed men, all unconscious. She searched a moment for the right monitoring desk then she opened the door to the staircase. "The coast is clear. We have three to four hours, then they`ll wake up again."

"Alright." They took the stairs, led by Captain America. In the meantime, Natasha flooded the ventilation system with fresh air so that they could take their respirator masks off when they arrived downstairs.

The walls were covered with big, dark gray metal plates and the shiny floor panels looked like exposed aggregate polished concrete floor. The ceiling was a light gray, bright neon lamps shined down through metal grids. There were no windows, no natural light. Very massive doors at their right and left side were numbered and looked like they could also lead to a bank vault. Control panels secured them. At some doors were warning signs like biohazard symbols and radiation warning signs. In front of every door lay two armed guards in S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform.

Hawkeye crouched down in front of a sentinel, first controlling his pulse, then searching something on the armor of the man. He cursed. "We have a problem."

"Another one? Wonderfully. What is the problem?" It was Tony who asked first.

"His body armor. This type is protected against electroshock weapons, so tasers are absolutely useless. If one of them is still awake and wears this we can`t just taser him. Full incapacitation, not going to happen with this tactical gear."

"So what?"

"Subdue them and tie them up. Fast. Before they could activate an alarm."

"Or we`re fucked."

Clint nodded. "Don`t kill them!" He glared at Loki who shrugged his shoulders and answered: "I`ll do my very best."

 

Above the doors was the second floor behind glass railings, the gangway behind was hold up by metal covered columns positioned between the doors. High above them, big gray pipes winded along the ceiling. Everything here was cold and sterile. The sound when their feet hit the ground resounded from the high walls. At the end of the hallway, they could see a winding staircase that leads to the second floor.

The first door on the right, marked as "Security", opened with a hiss and Natasha stepped out into the hallway. "Eight men, all unconscious but alive." She reported and nodded at Iron Man. "Your turn again. Use the computer terminal to shut anything off that would be an obstacle and reprogram the cameras."

Tony did as he was told but after a few minutes, they heard him swear. "Fuck, fucking fuckers! We are really screwed now. Would you come and take a look?" He waved at the redhead. She stepped behind him and he pointed at two monitors. "The blueprints... See?" He changed the screens to a plan which showed the position of surveillance cameras, then showed her some more data, pointing at different things. Natasha cursed in Russian, long and loud.

Steve was concerned as he asked: "What is wrong?"

"The blueprints, they are outdated. They changed the building. They added a new part and moved some laboratories there, including the one with the scepter. Intensified safety measures. This part of the facility don`t have the same ventilation system, so they are still awake and we`re lucky that nobody decided to leave that part of the base and tripped up on us."

"So we`ll have to improvise and we have not much time left." Tony added.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you for reading and for the loveley comments and the kudos! Thank you very much :-)
> 
> Random funny facts: This things really exist. While doing my research about armor and other exciting stuff, like security measures and how to circumvent them, I found the security screws, you couldn't unscrew with normal tools and there is a technology that makes bulletproof vests and other body armor safe against tasers and other non-lethal electroshock weapons. And the absolute best, it's called "ThorShield". Really, I swear, you can goggle it, it even made it into Wikipedia.


	30. Who dares wins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for reading and commenting! It always makes me so, so happy :-) Thank you!  
> *  
> *  
> *

"Please tell me this computer is part of a network that JARVIS can analyze and manipulate." Loki looked at Tony who still sat behind the keyboard.

"Yes." Tony took the USB stick he had used previously and was promptly interrupted by Clint. "You have JARVIS on a USB stick?"

"Basically, yes. A portable highly compressed version of him, the whole time connected with my and Loki`s comms. It's dangerous to go alone! Take JARVIS with you." He grinned but got serious a split second later. "JARVIS, analyze all data you can find and give us an overview."

"Yes, Sir. This will take a few minutes."

"Ok. Until then, these are the current facts. We are most likely outnumbered and outgunned. We don`t have much time and even less information about what lies before us. So just two possibilities. Either we get out where we entered and hope S.H.I.E.L.D. will just stop this project. Or we make a plan, get the scepter and get out of here as fast as possible." While still speaking Tony leaned backward in the office chair. "I don`t have the option to just go because let`s be honest, S.H.I.E.L.D. will not stop if they don`t have to. So, I'm ready to kick some ass. The premises have changed to something more dangerous. You can join me or not, your decision."

"It`s not like I have a choice." Loki laughed and sat down on one of the desks.

"And I shall stay at your side, too," Thor added.

"Told you I never thought that I would need to break into a base of an American agency, but the facts haven`t changed. I still see the need to stop them, so I`m still in." Steve answered while standing in the door frame, every inch the soldier he was trained to be.

"Thank you. Clint? We don`t know what we`ll find or how many people will be there, so I can`t promise to you, that no S.H.I.E.L.D. agent or soldier gets hurt. Or if it comes to the worst, killed. I`m sorry. So I`m not asking you to stay, you can leave if you wish to. That applies to you, too, Romanov."

"Stark, you don't need to get your panties in a twist because I said I`ll help and I still intend to do so. Tash?"

"I`ll stay."

 

"Sirs and Madam." JARVIS piped up and got interrupted by Black Widow. "Really now? Madam?"

"Yes. As far as I know. May I speak now?" That was adorably snarky and Natasha chuckled amusedly. "Go ahead."

"S.H.I.E.L.D. has added another two-level facility to this complex. The two parts are connected through a corridor starting behind the last door on the right side of the hall on the second floor.

You will find it useful, that they also added another staircase to the second part of the base. It leads to an exit in the woods behind the Lighthouse."

"At least we have another way out."

JARVIS continued. "On the first floor of the second building are living quarters including a huge dining room and kitchen. Further, there are office spaces, a large meeting hall and also a medical bay. On the second floor is an armory with several weapons, ammunition, armor and so on, storage facilities and the laboratories."

"Is there an inventory list for the armory?" Clint seemed to have an idea.

"Yes, Sir." The image on one of the monitors changed into a list and Barton skimmed it hastily. "There`s more of the gas we already used. When I understand the plan right that JARVIS has on the other screen, the first and second floor have separated ventilation systems with the exception of the armory which has a hidden access point to the first floor?"  
"Yes, they have. Separated from this part of the facility and separated from the other part of the second building part, Sir."

"As there is nothing of interest on the first floor, but living quarters with back-up we really don`t want to involve as well, we could sedate the staff there. With this, we would just have to face the staff working on the second level which is awful enough. But therefore, we first have to break into the armory. Have you found something about the security measures?"

"I`m sorry, but not yet. The most data in the network is encrypted and takes a lot of time to decode because they used different complicated methods."

"So we`ll have to enter blindly." Steve sighed. "Without knowing how much of them are there or where they are. At least we know where which room is."

"Yes. Like I said, be fast, restrain them and tie them up." Clint looked at Loki who still sat seemingly careless on the office desk across the room. "You will not just kill them!"

In the blink of an eye, Loki leaped down from the desk and stepped in front of Clint, fast and without hesitation. "Archer, you annoy me." _So, so much. You walking reminder of the Chitauri. Apparently determined to aggravate me to the point where I`ll break your skull._ "Perhaps you need a gentle reminder that I could easily kill you!" He pushed Barton's chest with his flat right hand with enough force to make the man take a few stumbling steps back, nearly falling. "If I have a choice I rather kill than die. I`ll try to spare your beloved S.H.I.E.L.D. minions but I won`t risk anything. You`re welcome to try and stop me." Then he added with a low and warning hiss. "Get over it. Or let the past ruin your life. At the latest when I`ll have enough of your provocativeness and end you!"

Natasha already had her hand on her gun, but she didn`t draw the weapon from the holster. "We`re not going to that pissing contest again. We entered the base with six people, we`ll leave it with six, too. Have I made myself understood?" Her voice was even and commanding.

Loki raised his arms and took a step back, cursing under his breath in a language nobody but Thor understood. Barton grudgingly nodded.

"That's what I thought." She relaxed her arms at her sides again.

 

"Fine. JARVIS, print out the floor plan of the building. And manipulate the cameras in the other part of the building, they don`t have another security room, but just in case."

"Already done, Sir. I also disabled the alarm system in the whole facility. There will be no lockdown protocol. The backup servers that would be needed to enable the alarm again is on the first floor, so you have two to three hours left before someone would be able to set off the alarm."

"You`re the best, JARVIS!" After JARVIS had printed several copies and everybody got one Tony removed the USB stick. "Call it, Captain!"

Steve memorized the plan in his hands before he folded it up neatly and stored it in his vest. "As we`re wearing the same uniforms as the guards they will at least need some time to recognize us as a threat. So it should be possible to get near enough without them alarming the rest. Then neutralize them with the minimum of violence. Tie them up and hide them out of sight. First, we`ll have to get to the armory and get inside of it, then Black Widow can release the gas inside the vents. We`ll start with that."

 

They took the winding staircase to the second floor and after Tony did something to the control panel of the door, it opened with a hiss and they entered the corridor that connected the two underground buildings. There was no one waiting for them inside the surprisingly wide corridor, so it seemed that they were still undetected. The concrete walls were painted partly white, partly light gray. The floor was tiled in big beige panels. Like in the other part of the structure bright neon lamps shined down, but here they were covered by glass framed with broad white plastic bands instead of gray metal grids. This part of the building looked friendlier than the other had. At their left was a door to a restroom and beneath it two vending machines.

"Cozy!" Tony commented with dry sarcasm. "Nice working environment to work on world domination and cruelty. Creating hell with chips, gummy bears, and fluorescent lighting."

There was a corridor leading left and another to the right. They turned right to get to the armory. Steve walked in front of them, signaling them to stop just ahead of the next corner. He gestured that there were two guards in front of them and ordered Natasha to take care of them. And she did. With impressive speed. She walked through the short corridor, ignoring their question what she wants and that this was a prohibited area. Steadily made her way forward in silence. One of them barked:"who are you?" She just walked in front of them, then she hit the first one with her fist and while he tumbled back at the wall, holding his bleeding nose, she turned around and grabbed the other one at his right arm, twisting it and pushing him high-speed to the ground. Meanwhile, the others had closed the distance and helped to restrain the sentinels. Clint trussed one up with cable ties while Steve did the same with the other one. When one of the guards tried to scream, Barton pulled some duct tape out of his vest and effectively silenced them both.

To open the door took a lot longer than the first one. Tony cursed and swore while working at it. Even with JARVIS help, it was a challenge but in the end he succeeded and the door opened. They pushed the guards inside and Loki and Thor took their place in case that somebody would decide to need something out of the armory. An opportunity that Thor used to try having a conversation with Loki and failed miserably with Loki staring at him and stating: "Small talk? Now? Are you kidding me?"

"I just tried..." He was interrupted. "Thor, with every consideration, try it later if you absolutely have to."

 

The armory was big. Huge displays with different weapons, weapon crates and locked cabinets with more weapons and ammunition. "Is that a fucking Chitauri weapon next to the rocket launchers?" Tony asked in disbelief and took a closer look. "Yes, it is. They use whatever they get their hands on." Meanwhile, Clint and Natasha broke some of the cabinets, collecting what they would require.

They needed tools and Steve`s strength to open the grating to allow Natasha access to the vent. When she crawled out again, she brought good news, the job was done and everybody on the first floor had fallen into a deep sleep. "Fury will kiss them awake when he`ll discover the scepter is gone," Hawkeye added grinning.

 

They left the armory, leaving the bound soldiers behind, securely tied to each other and to the table beneath the door. Far away from the weapons and every possibility to alarm someone. Steve reported their next steps. "Up next we`ll go back to the junction, then follow the corridor to the left to find the laboratories. Take cover when possible and be careful, we don`t know how many guards are patrolling the rooms or stand watch in front of them. We find the scepter, take it and leave the building using the other staircase. If we encounter S.H.I.E.L.D. agents or -soldiers, knock them down, tie them up, hide them and move on."

They headed toward the labs.

All remained quiet, they saw no more guards or anybody else. At least not until they arrived at the third cross-corridor, peeking around the corner. There was a large hall with six doors, similar to the one in the other building part. Here was the lab they were searching. Steve counted fourteen guards, two in front of every door which branched of the corridor and two other that were talking to one of them. There was no way around. They had to fight. He took a few steps back around the corner they passed before and told them the news. As they had expected something like that, they just looked at each other and shrugged before making their way back to the corner just ahead of the hall.

They barged into the hallway. The guards obviously hadn't expected an attack but they were well trained and some of them were fast enough to fire some bullets at them without asking questions. They were thankful for the uniforms now, especially for bulletproof vest and helmets. There were some hits but the ballistic armor worked.

The guards rushed at them, what gave Natasha and Loki the possibility to get behind them in a quick movement. Now they could attack from two sides and it also hindered the guards from running for reinforcement.

Steve stepped forward and slammed both fists at one of the attacker's chest, sending him hurtling into another guard behind him, they both tumbled to the ground where Steve secured them by tying them together.

Hawkeye avoided getting hit by a bullet with swift maneuvers. He ducked, causing the soldier in front of him that stroked him to tilt and lose his balance.

Tony was glad about all the hours of exhausting training with Happy, who had always insisted that he must be able to defend himself without the suit and without weapons. When one of the men attacked him, Tony evaded him and grabbed his outstretched arm and accommodated his momentum to dash him at a wall. The soldier crashed to the floor and stayed lying down. Then he grabbed the next combatant at his shoulders, pulling his upper body down until he collided forcefully with Tony`s raised knee. Stumbling back the fighter was then caught by Hawkeye who pinioned him.

The guard that launched at Loki was persistent. When the god knocked the gun out of his hand and it dropped to the ground, he produced a dagger and attacked again. He darted for Loki, causing a superficial wound to his arm. He ducked under the next attack and first kicked the soldier`s knee and then kicked him in the stomach. The man bent over and Loki hit his back with another blow that sent him to the ground.

Natasha kicked one of them across his right knee, which brought him down, tying his hands in a swift movement. Then she shifted her position, pivoted, dropped and rolled and surprised another soldier with a vigorous blow to his head. He fell down with a yelp.

Thor launched forward, striking down every guard in his way with pure force until there was no one standing anymore. It wasn`t very sophisticated but highly effective.

They bound and gagged them, immobilizing them all.

It was possible that there were more of them in the rooms that lined the corridor. They would find it out if they want to or not.

 

Carefully they opened the door and entered the lab in which they suspected the scepter. Bright lights hurt their eyes before adjusting. Everything in here was in different shades of gray and blue, even the walls and the floor. Mainly steel and other metals, combined with glass. Metal cabinets hung on the walls, accompanied by desks and laboratory benches that looked like they were made of the same metal and a large and really impressive electron microscope complete with the necessary equipment to operate it. There was an impressive collection of various complex laboratory equipment from laboratory glassware to electrical devices and scientific instruments. Two big locked steel crates with wheels and some locked weapon crates stood on the floor.

There were four more guards that were too surprised to reach for their weapons and a tall, muscular man with a white lab coat. He had to be one of the scientists working here. Hawkeye and Black Widow lunged at two sentinels and Thor and Steve darted for the other two. That left Tony and Loki with the man. They took some steps toward him and he retreated behind a huge desk that was cluttered with papers and tools beneath three computer monitors and their keyboards. The male in front of them had now raised his hands in surrender. "You don`t have to kill me."

Loki answered drily. "We will see, I'm not always that considerate. Depends on you solely. It would be in your best interest to listen closely and do what you`re told, do you get that?"

The man nodded, his face seemingly nervous. Something was off about him, but Loki couldn`t pinpoint what. _He`s just a scientist, isn`t he?_

"I'm interested in one of your projects and you will lead us there. The scepter, where is it?"

"Leading you there won`t be necessary." The man answered and Loki knew something was seriously wrong. It put his nerves on edge, his heart sped up, his muscles tensed.

The showcased insecurity was gone with surprising tempo and a grin replaced it. The man in the white lab coat pulled the scepter out of a hidden area under his desk and took a few rapid steps towards them. "You`re already there." He was fast. Quicker than expected. He swung the scepter over his head with both hands and brought it down on Tony, effectively dashing him across the floor and against a laboratory bench. His shoulder and chest hurt like hell, accentuated with the sickening noise of a fracturing rib and he hit his head hard on the bench.

Loki cursed. _This is definitely not the first time he uses the scepter as a weapon. He`s too experienced with it._

The man raised the scepter again but Loki stepped between him and Tony. No time to think anything else but _protect him._ Loki knew he was still stronger and way more resilient than all the humans and at least he knew that weapon better than he liked to. But when the blow hit him with a surprising force he was painfully sent on his back to the floor. It was a well-trained response, so often repeated that it became an automatism, to get back to his feet before the scientist could swing the scepter again.

He cursed. Never underestimate an enemy. Tony was still lying on the ground, dazed from the blow. The scepter was still more than just an ordinary weapon. Made out of a material that was harder than everything found on earth. Used with enough force it could break bones easily, not to forget the part with the blade, sharp enough to cut through everything living. Loki wanted to look for Tony more than everything else and they needed this scepter but at the moment he could just deal with one thing after the other. And the first on the list was the danger in front of him. He had to eliminate him straightaway. The god avoided the next stroke by jumping to the side, he turned his fall into a forward role and while getting back to his feet he grabbed the man at his right leg. As he pulled, the scientist stumbled forward but he managed to turn and swing the scepter with both hands at Loki while doing so. It was too late for an evasive maneuver and he wasn`t braced for the impact when the sharp blade of the scepter hit his side and a part of his back, cutting through the ballistic vest and shirt before it sliced through skin and flesh. He cried out in pain and landed face down on the ground, barely able to use his hands to reduce the force of the impact. He rolled on his back, the man raised the scepter again and at the same time Loki heard the shot. As he turned his head he saw that Hawkeye had shot the man in the chest. The scientist fell backward and the scepter clattered to the ground. One precise fired bullet had saved him before the man could strike again. On the ground, he wouldn`t have had much possibilities to react to another stroke and the male that now laid unmoving on his back had been a surprisingly fast and skilled fighter. Especially when he used a weapon like the scepter. But of all people it had to be Hawkeye, it was almost funny. He let his head sink back to the floor for a moment, slightly shaking with restrained laughter _._

This time, it was a lot harder to get back to his feet.

"You`re hurt!" That was Tony`s voice and he turned to face him. "I`m fine. The most damage was brought to this fragile armor. We don`t have time for this now. Take the scepter and let us get out of here." This might have been not the whole truth but they really had no time for anything else than getting the scepter and out of this damned place. Tony pulled himself up into a sitting position, rubbing his head.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, peachy."

Loki doubted it and looked him over but wasn`t able to see any serious wounds. "So get up and move." Loki grabbed his arm and pulled him up.

 

"Thank you." Loki nodded at Hawkeye who just turned around and said "Hurry up!"

Tony picked the scepter from the ground and Natasha wiped Loki`s blood from the floor with a strange looking cloth she took out of a sealed package with a S.H.I.E.L.D. logo. She got up and followed Hawkeye, Steve, and Thor.

Tony took a last look at the laboratory they left behind with four bound soldiers and a corpse. Then he looked at the blood stains on Loki`s uniform and touched his own shoulder where blood had started to seep out. The damn scepter had not just hit him with the blunt side but at least it felt more like a scratch than anything serious.

 

They made their way to the staircase without other disturbances. Tony hacked into the control panel to open the door to the stairs and after closing it behind them he smashed the panel that was on their side of the door, destroying it and preventing anybody from following them through the staircase.

They hurried to the place where they had stored the suits and Mjölnir. Just get away from that island. "Everything that we can`t take back, stack it up here," Tony said and dropped his vest on the ground. When everything was piled up he explained. "Flamethrower." After the suit assembled around him he activated it and set the heap on fire. "Better not leave our DNA behind. They`ll just know that six masked people in S.H.I.E.L.D. uniforms broke into their base and that`s enough. Let`s get back to Bruce."


	31. Aftershocks

"Sir, because there were no sensors, I have no data about your blood loss while wearing the S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform. But based on the data I'm currently collecting, you are losing too much blood. You should seek medical treatment as soon as we land. You`re bleeding out. And considering the flight will take at least approximately..."

He was cut off by an impatient Tony. "Don't upset yourself! You exaggerate. But I'll take care of it. Later."

 

They landed in the garden and Iron Man first sat Hawkeye down, then they all walked into the mansion where he leaned the scepter against a wall and opened his helmet. "We're back, honey." He grinned at Bruce.  
Bruce watched them and his eyes widened. "What happened? Why is there blood on the scepter? Wait, first, who's blood is on the scepter?"  
"Loki's. Would you look at him?"  
JARVIS piped in, this time, audible through all comms. "And Sir's blood, too. I highly advise immediate..." But Tony didn't let him end his sentence. "Mute."  
"It didn't go like planned but we improvised and have the scepter. We got here in one piece. A scientist died. He was the one who attacked us with the scepter. And now I want to get out of the suit and fly home with the jet."

 

When the suits folded back to cocoon-like structures Loki winced as he looked at Tony.

"You're bleeding!"

"I know. JARVIS nagged already. Don't worry, it's not that bad." Tony pressed his hand at a point beneath his collarbone where most of the blood seemed to come from and gave an involuntary whimper of pain. Blood sipped through the black fabric, staining his hand, seeping in every wrinkle of his fingers. His hand got slippery too fast to ignore it while the blood slowly cooled on his skin. _Perhaps not that bad wasn't the most accurate description._

"Tony! Why haven't you said a word, you damn fool? Bruce! Get over here and help him! Please."

"It's fine." Tony raised a hand but before he could end his sentence he got dizzy and his knees began to buckle. He grabbed Loki's arm to hold his balance but let go a second later with a groan. He dropped to one knee, trying to support himself with outstretched arms. He was trying to take deep breaths but it didn't work well. "What happened?" he asked slowly.

JARVIS answered. "First the vest, then the suit put pressure on the wound. Now that they are both gone, you are bleeding even more profusely. You already lost an alarming amount of blood inside of the suit and while wearing the uniform. You are severely wounded and need medical care immediately. Like I said before! At least there's no internal bleeding, too, despite the fractured rib. "

Loki knelt down beside Tony.

Bruce was already at his side with his doctor's kit. He made Tony lay flat on his back, then ordered a pillow from Hawkeye to lift his feet from the ground.

"This is a nice carpet, but fuck it, had it to be white? Fluffy and white. It will cost me another car if I bleed on Omar's carpet, Brucie. Or a carpet factory. Fuck, perhaps a new mansion, he loves me that much."

 

Tony's skin was cold and clammy, while he was sweating like it was too hot. He was pale, his breathing was rapid and shallow.

Bruce examined him. His blood pressure was low, his pulse rapid and weak. He cut away the shirt to get a better look and looked worried at what he found. There was a deep, long and heavy bleeding gash under his collarbone and bruises at his ribcage to the left and right of the arc reactor. Bruce turned him a little and found more bruises on his back.

"What exactly happened to him?"  
"He was hit with the scepter and crashed against a metal desk."

 

"Why is he here?" Tony grabbed Loki's hand and gripped it tightly to his chest.

"Bruce?" _That's confusing._

"Dad. Sent him away. I didn't... I can't. I... Please." He stammered. "I'm cold and my chest fucking hurts."

"What is wrong with him?" He looked at Bruce.

"He's in a hypovolemic shock. He was seriously injured and lost a lot of blood. His clothes are soaked in it and as JARVIS said, that wasn't all. Now his heart is unable to pump enough blood with adequate oxygen through his body. His organs could get seriously damaged or stop working at all without enough oxygen. We have to replace the blood he lost and increase his blood pressure. An altered mental status is a symptom, like being disoriented, confused, anxious. Talk to him, calm him down."

"If you die on me, I swear I'll come after you, drag you back and kill you with my own hands for leaving me! Do you understand that? You're not dying on me!"

Tony formed a weak smile at that and struggled to respond. "You don't get rid of me so fast. Still stubborn."

Bruce protested. "That's not exactly calming!"

"No, that was more of a promise." Then Loki put his other hand on Tony's arm and spoke to him in soft, reassuring words while blood ran over his hand that was still lying on Tony's chest. He just kept talking, comforting, soothing, a warm constant.

"First we'll stop the bleeding. That's combat gauze. The fabric of the bandages is impregnated with a hemostatic agent that stimulates blood clotting. We'll stitch the lesion up later." Bruce was so used to explaining every step like he did as a doctor in Kolkata's slums that he didn't even recognize doing it. He packed the combat gauze dressing into the wound and applied pressure for a few minutes until the bleeding stopped. Then he put into each of Tony's arms an intravenous line, injecting different medicines and kept on talking. "We'll give him saline and blood. Natasha, you have the same blood group. He needs red cells to transport oxygen, just fluids won't do that. He needs a blood transfusion."

"I'm thirsty."

"I know. But you can't drink anything now, sorry Tony. You would just throw up."

 

"Why am I still falling?"

Loki tightened his hand around Tony's arm. "You are not. Tony? Can you hear me?"

"I'm cold." Tony's eyes started to dart around his surroundings, unfocused, uncoordinated. He flinched violently whenever Bruce touched him. He tried in vain to get up and away from them, which forced Bruce and Loki to hold him down. He started murmuring: "No, no, no," over and over again. "I won't build it for you. No Jericho. I won't. No!"

Then he let go of Loki's hand. The murmuring changed into whimpers of pain. His eyes were wide with fear, his face distorted. There was so much anxiety in his eyes, it physically hurt watching it. Trying to curl in on himself he pushed Bruce away but Loki grabbed his other arm and kept holding him down, one hand on each of Tony's arms, careful with the IVs. "You're not dying on me!"

"Don't want to." It was more a whimper than words. He looked up with desperate, pleading eyes, struggling for breath.

 

Tony couldn't die right now, after everything they went through. He couldn't die right here in a stranger's house, dressed in a shredded S.H.I.E.L.D. uniform and all of that because of the damn scepter. _Could he?_

Then the horrifying realization kicked in. Yes, Tony could die right here, right now. He was a human being, not built to withstand centuries and a lot of damages. His injuries were serious. Tony could die. He could die and Loki could do nothing against it. It made the god feel so helpless that he got furious. A fierce rage like fire burning through dry undergrowth. He was so angry that he had to remind himself again and again that he had to stay here and be there for Tony. He fought against the wish to fly back, kill them all, and level the whole S.H.I.E.L.D. base to the ground. He let out a frustrated breath.

Natasha's voice was even like always. "He needs you, Loki, so could you get yourself together and stop falling apart?"

He just growled, staring down at Tony's face, into this pain filled brown eyes.

Clint looked concerned and for the first time, he felt a stab of sympathy for Loki.

 

Tony stammered, fighting for breath and trying to move. "I'm not your golden goose, Obadiah. I'll kill you. If I survive this, I´ll bring you down."

"It's not real, Tony. You're injured. Your brain is playing tricks on you because you lost so much blood." Bruce's voice was calm and gentle. There was no sign that his patient heard him.

"Dad!" He yelped and then added whispering: "Angry. Please don't let him." Then he became silent, staring scared and anxious at the ceiling before he started murmuring quietly to himself. "I'm not a worthless brat. I hate you as much as you hate me and I'm not weak!" He flinched like he was hit and kept on staring at the ceiling, now wordless.

Steve asked Bruce for an explanation. "Shock causes confusion and anxiousness." _And obviously flashbacks of bad old memories._ He didn't add that because it was nobody's business, but by the look that Natasha and Clint shared, they already guessed something like that. But at least Thor and Steve seemed to have no idea.

 

Thor put his hand on Loki's shoulder. "Loki?"

"What?" He yelled. At the moment he had no patience spare for Thor.

"You're still bleeding, too." With one hand, he pointed at the floor at Loki's side where blood already built a small puddle.

"Get out of that shirt," Bruce ordered. "I'll take a look at that."

"I've been through a lot worse with nobody around to take care of me."

"No, discussion," Bruce added.

Loki cursed but pulled the shirt over his head and discarded it with a hiss. Then he turned a bit to let Bruce take a look at his side. His eyes never left Tony's and he placed his hands again on his arms immediately.

"It´s not that bad, but it needs stitches. No back talk. I don't need another medical problem here if it can be avoided. Clint, I'm sure you can stitch up a wound. Stop the bleeding and then close it. Catch." He threw another package of combat gauze and a kit in the archer's direction, who caught and opened it. He sat down, cross-legged at Loki's side, for a moment pushing his reservations against Loki aside and pressed the gauze to the wound.

Bruce addressed Steve. "Get us some blankets. We should keep Tony warm to avoid hypothermia."

Steve sprinted and came back a minute later with some blankets, covering Tony's legs and belly with them. Tony winced. He breathed the word "Pain," then looked at his surroundings.

"Please look at me, will you?" Loki tried to get Tony's unfocused eyes to look at him. He could see how hard Tony was struggling to hear and understand his words. "It will be Ok. You will be alright. We'll be Ok. Just keep on breathing, like you always did." His voice was now barely a whisper. "Remember that you told me, you decided to survive in that cave. You told me, that as long as you're breathing and your heart is beating, there's always a way. Just keep on breathing. Tell me that you understand what I'm saying."

Tony tried to focus on him. Then he just nodded.

The bleeding of Loki's wound had meanwhile stopped and Clint removed the gauze. He disinfected the injury and injected a local anesthesia, making Loki hiss in pain and impatience. It wasn't the first time Barton stitched up a wound, it wouldn't even be a first time stitching his own. "Hold as still as possible." Loki just answered with a snarl. With a needle holder, needle and suture the archer started to push the needle through the skin by rotating his wrist. He stitched, made knots, cut the suture and started again, first at the midpoint of the wound, then at the midpoints of the remaining sections and so on, until the gash was closed. Loki grimaced in pain and gasped for breath a few times, but didn't say a word. He gritted his teeth and ignored it. Apart from involuntary trembling from time to time, he didn't move. He still kneeled on the ground, holding Tony's arms on the floor while Bruce was working on the transfusion. Clint applied pressure with a gauze bandage, then bandaged the whole area. "As good as new."

Loki hated to say thank you to Barton again, but he did. It wasn't that he was ungrateful, he even felt something like guilt for his hostility because Clint had helped him twice today. He knew very well, that he didn`t have to but did it nevertheless. _Whatever his reasons were._ But it was the fact that it reminded him painfully of the truth, that the only person that really had an interest in his wellbeing because of who he was and really knew who he was, was lying there, fighting for survival.

 

What Bruce did, had a visible effect, even when it took way more time than Loki's patience was willing to give him. At one point he got up. Tony was sleeping or was unconscious, it was hard to tell. Loki got up and walked into the bathroom, locked the door and punched the wall. Then he leaned his forehead against the cold tiles and tried to get himself together. He concentrated on breathing. His lungs felt too small in his chest to get enough air but he knew it was just another annoying illusion that came with tension, fury and the fight against feeling helpless, against being degraded to a bystander without the ability to save his love. He couldn`t die. He wouldn`t. A diehard like him, he wouldn`t. And Bruce seemed to know what he did. Loki held his hands under the faucet, washing his hands and face with cold water before he went back, his face again expressionless.

It took a long time but finally Tony's vital signs had leveled out at acceptable levels and he was becoming more responsive and oriented.

"Hey, Tony. You scared me." Bruce was happy, his gladness visible in every wrinkle on his face.

"Sorry." His voice was hoarse.

Bruce just smiled at him. "You'll be in pain for at least a few days but there's no lasting damage, as far as I can tell without more equipment. You'll get painkillers and rest until we'll fly home and you'll get a complete check up. Without discussion. I would suggest we stay at least another day because S.H.I.E.L.D. might still monitor the air traffic after they discovered the scepter is gone and one of their researchers died."

Tony nodded. He looked worse for wear but he was alive.

Loki smiled with evident relief. "You are alive. You're not dead. I appreciate it when you are not dead."

"Me, too."

"Do you think we could burn the Lighthouse down without Barton and Romanov trying to kill us? Just asking."

"No. Sorry. We'll burn something down another day."

"By the way, you have some of Romanov's blood in your system."

"Ninja-assassin blood? Cool. Is she alright?"

"Yes. Everybody is."

"But you look like shit."

"Charming."

He reached out and laid his hand on Loki's bandage. "How are you? Honestly."

"Tired. Really tired." _Like, I had more than enough of everything._

Tony knew it wasn`t the whole truth but he could see the remainder in Loki's face already. Instead of asking more he gestured to the blankets. "Join me for a nap."

Loki frowned briefly then he shrugged. "Not on the ground. Bruce, does he still have to lay on the floor?"  
"No, we can bring him to a bed."  
"I can walk!" Tony protested and tried in vain to return to an upright position.

"You can't." Loki wasn`t asking, he just picked him up from the ground and carried the ranting and complaining man upstairs. "Oh yes, at least your mouth is back to health. And you`re still heavy."

He carefully placed him on the bed in the first bedroom he found. It was big. Too big and too much white and gold to not look like overexaggerated wealth combined with a really bad taste. A few big plants where the only thing natural or beautiful in here, the rest was golden figurines, gilt stucco, oversized paintings and a lot of pillows and blankets made of silk, fur, and golden buttons. He closed the door and the curtains, then covered Tony with a blanket before he slipped under the covers, too.

"Tony, I know you're good at that, at fighting and surviving, but please stop almost dying on me."

"I'll do my very best. It's not like I was asked in this matter."  
"I know. Now sleep."

And if there were two whispered 'I love you', nobody mentioned it later.


	32. Good intentions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so very much for reading, leaving kudos and especially for the comments :-)

The first thing Loki did after he woke up, was to wait for his heartbeat to slow down. He laid still, enveloped in the blanket and tried to get this foggy feeling that stayed from the nightmare out of his head. Carefully he placed his right hand on the left side of his neck. There was nothing. He wasn't suffocating. It was just a dream but the feeling stayed nevertheless. A dark threat lingering in his mind. He couldn't get rid of the sensation of a hand with six fingers grabbing him, two thumbs pressing into his windpipe, four cold fingers bruising his neck. An icy emotionless voice whispering in his ears while he couldn't breathe, while he died. A hand strong enough to break bones. Hopelessness and darkness and pain. He could feel it, as much or even more than the touch of the soft blanket. He still felt his struggle for breath. The impression of this hand on his throat. It felt like he couldn't move, so he fought to get himself in an upright position. Tony was still sleeping beside him.

He just wished to forget it, to repress the memory of the dream and to get rid of this feeling of hands on his body. So he tried to think about something else, about the sun that was rising in front of the window. Of the warmth of the room, of the sea surrounding this island, of the soft noises of birds, of the regular breathing close to him. But his mind wandered to this other island, to the lighthouse and everything that came with it. He looked at Tony who was sleeping, exhausted from fighting against dying. Loki resisted the urge to touch his face.

_If you would die, I would be alone. Completely and utterly alone in a universe that big that even I can't grasp its size. And I don't know if I can do that again. If I could withstand something like that, if losing you wouldn't also mean losing myself. Not just a part. If I would become a walking corpse. If pain would replace everything again._

_You're the only one caring for me. You're the only one interested in my existence. You're the only one that knows anything about me, not everything but a lot, about pain and secrets and the few good things I could do. If you would have died…_

_What does that fear and doubt say about me?_

Thinking about that wasn't any better than about his nightmare, so he decided to grab the tablet from the nightstand and read through the files JARVIS had downloaded from the internal Lighthouse network. He whispered to JARVIS to avoid waking the sleeping man at his side and started sorting and reading.

 

When Tony woke up four hours later, Loki was leaning with his back at the headboard, the tablet in his hands. Tony's voice was still sounding throaty. "You still look like shit, honey. You should really try the sleeping thing for a little longer."

"Is that any way to greet your beloved?" Loki grinned impishly.

"Sweetie pie, my sun and moon and stars, honey bunny – why do you look like shit and why haven't you slept enough?" Was the answer with a soft but caring giggle.

Loki raised his eyebrows. "Why do you think I haven't had a restful sleep?"

"I know you." _And you don't look like._

Silence. It took some time before an answer came. "Couldn't sleep any longer."

"Why?"

"I'm a god, but I'm not omniscient." It wasn't a direct lie, it was actually the truth, but it wasn't the answer.

He shook his head not willing to share his thoughts. "However I have found something really interesting with JARVIS' help. You have to see that."

Tony sighed because he knew he wouldn't get an honest answer to the question what Loki bothered. Not now, not here. He took the tablet he got handed and sat up, leaning his head and back against the headboard with a whimper. His body protested with pain.

"Tony? Shall I get Bruce?"

"Nope." Tony took a look at the documents Loki was reading before. _What the fuck? That can't be true._ Loki and JARVIS were really good in decoding S.H.I.E.L.D. files and in finding the important ones. An hour later Tony had read everything of importance and tried to get out of the bed. Loki stopped him by simply pinning him down with his right arm on Tony's chest. "Forget it. What do you want?"

"Believe me, you want me to get up." He grinned at Loki's questioning glance. "I have to pee, so your decision if I do it here or in the bathroom. And as a decision aid, I'd prefer it to not piss in my pants if feasible."

Loki laughed and rose his arm. "That's a good point."

"There must be a bar somewhere. Would you find it in the meantime? And then we'll tell Barton." He was answered with a nod. _Was it always that hard to get out of a bed and walk?_ It was tiring and he moved slowly but his stubbornness won. Bruce might be unhappy with his patient but said patient was even happier when he finally made it into the bathroom.

Loki searched for the bar and found it inside of a corny dresser. When Tony finally reappeared he got back in bed "Voluntarily, as a sign of goodwill!", but mostly because he was in pain, not that he would admit it. Then he screamed for Clint.

 

It didn`t take long for Hawkeye to enter the room. "Why are you yelling? And why for me and not Bruce? Or send your little love interest to get him." He gestured at Loki but instead of answering he just watched Barton, almost looking bored, his face a guarded mask again.

"He's not just my little love interest, asshole! Stop being a resentful holier-than-thou bitch. Now sit down and shut the fuck up."

Clint shrugged and headed to an armchair in a corner of the room, near the bed. He sat down while Loki poured three drinks, then gave one to Tony and offered one to the archer. "I'm fine. I don't want a drink."

"Perhaps you don't want at the moment but I'm sure you will need one, once I tell you what we found in the data of the Lighthouse." The engineer answered and Loki pressed the glass in Clint's hand who accepted it grudgingly. The god sat down on the bed next to him and took a sip. He took the tablet from the bed with his other hand and handed it to Barton. "Read this. I agree with Tony, you will need this drink."

"What's T.A.H.I.T.I.?"

"Read it, fool." He had no intention to fake patience with the agent.

So Clint read, scrolled from page to page and couldn't believe his own eyes. What he read seemed impossible. It went from good intentions to bad and from there to worse and most awful. His eyes widened. _That couldn't be true. Could it?_

"Is this reliable?"

"It's right from the Lighthouse network. So I'm afraid, yes." Tony confirmed.

Clint gulped down the drink and hold the glass out. "Another one."

Without an additional word, Loki stood up and brought the whole bottle. He placed it on the nightstand after refilling Clint's glass.

Barton murmured absentminded. "Coulson is alive. He's out there with a new team and Fury didn't even mention it! He watched me mourn and said nothing! What he did, it sounds like torture. And Coulson has no idea what happened to him." He sat still for a moment, then he jumped up with a strong-willed facial expression. "Excuse me, I'll go and tell Tash and then we pay Fury a visit."

"And tell him you found this evidence where exactly?"

"Shit!"

"Yes. You'll need some patience. By the way, it was Loki who found it out. So perhaps you should consider forgiving him one day. Just saying." Tony raised his hands in a peaceful gesture that looked a lot like 'Don't shoot me'.

"Loki." Clint looked thoughtful at him for a moment.

Loki didn't move an inch when he answered him. "I know, I know. The principle of cause and effect. This wouldn't have happened without me, so it's my fault. I bear the blame. I understand that. Say what you need to say. Condemn me. But like I said before, try to hit me again and see if you like my reaction. I understand your anger at me, but I'm absolutely not in the mood to just hold still."

"That wasn't what I wanted to say or do. That was Fury's thing. He put him through hell and restarted a project Coulson wanted to be canceled, kept it a secret to Coulson himself, to me, to everybody. He did that, not you. But, thank you for finding it out."

To say that Loki looked surprised would be a massive understatement. He didn't just looked surprised but dumbstruck and then like he was searching for the catch. Then, all of a sudden, he began to laugh. "You're a strange bird."

"Says the oddball." Clint was actually grinning. Like a weight was lifted off his shoulders. "Can I borrow the tablet? Want to show it to Natasha."

"Yes." Loki nodded and Clint left the room, leaving behind two flabbergasted men.

"What was that?" Tony questioned and Loki confessed: "I have absolutely no idea."

 

Bruce insisted in examining both of them. Both under unwilling protest but that wasn't new to him at all. He was pleased with the results and allowed them to join the rest of them in the living room. Not that Tony needed anyone's allowance, thank you very much! So he was witness to a broadly grinning god helping a grunting Tony walking down the steps. "I'm not an invalid! I learned to walk a long time ago, so would you stop that bullshit?" Loki just smiled and decided not to mention the few stumbling steps that would have sent the complaining genius falling down the stairs if he hadn't held him.

 

They were having dinner when a loud noise was heard. Rotors. Despite the twilight, they saw that the bushes and trees in the garden, visible through the big windows, were swaying in the wind. Then there were spotlights, illuminating the lawn. "Fuck!" That was Hawkeye running for his bow and arrows. Steve grabbed his shield. Tony and Loki wore the bracelets like they always did, so they stood up and gave JARVIS the order to deploy the suits. It was an added advantage that the suit would support a still weak and wounded Tony. Thor put out his hand and grabbed Mjölnir. Natasha surely had more hidden weapons in her outfit than they could ever need but nevertheless, she grabbed two pistols she had concealed under the table. Bruce looked worried but stayed seated at the table.

"Is that a Quintjet?" Steve yelled and Iron Man answered him. "Either that or another airplane or helicopter, however, it's not good!"

They stared through the outsized windows into the garden, waiting. Then there was the noise of an explosion and simultaneously of breaking glass. The sound was disgusting. For a moment they stood in front of a glistening cloud of glass fragments when six S.H.I.E.L.D. soldiers more or less jumped into the living room, armed to the teeth, weapons pointed at the Avengers. As the debris trickled down to the ground a tall man in a leather cloak, Fury, entered behind his men, weapon at the ready. More armed forces were visible in the garden. The other door of the room was forced open by some of them. They were encircled. There was a visible surprise in Fury's face when he recognized who stood opposite him. He lowered his gun, raising his other hand. He gestured at the black uniformed men, to lower their weapons and they followed the order immediately.

 

"Barton, Romanov? What are you doing here? Oh and there's Dr. Banner, Mr. Rogers, even Thor and why am I not surprised to find you here, Stark?"

"Oh, you missed me, that's cute. Can`t blame you for that, I can't help it that I'm awesome." He was already calculating what possibilities they had. _The fucking scepter is still leaning at the wall behind me, shit._ Nobody felt like touching it since they were back at the mansion and now it stood there, clearly visible. But to reach it, Fury had to get past them, so not everything was lost.

Fury pointed at Loki. "And who are you? New suit for Colonel Rhodes?"

"We'll get to that later," Tony answered quickly and decided to open his helmet. "What do you want?"

"What do you think? I got the message that a very important and dangerous piece of alien technology was stolen by armed forces. I'm here to get back what belongs to me."

"You won`t get it back."

"That's none of your business Stark."

"None of my business? Fuck you! You wanted to force me to build an arc reactor for you, something that will never happen. And I read about the plans to convince me. So don`t you dare to say it's not my fucking business!"

"You hacked us again? And you think that gives you the right to break into my facility, kill a researcher and steal the scepter?"

"Yes. You think owning the scepter gives you the right to do with it what you want? Being the director of S.H.I.E.L.D. gives you no such rights. It only gives you responsibilities. And you're lousy with satisfying them."

"You can't always have things your way. Loki used that weapon to destroy and boy, was he successful and now we want to use it for better goals."

"Like the tesseract? You wanted to build weapons of mass destruction!"

"And I had good reasons to do so. You still don't understand it? The first time aliens came to earth they destroyed a fucking town and we had nothing to counter them! Earth is not geared up to fight against other species. And I care for this world.

To top it all, it turned out Thor was the pleasant-natured brother. His insane, power-hungry sibling was even worse and destroyed a part of New York with the Chitauri."

"He was influenced by the scepter, too. It wasn't Loki's decision to attack earth." Thor objected.

"So that confirms it. We considered something like that as possible when we analyzed all data about the scepter and every footage of him and everyone else that ever came in contact with the crazy bastard or the scepter. How did you know? Have you found the out of control maniac?"

That was the point where Loki couldn't listen any longer. He opened the faceplate of the suit and looked at Fury with menacing eyes, the lines of his face like an ancient statue built to turn whoever looked at him to ashes. Tony liked the sight, the beautiful alien mythological being armored with the most advanced technology earth had to offer. _Epic._

"Loki. What does he do here? You are a wanted war criminal. Did you give him a weapon like one of your suits? Like his magic isn't bad enough without high-tech? Are you completely out of your mind, Stark?" Fury raised his gun again which in return lead to raised weapons of the Avengers and of the soldiers. Loki suppressed a smile. At least Fury didn't know about his lack of magic. _Might be the reason why he didn't try anything but chatting since he recognized me._

Bruce got nervous. "Just to inform everybody, if you start to shed blood, this will turn into a massacre. So perhaps everybody could calm down a bit and try talking instead of shooting."

 

"It's a pleasure to meet you again, director Fury." Loki greeted him calmly and stone-faced.

"We'll see how long it will stay a pleasure for you. Let me guess, it was you, who killed my scientist?"

Before anybody could say otherwise, Loki answered him with the old arrogance in his voice. "He attacked. Not to defend himself but to kill. I don`t know if he was that aggressive when you hired him, wouldn't surprise me, or if it was the work with the scepter, wouldn't surprise me either. However, he attacked and tried to slay us, now he's dead. If you wait for an apology, you can wait until all life ends.

But now let me ask you something. Do I have this right, you know I wasn't controlling the Chitauri and you want to catch and torture me into obedience nevertheless?"

"It was you, who brought them here. Now you can help us in compensation."

"Compensation? You have no idea what I had to endure before I appeared on earth." _And after._

"You can come with us and tell me." Fury added relaxed and made an inviting gesture with his right arm, still holding the gun. Loki gritted his teeth.

"I really don't care about what happened to you. Make a better choice of allies the next time. What I care about are this planet and S.H.I.E.L.D."

"They weren't my allies."

"Do I look to you like I care about that either? You collaborated with them. I repeat, you are a wanted war criminal and I have every right to arrest you."

"Wanted by you to enable you to use the scepter." His voice was as bitter as bitter gets.  
"You surely owe us, and you didn`t have scruples to do so before. The only difference would be, we could use it for good, not conquering the world but making it a safer place. S.H.I.E.L.D. has problems. Big problems. With HYDRA among others. The scepter could help solving them when I find a way to use it. S.H.I.E.L.D. is important and I'm willing to do what is necessary to defend it.

It`s not like you didn`t deserve everything that might be necessary. However you got involved in the whole invasion, I'm sure you weren't completely innocent. You were the one who sent the destroyer to earth long before the Chitauri were involved. You're an enemy and you don't have rights here. S.H.I.E.L.D. is worth to fight for it, don`t think that you are."

"I don't think you can do anything to me that I don't know already. I've been through worse." The realization that this was nothing but the harsh truth hit Tony with a clear horror that everything else stopped for an instant until he could force his body to breathe again.

"I can at least try. If I have to break you to have your cooperation, then I'll do it."

 

Before anybody could have stopped him, not that they really thought that much about stopping him, Loki lunged at Fury and dragged him to the ground, holding him there with his right arm and gauntlet. Fury's gun fell out of his hand and Loki picked it up with his left hand. He just held it away from them both, not raising it or pointing it at the man. The god just stared at his face, into the one eye that reminded him so painfully of Odin and of what the Chitauri had done to him. He wouldn't let this man be the next in a row of nightmares. The soldiers stepped closer to him, ready to shoot him but they were waiting for Fury's orders.

"The end justifies the means? No matter how ugly or cruel the means are? Is that what you tell yourself to vindicate all of your plans? Then you're not better than me!" He was angry and, not that he would ever confess it, half crazy with fear. His chest hurt and he felt weak but he wouldn't let that stop him.

Fury didn't move. "It's not like you are a moral instance. Now get the fuck off of me! In the field who's in the right matters distinctly less than who has more and better weapons. This scepter is a better weapon and it could do a lot of good."

"It could do a lot of evil and I won't let that happen. That scepter was built to enslave, to destroy, and to kill. You have no idea what creatures you would attract if you really find a way to use the scepter again. It will destroy what you are, what you try to save, or at least reduce you to submission, turning you into a tool of demise. The scepter is a weapon of evil and cruelty. It's pain and obliteration."

He turned his head and screamed at the god of thunder. "Thor? Take it away. Not to Odin! But now! Go."

And this time, Thor didn't discuss. He grabbed Mjölnir and stepped out on the terrace. None of the agents dared to stop him. "Heimdall!" A few seconds later he was gone and the scepter was, too. Fury cursed, long and loud while he got back on his feet.

Loki let go of the director, abstaining from strangling him or at least spit in his face.

He could have sworn, that he smelled blood for a moment, his own blood, much more of it than when Barton closed his wound. Overwhelming. Like he smelled it on that black rock in space. Loki knew it couldn`t be real, it was just a memory born out of Fury's words and the presence of the scepter but nevertheless, he brought some distance between himself and Fury, taking a few steps back until he stood next to Tony again. The pain in his chest stayed. He threw Fury's weapon into a corner of the room.

 

"How did he get all of you to join his little mission here?" Fury didn't even try to hide his anger. To everybody's surprise, it was Bruce who answered. "That was easy. It was the right thing to do, director. Perhaps you should take the time to listen to the reasons. I highly doubt that the army surrounding us is very helpful for that, perhaps they should withdraw now. If anybody would have been planning to kill you, you would be dead already. Don't you think so?"

Fury hesitated but then he sent the whole troop into the garden to wait for further instructions. It was unnecessary that anybody got hurt now that the scepter was gone, especially considering that he was facing the Avengers and he wasn't sure if he wouldn't need them again.

"To make one thing completely clear, we are all here voluntarily because we all agreed that a project like M.C.U. is simply the worst thing you ever tried, Sir." It was Natasha's calm voice and Hawkeye added: "Or the second worst because later we three will have a talk about T.A.H.I.T.I." Fury visibly flinched while Steve and Bruce looked questioning at them. Tony who saw it just added, that he would explain it later. That was something the two agents had to resolve with their director later.

For now, it was enough that they all separately explained to Fury that they weren't under a spell or a magic artifact's influence but had decided to stop that project. And they all added that Loki helped them during the invasion, it wasn't his free will that led him to earth, but all of them let out what happened after the invasion. Loki stood there, without moving. He just watched Fury silently.

 

Steve watched the whole discussion silently, too but now he addressed the director. "You say you want to save the world. A lot of soldiers sacrificed themselves to save this world. I did it. And I thought there was a relatively clear line separating good and evil. But it seems it became even more blurred in the last 70 years. What Peggy intended when she founded S.H.I.E.L.D. couldn't be what I see now. The good guys should be the good guys. You left me in the lurch."

 _As much as he's right, he's still so damn judgmental, it annoys me beyond reason._ Tony thought to himself.

"Good vs. evil is bullshit." Fury replied.

Tony rolled his eyes when he recognized that Fury had said something that was partly right. _Bad times when I have to agree to some extent with Cyclops._ "Yes, because being evil is fucking easy but good people must always struggle to be good. You decided for the easy way out. Moral ends where your wishes started. You kept this whole thing, hell, the whole base, a secret, so nobody would even try to tell you, that you crossed a line. Again.

And I'm done with philosophy talk. The scepter is gone. Loki is staying with me in New York and if you even just consider doing something about that or poach into our lives I'll make as much of your secrets public as I can."

Tony's eyes flashed angrily and he took a step forward in direction of Fury.

"And not just your secrets. I'm damn sure every TV channel, every paper and magazine and every fucking blogger out there, will be more than interested in the evidence for the fact that the world security council gave the order to bomb Manhattan. There was a fucking nuke, Fury, and I can proof it. So look, it's really simple. You, S.H.I.E.L.D. and the council accept that the scepter is gone, that Loki is staying on earth and nobody in this room gets in problems because of the Lighthouse. Or I'll let the public destroy your nice little organization and the council."

"They would never agree. I could tell them, that the scepter was destroyed during tests but Loki is a bigger problem."

"I'm sure you can solve it."

"I'm not sure if I want to."

"Would be better for you."

"We couldn't grant amnesty to a criminal, Stark. Even if he would be working for S.H.I.E.L.D. as compensation."

"Then tell them, how useful he could be against every force from other worlds that could think about conquering earth. He knows more than everybody on this globe about ways to triumph over this planet, he could be helpful. So swallow your pride and accept your defeat. He'll stay and you will make it possible."


	33. A new opportunity

That was the moment when Fury decided that he really was screwed. The foot soldiers surrounding him had clearance levels way too low to listen to that stuff. He sent them back to the base with the order to send him a helicopter to pick him up later. It took them just a few minutes to vanish. Only the damage they left, the broken windows, the destroyed door, the devastated garden, reminded of their appearance.

Fury made himself comfortable in the middle of a sofa with both arms extended across the white backrest. The only thing missing was that he'd put his boots on the coffee table and demand a beer.

"Feeling at home and relaxed? Can I offer you something?" Tony's voice dripped sarcasm and Fury was rather unimpressed.

"A donut would be nice and coffee. I was chasing a bunch of jerks the whole day, that's surely tiring."

 

Tony shook his head. But he liked the idea of coffee. For himself, not for the smug guy on the couch. He turned his back to Fury, heading to the kitchen. In passing and with a low voice he asked Bruce: "Are you alright?"

"Yes. Calm would be too much said but its ok. Take this." He whispered and pushed two pills into Tony's hand. "Painkillers. Walking around in the suit is not the best physical therapy for you at the moment, this might help a little."

 _Without the suit, I would just keel over, so getting out of it is no option at the moment._ "Thank you, Bruce." He took the pills in the kitchen and came back with a single cup of coffee in his hand which looked slightly ridiculous. The red and golden suit in all its glory and a petite cup of white porcelain with a gold rim in his hand. He leaned at the table and waited. Loki stood by his side, Bruce was still sitting at the table and Steve and the two agents were seated on different armchairs, facing Fury.

 

It was Steve who finally broke the silence. "So what is T.A.H.I.T.I.?"

"An island in the central southern pacific ocean." Fury deadpanned.

"I'm dying of laughter. The S.H.I.E.L.D.-version of it, Nicki. Tell them or I'll do." Tony demanded before he emptied the rest of his coffee cup.

It seemed, the director had accepted his defeat because he answered without further beating around the bush. "A research project involving alien technology, with the purpose to find a way to save a mortally wounded or dead Avenger. I commissioned it, agent Phil Coulson was the project's supervisor. Six S.H.I.E.L.D. agents volunteered to test it, all terminally ill. It worked but there were severe side effects. The only thing they could do to save them from getting completely insane or die was to erase the memories of every patient and give them new identities. You could say, the process of doing that was traumatic but they could go and life a new life without knowledge of anything apart from the memories implanted in them. Coulson found it unethical and appealed insistently to terminate the project. I shut it down. But after his death I reactivated it to resurrect him. It worked. They replaced the memory of his death and of the process, gave him new memories of his recovery at a beach of Tahiti. Sun, sand, drinks, beautiful physiotherapist, the whole program. We told him that he was dead for only eight seconds."

"He is alive," Steve stated slowly and blinked. "You never thought about telling us after New York?"

"No. Gave him a new team. It's better that way."

"Sir, with all due respect, you are not the one to decide that. You can either bring me to him or I'll resign and find him myself." Barton promised. His face was stern. There was no room for negotiation.

Fury just sighed. Tony Stark and a pissed Clint Barton all on the same day when he found out that Loki was on earth and the scepter was stolen. "You can join me in the helicopter. Agent Romanov will follow us, too, I suppose?" She nodded in a subtle gesture that hid a lot of suppressed anger.

 

"Fine." Tony clapped his hands with a cheerful face. "Now back to Loki."

Fury sighed again. That wasn't his day.

It was a long discussion with an amazing amount of swearwords and occasional yelling but at least they found an agreement and signed a contract about it. Because let's be truthful, Fury didn't tend to stick to something without a motivating blow to the neck. Writing it down should help against his special kind of forgetfulness.

 

When Fury was gone, taking Natasha and Clint with him, Loki got out of the suit. Tony hesitated but he couldn't stay in his suit forever. Without it, it was so much more difficult to stand. He struggled and it was Loki who grabbed his arm and forced him down on an armchair. "Sit down, nitwit." He then seated himself in another wingchair. "Did you, did you just talk Fury into hiring me?"

"More or less, yes. As a consultant. I was one before he really needed me as an Avenger. You should read the valuation Natasha wrote about me back then. She thought I wasn't suitable to be an Avenger. She liked my suit but wasn't too happy about me being volatile, self-obsessed and not playing well with others. Not that she is very good at the latter either."  
"Mrs. Romanov? Oh, she plays well with others, always provided, that the ones she plays with are the toys, I assume."

"Yep! She worked for Pepper or pretended to do so. I have to admit I was a little bit fickle back then, but hey, I was slowly dying, that are attenuating circumstances, I'm sure. And Fury, the asshole knew, he just decided to ignore it until the time was running out. I should really force him to drink these disgusting chlorophyll smoothies for a month or so. However, I was a consultant, then an Avenger. You see, it's a job with opportunity for advancement." He grinned.

"You don't think that I want to do the same, do you?"

"Your choice. I don't give a fuck about, to be honest. If Fury would have demanded you agree to become a vegetarian, you would now at least pretend to eat green stuff only, just don't get caught with the damn steak. If the deal would have been, that you wear a tutu every Tuesday, alright, I'm sure you look gorgeous even in pink. Don't kill me for that one, please?"

Loki raised his eyebrows but the corners of his mouth curled upwards into a grin. "As a generous god, I'll put mercy before justice for you. This time."

"Thanks, love. However, it was what it took to get him off your back. You have to offer Fury something additional to the threats, that's the way he is wired. So we gave him something and this part of the problem is solved for now."

"Thank you."

"Oh, you're welcome. I get used to you."

"If you weren't still wounded I would headslap you."

"You make your point as delicately as ever. But I like that grin on your face."

Bruce cleared his throat. "Don't want to disturb the romance, but Fury knows where we are and who we are, so there's no reason to stay here any longer. Tony, please order your pilot to take us back to New York. You will get a proper diagnostic as soon as we arrive at the tower again. So call your medical staff, too."

"Oh, Brucie! Home sounds so fucking good. But more medical shenanigans are superfluous. I'm fine, so could we skip that?"

"Don't even start arguing." Bruce grinned, Loki nodded and Tony finally groaned. "I'll surrender."

 

It was comforting for everybody to be back in the tower. Tony was as good as can be expected under the circumstances and Loki healed at the usual impressive pace.

A week later Tony got a call from Hawkeye and out of surprise he almost choked on his coffee while listening to him. Coughing coffee on his phone looked rather undignified but as soon as he was able to stop it, he muted the phone and asked Loki for his opinion. Clint had asked him if he could stay at the tower for a while and bring Natasha with him. They both took a vacation because they needed a little break from Fury.

Loki agreed with a growl. He didn't like it, but he felt like he owed Barton something for what he did in the Lighthouse and afterward. So now they had some house guests.

 

Thor came back the day after the phone call. All smiles and joyfully excitement. He was barely through the door when he blurted out. "Loki, I told our mother everything you did here and what happened to you before." Thor couldn't stop grinning.

"Your mother, not ... Oh, however, are you insane? Are you trying to get me killed? Then do it at least with your own hands! Odin will hear about it! How do you think this will end for me? You stupid, ignorant…"

He was interrupted by a still smiling Thor. "Oh stop yelling, Loki, and for once let me end my sentence, would you?"

"So tell me, what is it that I should hear before I wipe that grin off your face forever?"

"Odin pardoned you. Granted you complete amnesty. There's nothing he could judge you for anymore. You could even come back to Asgard if you would like, without having to fear penalization." The blond man beamed at him with a proud smile but Loki was way too angry to grasp the whole meaning of that.  
"Thor, I don't know why it didn't get through your thick skull, it doesn't matter to me what he does. Not anymore! I won't let myself get judged by him ever again. Not in front of his throne and not in privacy either. I'm done with him. And I have no wish to go back to Asgard. It's no longer my home, it never really was. My home, it is here now."

Tony shouted at him. "Loki! Don't want to interrupt your fight, just tell me when I should lock the knives away, but did you hear and understand that all-daddy can't do anything to you after that? Good riddance to him! You're free, for fuck's sake! Do you realize that?"

Loki just stared at him, slowly processing what Tony had said.  
Thor continued. "I know, Loki. But it was important for mother. She was absolutely furious. Strident and uncompromising. I never saw her like that before and when she told father he seemed as surprised as I was. He did what he was asked for because she forced his hand. Like a storm forces young birches down.

After that, she sent me to ask you if she could visit you here. She wants to see you with her own eyes. Wants to enfold you in her arms to be sure you're alive and happy. Is she allowed to come?"

The man he stubbornly called brother blinked before he hesitantly answered. "Yes." He still wasn't sure what had happened.

Thor smiled from ear to ear and before Loki could back away from him he took him in a hug that would have cracked a human's ribs. And between an exaggerated sigh and rolling his eyes there might have been a small but genuine smile on Loki's face. Not that he would ever admit it. But Tony saw it and it made his heart do a strange little extra beat. Not that he would ever admit it.

 

Thor excused himself a little later to greet Bruce, Steve, and the two agents. As soon as he disappeared into the elevator, Tony asked: "Could someone like Odin revoke a decision like that? I know nothing about Asgard's fucking political system, it's a monarchy, isn't it?"  
"He couldn't. Or better phrased, he could but he wouldn't. If he would, his word would be worthless from then on. It's dishonorable for the sovereign to pardon someone and then revoke it. He might still be king, but the loyalty of the whole realm would be tested. They are sworn to obey him, but he is sworn to follow Asgard's rules. He wouldn't violate that, not for me, not that obviously. Doesn't mean he will not sentence me in the future for something yet to happen, but for now and as long as I stay away from Asgard and from conquering one of the nine realms I should be left alone."

Tony kissed him. "I congratulate you! First Fury, now Odin, it seems like life grants you some peace and rest now."

"Thank you. But I don't trust the peace. I can't. It will not last." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then he continued. "I won't place down these bracelets. They make me feel safer. Your gift. Here in this sanctuary, you built in the center of this unsafe world. Like the eye of a storm. You, you insane idiot. Insane enough to deal with me. You, you make me feel safe." He turned his back to Tony and walked a step away from him. He felt vulnerable and raw. "Where everybody sees the worst of me you see something worthwhile. When you're here, I can sleep. You make the pain bearable." He took a deep breath, still with his back to Tony who watched every move. "Telling that makes me feel weak. I shouldn't say that. But you almost died and you would have never known. Fear outweighs pride, it seems. You. Make me feel safe."

Tony was silent, then he said softly. "Would you please turn around?"

And the tall man turned slowly, with clenched teeth, like he was still expecting a strike.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Usually, things and people that fell down in front of my feet tend to explode or try to kill me otherwise. But you, you unbelievable jerk, didn't. When I finally understood that I fell in love with you I was sure, that it wouldn't work. I'm, I am fucking difficult and demanding and sometimes I'm still not sure that I deserve you. But it turned out that we're both broken in a way that made it possible to fit all the pieces of us both together to form something good." He stopped with a sheepish grin on his face. "And that my dear is, why I should never write poems."

"Yes, you might want to stay with the tools and computers." Loki laughed relieved, the tension slowly leaving his muscles.

"You should read the code I wrote when I built JARVIS, that is a poem in all its beauty!"

"That I don't doubt."

"By the way, lab?"

"Yes."

 

A few days passed before Loki's adoptive mother arrived together with Thor. The queen was beautiful. Like a crowned head right out of a fairytale. She walked with a grace seldom seen, proud and elegant. Frigga was clothed in a long green dress with shining delicate embroidery. Her hair fell in long curls over her shoulders, accentuated with golden jewelry. She smiled softly and caring, but there was a twinkle in her blue eyes, which showed that she also had a spine of steel. She turned to Loki immediately.

"My beloved son!"

Loki didn't answer. He didn't even move. He held his back straight and his eyes forward. He didn't say a single word. Tony stood beside him and after a few moments, he decided that uncomfortable silence wasn't a good way to spend the afternoon. "Your Majesty. I don't know if it's appropriate to tell you, that it's nice to meet you, but here we go. Pleasure to meet you." He grinned.

The queen chuckled. "The pleasure is all mine. You're the warrior my other son told me about, aren't you?"

"Warrior, genius," _Your son's lover and pissed off by the pain he had to go through, brought upon him mostly on Asgard and by your king._ "I'm Tony."

"Frigga." She smiled and reached out her hand. He took the few steps in her direction and took the queen's hand with a light touch before he let go. Then she made the few steps in Loki's direction which made Loki finally move. He took a step back but he also slightly bowed his head. Frigga simply took another step and put her arms around Loki who fought against the urge to just push her away until she relinquished him.

"Thor told me you want to see me, to assure yourself of the fact that I am alive. I am. If that were all, I'd like to excuse myself now."

"Son." She shrugged her shoulders helplessly.

"We both know, that this is a lie, mother." The word alone hurt twice, first Loki to get it out and then Frigga because it was spoken with so much bitterness.

"Loki, don't!" Thor interrupted him and Loki just screamed in his direction with a voice like he had chewed and swallowed broken glass. "You, you just shut up now! This is not about you. Get out if you can't listen but. Shut. Up!"

The woman that seemed so out of place in a skyscraper on earth replied without hesitation. "It isn't a lie. Your father and I raised you as our own son. I know you're disappointed and feel betrayed by him but he saved your life on Jotunheim."

"Oh fine, let's give him a not-as-big-of-an-asshole-as-he-could-have-been-award!" _Oops, I said that loud._ "But really, not letting a baby die doesn't make him a candidate for a best-dad-mug. And now I shut up, sorry." Tony smiled when Loki laughed.

Then the god's face got serious again. "Why did you even agree to raise me? Odin had political plans, I understand that, but what made you agree to spend your life with a monstrous runt?"

"Call yourself something like that again and I might consider implementing physical punishment to my parenting and slap you for the first time ever!"

Tony grinned. _I think I could like her!_

"Then why did you let everybody tell me that they are monsters, knowing my origin? Why didn't you tell me?" With that, Tony's grin died. Loki was right and he sounded so absolutely crushed that it felt like the stab of a knife. It hurt and Tony wasn't sure that anybody would ever be able to heal that specific, still bleeding wound on Loki's mind. This wasn't the fury he showed for Odin, this was disappointed love and ingrown pain.

Thor looked away.

Frigga's face got paler, her smile replaced by sadness and guilt. She spoke slowly. "To be honest, I don't know. Perhaps I thought you will never find out or perhaps I wanted to tell you later, that my husband went profoundly wrong with dooming all Jotuns." Her voice became a whisper. "Perhaps I was too cowardly to stand up against Asgard and it was so easy to ignore it and just hope that you never find out and that loving you would be enough."

The room was silent, nobody dared to speak.

She continued, her voice soft again. "You were an innocent abandoned child and you smiled at me. When Odin laid you in my arms you smiled with that beautiful green eyes at me and grabbed my hand. You made me happy. I knew that I would raise this child because you deserved a loving mother. And then I did it all wrong and made you miserable. I failed you. I want to apologize. I hope that the day will come when you can forgive me."

There was a long time of silence until Loki spoke again. "You never saw me in my real form, do you? You just saw the glamor Odin cast over me. How can you be sure, you wouldn't fear and hate me if I wouldn't look like this?"

"Your place of origin is as irrelevant as your looks. It only matters who you choose to be. What you feel and think and what you do now determines who you are, not your heritage. How you live your life. I knew you as a baby and child and I saw you grow up. I saw what you are capable of, in good and bad actions. I saw you making mistakes. You are capable of so much, it only depends on yourself. I didn't give birth to you but I was and still are your mother. You will always be my son and I will always love you."

"I'll think about that after your departure. I'm not going to say more about this matter now." _I just don't know what to say or do or think anymore._

"I agree. But first I still have to tell you something crucial. Thor told me that your magic was taken from you. As a Jotun, your magic is part of your existence. It's locked away, unreachable for you. It was bound and made unusable but it's not destroyed. There is literally no way to do that without killing you. And I know how you can get back your ability to use it."

Loki looked at her, completely silent again.


	34. An untold story

"You know how I could use magic again?" Loki asked slowly and looked askance at the queen of Asgard. "So what's the catch? What will it cost me?"

"It's dangerous and difficult. I wasn't even sure if I should tell you about, but all these months I didn't know where you were or if you are alive, have got me convinced that we already concealed too much from you. It should be your decision if you want to try it or not."

"You're not expecting me to be thankful for not being lied to for once, do you?" He questioned grim-faced.

"No. but please, hear me out."

Loki folded his hands behind his back. "Then continue, if you please. But I tell you seriously that you are wasting your own time as well as mine if this has anything to do with Odin or me staying at Asgard."

The queen continued. "No, neither. After Thor told me what happened I remembered a story my great-great-grandmother told me once. I researched the library for more information and sought advice from a few old friends from different realms. To make a long story short, you can get your ability to wield magic back but it comes at a price. It would lead you to a dangerous journey."

"Why am I not surprised?" Was the dry answer.

"What you need to find is located on Jotunheim." She looked at her son who nodded with a carefully blank face before he added. "Of course." Dry and bitter.

 

The queen stood bolt upright, her hands by her side and her face still just a little bit too pale. "There is a mountain on Jotunheim called Dróttinn. A snow-white jewel in the icy deserts of Jotunheim. The mountain is the caldera of an extinct volcano that existed on Jotunheim long before the temperature dropped to the icy degrees that you find there nowadays. Jotunheim was always cold. Colder than the other realms. But it got covered in ice a little more than 20000 years ago.

Dróttinn is a very special place. The walls of the crater, made up of black and red volcanic rock, are extraordinarily tall. They always provided a milder climate than the rest of Jotunheim has. It was considered a sacred place. Several tunnels stretch far into the interior because Dróttinn was the home of a nation living on Jotunheim together with the Jotun. They built a partly subterranean city inside of the caldera sheltered by its tall walls. A metropolis that was home to the whole nation. The Jotun had big cities but none of them was so structured and was housing so many lives.

I'm sorry, I don't know their name, nobody could tell me and I found nothing in the books. It was too long ago I guess. But they were described as graceful and tall with long, dark hair and radiant eyes. With pale skin, dressed in very colorful clothing.

These mysterious people had impressive magic abilities. They were born with it, like the Jotun and like you. And it was that way for a very long time. But Jotunheim got colder year by year, forcing the Jotun to adjust to these changes much more than the other nation that was living in a sheltered environment. The Jotun grew stronger and resistant to cold. And they were arrogantly thinking that they are the superior race on Jotunheim. That this superiority grants them the right to control this other nation, which appeared to be more vulnerable than they were."

Loki tensed up and Tony barely managed to stop himself and not spit out that this description sounded a lot like Asgard. _Don't they think that they are the greatest thing since sliced bread, superior to humans and even more to the Jotun? And why the fuck are you all completely unaware of hurting him?_

 

Frigga took a deep breath and continued with her story. "So they decided to conquer the city, turn the inhabitants into slaves and rule them. Wipe out their existence in the long run.

The Jotun descended upon them like a natural disaster. They outnumbered them by far and reduced the aboveground part of the town to rubble. The people living there fought back, but they lost the battle. They were outnumbered and not prepared for a war. It was an inferno, a genocide. Dróttinn became a cemetery, covered in corpses, blood and bereft of every life. At the end of the second day who wasn't killed or captured fled and never came back. They didn't have time to take their belongings with them, so everything is still there under the ruins.

 

You know that there are powerful magical relics that are bound to the realm they originated from. They preserve the stability of these realms. If these artifacts are removed their loss causes massive instabilities. Wars, natural disasters, diseases, lowered standards of living. Like it happened to Jotunheim when the casket of ancient winters was taken away. Jotunheim is deteriorating from the lack of ice magic. The only reason it isn't worse, especially after the Bifrost tore through a part of Jotunheim, is that there is another relic on Jotunheim maintaining a fragile resilience. It was crafted in the caldera of Dróttinn and the Jotun didn't know about it when they destroyed the biggest part of the metropolis. They searched for it later but weren't able to find it. So it should still be there.

It's called the sphere of olden oceans. It's a metal sphere composed of a solid blue metal with specks of silver and white, etched with two parallel grooves running around the equator. It can be opened by twisting the sphere at its equator in opposite directions. The casket of ancient winters holds the cold and can reproduce the infinite icy cold when used as a weapon. The sphere holds and can reproduce the other thing that is a primary element of Jotunheim – water. It can be used as a weapon too, it can adopt every form, every shape, just like water and it can manipulate weather.

Like I said, like water it can adopt every form, even the form of someone's personal magic. Like yours. Whatever it is that binds it, it will wash it away and give your magic back to you."

 _At least it's not a scepter._ Instead Loki asked her: "How?"

"You were able to use the casket, it's similar. Open the sphere, it should be able to restore your magic but I don't know how exactly."

"So the whole thing is fraught with risk, danger and uncertainty."

"Yes. But it's at least a chance worth considering."

 

"Even If I should decide to try it, how shall I travel to Jotunheim? I am the only one who found a way to get there without the Bifrost and I would need magic to use that way. So I can't do it myself and Heimdall won't."

His mother smiled. "He would, my dear. First of all, because it would be an order from his queen but even more because he's still not over the fact that you froze him with the casket of ancient winters. He's looking forward to sending you somewhere really cold and icy, he stated when I left."

Loki laughed. It wasn't a happy sound. "I almost forgot that."

He looked at her questioning. "So you're basically suggesting that I let myself be sent to a hostile realm by a resentful gatekeeper that committed treason while I was his king and has no other reason than revenge for actually sending me where he claims he would send me.

Without a way back if I don't find the sphere or said guardian is in a good mood.

A realm I nearly wiped out of existence and I have no knowledge about. I have no idea where that mountain might be and I have also no information about where I shouldn't go.

A realm populated by a race of aggressive creatures that can use magic. Unlike me! They also might remember me because I killed their king. Which they might condemn. They might feel the urge to do the same to me. So what you're saying is, I could get my magic back but it's way more likely that I would die trying, is that right?"

"I obtained a map of Jotunheim which should be helpful to find Dróttinn. And Thor would be content to accompany and help you."

"I'm sure, he is." Loki grimaced. He was tired and sick of that whole ordeal. "Could it be, that you are really, really desperately trying to offer me something to silence your conscience? This is not necessary. I don't expect anything from you." _Not this at least._

"I just try to help my son. I am sorry, there is no easier way."

"I'm not asking for an easier way, I am just pointing out, that there are easier and more comfortable ways to get me killed."

"I could send some warriors with you."

"No. There are already enough obstacles without having to worry about someone stabbing me in the back."

"I just try to help you. In the hope that we can mend our relationship one day."

"I have to think about that. Please go now. Or do whatever you planned doing on Midgard that doesn't involve me. I'm sure your golden son will deliver a message from me to you if necessary. Thank you for your visit. I have to go now." He darted a last glance at Frigga and stormed out of the room. He had enough, he was done with this discussion and with patience and self-control and everything he could think of.

 

Tony looked after him, then at the queen and said: "Please excuse me, madam. I think I'll have to go now and at least try to piece some shattered parts together you too were involved breaking."

"Man of Iron, guard your tongue!" Thor was indignant and Tony thought he couldn't care less about that now. But before he could reply and tell Thor where he could shove his objection, the queen answered.

"Let him be, it's alright. I'm glad he cares about Loki that much."

Frigga smiled at Tony. "Thank you for your hospitality. I will come back when you and my son had time to think about everything. Thor, will you come with me?"

"Certainly."

"Thank you for your visit. I appreciate your attempt to be there for Loki." _Even if you're very, very late for that._ "If you wish to rest or have things to do on earth, you can stay at Thor's floor, JARVIS can prepare a guestroom or you can leave. Do as you wish, but you are not allowed on the floors that Loki and I occupy. JARVIS will ensure that." And with that, Tony turned around and left behind the Queen of Asgard and Thor.


	35. Monsters and gods

Tony found Loki in the workshop hunched over a workbench with DUM-E. "How are you?"

"Guess." He didn't look up, didn't want him to see how upset he was. Tony didn't need to see him to know, to understand that he had every reason to be.

"That bad, huh?"

Loki shrugged his shoulders. "I'll survive."

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, give me that torx-screwdriver." _And perhaps shut up?_

He handed him the tool and sat down on a chair that Loki had pushed aside when he started working. "You think about going, don't you?"

Loki reached for a pair of pliers before he finally looked up. "Imagine you would lose your right hand. You wake up screaming and find it's gone. You can do a lot with your left, I know that. But if someone offers you a slight chance to get it back, don't tell me you wouldn't try it.

Magic is a part of me. I'm good at it and I actually really enjoy it. I woke up and it was gone. Wouldn't you do everything you could to keep on doing what you do best and what makes you happy?"

"You don't need magic, you're brilliant without it. Don't have to risk your life. Again."

Loki cursed when a wire broke under too much pressure of the pliers, then he answered. "You didn't just get out of that cave, not just invented the arc reactor to save yourself but decided to become Iron Man when you were free. You weren't satisfied with just doing the necessary and be like you were before. You're creative, smart _,_ you use your potential, every bit of it. So don't even try to tell me you wouldn't think about going."

"No, I just. Don't know." He sighed. _Don't want to lose you._

Loki looked at his work again. "We both know, in the end, I will go." _Even if it might be stupid._

 

Tony knew this was true and discussing wouldn't change anything. _I can handle that._ "How cold is it on Jotunheim? The suits can withstand cold below the freezing point just for a limited time span."

"I believe you are gravely mistaken, what makes you think you'll accompany me?" Loki sounded genuinely surprised.

„So that is what you want to do? Leave me like that? Walk away from me? Because with magical powers, you don't need or want me anymore?" Worry lines and anger creased his forehead above serious brown eyes.

"What? No! I won't leave you. I want to get my magic back as quick as possible, leave that cursed realm forever and come back to you, idiot. I meant it, when I said, that this is my home." _When I said I love you._

 

 _Please don't leave me._ Tony spun the chair completely around until he looked at the table again and stated seriously. "I won't let you do that alone."

 _Why?_ "You are human. I will not stand there and watch you die on Jotunheim just because of me! You survived so much but you can die. Jotunheim is a place for death and destruction. You won't go there."

"It's not like I need your fucking permission! There's nothing you can do to stop me." He snarled and stood up.

"Why would you want to do something that stupid and self-destructive?"  
"Because you do it, dumbass."

"I beg your pardon?" Loki asked with raised eyebrows.

"Which part didn't you understand? The 'dumbass' or the 'because you do it'? Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"It's dangerous. Riskier than you imagine."

Tony picked up a big nut and a screw. He was done with discussing. _When you insist on going there, I'll go with you._ "I think about building a snowman when we arrive. Screws or nuts as eyes, what do you think?"

"What?" Loki stared at Tony in disbelief. "A snowman?"

"Yes. Any objections?"

Loki recovered himself, shrugged and finally gave in. "Screws. Don't forget to add a carrot to your luggage." He sighed in exasperation. "You're driving me nuts." Loki placed the tools on the table and turned around.

"I think I'm already too late for that."

That brought him a light slap on the back of his head but also a grin.

 

The grin vanished quickly. Tony took a gaze at him and recognized the look instantly. He saw it before. Sometimes even in his own face. And in Loki's face at that night he was drunken, emotional and terrified.

His eyes were edged in red ever so slightly, the little wrinkles in his face were a tad deeper and his cheekbones looked somewhat sharper because he clenched his teeth. He had his hands folded behind his back, which straightened his shoulders and back, letting him appear even taller.

There's silence for a while, and for some reason, Tony decided to talk about Jotunheim.

"Perhaps you can learn something about the culture you originally came from."

"You misunderstand what they are. They have no culture. I know exactly two things about their history, the first is the war I heard about for the first time today. A war against a race I didn't even know because they wiped out their existence! The other thing is the Asgard-Jotunheim war."

"The Jotun fought a war against Asgard? Doesn't sound very promising."

"It started on Earth to be exact. Laufey, their king," _Your father._ Tony thought but kept silent. "Used the power of the casket to try bringing a new ice age to Earth and claim it as their own. The Asgardian army forced them back to Jotunheim and defeated them in battle. A fight with great costs for both sides. There was a peace treaty and Odin took the casket."

"That I remember. Your mother mentioned it. As far as I understood it, he damned them to live on a deteriorating planet without their magical thingy. And is surprised that they don't like Asgard or anybody coming from there?"  
"They deserved it."

"For starting a war? Asgard houses a nation of warriors, not peaceful philosophers and gardeners. We had two world wars on this planet. There are wars even now!"

"I'm not an ambassador for Jotunheim!" Loki found it hard to keep his temper with so many questions he didn't want to answer, didn't even want to think about. He thought of the dark, cold and windy landscapes of Jotunheim and the stories of the creatures that resided there, of Asgardian parents that told stories about the monsters to scare their children for centuries. Behind his back he balled his hands into fists, wanting to hit and break something.

 

"Ok, ok. How do the Jotun look like?"

"Like hideous monsters."  
"Fuck, Loki. Could you please, please, answer without degrading yourself? Just the facts. Without the fucking racism, that was inculcated in you." Tony said with passion.

"They are called Frost Giants for a reason. Humanoid creatures, taller and stronger than your race and even the Asgardians. Taller and stronger than I am. I'm a bastard son."  
"Why did you call yourself that? What does it even mean?"

"I don't know, I had no intention to find out. Laufey called me that when I went to Jotunheim to lure him to Asgard." Oh, how unpleasantly well he remembered that conversation. "He called me a weak bastard son. He should know, shouldn't he?" His voice was harsh and cold.

"No. He had no idea." Tony looked miserable and shoved away the mental pictures of a baby that was first abandoned and left to die by his own father and then lied to until a young man would find out later that he was taught to be afraid and disgusted of himself. "They are tall, and?"

"Red eyes and blue-grey skin. With lines on their bodies, that look like scars on their skin. Some have bone-like crests on their heads and look a little bit like ancient beasts right out of an MMORPG. It's hard to wound or kill them. They have a similar lifespan or live even longer than Asgardians. They prefer extreme cold but can survive a warmer climate. They can use ice magic to create and manipulate ice, they are even able to cover themselves in it or use it as a weapon." He was furious now and continued in a loud angry tone of voice. "When they touch someone from another race, they give frost burns that turn skin black, spreading further the longer they hold on. It causes agonizing pain and could cost the target a limb or his life. They are monsters!" _I am._ A cry of naked rage, "Are you satisfied now?"

Breathless he stumbled back and paused to lean against another workbench. His mouth was dry and his head was spinning. He flexed his hands in a motion that should be distracting and relaxing, but wasn't. He wanted to run. Or hurt someone. Alternatively, hurt himself. Defending himself with violent anger to avoid feeling the hurt.

 

Tony hold his hands up in a gesture of peace but he kept on talking. "I have a reason to ask dumb questions and piss you off."

Loki nodded. "You don't say." _That better be a good reason._ "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I have to know, that you won't break down or rage there. I know it's shit for you and you hate it, but tell me, if we'd come across some Jotun, a village, a family, whatever, you won't just kill them because they are who they are?"

"I don't think so. Would possibly be my last bad idea without magic, so I really try to avoid them."

"Even after you get it back. We're not going to kill innocents that aren't attacking us. I don't believe that a whole race is worse than others, that everybody else is inherently better."

"Asgard does. I spent centuries there and I didn't fit in. I didn't become the person I thought I should be so you might be wrong!" _It doesn't matter anyhow._

"You use the fucking prejudices they taught you, to justify the past. But that's bullshit. Asgard treated you bad, but not because of your race. They didn't even know about, apart from Odin and Frigga. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but it wasn't because of that! You didn't fit in and they tried to put you in the place they thought you should be or destroy you. Because you're brilliant and they were assholes!"

"That is your theory?" Loki commented with a doubting laugh. He had to laugh, he wouldn't end up crying now.

"No. My conviction." He could imagine a sensitive child that always was a bit more intelligent than the rest, gifted with a talent the majority didn't understand. Mistreated. Misunderstood. Disrespected and betrayed, just not good enough. _Treat someone like that for centuries and wait for the outcome._ "The past will not change, even if you try to justify how you were treated by degrading the Jotun and yourself with that. You have wasted so much time trying to be who you thought you ought to be while you are already so excellent as yourself. No matter what race you are or where you come from."

 

Tony looked at Loki as if to determine whether or not he should share his thoughts. "Do you know who your birth mother is?"

"No. It doesn't matter. She's just someone else for whom I am a negative memory. Or she's someone who has long forgotten me. Or felt nothing at all for me in the first place."

"Or someone who is wondering where you are and if you're happy."

"We'll never find out, so who cares?"

"You said, you changed when you hold the casket, Odin's glamor dropped, revealing your true self. What changed exactly?"

"Skin color and eyes."  
"But not the rest? Neither your physiology or height or anything else? Is gorgeous black hair a trait of the Jotun?"

"No, no and no. What are you trying to say?"

"Your physiology and appearance doesn't fit after everything you told me. If Odin just had to change your skin-colour and eyes, perhaps you are not just Jotun. Perhaps that was the real reason to sacrifice you at a temple and to call you a bastard."

"So I'm just half of a monster or what?"

"You are not a monster, not even half."

Loki's voice was quieter now. "Do you really believe that?"

"I know it."

"I hope for both of us that you are right."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The part of he conversation between Laufey and Loki where he called him a bastard didn't make it into the film. I found it in the script for Thor at imsdb.


	36. Little secrets, big lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter. I got ill and still am but the next chapter should be ready sooner :-)  
> Thanks for all the nice comments and Kudos!

After two days of forced family gatherings, Tony was as pissed as Loki, or Loki as much as Tony. It was hard to tell who seemed tenser. They both had enough. But today they would discuss the last details and the queen would then leave for Asgard.

 

Frigga made it very clear that Thor would accompany them or they would stay where they are. No Heimdall, no Jotunheim, nada. She phrased it way more polite and sophisticated but the message was obvious and there was no room for negotiations.

Tony wasn't sure if Thor or Loki were really happy about it but it seemed that no one was asking them when the queen made a decision. Especially not when she looked like she was contemplating murder when not obeyed. But at least she had no objections against Tony going with them.

 

Tony tried to be a good guy and stay polite, friendly and civil. It seemed like the better way because Loki was stressed enough with neither exploding in rage nor sinking into depression. He didn't need someone making it even more difficult by fighting with his adoptive family. But whenever Thor's voice boomed across the room and made Loki cringe or when Frigga treated him like a stubborn child, Tony looked longingly at the bar, forcing himself to keep sitting down and shut up. It was exhausting. He tried to speed up the whole discussion. "The ice and snow are regular H2O, not some strange thing made out of, don't know, pixie dust or something like that?"

The queen agreed. "It's the same as snow and ice here."

"So basically water that can be melted and isn't poisonous to drink, fine! No carrying of water bottles. Just freeze dried meals, other dried stuff and for my sake something with lots and lots of caffeine. Essentially everything with as many calories as possible for minimum weight."

They discussed with JARVIS what clothes would shield them against the cold and against potential attacks, trying to find a balance between warmth and safety.

"Thank god for functional clothing!" Tony stated and Loki answered him with a "You're welcome, but that's not exactly my field of expertise." He grinned. "But I like your worship of me. You should increase that."

"I'd love to later, perhaps without company and minus giving Thor an aneurysm that would make his head explode?" He grinned at the blond god that looked down on the floor, ignoring the comment.

 

There was just one more thing Tony had to clarify in all seriousness.

"And Thor? You're not going to go all Gargamel and kill the Smurfs as soon as you see one!"

"What? I don't understand what you ask of me."

"You won't kill the Jotun without reason. Just to make that clear. Whatever Asgard may think, no killing just because someone is of another race." His voice was stern.

"Why should I murder them?"

Thor sounded confused and Loki couldn't resist answering him before Tony could. "May I quote you? `I'll hunt the monsters down and slay them all.´" All of a sudden anger rose from him like steam from a geyser. An old, boiling rage just below the surface, entwined with bitterness, sadness, jealousy, and pain. Pushing away the charming, mischievous and playful joy that was there, too. An overflow of energy, tipping over the chemical mixture resulting in a barely controlled detonation. "Didn't you say so?"

Thor wasn't willing to stay silent this time. "I was a child! I grew, I learned. And I might add, it wasn't me who attempted to destroy their realm."

"No, you just challenged them all when Laufey called you a princess!"

Tony exhaled slowly. "That applies to everybody. Nobody is going to kill without being attacked or otherwise in danger, my fellow travelers."

Loki tried to calm himself. Anger wasn't helpful now and he concentrated on that. Thor clenched his jaw but nodded and Frigga shook her head with a light smile. "I'll depart in the afternoon. You can prepare everything you'll need and I'll come back in a week to arrange your transport."

 

Tony wrote a handful of additional new protocols, just in case something would go wrong. And he updated his will, guaranteeing the Avengers a life estate for Stark Tower. While doing that he realized that they would need an explanation for them. Sooner or later they would discover, that Tony, Loki, and Thor weren't at the tower or even in New York anymore. It was better to give them a reason before they would go and investigate for themselves and something going incredibly wrong while they'd do so. So they came up with an official cause of their departure. The three of them would make a business trip to Scandinavia for Stark Industries. Always best to stay as close to the truth as possible when telling an enormous lie. At least there was snow and cold, it was huge and at least some places must have a bad cellular network, giving them a good excuse for being unreachable for a time. There was absolutely no way of telling them that they'd leave the planet or why they would.

They had all reached a sort of peace with each other in the tower. A fragile peace. Partly based on mutual ignorance, but also on the beginning of forming friendships.

 

First Tony would have to tell Pepper. Using Stark Industries as an excuse would never work without her. He really didn't look forward to that conversation but it was inevitable. That was the reason Pepper was now sitting in his living room for the first time in months. When they broke up it wasn't easy for him to get used to working with her again. It took months with minimal communication for them to establish something like a friendship again.

When he ended his explanation with the business trip lie she wasn't as stunned as he would have imagined.

"So let me get this straight, or not that straight, you are in a relationship, have you really said relationship? With the man, the god, however, that almost destroyed earth? And yes, I understood that it wasn't his voluntary decision. But have you seen what he can do? Probably forgot that he had enough physical force to throw you out of a window? You know that he could kill you?"

"Of all the clusterfuck I just told you, that is the first thing that comes to your mind?"

"You messing with S.H.I.E.L.D. or annoying the hell out of heads of state or however Asgard is called isn't exactly new."

"Touché. You realize that I could kill him, too?"

"But you wouldn't."

"He wouldn't either. That is the point. I trust him with my life. Pepper, he's clever, funny and fucking hot. And believe it or not, he's caring and I love him."

She thought for a moment and then got up. "I trust you. I'll bring you some paperwork for all of that later. Take care, Tony."

With that, she left.

 

When the Avengers finally heard about the planned business trip they decided to have a celebration, sort of a farewell party. They didn't have much time but invited friends for the next afternoon and got JARVIS to find someone who would cater Scandinavian drinks and food with just a few hours notice.

They got somehow creative and so the next day saw a lot of people in winter sweaters celebrating on the communal floor. They had hot cacao and vodka and something called 'Lingondricka', a beverage out of lingonberries. It turned out, that vodka with ice and the before mentioned 'Lingondricka' was called 'Vargtass', which means wolf's paw and tasted delicious.

They had pickled, smoked and fried herring and salmon. There was something named 'Flæskesteg', which turned out to be a pork roast with a heavy gravy. JARVIS even found some sausages that included reindeer and nobody but Thor and Clint liked them. Instead, everybody loved the cinnamon buns and a pastry named 'Smørsnegl'. They also had a warm blueberry soup that tinted tongues and lips blue and purple, and it turned out that if not eaten with care, it colored clothes, too.

Somehow JARVIS had managed to get some mead delivered as well as something that seemed to be some sort of beer. The latter made Thor laugh and he started to tell stories of some Norwegian celebrations that involved himself and a lot of that brew. It was new that Loki chimed in and added details to the thundergod's story. It made the tale a lot more credible and even more entertaining, as well as a funny little bit less flattering for Thor who couldn't stop laughing nevertheless.

It was a rather weird mix of people partying together but it turned out to be funny as hell.

 

It was a lot later when Loki went to the bar to get more 'Vargtass' and watched the room. He looked around and saw Clint talking to Natasha and then walking up to him. The archer stopped in front of him, his eyes focused on Loki who was looking back with slight amusement. Until Clint opened his mouth and just said, "Follow me." It wasn't that much of a question but more of an order. Unexpectedly without the undertone of anger and hostility he usually showcased whenever he had to talk to the other man. Loki sighed. "Barton, I'm getting sick and tired of you. Get yourself a shrink, a drink or get yourself laid. I'm not responsible for you and your sanity."

"Get your arrogant ass up and follow me." Barton gestured at the door and then he added a grin and a "Please." That was surprising, so Loki decided to follow the agent curiously.

As soon as they were out of sight of the party Clint turned around. "Stark and you are good actors but Thor not that much. Don't know what you intend to do but sure as hell, it's not about a business trip. Don't care what it's really about, none of my business. I just wanted to point out one thing. If something goes really wrong, call us. Nat, Steve, Bruce and I, we will help if it's needed." He pointed a finger at Loki. "We two are not even but I really like Tony and Thor. Would prefer them alive and well. And you might be not that much of a bastard I thought at first."

"My, my, I'm flattered." A broad grin settled across his face.

Clint ignored the smirk. "I saw you kneel beside him, fighting against fury and whatever it is that is buzzing through this damaged mind you call your own. You wouldn't let your pride kill Stark. Perhaps you have the same sense of protection for Thor and yourself." Loki opened his mouth to tell him exactly what he thought about Barton having the audacity to talk like that, but he didn't get a chance to. Clint turned around with a "Shut up for once and just remember what I said. I need some more of this unpronounceable drink." He waved and was gone. Loki laughed. _Is nobody in this damn tower sane?_ Then he went back to the party and his own drink, still grinning.


	37. Cold but beautiful

The day of their departure came fast and they gathered their luggage. "Tell me why Heimdall can't put us down in front of that mountain instead of two days' march away from it?" Tony sounded more curious than concerned about something resembling an Arctic expedition.

"He's not Scotty?" _Or me, long ago._ Loki groaned when Tony raised his eyebrows. "He's afraid that the impact of the Bifrost would clash with the cavities that are under the surface of parts of Jotunheim. There's a potential that we would end in a pile of debris. Seems that when the Bifrost tore through Jotunheim it made big parts of it even more unstable than it was before. Or at least that`s what he told the queen, might as well be that he just wants us to have a little walk in the snow because he's an asshole."

It seemed like the mentioned gatekeeper took that as his cue because the next moment they were surrounded by blinding white light and every noise stopped. It was a strange feeling for Tony. It felt like traveling at an incredible speed and being absolutely static at the same time, surrounded by light but nothing else. He felt slightly nauseous when he gathered back his senses, standing inside of a round imprint of runes in ice.

 

The ground was covered in snow, brilliant white with big ice covered rocks casting cream shadows on it. Clusters of impressive crystals were rising into the sky like mountains or trees, as tall as multi-storey buildings. There were enormous glittering pillars in lightly gray whites that shimmered like moonlight. Giant columnar crystals like a dark blue forest, broad and spiky with sharp edges of ultramarine and indigo and soft shadows of sky-blue, even parts which looked ever so slightly turquoise. Some fallen obelisks lay on the ground, surrounded by smaller crystals, sharp as blades and flawlessly sparkling.

A unique bit of topography, creating unearthly beauty. For Tony, it was simply overwhelming and astonishing but Thor and Loki didn't even look twice.

The wind was icy but surrounded by this impressive landscape, far removed from every civilization Tony knew, he almost forgot the cold. "Even at the risk of losing my head, it's beautiful here. Looks like Iceland or Antarctica. Like a fairy tale winter. The gigantic crystals, the scrunch of snow and ice. It's fucking cold but stunning!"

"It's a cold wilderness. Rocks, ice, inhospitable and grim. I don't understand what you see in it." Loki grunted. "There is nothing of beauty on Jotunheim."

 _You are._ Tony shook his head. "Seems again like growing up on Asgard has a lot of doing that in North Korea. Everyone else is seen as inferior and don't forget the kin liability. When you talk like that, I sometimes hardly withstand the wish to hit you on the head, you know that? You're too clever for this shit or at least you should be." He took a deep breath of cold air. "Is all of Jotunheim like that? Doesn't look like fertile land to me, so what the hell do they eat here?"

"It's mostly like that, on big parts of this realm winter never eases its grip. There are some dense, dark forests and rivers so they live from deer and fish, I guess. I don't care! They can eat stones if they like to. Can we leave now?" Loki was restless and tense.

Snow blew over the ground like glittering white mist and Tony shrugged his shoulders. "I'll follow you. You have the map."

So they started their walk in silence. Thor didn't seem to mind or even notice it, he was absorbed in his own thoughts. The last time he sat foot on this realm it didn't end well. It started a row of events he regretted but couldn't take back and now they led him back to Jotunheim.

When they saw a small furry animal that was gone as fast as it appeared Tony tried it again. "What's that? Looks like a flying squirrel or something alike."

"To clarify that once and for all, I don't know it. I know nothing about all that here!" Loki was back to impatience, annoyed about everything. About not being cold which reminded him of the blue skin hidden under the one he recognized as his own, about being the reason why they were walking through an icy desert, about everything and everybody, especially about himself. He walked faster and with that forced Tony to speed up, too, silencing him because he needed his breath to keep up with the two gods.

 

They had walked for two hours when Tony suddenly broke through the crusted snow. Struggling and cursing he sank almost to his armpits. Loki, who was closer to him, turned around and walked over to him. Thor followed him, grinning slightly.

Tony was laughing because, as cold and uncomfortable it was, he also saw the humor in the situation. "Pull me out!"

"Are you sure? As you are so interested in this realm you might want to stay a little longer, exploring the beautiful landscape?" Loki reached out his hand with a big grin.

Back on solid ground, Tony shook himself like a dog, trying to get rid of the snow that covered his clothes. After he dusted himself down he looked at the two gods. "Ok, I decided to not let my pride kill me. You two have the taller legs and more strength. We walk through snow with ice on top. You have not the slightest clue how exhausting that is for a normal human being! And you run, for fuck's sake! Slow down, I can't keep up with that speed any longer. And I'm not going to end in anther snow filled pit because I hurry without looking where I step." Thor nodded and Loki did the same, the impression of guilt briefly crossing his face. His eyes darted away for a moment then he composed himself. "If you are alright we should nevertheless keep on moving. We have a long route in front of us and we should reach a territory with caves in a few hours." Thor added helpfully: "There we can rest, light a fire, eat and spend the night in a safe place."

"A cave? You forgot to mention that before?"

"You never asked. I'm sorry, what did you think we'd do? Eat some culinary specialties after visiting a few historical monuments? Find a nice hotel with breakfast in bed?" Loki did his best to tame the feelings that seethed inside of him but that was the nicest thing to say that he could manage.

"Jackass! But I thought about a tent?" _I didn't think about the alternatives, fuck._ "No, you're alright, a cave is fine. I just don't like them very much." _Or hate them._

Tony hadn't seen anything like a cave since he was back from Afghanistan and the memories linked with that special cave weren't something he ever wanted to feel again. He remembered cold nights, surprisingly cold for a land with so much sun and sandy deserts. He hated being cold. _It sucks. It's painful._ But this was something else, wasn't it? He was warm. He was well prepared for that. He was free. And he wasn't alone.

This was another time, another place, even another planet. No problem or at least that was what he hoped.

They decided to have a lunch break, eat and drink something to ensure that they could go the distance and J.A.R.V.I.S. had repeated it over and over again that at least humans needed a constant supply of food and water for energy and to produce enough heat in such a cold environment.

 

The landscape changed over time, getting more rugged and mountainous. Very occasionally they saw a conifer. It was already dark when they found the territory marked in the map and settled down for the night inside of a cave between large rocks and hills. The stars had already begun to come out, diamonds sprinkled across the dark sky. There were more stars than Tony ever saw. Before he entered the cave he took one last look at the world he was thrown into this morning. The ice and snow were shining and sparkling in the last light of day and he could only hear the wind and the creaking of the ice. It was raw and cold but he would never forget the sight. It was unbelievably beautiful.

Thor was still so very silent it stretched Loki's already thin patience. When they lit the fire he turned around. "Why did you agree to come with us? The queen wouldn't have forced you to. Why did you leave behind the throne and your woman?" His voice was an assault, not curiosity.

"Her name is Jane. You demand respect for yourself and Tony, I expect the same from you."

 _That isn't wrong. But surprising._ "Why did you leave Jane behind?" He emphasized her name like it tasted sickening in his mouth.

Thor decided to ignore the mocking undertone. "And by the way, you should be thankful for her. She did a lot of talking to make me understand that what I was taught about you being with a man could be wrong. However, she, as well as the throne, will wait for me. This will not. You're still my brother."

"You're a stupid fool."

"I can fully return this compliment."

Loki didn't answer.

 

They decided to take turns staying awake and keeping watch.

Loki was the first and he didn't mind. He couldn't sleep anyhow at the moment. Sitting near the entrance on the ground he watched their surroundings and Tony who shifted uneasily in his sleep. When he started to make soft but unmistakably pained noises Loki wasn't sure if he should wake him up or let him sleep. On the one hand, sleep was vital, this whole ordeal was stressful, physically and mentally and Tony could need sleep, but on the other hand, he knew how terrifying nightmares were. Before he could come to a conclusion his lover made the decision for him, he woke up. Breathing heavily he lay still in his bedroll, staring at the cave ceiling. He winced when Loki addresses him with a whisper. "Are you alright?"

"Peachy." Unconsciously covering the arc reactor with his right hand he sat up. "Mind if I keep you company?"

Loki shook his head with a light smile and Tony got out of the bedroll to sit down on it at the other man's side. They were silent for a while.

 

It was Tony who spoke again. His voice was soft. "When you get your magic back, you won't need me anymore. You won't need my protection or my money or anything. Will you leave me?"  
"Fucking idiot!"  
"The first time you curse in my language and it's aimed at me. That's flattering, I guess." Tony forced himself to smile but it looked as wrong as it felt.  
"You're welcome, fool. I love you. I will still need you for that. It's scathing that you think I stay just because of the things you offer!"  
"I'm sorry. But I'm just human. I'm a genius, I know, but I will never sleep very well nor will I ever be not damaged and weird. I can't run for hours and if I fall into a snow filled hole, you have to pull me out."  
"And I will." Loki looked thoughtful. "Why did you come here with me when you doubt my love?"  
"Because I love you and want to help. And I don't doubt you. I'm just, I don't know."  
"Imbecile? An insecure idiot?"  
"Might be. Can we add handsome and brilliant, just for my ego?"  
Loki pushed his shoulder. "Yes, we can." _Perhaps you should accept that not only your look or intellect is loveable, but you are._

They both went back to sleep when Thor woke up and took over guard duty. While they ate breakfast Tony protested that the god of thunder didn't wake him up for his turn but shut up when said man told him cheerfully that he looked like he needed the sleep more. It was embarrassing, even more, because it might be true.

It was windy and even colder than the day before when they left. They put their heads down against the wind and walked toward the mountains.


	38. In the distance

After a while, it started to snow. Light snowflakes floated down and melted on their faces. The snow piled up everywhere, on the rocks and even softly on their clothes. Behind the white mist of falling snowflakes, they could see the mountains in the distance.

The snow stopped slowly when they crossed a small stream. Big ice crystals grew thick on the snow covered banks, turning what could have been a river into a trickle.

They still saw some conifers, some grew atop of rocks with old, gnarled roots wrapping around them and into cracks of the stone, dusted with snow. The enormous clusters of icy crystals became rarer, the landscape was now dominated by trees, rocks, hills, ice and snow and the mountains came clearer into view.

 

When they made a rest to eat, Loki caught a movement in the corner of his eye. He searched their surroundings until he saw the light track of feet in the snow. He followed them with his eyes and then made a gesture to Thor and Tony who inconspicuously traced his nod in the direction of the footprints. There was a dark form hiding behind a rock. He was almost invisible and definitely watching them.

Whispering they decided what to do. Thor suggested: "I'll go around the back of this stones and trees while you two distract him." He grabbed Mjölnir. Loki shook his head but he was outvoted and in the end, it wouldn't matter who would catch their observer, they just had to get him. So they distracted their follower with a loud discussion while Thor caught him successfully. He had no chance to flee.

It turned out to be a young Jotun. He had a bag made out of leather thrown over his shoulder. Would he be human Tony would have guessed him to be not older than twelve, perhaps even younger, but it was hard to estimate because of his physical appearance. His face looked like a young child's but he was distinctly too tall and despite being thin he was muscular like a human adult. His skin was grey-blue like a river in the twilight, some scars scattered over his bare chest. Dark blue lines that looked like they were etched into his skin covered parts of his face, his shoulders and arms. Three big turquoise elevated ridges, two of them starting above each of his eyes and the third one in the middle over his forehead, went in a curve around his bald head. His face was dominated by a sharp-edged nose and pointed chin. He glared at them with dusky red eyes. Apart from something like a kilt made out of brown leather and fur he didn't wear clothes, nevertheless he didn't seem to mind the cold.

He screamed and kicked. Thor held him, one gloved hand firmly closed around the wrist and tried to calm him down. "We will not hurt you."  
"Liar!" The boy tried to get free and struggled, looking as terrified as fuming while he screamed. "I know you! You are from Asgard. All of Asgard are liars and traitors. I hate you! You want us dead."  
With that, he twisted and bit Thor in his arm. The teeth didn't make it through the clothing but it surprised Thor enough to let him go while Loki who watched attentively couldn't help himself but started to laugh. Tony grabbed the kid's arms before he could escape. He was astonished by the force that fought against him, he needed both of his gloved hands and all his strength to hold him. "I'm not from Asgard and I won't hurt you, I swear! Please listen, will you?"  
"Why should I? You are with them. Whoever you are, you won't be better. He, the one with the hammer and ridiculous golden hair," he glanced at Thor, "He wanted to bring back the war, my mother told me. And his insane brother destroyed even more of our realm just a little later. Asgard always causes death and they enjoy it."

"So Asgard tells its children, that the Jotun are cruel monsters and Jotunheim teaches their kids that Asgardians are merciless monsters, too. Brilliant." Tony muttered under his breath.

A look of concentration and determination appeared on the young face. The Jotun's arm changed. It was a rather slow process, perhaps because of a lack of practice or because he was agitated. However, it was slow enough for Tony to let go of the arms he held because he remembered Loki's warnings very well.

Ice grew in large crystals until his right forearm and hand were encased in ice formed into a large spike. He turned rapidly and aimed at Tony in a fast movement but Loki was faster. He lunged at the boy and knocked him down. The ice capping the bare blue arm broke at the impact. Ice was ice after all. Where he touched the ground ice spread slowly from him like small waves topping the floor around him. When the kid lay on the ground he grabbed Loki's arm and dragged him down. He managed to thrust aside the sleeves that covered the god's left arm and he closed his blue fingers around the exposed skin with all force he could muster, expecting his opponent to let him go screaming in pain when he would burn his skin with frostbite. But it didn't happen. The visible part of Loki's arm changed gradually from white to a light blue. He stifled a cry of horror when he saw it. _Not again._ The same arm. As shocking as it was, he nevertheless managed to hide it behind his livid expression. Green eyes just glared down while he pressed the child down with his other hand and one knee on his body, his other knee on the ice covered ground beside him. The boy fidgeted for a moment, but then he lay still, his chest heaving at the effort of gasping for air. He let go of Loki's arm. "How did you?" The boy stopped and then started again: "Who – What are you?"

Loki answered in the angriest and most threatening voice both Thor and Tony had ever heard from him. "A monster." It made Tony flinch. Loki took a deep breath before he continued. "A monster you better fear, tiny little thing."

The youth already looked like he already did exactly that.

"Why did you follow us? Who is with you and who sent you?"

The child pressed his lips together and kept silent. Thor held his hammer a little bit tighter and bent down to pick up and inspect the bag of their visitor. "No weapon. Just some personal things."

From where it was hidden under his clothing Loki pulled out one of his daggers that Thor had brought him to earth. He held it in his right hand and said quietly: "You better answer, then I'll end this and you fast. Believe me, you don't want the alternative."

"You're not going to kill that kid," Tony stated with a stern voice as he moved closer to Loki.

Thor disagreed. "Why? He could be dangerous. It would be safer to get rid of him."

"I thought I made myself clear when I told you both that we're not going around killing! He's not my enemy. He's just a child."

"A sweet child that tried to kill you! Could you stop trying to make these creatures better than they are? Stop hoping that they are anything apart from monsters, they are no saints!" Loki brought the dagger nearer to the Jotun's throat.

"I didn't say they are. They are living beings. Look at humankind or Asgard, the majority of them are dumb or assholes or both, but they also have the potential to be good and some use it. It's not fucking black and white, it's an individual choice. If he's a fucking asshole, then he is because he decided to be one, not because he is a Jotun."

The boy stared at them in disbelief.

Loki looked at Tony with thinly disguised anger and then back at the child. "So be it." He raised his voice. "Who sent you?"

"Nobody. I'm alone. I was hunting when I heard voices, I followed them and then I found you and I wanted to eavesdrop on you. Find out what you plan. Why you are here."

"This area should be uninhabited."

"It is. I was hunting elgr the last three days."

"Without a bow or any other weapon?"

Instead of answering the Jotun just raised his arm a little bit over the ground and nodded in this direction.

"Right, ice magic. You were hunting alone, Frostgiant?"

"Yes. We're no cowards like Asgardians are!"

Thor looked offended but refrained from barging in. Loki laughed before he answered. "I'm inclined to believe you."

"I'm telling the truth." He didn't dare to move but his eyes flared with anger.

"You owe this man your life." He briefly pointed in Tony's direction with the hand holding the dagger, still pressing the boy to the ground with the other. "You now have two options. Either you'll go home, keep your mouth shut and forget that we were ever here. We will be gone soon and you will never see us again. Or you can go and alarm the rest of your worthless kin and come for us. But if one of us comes to harm, so will you. I will make you suffer like you never did before and in the end, I'll kill you. Do I make myself clear or do you want me to give you an example of what I could do to you?"

The child was quiet but shook his head.

Loki's voice remained threatening. "What do you chose?"

"I won't tell anyone. Please, let me go."

"Look at me." He waited until the boy looked him in the eyes. "Will you tell anyone?"

"I won't. I swear. I won't tell."

"Good boy." Loki let go of the kid and got up from the ground in a swift motion.

The Jotun got up slowly, the whole time looking like he expected to be slain no matter what they might have said. He was obviously not believing in their mercy. Then he grabbed his bag from Thor and ran for his life without looking back. Loki stood still for a moment until he disappeared from sight.

"Wow. That was..." Tony couldn't finish the sentence.

Loki disrupted him with a hissed "Don't. Don't even start."

"Ok. Then let me just say thank you."

"For what?"

"Listening."

He just shrugged his shoulders. "Get your things. We must get to the base of Dróttinn before night falls. We do not want to be out in the open when it gets colder in the night and especially not if there is even a slight chance of Jotun running around hunting somewhere. They avoid the mountain."

"Fine, let's go! Fire and supper sound wonderful."

 

They still had a few hours to walk that day. During the last hour, they had to trudge through knee deep snow. Icy crystals sparkled everywhere in the snow, making it harder to get through it. Wind gusts blew freshly fallen snow over the surface, glistening in the crisp air. Dark branches of the conifers waved slowly when the wind blew down the snow. It was exhausting and cold but it made the relief when they arrived at their intermediate goal even better.

Covered in white snow an enormous rugged mountain towered over the hills and plains below. The great volcano raised into the sky with no other mountains of significant size nearby. The soft winter light already grew dim so they searched for another cave to spend the night in. Tomorrow they would search for the entrance into the mountain and into the city it once protected.


	39. Creatures of sentiment

They left soon in the morning. Tony eyed the mountain and declared: "You have no idea how happy I am, that I don't have to climb up this walls to get inside."

"There are caves and magma shafts connecting the outside of the mountain with the inside of the caldera and the city," Thor added like they had forgotten what the queen had told them and Loki interrupted him. "We still have to find an entrance."

It was inside of an ice cave. They needed flashlights to see, but what they saw was spectacular. Icicles reached from ceiling to floor, delicate arrangements of white, blue or turquoise shimmering ice. It was cold, wet and slippery and they had to scramble over and around boulders and thick ice pillars.

They walked through a winding shaft and with the distance it became slightly warmer and the ice disappeared step by step. It was dry now and very, very silent, like nothing living walked these stony aisles for millennia. A silent stasis, undisturbed while outside life continued, came and went. The walls were partially covered in small but hard crystals that had grown undisturbed and steadily. Hard minerals, shimmering in the light and radiating a strange beauty.

They were caught by surprise by the sudden change of the surroundings when they walked towards a light and suddenly stood on a small ledge, immediately recognizing that they have reached what they were searching for. They were surrounded by the high and unbroken walls of the caldera. Tony remembered that there were many settlements on earth built on the sides or around the perimeter of dormant volcanos but he never heard of a whole big city with infrastructure hiding inside of a volcanic caldera.

It was cool here but not as cold as what he had experienced outside of the volcano, more like a spring-like climate. It was quiet and beautiful. The diameter of the crater was impressive but the rugged mountain's walls surrounding everything like castle ramparts were visible from their location. The highest parts were cloaked in snow but the deeper into the hollow the less snow covered the surface was.

The soil looked fertile like nothing outside did. The valley was encased in partly green covered hills and the conifers that grew around the town had built small forests at the edges of the terrain. There was a lake in the east, glinting in a dramatic turquoise that was nearly black in the middle and so much brighter near the edges.

Directly in front of them laid the city, they just had to follow a path down from the ledge they were standing on, perhaps three floors above ground floor level.

 

The town was devastated. It must have been thriving and home to many but it was now deserted and silent. The destruction that laid before their eyes were not caused by time and nature, not mainly at least. It was hard to imagine that this city had once burst with life. There were tragic reminders of the disaster. Imprints of violence were visible everywhere in the metropolis. It now reminded of an unstable house of cards, waiting to collapse completely into a pile of debris.

They could make out one main road running through the town leading to an impressive edifice in the middle. It could have been a palace, temple or seat of the government, whatever it once was, it was still outstanding. They decided that it would be a good place to start looking for access into the underground part of the city.

The streets were cracked and broken. Large cracks zigzagged across the walls of buildings.

Some towers that must have raised high into the sky were broken and had partly fallen. Other structures had completely collapsed, just a few ones were partly still recognizable as buildings. Roof and walls had bent, what was still standing was fractured and wrecked like the wide arches and soaring windows that were barely recognizable. They walked through massive colonnades or what was left of them. Monuments, statues, and pillars laid burst in pieces on the floor and were covered in dirt and debris. They flushed some birds that flew away scolding.

When they walked down the street they found a building that was at least recognizable as such and Loki pushed against the great wooden door. It swung back on damaged hinges and revealed what must have been someone's home. It was utterly destroyed. The remnants of furniture were knocked over and severely damaged. The blue shimmering floor was fractured, large cracks went from floor to ceiling. Huge areas were struck by falling debris from the ceiling and collapsing roof. There were gaps in the wall and doors knocked out of alignment. Through one they saw an unstable staircase with just a few steps left, the remainder of the construction laying on the floor. In one corner a pile of books and papers was covered in wet dust and moss. Unrecognizable things were strewn over the floor between pieces of broken glass and shattered lichened stones. There was absolute silence until Tony spoke. "Wow, they need a cleaning crew and an interior decorator could be useful, too."

Loki didn't react but turned around and started walking again, Thor and Tony followed him. They didn't bother to close the door again and continued their way, quietly speaking to each other until they arrived at the edifice.

The palace consisted of enormous halls and chambers, the floors embedded with tiles and mosaics in different shades of blue, now cracked and broken at various places. Large pillars supported the ceilings, just some of them had fallen but most had cracks.

After some time they entered what must have been made for a parliament of some sort. Ten ornate seats were placed around a massive table on an elevated platform high above ground level, dominating the huge hall. Complicated patterns and runes in silver adorned the ground in a circle around the platform. While everything on Asgard was gold, everything here was silver and blue. They climbed the stairs up to the podium.

 

"Fuck!" Tony saw it first. Through the broken door at their left, a massive creature with the size of a tiger crept in. It looked like an intimidating, extremely large wolf with silver-gray fur, pointed ears, gigantic fangs, and highly branched antlers. Powerful muscles moved as it walked slowly. Piercing blue eyes like that of a husky dominated his head. It looked strong and scary and astonishingly smart.

"Do you mind to tell me what the fuck that is and if it will try to devour me?" Tony whispered, not willing to upset the creature with noise.

The beast growled. It was loud and echoing through the empty hall.

Loki shrugged. "I would say, it's a problem." After a moment of reflection, he added. "Just don't move too fast or run. It looks like it might be faster than we are."

"I never saw this before." Thor looked as surprised as unconcerned.

They were all armed but the sheer size of the animal wasn't exactly an invitation to attack it, more to hold still and hope it would go away.

"What are you doing here?" The voice was deep and booming and made everybody flinch. The man entering the room now was so tall, that he had to duck to cross the door without hitting his head.

When the beast stood calmly beneath the male Tony asked bewildered. "Is that your pet?"

He nodded. His long hair raised unruly from his forehead and parted in the middle. It framed his face with a flowing black curtain. His eyes stared intently at them. Standing on the platform their eyes were fairly at the same height as his, as he stood unbent on the ground. His gaze out of green eyes with a hint of turquoise and golden spots was sharp and penetrating. He held his head proudly high and straightened up to full height, a man walking in pride. The red robe he wore was gold trimmed and ancient runes lined the cuffs and hem, a pointed hood laid over his shoulders.

“Do you intend to feed your pet with us? Because I’m rather indigestible.”

He didn’t answer but stepped closer until he stood directly in front of them, his eyes at the same height as theirs, even if they were standing at the edge of the platform. He held up his hand and pointed at them, looking irate and accusing. “Were you sent here to destroy what was left?”

“No. Nobody sent us and I am not here with the wish to destroy. I’m searching something.” Loki answered.

 

“That might be the truth.” It was the voice of a woman and they all turned in the direction of her. She stepped through the door and beside the man, she was as tall as him, her posture signaling the same pride as his. The left eye was black brown, the right one was blue-green, and both eyes were streaked with tenuous golden spots. A crown of slightly wavy hair in a deep red was falling over her shoulders. Her features were strong and defined, her expression determined and almost fierce but more than that curious. She wore the same colorful red robe as the male.

 

She gently picked up Loki’s hand with her own and looked him over for a long time before she spoke again. For some inexplicable reason, nobody dared to move in the meantime. “You were in pain for so long before, but survived the void when you finally fell.” He stiffened but was too surprised to move away. “You were filled with darkness, your own and that of another being. To an extent where almost no light was left.” She took a deep breath. “You were torn apart piece by piece but accepted help to put the fragments back together, better than before.” Loki pulled away. She now stood in just a short distance to him and still looked into his eyes. “You’re interesting. Fragile and vulnerable but resilient. Impressive. You’re partly Jotun?”

 

“How do you know that things?” His voice and stance became aggressive, enough to alarm the man in the robe. He growled: “Back off.” Loki clenched his hands into tight fists.

The woman just laughed. “A unique form of perception. I can teleport and make myself invisible at will, it would be difficult, even for you, to injure me.”

“I can always try. And I will if I have to.” His voice rose up. “Stay out of my mind or bear the consequences!” He fought against a fear that demanded reaction like killing her immediately. _These two are dangerous._

 

She showed no further interest in Loki but turned to Thor, eying him up and grabbed the hand not holding the hammer. “You’re from Asgard. You had everything and had to lose it all to find yourself under the spoilt ingratitude. Her view of the worlds made you change yours. You learned and grew. But you’re scared.” Thor protested vociferouslY and the woman ignored it. “You are afraid that if your brother disappoints you again you won’t be able to love him like you should if you would ever trust him again like before. If the statement would change from if you betray me to when you betray me. And you are still fighting against trying to simply force him to be the way you want him to be.”

“You might be wrong, my lady.” Thor wasn’t really sure if he doubted her words or if he just doesn’t want to acknowledge to himself that she pointed out something that went through his head.

 

Still, nobody was moving and she turned to Tony. “You’re an Earth-walker, aren’t you? I never saw one before, I was under the impression you are not able to travel between realms.”

“I’m human if that’s what you mean. From earth. Midgard. Whatever you prefer. We still can’t travel like that. No need to try your mind reading tricks on me. Know my life, lived it, don’t need a summary, thank you very much.” He waved his hand.

She laughed again. “I am sorry, but we don’t get many visitors and I never saw inside of an Earth-walkers mind, so forgive me.” She leaned forward curiously and he pulled his arms away. She looked at the creature, that still stood beside the man and it took a step in her direction, then stopped and snarled. The woman turned around again, still smiling and added: “Please?” Tony fought against the urge to try to knock her down. This whole ordeal didn’t sound like something he wanted to hold still for but it seemed he had no choice at the moment, not without embroiling them into a fight with poor prospects of winning. He put out his hand and she took it.

“You’re race evolved in the last 1000 years but you still have a long way to go.”

 _Brilliant. Everybody is always convinced to be part of the most advanced race._ Tony growled but kept silent.

“You have a mind and intellect that sees farther than the average and a heart that is brave and loving but you were broken more than once. You are filled with pain and fear because it was what you learned first and what accompanied you through life. But you’re also filled with a strength and optimism that shines through the darkness. You appreciate life and everything good and beautiful so much because you understand its worth and fugaciousness.”

“Wow, fine! And now we discuss what your scrawny companion compensates with that big ass dog?”

After a short pause, he added. “As nobody exactly requested shit like a psychoanalysis perhaps we can get to the important questions. I’m sure we all agree, that this isn’t your home. Nobody would build a city in a size where you’re constantly forced to duck to go through doors.”

And Loki added: “I also would like to see how you try to fold yourself into a chair here and get your legs under that table.”

“So,” Tony completed, “Who the fuck are you?”

 


	40. Find a flaw

There was a pause. Just a short one but long enough that all three doubted that the answer would be particularly honest.

"You might call us archeologists."

"That's interesting. What did you find out?" Tony answered fake smiling while calculating escape plans. Loki forced himself to unfold his fists but the tension stayed in his body. Thor smiled, too, but he kept holding Mjölnir tight just in case that this would turn unfriendly.

 

It was again the woman that answered. "Dróttinn's caldera built up over several millennia and the last magma blast probably exploded over 40,000 years ago. The volcanic deposits lead to rich soil, that's the reason for the green covered hills. The race that lived here, the only name we found was Bjergfolk, mountain people, they settled here and built the city. When they got to the point when there was no more space to build new structures, they started to build underground, enlarging the city immensely. There was an original set of caves they enlarged and expanded."

Tony grinned. _Basically an enormous alien-anthill._

She continued. "This room we're in was for the ruling council. When the war with the Jotun started they were killed as soon as the Jotun reached the palace. No negotiations. They searched the underground part of the city as well as the aboveground part and slew everybody they found. A senseless enormity. Condemned them to extinction. The few last members that survived the confrontation and were able to flee joined the Jotun when they found that they can't survive alone in the cold and that their former home wasn't safe anymore. All the others died.

We are here to research, catalog and chart the city and what's left. Studying this civilization and the magic they used. However, we still have seen just a minimal fraction of the subterranean part."

 

She made a pause and her smile grew bigger. "The ruling council was elected for three years. As it was expected, that they'd dedicate all of their time to this task, they had living quarters within this building. They are in relatively good condition. At the moment we live in one which is particularly well preserved. We would be delighted if you'd join us."

"Thank you for generous offering." Loki didn't add, 'What's the catch?' but it was what they all thought, even Thor wasn't sure what to think of the two strangers. "We do not want to disturb your research."

"You wouldn't." She was still smiling. "We'll stumble upon each other again anyway if you are going to search something underground. We could as well help each other. Perhaps you need an undisturbed moment to decide? We're in the next room."

 

They were gone nearly as fast as they came and took the animal with them. Tony sat down in one of the chairs. "I don't trust them an inch. But she's right, if they wish to, we'll meet them again anyhow. Following them, we might be close enough to keep an eye on them and find out what they intend. Archeologists, my ass."

"He's right." Thor agreed and added: "But this is about you, Loki, so it should be your decision."

"Must be the first time ever that I hear you say something like that! Sometimes I ask myself if you are who you pretend to be. Or what you plan."

"I try to support you, but you really make it difficult!" Thor's patience was limited and even if he really tried to understand Loki he still couldn't most of the times. He tried to be the brother he always thought he was but, as he found out, wasn't. He really tried to be like that now.

"However, yes, Tony's right. Let's meet with our new friends." The last word sounded like it felt, suspicious and angry. Then Loki added, more quietly: "Like it's not already bad enough to be on Jotunheim, of every place possible, on a mission that most likely will not be successful, it gets even worse with these two strange figures." He raised his voice again. "Even if it's obvious, nobody let her touch anybody again."

"It wasn't voluntary the first time, love," Tony remembered very well the invasion into his mind he couldn't feel and couldn't prevent but left the woman with an insight into himself that scared him.

"I know." And how well he knew. He still felt her fingers on his hand and her unaffected voice summarizing what she thought was most important about him. Still felt the fury and lingering fear about her intrusion into his mind and the memories it awoke.

 

On the way to the part of the building where the two strangers resided the woman finally told them their names. "My name is Yehnissla and he's called Nayorhed." She pointed at the massive animal that followed them. "Her name is Xvo."

"Herbivore?" Tony still was skeptical.

She laughed. "Not really. But she's full."

"It's fucking reassuring to know that." He waved carefully at the animal "Just in case you missed it, I'm tasting awful." Xvo gave a low growl like she understood while the woman laughed.

 

They arrived at a wing of the building that was in relatively good condition and entered a room to the right.

"This was one of the living quarters. There are a bedroom and a bath on your right. Rest. We'll come and get you later. We invite you to eat with us." It sounded more like an order than an invitation. She closed the door behind her without another word. Tony wondered if they were guests or prisoners here and couldn't come to a conclusion.

 

The room was dusty and there were pieces of broken glass on the ground, but it didn't show the same level of destruction they saw everywhere else in the city. There was a dark wooden table with chairs and cabinets and cupboards in the same dark colored wood. A blue tiled floor reflected the darkening sky that could be seen through big windows that weren't completely shattered but streaked with cracks. Light snowfall shimmered white in the dusk outside.

Tony dropped his things on the ground and sat down in a chair, Thor followed his example like Loki did. "And now?"

Loki shrugged. "We wait and then eat with them, try to find out more. They had enough time to kill us, so I think they won't try to poison us. They are either friendly or they think we could be useful for them. I tend to think it's the second."

"Then we should get some rest until then," Thor suggested and the other two agreed.

 

It was already completely dark outside the windows when Nayorhed collected them. He carried a small, silvery lamp that was so bright, it bathed the entire room in light. Xvo followed him around with calm and silent steps. They entered a big chamber, which looked like a large dining room. Big French windows covered a big part of the wall opposite to the door, two other doors were positioned on the other two walls. Blue and white tiles built a beautiful mosaic on the floor. An impressive long, wooden table stood in the middle of the room, surrounded by many wooden chairs. Two more lamps made the room as bright as day. There was not a bit of baggage or personal belongings of their hosts. Whatever things they had, they had to be in one of the adjacent rooms, shielded from curious eyes. They had to have some because Yehnissla and Nayorhed wore colorful, ornate robes different than the ones before. Their unwitting guests were still in their protective and warm clothing.

It was pleasantly warm in the room but there was no fireplace or other visible heat sources.

 

Xvo laid down in a corner, curled up in a ball like a giant cat or dog and bedded her head with the antlers with closed eyes on her paws.

There were bowls, spoons, and a big steaming metal-bowl on the table. They all sat down. The two strangers had obviously found two higher, bigger chairs somewhere and brought them to the table because they were simply too tall for the chairs that surrounded the table and Tony, Thor and Loki used. But even the taller chairs weren't big enough, the curved headrests poked them in their middle backs.

They served something that looked like some sort of stew. Tony had no idea what it was, but it was warm and tasted ok, so he was fine with that. They all ate but it was silent apart from the clattering of cutlery against the bowls.

 

The silence was grueling, so Tony eased into some small talk, which got only one-word answers out of the two, so he tried another approach. "Do you mind telling us a little bit more about your research here?"

Yehnissla smiled friendly and amused. "Magic is an extremely rare thing in most worlds. There are worlds that celebrate magic, others ostracize it or just take it as given. Most races have the potential to use magic but very few individuals actually possess the ability.

A whole race wielding magic, like they did here, is so tremendously uncommon!"

"So you don't study history but magic?" It was Thor who asked and somehow it made their hostess very angry. Her smile vanished and turned icy.

"You use an enchanted hammer that obeys your summons like a living creature, reaching you flying wherever you are. Without it, you're not that much of a thunder god, you need Mjölnir. But you call it tricks when someone wields magic by himself!

You have the same awry, torn opinion concerning magic as your father and most of Asgard. You use something you don't understand but have no respect for someone who does."

At that point, Loki had enough. "I'm perfectly capable of fighting my own battles. You're not using what you obviously think you saw inside of my mind like that! If you have your own score to settle with someone like Thor," _because it sounds way too personal,_ "Then settle it with him but don't involve us!" He banged his spoon on the table.

She actually looked surprised. "I'm sorry."

"Who is this about?" The question was loud, but Yehnissla didn't answer.

Tony couldn't hide a little grin when he asked her: "It's not that funny if someone tries to get something out of your own mind, is it?"

 

"This isn't so much about something inside of her mind. " It was the first time since they left the council room that Nayorhed spoke more than a few words to them. "It's more about mine."

 _That might be partly true but there's also something inside of her, some personal hurt, not just anger in place of someone else._ But it was at least something interesting, so Loki asked. "Fine, then you might answer. Who?"

"My people. Above all, my mother. She's a warrior. Convinced physical strength, obedience, and discipline are superior to everything and everyone else. Especially superior to magic or someone using it. I did it nevertheless and she did her best to stop me. You can't stop magic.

I wield power over the elements. Why shouldn't I? In the end, she proposed to our government to cast me into exile. They did. I didn't set a foot there for 400 years." He turned his face toward the woman. "You should stop being angry about that, Yehnissla, even I don't care anymore. Let it be."

Loki found it unbelievably hard to read the man's character. As good as he normally was in that, he couldn't make out if he got cast out just for being different, something he could relate to and empathize with, or if his mother was right, fearing a powerful being and the evil it was willing to do. Which was something he could also relate to.

„400 years?" Talking with too much food in his mouth, Tony choked.

„My life expectancy is something around 3000 years."

Tony gave a low appreciative whistle and decided, that this was a good moment to do some straight talking. "So you're both magicians, sorcerers, mages, whatever term you prefer and don't get offended by. She took a look into our brains. That combined, there's no way you know nothing about the sphere of olden oceans. Want to add something?"


	41. Mutual dependence

That actually made Nayorhed laugh out loud. "Forthright. Looks like I might have underestimated you, earthling."

Tony was getting annoyed by his attitude. "You can call me Mr. Stark. Or Tony if needs must. I don't call you, wait, where are you even from?"

"You won't know the place. But yes, we know about the sphere and that you search it."

"Are you intending to be an obstacle?" Loki interposed.

Yehnissla answered him. "Depends on your intentions. I think I understood what I saw, but just to be sure, tell us why you search for the sphere and what you want to do with it."

"I suppose you will answer the same questions then?"

"That might be. You'll find out. Now, why and what?"

Loki was silent and the atmosphere became tense. Finally, he shrugged and decided to answer. He didn't feel like he really had a choice. Not with someone able to take a look into someone's mind and another one of whom he knew nothing. "I lost my ability to wield magic. The sphere might be able to restore it. Your turn." _If you want more, you'll have to get the information out of my head after fighting me._

She smiled again and Tony still wasn't sure if her smile was welcoming or predatory. "We want to study it and then put it back into its hiding place."

Loki had watched her closely as she was talking and he laughed when he finally saw it. "You already know where it is, don't you?"

 

They sat in loaded silence until she finally decided to react. "Behind a concealed entrance we found hidden rooms in a deep part of the underground city and at last managed to get inside a room that might be holding the sphere. We weren't able to open the confinement it's in." She stated in a matter-of-fact voice.

Nayorhed added: "We think it's somehow linked to special features, to heritage and implicit magic." He looked at Tony like he was trying to explain physics to a toddler. "Like not everybody can use the casket of ancient winters."

Yehnissla looked at Loki. "Your mother was either from here or from Asgard, I can't tell for sure which is right. But definitely, you're partly Jotun. If you are partly Bjergfolk, too, you might be able to open it. Even if you're half-Asgardian, your Jotun part may be enough to grant access in order to get what you so desire."

 _And you desire, too, it seems._ "In other words, you need me," Loki answered bluntly. "How interesting." A satisfied smile settled on his face.

"I would rather say, we need each other. Without us, you won't find the sphere."  
"Or even if I do, you will hinder me from reaching it if you didn't get access to it, too. Am I right?"

"You are." She nodded and the same satisfied smile Loki showed appeared on her face.

 

Thor was listening to the conversation without interfering. He was the only one still eating, spooning his meal without reacting. He knew that it was Loki's decision how to continue and perhaps for the first time, that was alright for Thor. Nevertheless, he had positioned himself in a way that would allow him to tip over the table and throw it at the two strangers if things would go south. Magical beings or not, getting hit by a massive wooden table always grant a few seconds, enough time to call Mjölnir. So he ate in silence, listening and watching, ready to fight if it would be necessary.

Fortunately, it didn't become needed because Loki had come to a conclusion. "So now we are forced to work together, aren't we? We can either work together or fail while trying the opposite."

Nayorhed nodded. "An alliance for mutual benefit."

 

After some discussion, they agreed on a simple plan. Tomorrow Nayorhed and Yehnissla would lead them to the room, Loki would try to open whatever confinement they found. If he'd succeed, he would use the sphere, then hand it over to the two strangers. For research purposes as they emphasized. Nobody really believed it.

 

When they went back to the room they would spend the night in, they were tired and exhausted.

"Don't worry. I am used to being forced to work with people I'd rather like to avoid." Loki said sullenly.

Thor rolled his eyes at that. "So is everybody. You're not a child."

"But you are an overbearing…" He couldn't end his sentence because Tony interrupted him. "For fuck's sake, perhaps we should delay the aggression in case we'd have to fight against our two hosts! And frankly, I'm too tired to deal with shit like that now."

Unexpectedly that made Loki laugh even if it was just out of overtiredness. "So let's go to sleep."

 

Thor fell asleep quickly and loudly snoring. Tony and Loki on the other side were still awake.

After a while of silence, just interrupted by the nearby sound of breathing and of Thor snoring, Loki whispered: "I want you to know, that I'm truly sorry."

"For what?" Tony blinked confused at him.

"It's my fault that you are here. Without me, you would be at home, in safety. Not on a hostile realm, populated with dangerous creatures including the two liars next door."

"I decided that for myself. And there's no place I'd rather be now but by your side. So shut up." He grinned. "You know," he added smiling, "there would be worse places to die."

 _And all these months have got me convinced that you're worth it._ "I would always put my life on the line to keep you safe and sound."

"That's what I figured. And it scares me. Perhaps I'm not worth it."

"Why are you thinking that? Did I ever do something to let you feel like that?"  
"No. Just everybody else who got near me." His face got gloomy. "If you would have died in that cage, all that you would have left to the world would have been a few devastated friends, a lot of news headlines and enough weapons to destroy the world.

If I'll die here, all that I'd done with my life would be that I brought war and destruction to two realms and died not far from the place where my death was planned the first time."

"Ok, I promise to you I won't die and you promise me the same. Everything else remains to be seen."

Instead of an answer Loki nodded and kissed him before closing his eyes.

 

They ate breakfast when their two designated tour guides appeared. Then they left, Xvo trotting at Nayorhed's side. They entered the massive underground part of the city through a tunnel, which started in the cellar of the palace. It curved downward and lead to a complex of carved alleys and tunnels, many of them wide enough to be used as a freeway and high enough to feel almost as free as in the aboveground city, just darker. A world within a world that started with the tunnels left by the volcano and then was expanded to a city of impressive proportions. Nayorhed and Yehnissla each carried one of the lamps they had the day before and down here the light of them seemed even brighter than the evening before.

"Many places down here are unsafe." She said and it wasn't sure if it was a warning out of concern or a threat.

It was warm here but dusty and oppressive. The roof so very high above them shined white in the light like it was covered in ice or diamonds. The houses they passed were near-derelict, similar to the ones above them. Crumbling debris, broken glass, shattered doors, cracked walls, damaged floors and collapsed roofs. Tony briefly wondered how they'd provided a city like that with light. _Magic, I suppose._ He kept on walking down a street nobody had used for hundreds of years and wouldn't he have been so tense this could have been a great adventure. It wasn't and everybody was aware of that fact.

 

After perhaps two hours they reached a large open space that was crossed by a river, flowing slowly through the city. It got slightly brighter but they couldn't make out why and nobody asked. The water was dark turquoise and deep enough that it was black in the middle. A curved bridge crossed the river and ended at a wide open square, with a few houses on the left side and streets going in all directions. At the end of the square, they saw a building that was impressive and astonishing even in its damaged state. The structure rose high as a tower. Stacked, tall columns carried dozens of filigree decorated small roofs. The walls were shimmering white, they were slightly bent which gave the whole building an oval shape. A long fleet of light blue stairs let to a big entrance between meticulously and skilled carved columns. There were high arched windows and balconies were rounded around the upper parts of the construction. A palace out of a fantasy novel.

And even more spectacular was the source of light they now discovered. Directly above the building was an enormous cluster of impressive icicles, a mass of diamond-like crystals, layered and interweaved with each other. They literally glowed with light from the inside. The light was dim like twilight and they could just guess, that probably once this beauty had shined like the sun, providing the city with light.

Instead of entering, their hosts passed by. "It's seldom a good idea to hide something important in the most impressive and prominent place." Yehnissla smiled like she had guessed which question they would have.

 

Instead, they entered a house at the right. On earth, it might have been called a villa. A white building with two floors towering over a massive floor area. Some of the rooms they crossed were literally full of remains of the life that once roamed there. Books, dishware, furniture and other everyday objects carelessly tossed aside when the city was searched for hiding citizens. Now everything was broken and dusty. Some things were engraved with drawings and something like hieroglyphics. Tony assumed that their hosts could decipher the writing but if they could, they don't tell. Directly asked Yehnissla declined any knowledge.

Rooms opened into other chambers until they reached the stairs that lead to the spacious basement. They crossed through the dark crammed rooms until they reached the last one. Under a pile of scrap that the woman pushed aside with one foot, was a latch she operated. In the east wall a hidden door, blended into the dark gray stone bricks, opened slowly. The only thing visible at the other side was darkness. The opening was narrow and they had to enter one after the other.

They found themselves in another vault with three open levels underneath. There were circular staircases connecting them. The last floor could hardly be seen from their position even with the bright light from the lamps.

Tony sighed "Let me guess, it's down there and we have to take the 437 stairs?"

Nayorhed chuckled. "Yes."


	42. Power to create and destroy

Tony didn't really count the winding stairs but they climbed down so many of them his legs were tired after the first half. The stairs were high, built for someone tall, but not as giant as Yehnissla and Nayorhed would have needed them. It looked slightly amusing how they walked down the steps carefully. Xvo, on the other hand, jumped down several stairs at once and Loki and Thor just walked downstairs in patient silence.

Tony was almost surprised when the flight of steps finally came to an end and they stood in a narrow corridor. He realized for the first time that there were no cobwebs anywhere, only dust. _Seems like spiders aren't resident on Jotunheim. Nice surprise._

 

Pillars made out of a dark stone and thick wooden looking beams supported the high ceiling. Water was dripping down the stone walls in some spots.

On each side of the corridor were dark wooden doors. They silently followed the passage. One door was open, the room behind it was filled with rubble and dusty, broken furniture. They walked past and further down the corridor, then around a corner and came to a narrow cross-corridor. They had to walk one after the other now, the corridor was not wide enough to walk side by side. Yehnissla was the first, holding the light high above her head. Loki followed her, then Tony and Thor. Nayorhed came last, still carrying the other lamp. They turned right and continued their way silently. Around the next corner to the left they reached another cross-corridor they followed. It was like a labyrinth. An uninviting place that felt somehow threatening.

 

Finally, the woman pushed open a heavy stone door. The rooms and corridors they had been in were warm and stuffy but here it was suddenly colder. Like fresh air coming from nowhere.

They all followed her into a huge room that was so empty that it echoed their steps. A sharp noise in the silence. The floor was stone-flagged and a dark black, the ceiling was supported by eight rounded pillars out of the same material, the gray walls out of rough-hewn stones rose high above their heads.

At the far end of the room were four matte dark-gray columns of equal length, slightly bend outside, made out of a metal Loki couldn't identify. Evenly spaced they formed a cube of huge proportion. They were connected at the bottoms and tops by other dark-grey beams, which were slightly narrower than the side columns. While the sides were slightly bent, top and bottom were perfect squares, each side approximately 2 meters long ( _6,5 feet_ ). Between the columns was something like green glass, lighted from the inside and therefore shining brightly. There were dark lines on the glasslike walls, like a pattern or an unknown language. It reminded Loki of the casket of ancient winters, just a lot bigger. That must be what the two had meant with enclosure.

Yehnissla and Nayorhed put the lamps down to the ground.

 

Tony stepped closer and touched the cube carefully with his right index finger. He was instantly hit by a green flaring energy similar to the one the scepter could blast against someone. The energy seemed to flow out of the green wall without disturbing its structure. He felt a hot pain like an electric shock and was dashed back a few meters, he almost hit the wall. Thor, who stood closest to him, held out his hand to help him up. "Are you alright?"

Tony nodded. Cursing loudly he struggled to his feet and glared at Yehnissla, who roared with laughter. "You could have warned me, you know?"

"Why should I?" She smiled happily. "But if you wish so. Don't touch it."

"Thank you so very much." It still hurt. Like all his nerve endings protesting against something they couldn't withstand. And hitting the stone floor with his back first surely hadn't made it better. He put his right hand on his back and groaned.

Loki turned to the woman and hissed. "You still need me. So you need him, too!"

"I was relatively sure that he wouldn't be killed. And perhaps you should educate him better than to touch something he has not the slightest clue about."

"Did I miss something and turned into a pet? For fuck's sake!" He was pissed.

"You can be absolutely sure, that if you in any way cause him harm, you have a bigger problem than opening this thing." Loki looked at her with enough fury that she finally raised both hands beside her face for a moment and just answered "As you wish."

She smiled again when she added, "Ready to open it and gain back your ability to wield magic? Wasn't that what we came here for?"

 

Loki was still angry but he knew that it wouldn't change anything. And he felt restless. There was something in this room that he couldn't place but needed to know. Like a memory etched in his mind that he couldn't recall. He made the last few steps in direction of the six-sided solid.

When Loki's hand touched the cube, he braced himself for experiencing the same as Tony but nothing like that happened. Where his fingers touched the surface it shimmered a little bit brighter than before. So he put his whole hand on the barrier and then his other hand, too. That seemed to activate something because when both hands lay flat on the wall, the green sides started to glow. A nearly blinding green light that forced everybody but Loki to close their eyes. Then the walls just disappeared, only the columns remained.

Inside of the cube indeed was the sphere of olden oceans. Exactly like the queen had described it. A metal sphere colored a deep blue with specks of silver and white, etched with two parallel grooves running around the equator. The sphere was floating above the ground, surrounded by a massive cloud of swirling energy that kept on changing its color from green to turquoise to blue and back. The spinning energy filled almost all of the cube, building a barrier between the sphere and them.

 

Loki stood still, not sure what to do. But Nayorhed didn't hesitate. He approached the swirling energy surrounding the sphere and stretched out his hand to touch the sphere. The moment his hand entered the spinning mass, the energy barrier exploded in a ball of fire. It burned the skin on his hand and he barely managed to raise his arms in the air to encompass himself with a shiny field of his own magic to heal the wound and save his own life. But that didn't stop the flames, they reached around him and his magic then forward until they engulfed Xvo.

It was just a moment but the flames left nothing but a charred corpse and the smell of burnt fur and flesh behind. The swirling cloud albeit looked like before, changing its color and floating around the sphere undisturbed like nothing had happened.

Nayorhed dropped his hands, the magic around him disappeared and he ran to Xvo's remnants. Yehnissla stepped beside him, put an arm around him and whispered soothing words just the two of them understood. Even Tony knew that it would cost him his head to say that he wasn't the only one, obviously, touching things he shouldn't. Also Tony felt sorry for him. Nayorhed looked broken, it seemed Xvo had really meant a lot to him. Like a pet, someone gets as a child and spent most of his life with.

 

Loki immediately turned his head back in the direction of the cube.

"Are you sure?" Thor stepped nearer to put his hand on Loki's shoulder who shrugged it away without looking.

"I wouldn't do that if I would fear to end as I think on earth it's called a barbecue." His voice was low. Then he turned and looked at the blond god. "But you should step aside, I don't want to explain to Asgard why I allowed that you got roasted." Thor sighed but complied, tightly clutching Mjölnir.

A slight smile settled on Loki's face. "Tony, that applies to you too."

"I hope you know what you do?" Loki nodded. Somehow he was sure. Sure not to get hurt by this artifact. Sure to do the right thing.

Before making a few steps back and to the side Tony added softly: "You know what you mean to me. Please be careful." _Oh, how I miss the suit. Just in case._ Tony didn't even notice that he leaped in a fighting position while he watched.

 

Loki made a step forward into the cube, facing the sphere. Then another step. The energy seemed to retreat. It surrounded him like it did with the sphere. Floating and shifting, adjusting to the man. When he reached out and almost touched the orb he could feel it. Threatening to engulf him, to swallow him whole. Like another question, if he was really sure. He paused but then he shook his head, took a deep breath and determined he closed both of his hands around the globe. That caused the energy barrier to disappear. It slowly faded like mist before the rising sun. Finally, it was just Loki, standing in the middle of the cube and holding the blue shining ball. Without further hesitation, he twisted the sphere at its equator between the two grooves in opposite directions to open it.

He held the halves in his hands and watched with horror what happened. Blue was creeping up his hands, his arms and his neck. He let go of the sphere and staggered back a step. The halves of the orb floated in the air in front of him. "This could as well be a trap. What if it doesn't give me back my magic but turns even my outward appearance into that of a frost-giant? If it only turns me into the monster I was born?"

Tony came closer but stayed outside of the cube. "You. Are. Not. A monster. You never were. You can do that. If you want your magic back, you'll have to face that. You're not a monster."

And Loki wanted so much to be able to believe him. He grasped the halves, again holding one in each hand and watched his skin turn blue methodically. Then there was something else. It started at his fingertips like the color did. A faint green glow played around his trembling fingers, reaching over to his arms. It felt like a cold but comfortable liquid filling his body slowly, bit by bit. It flowed through his veins, spreading with every breath. Until his whole body was surrounded by and filled with green surging energy. He felt his body in a way he never experienced before. He could sense every inch of his skin, felt and heard the blood in his veins move, the contracting of his heart, how his lungs inflated and deflated in a steady rhythm. A sensory overload forcing him to close his eyes and lower his head. It felt good and strange and wounding, all at the same time. A silent explosion that destroyed everything just to build it back up better. He opened his eyes again. He could feel the magic flowing through his body like his blood. The power he had lost was back.

But what was the price? He looked down at his skin. It was still blue, no matter how hard he tried to change it. The realization hit him like a fatal blow. He felt the panic rise inside him like a wave in the ocean, ready to turn into a tsunami that would wash away everything. He couldn't control it. He couldn't even think about control. His eyes turned wide, his breathing became far too fast, his heart rate rose.

Loki turned around, facing Tony. His skin was blue, a gorgeous color, adorned with darker lines. His eyes were red, not just the irises but his whole eyes, what before was white and green was now colored crimson with dark black pupils. He was beautiful and stunning but that wasn't what his eyes were showing. Tony saw sheer panic, terror and helplessness take over Loki's eyes and he just wanted to grab him and hold him but when he reached out a hand Loki just screamed to not touch him. "I'd kill you! Never, ever touch a Jotun! I would burn you."

Without noticing he let go of the halves of the sphere that drifted behind him, floating in the air unfazed. He whimpered and sank to his knees. "I can't stay like that. I can't live like that!"

His hands were trembling and he stared unseeing at the floor. "Everything, all of that, the last days, it was in vain. I will look like a monster until I die. I will die like that. And you," he looked at Tony, "You will never touch me again. Now you see what I am. You will turn your back on me and abandon me. You will leave me in the cold and never look back. I won't..." his voice trailed off. "My existence, my heart, everything will stop. You will leave. I will scream your name but you'll be gone!"

And Tony just wanted to help him. To be the light in all the darkness. Wanted to hold together what was breaking apart, wanted to stop the pain that radiated from Loki. His heart hurt so badly while he felt Loki's heart breaking. He kneeled down beside him and gasped for air. He made his decision. This couldn't continue. It wasn't a rational thought. It was pain and love and helplessness. He reached out with both hands for Loki's hands. The god didn't saw it coming, was caught too much in agony to react until it was too late and he felt the touch on his skin.


	43. A shortcut to temptation

Loki let himself fall back with an angry scream, he landed not very gracefully but the more violently on his back. It was the fastest way to get Tony's hands off of his body. His reflexes were still outstanding, at least by comparison to the human in front of him. "Are you insane?" He was screaming. "Didn't you listen?" His twisted position was painful, so he repositioned his legs, pushed his upper body up from the ground and then sat on the floor all along staring at the still kneeling man. "Have you completely lost your mind?" He was now yelling even louder.

Unmoved Tony just grinned and pointed at him. "Look at your hands."

Loki had to fight down a lot of rage before he was able to do what he was asked to. Thereafter he couldn't believe his own eyes. Impossible. He looked away and back to his hands, raising them in front of his eyes, turning them around incredulous. Where the warm fingers had touched him, his blue skin had turned white again, the color spreading further while he was watching. "How?" He didn't understand. Shouldn't Tony be screaming in excruciating pain, suffering from frostbite? The human hands were alright and unharmed. Instead, Loki's skin had turned back to the one he had known his whole life. "Why did you do something so inane? I could have devastated your hands!" A lot quieter he added. "How did you do that?"

"You needed to know that I wouldn't leave you. You had to understand that. No matter the costs." _I would never._ He didn't move. "Just thought that you would never hurt me. And wished that this was stronger than your fear. Trusted that you'd use your magic unwittingly to prevent me from getting hurt too much. I hoped that that was enough."

"You're a crazy, reckless being." There was no edge to it, nothing sharp or angry any longer, instead his face turned into a kind smile.

"Guilty." He grinned.

 

Thor still stood at the side of the cube, watching. But Yehnissla and Nayorhed had moved closer. Each of them took one of the halves of the sphere without paying the slightest attention to the two people on the ground. Thor cleared his throat and asked seemingly casually: "You are eager to find out more about the sphere, aren't you?"

That brought the attention of everybody back to the two strangers.

Yehnissla looked first at her companion, then at Loki with an impression of resolve.

"It worked. It restored your access to magic."

"Yes." Both Loki and Tony got back on their feet, stepping out of the cube, facing the two. While getting up Loki materialized his armor, not exactly the same he wore so long ago but one very much alike. Green and gold, even a green cape, but he forwent the helmet. It felt delightful, even this small deed, using the magic again that was anchored deep in his very being. He had missed it more than he had thought. He smiled, a genuine smile, a kind, sincere and happy look.

"But why stop there? I have an offer for you. We have an offer for you."

 _Alright, we're getting closer to the truth now._ "I'm listening."

 

"We will take the sphere with us. You could join us. As magic is potentially boundless it is only limited by its wielder, you know that. But energy can be drawn from the orb, allowing you to just skip exhaustion and everything else. It's an energy source you could use to enhance your magic abilities further and take away the last boundaries."

The male beside her gave her the half he held and she assembled the sphere together in a swift movement. "I saw what happened to you, Loki. Everything. You will never have to suffer through anything again. Never. I offer you to join us. You wouldn't need your false brother or a mere weak Earth-walker."  
Tony wasn't happy about that. He shouted: "The weak human will kick your ass if needed!" Thor with Mjölnir came a step closer.

She ignored them completely. "Our powers combined, we could reign over more than just one realm. With our help, you could gain greater power than you ever thought possible. You could be more than just a king. You could even conquer and subjugate Odin! Shackle him, lock him up and do whatever you wish to him." Loki couldn't deny that that sounded alluring. The idea of vengeance for all the pain the old man had made him go through. Thor growled when he heard that. "I wouldn't recommend that."

He was dismissed. "Or just kill him after you'd take Asgard from him." That was a step too much for Thor, but when he opened his mouth to protest Nayorhed raised his finger like he was disciplining a child. "Don't." But it was Loki that stopped the man that still insisted on calling him brother. He grabbed his arm and whispered near his ear. "Please, Thor. We've done this before. Would you listen this time? Don't get us killed on Jotunheim." The god of thunder decided that he would try to stay calm for now. Loki couldn't even think about doing something like that. _Could he?_

Yehnissla continued unimpressed. "You could get your revenge for everything that the Other and the Chitauri brought upon you. Together with us, you will be invincible!" She literally held out her hand and smiled. Sweet and seductive. More genuine than every smile was on her face before.

"You already lost so much you will never get back. But you should never lose again. You could be the one inflicting pain upon others, not being the one suffering. You could finally have everyone down on their knees."

The choice of words put him off his stride. Remembered that he felt like in a fever when he spoke those, listening terrified to the voice in his mind that didn't stop. How he was so eager to fulfill the orders whispered into his ears, drunken by power but scared and bound at the same time. Then he recollected that she got the words from him. That she took this detail out of his mind. Without permission. Manipulative. Dangerous. That she might have seen everything that ever happened, every lie he told, every pain he pushed aside, every feeling he hid. She could do serious harm to him with that knowledge.

 

Nayorhed nodded. "Come with us. This is a unique offer."

"Wouldn't Jotunheim deteriorate or at worst die without the sphere?" Tony wanted to know.

"That's possible. But who would cry over that?" Nayorhed shook his head.

"The Jotun?"

"It isn't your decision, maudlin Earth-walker!" He waved his hand, just a small gesture, like chasing away a fruit fly. A blast of energy hit Tony and he was thrown against the next wall. That hurt. Physically and on a level of I-am-so-fucking-tired-of-this-shit. Combined with a little bit of feeling inferior as the only human among gods and sorcerers. That didn't mean he would let himself be treated like that.

"Fuck!" He got back on his feet. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"Stop that!" Loki grabbed Nayorhed's arm who pushed him away immediately.

"We offer you an opportunity so vast. You can keep your toy if you wish to do so." The tall man pointed at Tony. "But you need to decide. Take it or leave it. There's no turning back then."

Loki materialized an armor, much like his own, but fitting the wearer, around Tony. The god couldn't help but share a small, proud smile.

When the armor materialized around him, it made Tony borderline panicky. It didn't hurt, it didn't even feel so different from getting into the suit. But he got no prior warning and finding his body in completely different clothing and armor was at least a little bit disturbing.

He didn't let it show and marched back to the point he had stood previously, fury written all over his face and grabbed Nayorhed's robe.

"Listen, Merlin, call me a toy again and toss me around like one, then you'll find out how painful it can be to play with me."

"Don't even try to threaten me." The man responded with ice in his voice and shoved Tony's hand away. His eyes stayed on Loki.

"You could be more than just a king. Wasn't that what you were meant to be?"

"It seems she told you everything she thought you should know about me." He bowed his head in her direction. "You think I will remain silent and allow you to humiliate me?"

"If I would like to humiliate you, you would find yourself cowering on the ground, weeping."

 

She turned to Thor and touched his arm with the hand not holding the orb. She held the touch until the warrior's eyes turned milky white. He straightened his shoulders and back and strode a few steps away from them.

"What the holy fucking hell are you doing, Thor?" Tony raised his voice but it seemed the god couldn't hear him. He spun the hammer and raised his arm with it in the air with a proud look on his face. He took a few more steps, then he put down Mjölnir and took a helmet of his head he wasn't even wearing. He kneeled on one knee, smiling over his whole face and looking like he was listening to something important nobody could hear.

"The coronation," Loki said bluntly. "Whatever your reason might be, you let him relive it, aren't you?"

"Yes. But I rather want you to remember." She looked at him like she was waiting for something. "Even then they didn't respect you. They denied you the throne and then lined you up with the women, close to the queen, not to Odin or the warriors. Because they disdained what you are capable of. I recognize that, better than I'd like to. Then you found out that they not only treated you like an inferior but lied to you, your whole life. Like you were something that should be hidden in shame, not worth of the truth. I offer you to get what you really deserve. You were born to a king who left you to die. You were raised by another king who excluded you from the world you were forced to live in and from the truth. You're still here. Better than them. We could rule as gods. We could rule the worlds together."

On the one hand, Tony was slightly scared by the look in Loki's eyes that resembled interest, on the other hand, he wasn't sure how he would have reacted to an offer like that. The god just stood there in his armor, without moving a muscle or speaking a single word, looking unwavering at Yehnissla.

"Decide. Now. Your human can stay with you but not him." The look she gave Thor made it clear that he could accept that or she might as well kill him.

"Get him out of what you trapped him in. Now." Loki's voice was resolute like his face.

She nodded with an exaggerated sigh. "He will fall out of his illusion when Odin stops his speech. Which should be every moment now."

"You're really fucking pleased with yourself, aren't you?" Tony wasn't even dignified with an answer.

 

Her estimate applied because when they reached Thor his eyes cleared and got back their bright blue color. He looked around and rubbed his chin, blinking repeatedly. He felt like waking out of a weird dream while being half asleep and half awake at the same time. _What happened?_ Asgard. The coronation. _Where am I?_ He shook his head. Tiredly he ran a hand through his hair. His mouth opened but nothing came out. But there was another voice, one he knew. Before he understood what was said to him, he saw a hand coming nearer. Before it could slap him, he caught Loki's wrist. "Told you, that would wake him." He could hear the amusement in his voice. "Now get up." He grabbed Loki's hand and got back on his feet.

"Are you alright, Thor?" Tony asked.

The god's expression changed from confused to thoughtful before he answered. "Yes." He turned and studied Yehnissla. "But I call into question if she will be alright any longer."


	44. Consequences may be serious

“Everybody shut up!” Loki appeared to have reached the end of his patience. He had already tolerated more from everyone around him than he liked. He waited until there was silence.

“Thor, as long as nobody tries to flay you alive or to slay you, stay still! You will be king one day. You will replace Odin in the realms. You will rule. I don’t think you get what this decision could mean for me. In addition, it’s my choice and mine alone!”

“Not if they’d convince you to go to war against Asgard.”

“What I’d inevitably do because there’s nothing more relevant. It is impossible that I don’t care about your golden puppet theater anymore, isn’t it?” He held his hands behind his back, gripping his wrist.

“Not impossible, but slightly unlikely, don’t you think?”

Loki answered with clearly audible forced restraint. “If I should declare war against Asgard you’re welcome to stop and kill me! Until then you'll leave me alone.”

Tony didn’t want to have this discussion, not now, not here, not when he might be thrown against a wall again if someone should get pissed. “We can stand here and argue about this all day. But the reality is…” He couldn’t end his sentence because Yehnissla lost her patience now, too. “We have spent valuable time and resources in getting to where we are now. We offer you an outstanding opportunity. Why would you turn us down?”

“Allow me to collect my thoughts before I give you an answer.”

“Do as you wish. But hurry up. My patience has its limits. You’re on the point of overstepping them.”

Loki nodded and put a hand on Thor’s arm, whispering. “I’ll have a few words with Tony. Meanwhile, would you keep an eye on them and the sphere?”

“You don’t attach importance to my opinion?”

“I already know your judgment.”

Thor nodded silently with a bitter smile on his face.

 

Loki pulled Tony aside. “I don’t trust them.”  
“We agree on that.”

“I don’t care about Asgard enough to risk that.”

“Do you care about revenge? Want to get even with the Chitauri?”

Loki’s face hardened to sharp angles and fierce eyes. “Yes. But I would never survive that.” _In more than one way._ “Would you rule the worlds with me?”

“You know that nobody ever gives up power without a fight. I don’t know their plans but I’m sure they don’t strive for peace.”

“And I should care about that because?”

“Because you know better by now.” Tony gazed at him until Loki grunted.

“Apart from that, it could nevertheless mean safety. It would mean nobody could ever hurt you again. Or me. I could protect you. We could do whatever we want to. Nobody could harm us.”

Tony looked at the two tall strangers before he answered. “They could. They probably would.” It was a short statement but it carried so much weight that no more words were needed. _The last time someone offered me to reign over a realm…_ he shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that now.

“I could get the sphere and we could take it with us.”

“No, we can’t. I can’t doom Jotunheim and everybody that lives here to suffering and death while we’d benefit from that agony. I don’t think you could live with that, too. We simply can’t do that. We came here to restore your magic, not to commit genocide. And you know all of that already. You’re tempted but you already know your decision.”

“You know what? Now, exactly at this moment, I am not terribly happy about you and your bad habit of being in the right too often.”

“Sorry?” He grinned. “Are you able to put the sphere back into its enclosure, out of their reach?”

“I think so. But she will not just hand it over. We’ll have to find a way to take it from her.” Loki sighed and reluctantly called Thor over.

“I won’t agree. Any idea how I could get the sphere to put it back into the casing?”

They were disrupted by Yehnissla. “That’s enough talking. What is your decision?”

“Improvise,” Thor whispered quickly.

 

Loki turned around. “I’m afraid, I’ll have to reject your offer.”

“Not a good idea. I could send you back to any moment of your past. To pure joy or the worst horror, you ever felt. Keep you in a memory forever. Do you remember the sensation of bone-crunching fear, of terror shattering your mind into pieces? I could let you repeat that over and over. I could destroy you, reduce you to tears, and break you down to a mere shadow of yourself. This is your last chance. Join us, Loki. Do you really think you want me as an enemy?”

“No one can force me into its bidding with threats.”

She handed the sphere to Nayorhed and came closer. “Perhaps you need a little convincing then.” He was struck across the face without warning and tasted blood. She was stronger and faster than he had anticipated.

“Does that help change your mind?”

“Because you slapped me? I’m not a child. No.” Actually, it made him laugh. That was as ridiculous as it was bizarre. “May I enquire as to why you wish for my collaboration that much?”

“We have plans that would be easier with you. And rewarding for all of us.”

He nodded knowingly. “You expect me to be a helpful tool for you. Or your weapon.”

“Our ally.” She crooked her head.

“No.”

The woman was fast and he was distracted by thinking about a plan to get the orb, so she managed to grab Loki by the shoulders and with a movement between pushing and throwing he violently collided with a pillar. He struggled to his feet, a gash on his forehead bleeding over his face. The black-haired man turned to her again.

“It’s still a no. But now I am angry and you’ll regret that!”

“This is your decision?” She answered with a shake of her head. “Then I was wrong. You don’t deserve anything apart from being brought to your knees, to be humiliated and ruled. You are weak.”

“Well, in that case, I wouldn’t be useful for you, would I?”

“We will rule, with or without your aid. If needs must, a tool will have to suffice. If you don't want to listen, find out the hard way. The Other might have been right, a message, cut into your flesh, might be more convincing to you than every word spoken.”

Loki’s breath hitched and his heart beat faster. There was a burning pain raising in his chest. It was hard to breathe with crushing emotions that were taking over. Pain and panic, making it hard to focus. She would be able to bring him back there. He tried to calm himself. But the feeling of losing control didn’t subside.

“This hall will be the tomb for your companions but not for you.” She laughed, a full, throaty laugh. “He made you long for something as sweet as pain, so will I.”

His magic downright exploded out of him, blinding, strong and overwhelming. She was hit by a blast of energy, the force so violent that she was thrown back, and she screamed in unexpected pain. Loki watched her with a look of pure fury and an undertone of disgust.

 

“I told you, just knock him out and take him with us by force, he can consent later or you’ll break him. You love playing too much.” Nayorhed said while he placed the sphere on the ground near a pillar, muttering a few words until a golden yellow light encased it. Then a similar glow surrounded his arm and when it vanished again he held a sword in his hand. A giant sword with a slightly curved blade. Tony was nevertheless somehow happy about that because a sword, even something as intimidating as the thing he was holding, wasn’t a machine gun or something the like. There was a chance to escape a hit with a sword but he wasn’t bulletproof and a shot in the head would end him for sure.

Yehnissla got up again and before someone could react Tony was grabbed by her and thrown across the room. When he hit the wall a sharp pain struck through his chest. He might have broken a rib. He pulled himself back to his feet. His frustration was worse than the pain. He never backed up when an enemy was stronger but this was getting ridiculous.

When Loki screamed Tony’s name a grin crossed Yehnissla’s face, turning it into a cold and cruel sight. “Or even better, we take your earthling with us, too. I bet you’ll be a dear little boy when your lover will have to suffer agonizing pain.”

Loki lunged for her infuriated but she jumped back just beyond his reach. Tony was pushed aside by Thor, wielding his hammer. He hit Nayorhed’s sword with Mjölnir. It made a terrible noise but had no other effects on the weapon or the bearer. They fought against each other vigorously but without one of them gaining the upper hand. The mage grinned most of the time and it was disturbing how much he seemed to enjoy the pure violence.

 

The tumult allowed Yehnissla to act. She managed to grab Loki’s bare hand and before he could do anything the room fell away, out of existence, out of his reality.

Sharp stones were digging into his back he lay on. It was cold and dark and it smelled overwhelmingly like metal and dust, combined with the faint scent of blood. He had no idea if it was his own. It was hard to breathe and he couldn’t move. He was pinned to the ground but didn’t know by what. Perhaps simply by the pain, he was feeling. Pain also seemed to be the only thing he remembered.

He raised his eyes because he couldn’t move his head. His mind felt cloudy. It took him a while to focus on the figure looming over him. _Why is Odin here? Oh right, he’s not, but the Other._ It didn’t matter, it felt the same anyway and he forgot the difference again. Every word burned inside of him like fire. He was young again, feeling alone and desperate and nobody knew or cared about. Time had lost all meaning as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

“You embarrass me, you abash your mother and your brother. You bring shame upon my name. Tricks and magic are nothing.”

There was something cold and wet on his face, he didn’t care anymore if it was blood or tears. He heard a scream of pain but he didn’t recognize his own coarse voice, he just knew that the other sound was a bone breaking somewhere inside his body. “You’re worthless. Why are you even alive?”

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t die.

 

What felt like endless minutes for Loki were only seconds in reality. When Tony saw that Yehnissla touched Loki, who promptly froze, he ran. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to pull the paralyzed god away from her grip so he ran into him and with all force, he could muster, he knocked him down, falling to the ground with him. The impact was strong enough to let them slide a fair way over the ground. White eyes turned green again but they still looked terrified. He gasped for air but otherwise didn’t move and didn’t say a word. Tony shook him slightly. “Sorry. Really I am, but get up! Whatever you saw, it’s not real. You’re on Jotunheim and you have to get up!” Loki looked at him and nodded. _I know._ He forced his body to stand up. It wouldn’t be the first time he had to fight while he was in pain. He pulled Tony up with one hand and said just three words to him. “Survive this, please!”

“Ditto.”


	45. Stand and fight

In Loki’s hand, a spear not unlike Gungnir appeared. Yehnissla grabbed the sword from Nayorhed while he materialized a similar one in his other hand. When Loki attacked her she jumped backward again. Her face showed nothing but confidence that she would defeat them all. She struck with speed.

Loki blocked the first two hits, keeping his distance to her. When she leaped forward and swung the sword again in another direction he had to dodge. The blow missed his head but caught him on the shoulder. The armor took most of the hit but his arm was burning in pain. He didn’t care.

Apparently, she was a stronger warrior than a lot of Asgard’s men. Unlike Loki, Thor would have been surprised by her skills. Mainly because she was a woman. Without armor. She wasn’t just fast. Every move showed strength and power. But Loki was an excellent fighter in hand-to-hand combat, too. He was trained to be. He blocked her weapon with the spear, forcing her a step back.

 

Tony thought about the weapons that were stored somewhere high above them. But then again he highly doubted that anything they brought from earth would stand a chance against this two. His suit otherwise, that would be fine. Would be.

 _The sphere. We need the goddamn sphere so we can leave._ He had no idea how to but it wouldn’t be the first time that he’d find a solution for something when needs must. He made it to the sphere unnoticed. It wasn’t hard because nobody even looked at him. It seemed nobody saw him as a threat. Not in comparison to the four beings around him that fought against each other. _That fight would look spectacular on a movie screen._ It bruised his pride and ego to get underestimated so much but perhaps he could use that. At least not one person seemed particularly interested in killing him.

 

Loki raised his weapon again and moved in toward her. So did his doubles, which made her laugh out loud. It turned out, that contrary to everybody before, she knew damn well, who was the real one. She ignored them all and attacked him, still laughing. It turned out that magic generally didn’t work well against her.

Trained fighting skills worked only slightly better. It looked easy when she dodged his spear or parried with her sword. She attacked and withdrew with surprising facility. Loki whirled through the air in a dangerous and deadly dance. But he landed a few hits. She did so, too. The length of the spear helped to keep his injuries minor.

She played with him like he was an easy prey.

He quickly understood this wouldn’t end fast. It seemed more useful to save his energy and study her skills. It took him some time to figure out how she fought. Understanding the pattern rudimentarily saved him from suffering more hits, but he still wasn’t able to defeat her. She chuckled again. “You could still just comply before I’ll bring you down, princeling, and force you to do whatever we’d ever ask for.“

Loki didn’t answer.

 

What Thor did, looked completely different. Still, he wasn’t much more successful. Nonetheless, he took joy in the fight, not least because Nayorhed was a strong opponent. The Asgardian's movement was closely linked to Mjölnir, wielding the hammer as if it were weightless. His whole strength went into another blow, he spun the hammer and it hit the sword with the sound of thunder. It hadn’t much of an impact on the sword wielder and that was surprising. He barely moved when he was hit. The hammer in combination with the strength of an Asgardian god was capable of crushing bones and ending beings stronger than Nayorhed, or at least that was what he thought first. The man grinned, attacking again, Thor blocked him with the hammer. The blonde had aimed to end the battle quickly, Nayorhed seemed to have other plans. His strikes were powerful and his strength showed that he must have been trained from a young age. It was visible, that he enjoyed the fight. There was something vicious in his face, which looked as auguring ill to come.

The room was too small to throw the hammer but when Thor drew his arm back and took a swing he put more than enough force into it. Nayorhed dodged and Mjölnir hit a column, leaving a crumbling hole in the dark stone.

Both men stood their ground. Metal clanged against metal.

This was challenging.

 

Tony knelt down by the sphere. He had no idea how magic might work but perhaps he could figure it out. _Sometimes you got to run before you can walk_. The sphere was completely covered by the golden light the wizard had cast over it without any opening. Tony touched it. It might not have been the best decision, because like when he touched the cube, he was hit with an electric shock and was thrown back. At least no wall or pillar was in his way this time. So he tried again, this time just touching it with the tip of a finger. It hurt less but otherwise nothing changed. But he noticed that the power fluctuated when he touched it. And he saw that whenever Mjölnir hit the sword of Nayorhed or the other way round the golden glow around the sphere intensified for a brief moment. What had Yehnissla said? He shouted: “He uses the orb to draw energy from it. But every hit against him affects the orb. Do you want the sphere? Attack either him or the fucking ball.”

 

Yehnissla turned her head and that was all that Loki needed. It was just a split second but it gave him the chance he needed. He stabbed her and let go of the spear. Although she dodged the thrusting weapon, she couldn’t avoid the dagger he pulled out of his armor with graceful ease. It pierced her chest, drawing blood. She dropped the sword and screamed in pain. She tumbled back and against one of the lamps on the ground. It broke and glass shards scattered over the floor. She staggered over the remains to Nayorhed’s side, the dagger still deep in her torso.

 

Loki was torn apart between the wish to end the woman, no matter the cost, and the need to get the sphere out of their control. Cursing he decided that the orb was more important. If even just one of the two would escape with it, Loki knew they would hunt them all down.

His full attention was now on the sphere, examining it closely and then trying to destroy the connection between Nayorhed and the orb with his own magic. Thor was still fighting with his opponent and Yehnissla was huddled up against him. She had pulled out the dagger and whatever it was, what she was doing, was causing flying sparks.

 

It was exhausting to damage what linked Nayorhed and the sphere and Loki had to do it piece by piece, understanding and severing strings of magic that were weaved between them in an invisible complicated pattern. When he succeeded the barrier around the orb vanished. The tall man at Yehnissla’s side cried out like a wounded animal. Even more furious than hurt.

 

While the green eyed figure took the orb from the ground, Thor attacked his opponent again. His next blow tossed Nayorhed back. He was still a challenging enemy and caught the next hit with his sword but without the help of the sphere, the force flung him downward. Thor swung for another hit again, bringing the hammer down on Nayorhed’s knee which made him stagger. The blond god raised his weapon once more and this time, he hit his back. Nayorhed fell on hands and knees, gasping in rage. But in a split second, he rolled to the side and stood up again. He raised his sword.

Yehnissla screamed in a language just the two understood.

 

Loki scurried to the cube. When he stood inside of the dark columns he felt that he had missed something before. This space felt strange and powerful. The cube, the hall, everything was built with magic. There was a raw energy flowing through the space where he had found the sphere. Something that felt more powerful than the casket or the sphere, or any other magic object he ever touched. This was strong and concentrated like the branches of Yggdrasil. Thor might still see it as something resembling a tree, but Loki knew it was a multidimensional network not only linking the nine realms together. When he fell into the void and was a prisoner of The Other he had learned that there was more, more life, more planets, more beings than even Asgard knew. And magic was one of the things holding everything together.

This place was special. Calming. As much peace- as powerful.

_Let go._

_You have to leave._

The raven-haired man released the sphere and it hovered where it was before. A visible energy started to build up and surround it. Fast.

The walls of the cube closed themselves around the orb in the middle. Loki had barely enough time to get out before he would have been locked into it. When he turned around the cube looked like before. A massive, closed, green shimmering dice, framed with matte dark-gray columns. Seemingly impenetrable.

 

Yehnissla screamed in rage. She saw her plans shatter. It was just a fraction of a second for her to get up. Ignoring her wound, she stood up to full size, her face distorted and her eyes glowing gloomy. A stunning creature like an ancient vengeance goddess. She touched the pillar beside her and it vanished. But just for a moment. Rotated through 90° it reappeared at the ceiling above Tony and Loki. The god was almost not fast enough to push the human away and shield himself against the debris when the column crushed down on the ground.

Tony looked around, taking in the damage Thor and Nayorhed had already caused and Yehnissla’s fury. “I thought that was a really nice column. And important for the structural stability of the room. We have to get out of here!” Tony screamed against the noise.

 

Yehnissla touched Nayorhed and threw a ball of crackling energy at Thor. He was thrown back, crashing through another pillar.

 

Loki touched Thor, who lay on the ground and grabbed Tony's hand to get them out, focusing on both of them to take them with him. The last thing they saw, was the ceiling coming down, crashing the remaining columns to dust. A last glimpse of Yehnissla's furious face and Nayorhed screaming at her. With his last strength, Loki gathered his powers and teleported them away.

 

They ended up above a snowy field, surrounded by trees and stones. Unceremoniously they crashed into the snow when they fell. Icy snow blew in the air. Loki bled red onto the ground. He waited for his breathing to slow.

Thor was the first to get back on his feet, Mjölnir in hand. He shook his head and shoulders to get rid of the dust and small stones.

Tony groaned and sat up. “That was a rock. My poor tailbone.”

“I didn’t do that for quite a while,” Loki grunted.

“That wasn’t a complaint against you saving my life.” He laid his hand on Loki’s arm. “Thor, are you unharmed?”

“Yes. Just dusty. And hungry.” He laughed. “Where are we?”

“Still on Jotunheim, I suppose.”

“I’m not sure if Heimdall can transfer us away from here. I try to reach him.” With that, Thor walked away while Loki sat up. The blond didn’t have to step aside, it seemed for once he wanted to give them some space. It left Loki puzzled. Tony not that much when he looked at the tall god beside him.

He sat in the snow where he had fell, his legs partly bend so that the knees were raised. The only thing moving was his chest what was barely visible because of the armor that still showed traces of Yehnissla’s blood. And of his own. His face was paler than usual, blending perfectly into the surroundings. And there were his eyes. They didn't focus, they were dancing around, surveying the snowy terrain like he was looking for more enemies.

"Are you alright?" Tony knew the answer but he didn't know what else he could say.

Loki didn't look into his face, his eyes still restlessly moving. "No." He forced himself to finally gaze at the brown eyes looking him over. "I am not."

He closed his eyes. “I’ll be. I’m just incredibly tired. Give me a moment.”  
Tony stopped himself from questioning further. “You’re sure that helps?”

“If you shut up now, yes.”


	46. An old acquaintance

When Thor came back, Loki forced himself to open his eyes. He was tired to the bone. More than tired. Utterly drained. Even breathing was an effort he would only be too pleased to ease. His body felt heavy, burdened with too much weight so he could hardly move. He wanted nothing more than solitude and sleep. Hiding away behind a locked door and just make everything stop for a while. And he knew, it would have to wait.

“I got no answer. I’m afraid, we are still on territory where Heimdall is unfit to pick us up and get us back to Midgard.”

“Terrific,” Loki grunted and struggled to pull himself up onto his feet again. “I don’t rely on the Bifrost to cross between realms. But I need to find a threshold between the worlds. We are in a part of Jotunheim, I don’t know. I’ll have to search.” He was swaying on his feet and took a wavering step, then he stopped frustrated. His breathing was ragged and uneven. He hadn’t felt so tired in years and that annoyed him to no end.

“We could go back to the place where we started and let Heimdall move us from there. I could carry you if you can’t walk.” Thor suggested.

“He hit you on the head, didn’t he?” Loki answered, practically spitting. ”Try to do that and I’ll turn you into a tree and make firewood out of your new form!” The tired god wasn’t pleased. He would not allow Thor to carry him around like a child.

“I don't understand.” Thor’s face showed nothing but sincerity and it just made the other one more furious.

“That’s nothing new.”

“I was just trying to help.”

“I don’t need your help! You are not stronger or faster or better than I am. I’m not a weakling. I’m not fragile. I’m just tired. I saved your weary ass a few minutes ago!”

Tony had enough. "You're not going anywhere at the moment! You were hurt and you're exhausted. You're just too stubborn."  
"Pot, meet kettle." Loki hadn’t the patience for that now.  
"You need rest and you will get it. It's not like you have a choice, my dear.”

Loki’s stare looked like he was equipped to kill or at least seriously maim any opponent. “I can walk.”

“And collapse after a few steps? Be my guest.”

There was a tense silence and Tony tried it again, his voice low enough that only Loki but not Thor could hear him. “Magic has a lot to do with energy, hasn't it? And even your energy is not unlimited. You fought against Yehnissla, you saved our lives by teleporting us away. That must have been exhausting. Not to mention the trauma of getting your magic back, the shit Yehnissla did, you turning into a Jotun and after all of that nevertheless saving the situation. Saving all our lives. You’re worn down from exhaustion. Give yourself a break.”

The green eyed man balanced reasons. And hated the outcome. “Alright. We take a break. Because I’m too tired to even tell you where to put your reasoning.”

 

He made a few steps in direction of a big rock under a tree, sitting down, his back leaned against the trunk. He felt the cold seeping into his bones and that wasn’t a good sign.

Tony followed him. He whispered, “Turning Thor into a tree - can you really do that?”

“No. But he wasn’t so sure about that.” Loki laughed.

The aforementioned still stood where he was. Before he could move to sit down, too, Loki screamed. "You again!” _Another proof of my own inadequacy._ He raised his hands and shot a flash of green energy into a few trees at their right. He cursed. There were things even he couldn't change, like the fact that he was functioning with energy that was painfully drawn out of him because he had exhausted himself already. Tony was right, he needed rest, but how could he rest if life intended to make it impossible?

Thor sprinted to the trees and dragged an unconscious boy out. It was indeed the youngster they had met before. Loki didn't even try to get up. He could either get up or use magic to shackle the Jotun. He would hardly have enough energy for both. It was an easy decision. When the young man would wake up, he’d be restrained and unable to move.

 

It would be nice if breathing wasn't such a strenuous thing to do. His mind was whirling.

"Loki!" Tony's voice was shrill and loud and hurt his ears.

He felt the snow-covered rocks beneath his body. He wondered when he had fallen to the side. He grunted. “Help me up.”

“Don’t you think…” Tony couldn’t end his sentence, Loki’s sharp voice stopped him.

“Get. Me. Up.”

“No.” He knelt down beside him. “I’m fed up with getting ordered around! You’re not exactly save on your feet. I am the one nobody on this damn planet takes serious. But you, you’re scary enough for the boy when you sit.” He reached out his hand, helping him to a sitting position.

“Because I’m a monster like him?” His voice wasn’t as impassive as he wanted it to be.

“No. You are not a monster. You weren’t one, you still aren’t one. But right now you look like you’re ready to rip him apart. By the way, would you refrain from doing so?”

“I let him get away once. I’m not repeating that mistake.”

 

They couldn’t end their discussion because the young man woke up groaning. He tried to struggle to his feet but stopped it when he found that he was unable to.

Loki just stared at him until the boy stared back. The god growled. "I told you to stay out of our way, didn't I?"

“You are in my way, not the other way round. This is my world!”

“Whom have you alarmed?”

“Nobody! Perhaps I should have, but I swore, so I didn’t. Didn’t you say, you’ll be gone soon? You’re still here, liar!” He sat on the ground, the fury of youth written all over his face.

“If you weren’t a filthy Jotun, I might even enjoy your juvenile insolence.”

That made the boy angry enough to try to get up again. Thor took a step closer, towering over him with Mjölnir and Tony decided he would have to have a talk with both of them about racism.

“Whom have you told about us?”

“Nobody. Now let me go!”

“Didn’t I tell you that I’m a monster, you should fear and not challenge?”

“I don’t fear you.”

“You better should. Otherwise, I hunt you down and teach you to dread me. Now, I ask you again, before I kill you, tell me if there are more of your kin coming?”

“Are you deaf or just dim? I called nobody. Nobody is coming. Neither for you nor for me. And if you insist on killing me, at least hurry up. It’s uncomfortable on the ground like that and your speech is boring.”

 

“Why is nobody coming for you? You’re out here alone for how long? Why will nobody be looking for you?” Tony asked.

The Jotun just stared at him, pressing his lips together.

“Why is nobody coming?”

Silence.

“Where are your parents?”

“At home, I suppose.”

“Why aren’t you there, too?”

“It’s not my home anymore.”

“Why?”

He folded his blue arms across his chest. He didn't answer, no matter what Tony asked. Until Loki had enough.

“You’re not even trying to give me a reason to let you live?” Loki wasn’t sure where Tony’s questions were heading but that they reached an impasse. “Because he might be willing to spare your life, I’m not that nice. Why should I believe that you didn’t already alarm anybody or don’t intend to do so?”

The young man mused for a moment before he decided to answer, his voice hostile. “I literally had to run for my life to avoid being killed. If I’d alarm them about three insane strangers, they might come for you but they would definitely murder me first. My family would kill me if I come back. I’m unreachable here, free and safe. So just go away and leave me be.”

“What have you done?”

“Nothing I wouldn’t do again.”

 

The boy flinched when he heard Thor’s deep voice behind him. “Where do you live?”

“There’s a shack my grandfather owned nearby.”

“Show us where.”

“No.”

The Asgardian warrior grabbed his arm, pulled him up and shook him fiercely. Then he dropped him to the ground again. “Show us where. We’ll stay the night and then you are free again.”

"We don't know what the creature did or plans to do!"

“And frankly, I don’t care Loki. We need rest, you need a bed, and he has a hut.” The blond god pulled the youngster up again. “Lead us there before I get angry.”

The young man pointed at his feet. “Even if I would want to, I can’t walk like that.” He was still bound.

“Loki.” Thor gestured at the bonds. When the ones holding the Jotun's legs disappeared he gripped the boy at his still pinioned arms. “Now, walk. Don’t try anything funny.”

They walked in silence through the snow, Thor held the unwilling Jotun, Tony supported Loki who stumbled painfully.

Trees and bushes hid the small shack from view. The boy opened the door and Thor closed it behind them. A small, square room with two windows. It was cold. Not windy like the outside but nearly as cold. The shack was sparsely furnished with a tall wooden table, three big chairs and a cupboard made of wooden boxes, filled with small trinkets and a single book. They saw a bed covered in furs beside a door leading to another room. When Thor opened it, he found something resembling a kitchen.

Everything looked almost bare. Not like a place to live in. Tony felt sympathy for the Jotun. "What's your name?"

"Ásmundr."

"And you live here alone?" Tony doubted that Jotunheim had child protective services, but it made him sad, that this should be somebody's future.

"It's better than dying."

Tony nodded. “Don’t you have anybody you could turn to?”

“Perhaps. At the moment, I don’t care.”

“Sit down, please.”

While Ásmundr sat down on a chair, glaring at Thor that blocked the door with his massive body, Loki grabbed the backrest of a chair to stand stable. He gestured at the table where a bowl with bread appeared. “Eat something, Tony.”

“I’ll do, but first.” He shoved Loki to the bed. “First you’ll rest. And could you set him free?” Loki grunted but freed Ásmundr’s hands. He sank down on the bed, even more exhausted than before. He closed his eyes, unwilling to sleep. Not here. He just wanted to rest. He needed to. It was his last thought before he fell asleep.


	47. When fear and pain collide

Tony sat down on one of the chairs. It was like climbing onto a barstool, a little bit too high for him to be comfortable. He took a piece of bread and threw it in Thor's direction. "Don't you want to sit down, too?" The warrior caught the food and nodded, then grabbed a chair and dragged it in front of the door. With a strangely excusing smile at Ásmundr he sat down, blocking the door.  
Tony ate, comfortably leaned back into the chair and observed the boy. Since they had spotted him his demeanur had changed. His shoulders had slumped and his face looked sorrowful. He looked at the table when he asked Tony with a surprisingly soft voice: "Will they kill me?"

"No."  
The young man looked at Loki, who hadn't moved much since he fell down. "He seems very intent to see me dead."  
_Oh yes, as much as he still wants to get rid of a part of himself._ "You'll be alive when we leave, as long as you don't attack us, alright?"  
Ásmundr took a deep breath, Tony wasn't sure if out of relief or disbelief, but he straightened his shoulders and looked more like the angry teenager that woke up in bounds.  
"How long have you been out here, alone?" Tony tried to distract him.  
"A few weeks, I think."  
"Why?"  
"Because I had enough of getting told how I must be, how I have to see the world, how I have to live my life. I had enough. You could say that didn’t work out. And then the only thing important became that I wanted to stay alive. By the way, you wear Asgardian armor but you don't act like one? You’re the only one that hasn’t threatened to kill me. Not yet at least.”  
“I’m from Earth. Midgard.”

He furrowed his brow. “How come that a Midgardian ended up on Jotunheim with two Asgardian gods? I didn't know you could travel between realms."  
Tony laughed. "I can't. They can. And this is a long story, really."

He took another piece of bread and waved at their unwilling host. "Hungry?" He tried to hand him the bread but the young man shook his head.

 

“You are young, aren’t you?”  
He snapped, his voice loud and annoyed. “That doesn’t mean…”

Tony raised his hand and interrupted. “Calm down. That wasn’t what I wanted to say. I just don’t know how long you’ll live. Longer than I, I suppose.”

Thor answered him. “Ice giants live a long life, similar to Asgardians.”

The way his conversational partner flinched at the name, Tony guessed Ice giants was more a racial slur than just another word for Jotun.

“However. You are young, you can’t spend the rest of your life alone in the wilderness. You’ll just go insane. You’re too young to give up like that.”

“You don't understand.“

“Explain it then.”

 

There was silence until the Jotun asked Tony, “Do you drink on Midgard?”  
“Are we talking about water or something with more impact? However, yes, we do.”  
Ásmundr stood up and raised his voice. “Don't throw your stupid hammer at me! I'm just getting some drekka.”  
He brought an earthen jug and mugs and poured a dark liquid into the cups. It smelled definitely like alcohol.

Thor wasn’t happy with that. “Don’t drink that. It’s not good for someone from Midgard. It might even be poisoned.”

The young man glared at him and drank up his mug. “See, nothing poisonous, just good. And I didn’t invite you to drink with me.” He stopped himself from calling Thor names and everybody knew it nevertheless. The Asgardian shrugged. He had no further interest regarding the boy, he just wanted his brother to wake up and all of them to leave. But for the love of everything holy, he couldn’t understand why Tony treated the youngster like that. It might not be necessary to kill him, but there was neither a reason to treat him like that. _I don’t trust that boy. Even his own kin had expelled him from their society._

Tony ignored it and took a sip and almost spit it out. It tasted at least as bad and strong as his first glass of liquor, Howard had pressed into his hand when he was a child.

He coughed and then laughed. “Whoa, that’s some strong stuff.”

Ásmundr giggled. The first happy noise he had heard from him.

Loki who had slept unmoving started to toss and turn in his sleep, his face contorted with pain. Tony thought about waking him but decided against. Loki needed sleep and he wouldn't go back to sleep if he’d wake him now.

He took another gulp of the alcohol.

 

Loki didn’t wake with a start. He woke slowly, his eyes still closed and his heart beating frantically. It took him a moment to remember where he was and what had happened. Unfamiliar. He turned around, opened his eyes and sat up groaning. When he looked at the table his eyes met sorrowful brown ones before he saw the expression of the Jotun. He wasn’t sure if it was pity, disgust, distrust or something else entirely. But he knew he couldn’t stand it any longer. That he needed to get out of here. Now.

He teleported away without further thinking, surprising everybody he left behind. Thor leaped from his seat and Tony cursed. “Loki! Fuck! You can't...”

The god was gone without a word and all the tension in Tony bubbled up. “Thor, move! I need a little bit of air. Take care of Ásmundr for a Moment. Play peaceful, boys.  
If his majesty decides to return, tell him I'm outside.”

He looked at the boy and said “Sorry.” Then he squeezed past Thor and shut the door behind him with a bang. He took the cup with liquor with him. The wind was cold but he didn’t care, his anger was too great to let any other thought pass through his mind.

 

Tony didn’t know how much time had passed. He had walked back and forth between the trees in front of the shack. The liquor was so strong even he could just drink one sip after the other with big breaks in between. Loki appeared out of nowhere. He smelled the alcohol and without warning, he whipped the mug out of Tony’s hand. It fell on the ground, the last remaining drops leaving a few dark stains in brilliant white snow.

“Are you insane? You get drunk while you are on Jotunheim with one of them?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? You fucker can’t appear and disappear as you please and then tell me how I should behave!”

The god reached out with one hand and grabbed the backside of Tony’s neck. Whatever he did, it made the calming dizzy feeling in the brunette’s head disappear. And he wasn’t happy about that. He pushed Loki away, anger in his eyes and voice.

“What have you done?”  
“Eliminated the alcohol from your blood. I can heal some things, but stupidity is not one of them!”  
“You dare to tell me that? You collapse like you’re dying, sleep restlessly like you have the nightmare of your life and then you run away without a word to me? Fuck you!”

“I had to go.”

“After all that clusterfuck you had to talk to me, not leave. The last days I was treated like I am your pet. I don’t take shit like that from anyone, not even from you!”

“It seems, I fell from grace. Again.”

Tony rolled his eyes. He wasn’t sure if he had the patience and nerves to face his lover’s inferiority complexes just now. Then he felt guilty for thinking that way.

“Shall I go?”

“No! For fuck’s sake.” The man sighed. “But don’t you dare to treat me like a stupid, unruly child! I was patient with you. With all that shit in this oversized fortress of solitude. More patient than I ever thought I could be for anybody. But you try so hard to exhaust it.”

“I told you a long time ago I am dangerous and flawed, did I not?” Loki asked. He stood there like a statue but he was breathing fitfully, fighting to control his fury, fear, and pain. Then he lowered his voice. “I never meant to show you that. I never meant to show you the monster inside me. It is one thing to tell you about, it’s another one to see it.”

“You are no monster. Could you do us both a favor and postpone your self-doubts for a little while? Until we find a way home?”

“No, I can’t! That’s the point.” _When did breathing become so arduous?_ “I don’t understand why you even try to deal with me.” _How could you possibly love someone as me?_ “I’ll get you away from here, no matter what, but after that – will I still be welcome in your home?”

“Our home. Loki, I understand that finding out that you were taken from another world, a world you were taught to hate, broke your life into a before and after. But I don’t believe in inherited guilt.”

“What if I inherit the traits of them?”

Tony shook his head. “You are not your ancestors or relatives. You detest a race you don’t know much about and seem to feel like whatever they might have done is a guilt you are forced to live with. It’s not. The boy in the shack? The only thing we know about him is that he is a Jotun and he’s on the run. I guess that you assume he might have murdered a child, eliminated a whole family or beheaded a political leader. Because he’s a Jotun. For all I know, he could have been caught in bed with his best friend or demonstrated for democracy. I don’t know! You don’t know, too. Their world may be one way, as far as you know, but people can be another way. They make their own decisions, to approve or deny what might be considered their nature or culture. Do you get that? Biological heritage doesn’t define what kind of person you are.” _Like I am not like my father._ “Listen. I’m willing to discuss that whole thing at all lengths but could we at least first go inside? I’m freezing.” Without the alcohol in his blood, he really felt the fierce cold.

Loki nodded. His eyes were a bit too red and shiny, his breathing a little bit too forced to hide the fact that he was still fighting with his feelings.

 

Tony was impressed how Loki, who had looked like on the verge of a mental meltdown of epic proportions a moment before, now again looked like the prince he grew up to be. His face a tad too arrogant and violently firm as he opened the door. Then, on the other hand, he had its own share of practice of that special discipline.

The minute they both had stepped inside of the shack and the door was closed again, Loki stated, “I found what I searched. But we’ll need transportation. A ship or whatever. What we’ll do is not like using the Bifrost or a portal. It’s not a door you step through. You and Thor can’t navigate where we go, so I have to be able to move something with all of us on board.”

“Will you leave my world then?” The Jotun asked without even looking at Loki.

“Yes.”

“I have a sleigh. They work similar to Asgard’s flying skiffs.”

“Woah. A flying sleigh? You don’t happen to have Rudolph hidden here somewhere?”

Everybody in the room stared at Tony. Grinning he raised his hands. “Midgardian thing.”

Loki shook his head. “That should work.”

It was Thor that asked the boy if they could have the sleigh. The youngster nodded. “If it gets you all of my back and out of my life, yes.”

 

This time, Loki told Tony that he needed to attend to something and would be back as soon as possible. It might have been an hour or two when he appeared in the hut again. He dropped a considerable pile of coins on the table. Flat, round coins made out of a black stone, minted with what looked like runes.

Ásmundr gaped. “Where do you got those?”

Sitting down on a chair Loki laughed. “I decided somebody still owed me something.”  
“Have you any idea how incredibly much that is?”

“Approximately. And I know that wealth helps on every realm.”

“Still don’t like you.” The boy folded his arms in front of his chest which amused Loki enough to make him grin like a Cheshire cat.

“That’s based on reciprocity. But I pay my debts. Where is that sleigh?”

“Behind the cottage.”

 

It was a large wooden sleigh on two runners.

“Have you ever driven a sleigh?” Tony asked Loki.

“No. Can’t be that complicated.” _If this child can do it._

“Where will we arrive?”

“Central Park.”  
“In the middle of the city? With a flying sleigh?”

Loki just nodded and Tony shrugged. _Could be worse._

 

Loki began grinning in genuine delight when the sleigh slid right along over the snow. Thor and Tony, on the other hand, weren’t sure if the sledge wasn’t going to fall apart. The sleigh was built to go over rough ground and flex to prevent breakages. There was so much movement, they could feel every bump and hollow under the snow.

“For how long can you do that?” The blond Asgardian asked.

“Do what?”

“Travel between realms. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“Oh, It seems I forgot, that you were so immensely interested in what I was doing or capable of. It’s not like you were arrogantly occupied with telling me, that some do battle, others just do tricks. Now shut up. This trick needs my attentiveness.”

Loki weaved from left to right and back to avoid trees and stones, finally letting the sleigh soar high above the ground, back to the mountains. After a short while he spun the sled so neatly it was resembling a dance. But the travel was fast and the wind was bitter. It was silent until he steered their vehicle towards a cave.

Thor stared at the narrow gap and called Loki’s name who just grinned. “If it were easy, everyone would do it.”

The thunder god’s eyes widened. “Are you mad?”

Loki laughed. “Possibly.” He steered the sleigh into the cave, smashing the edge near to Thor against the wall when entering. Tony highly doubted that it was a mishap but he kept his mouth shut. Mostly because he was fighting against the feeling of nausea from the ride. The cave was covered in shimmering ice but with the distance it became slightly warmer and the ice disappeared gradually. Finally, the walls were dark and dry but covered in small, hard crystals, not unlike the tunnel that had led them into the city. Thor stared at the iridescent crystals because as their sleigh passed them they started to light up, shining like the Bifrost. Everything blurred into a white light until they were surrounded by a bright light but nothing else.

 

Loki smiled. Traveling between the worlds was not only a question of means of transportation. It needed a lot of very specific magic and it was unalterable to open one’s mind. One could lose himself in the space and time between the realms. There was nothing and everything. He could sense earth’s presence and concentrated on it, ignoring an old lingering lure that would have led to Asgard. This destination was etched into his memory. It used to be the starting- and endpoint of his travels. At least he could use it as a guide.

 

It was dark in New York when the sledge exited and crashed into a bridge in Central Park.


	48. Back in black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry, that this chapter took so long! To my defense, I must say that I was in the hospital for an operation which was followed by physiotherapy and some other annoying stuff happening in my life. Nevertheless, it shouldn't have taken me so long, so please accept my sincere apologies.

It was an ugly noise when the sledge hit the ground, throwing its passengers around like dice in a shaker. Then it came to a halt and Loki was laughing. Not the manic or bitter kind of laugh, just sheer joy, and genuine amusement. "Ta da!” He grinned. “Didn't do something like that for quite a while."

Tony struggled carefully to his feet. "The Asgardian perception of armor could do with a makeover concerning things like shock absorbing." He felt a little bit like a bad Martini, shaken and stirred. With a club. He held his left shoulder with his right hand. "I'm not complaining. I'm alive and well. The only thing broken might be my brain, trying to grasp with the laws of physic what you did. You just broke said laws, didn’t you?”

“Not exactly. I might have bent them, though.”

“Fucking impressive.”

 

Thor got up and seemed completely unfazed, he gave them both a small nod. “You should practice your landing.” He brushed some dust and splinters of wood from his armor. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to excuse myself and tell mother the good news.”

“Do as you please.” Loki didn’t intend to let anything cloud his mood, not even the annoying blonde. It caused him physical discomfort but nevertheless he added another word. “Thanks.”

“You’re very welcome.” He raised his already booming voice.  “Heimdall. Open the Bifrost.” With that, he vanished in a well-known light.

 

Letting the sleigh disappear immediately after the travel was strenuous but Loki managed it. Perhaps he got carried away a little bit considering he actually just had to let it materialize at a landfill or somewhere in the woods. Instead not that much later Fury screamed and cursed in fits of anger when out of nowhere a head-high pile of broken wood appeared beside his desk in an office in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Triskelion. The Norse god that was responsible for that meanwhile brought himself and a slightly disheveled genius back to the tower.

 

The minute they arrived they were greeted by JARVIS. “Welcome back, Sirs. It’s wonderful to see you alive and well. Without wanting to diminish the joy of your return, I’m afraid I have news that can’t wait.” His creator rolled his eyes. What the hell was it with the universe not willing to give them a break? “Mr. Barton received the information that someone looking like Loki, together with one or two other Asgardian warriors have been spotted in Central Park. Seemingly they disappeared in a cloud of smoke like third-class Copperfields. His words, not mine. He demands forcibly to enter your floor, to look for you and talk to you if you’re present, Sir.”  
“Can we do that later?” Tony sighed.

“He’s insisting. And with him, Mrs. Romanov. Which means she is threatening to use force and resort to violence, which upsets Dr. Banner gradually. Mr. Rogers tries to bring them to reason but without much success. They stand in front of the elevators discussing with abandon. I highly recommend that you talk with them.”

“For fuck’s sake on a stick. If there's no other option, let them in.” He looked at the god beside him. “We don’t want to have time to get bored, do we?” He was answered with a slightly tired but still honest smile.

 

When the other Avengers left the elevator and saw Loki in his armor and Tony beside him, also in foreign armor, their reactions were vastly different. Bruce smiled gently while Steve looked surprised and kind of relieved. Perhaps he had expected armed alien hordes. However without losing time Natasha and Clint both produced a gun, they seemingly had hidden somewhere in their clothes. Natasha even pulled out a second one, pointing both at Loki.

 

Tony was tired and this, no, he so didn’t need this shit. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Being cautious," Natasha replied.

"That would be nice if anything dangerous would be happening. It’s not. Put down the guns."

The agents didn't react. Loki, on the other hand, did. He raised his hands, making a subtle gesture in their respective direction and laughed contented when the weapons turned into frogs, jumping out of the hands, that were holding them.

Tony couldn't stop himself from grinning when he saw Clint repeatedly wiping his fingers on his pants with a particularly disgusted look.

 

"You finally remembered how to conjure tricks." It was still Natasha talking but both, she and Clint, stood there in a fighting stance.

"I can wield magic again." With that, a green glow surrounded his head and formed a well-known golden helmet with long horns. Tony burst into laughter.

"How come?" The woman was seemingly unimpressed.

"Do not interest yourself in matters that do not involve you."

"Stark?"

He was still laughing but tried his best to answer. "I'm not mind controlled and he will not try to conquer the world.” He turned to the god beside him. “You won’t, will you?”

Loki shook his head. “Not planned in the near future.”

“See.” Tony had managed to stop laughing by now. “Everything's fine. Would you relax now?"

Natasha eyed them up carefully then she adjusted her position and just walked to the next chair. She sat down like nothing had happened. Clint glanced questioning at her. “It’s OK. They are still just two idiots. JARVIS’ supervision should suffice for now.”

“Thank you so very much, Romanov,” Tony answered.

“Where’s Thor?”

“Asgard.”

 

 “I’m happy that you two are back.” By now Bruce was gently smiling again. “Nice armor. Bit scratchy, though. I don’t want to know what you two did, do I?”

“Nope.” The brunette in said armor shook his head.

“So it seems, your trip to Scandinavia,” Steve somehow managed to emphasize each and every letter of the last word with a question mark, “Was successful. Stark Industries is now into magic?”

“No, just the owner is,” Tony answered, not willing to go into details and answer Steve’s unvoiced question.

“Just tell me that there’s no other Tesseract on our planet that will get us into trouble.”

“No, Cap. Nothing like that on earth. Not as far as we know.”

 “What were you doing in Central Park?” Clint asked.

“Getting some fresh air. From whom do you get your information? I’m somehow feeling offended that your source didn’t even recognize me and my handsome face.” A smile made for the media.

 

In all that commotion the calm British voice that started to speak was somehow reassuring, even when he sounded slightly annoyed. “If I may interrupt for a moment, Sirs. This isn’t an adequate living environment for amphibians, so please remove them from the tower.” After his creator chuckled JARVIS added. “I’m not monitoring frogs.”

“As you wish.” It wasn’t visible what Loki did, but a minute later the A.I. thanked him, not without adding, that someone should clean the puddle the frogs had made in a hallway. He suggested that the owners of the guns, which were lying in said puddles, should undertake that.

Clint gazed at Tony. “I wasn't born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about that. I really hope for you, it is just water.”

“I think, I’ll have the number of an excellent shrink somewhere. Perhaps you should talk about that.”

“Sometimes I’m jealous of people that don’t know you all.”

“Now you’re flattering. But ladies and gentlemen, it’s not like I don’t appreciate a surprise attack like everyone else but I’m in dire need of a shower and you now know everything’s fine. So could you please fuck off?”

Clint shrugged. “See you later.”

He had already turned around when Loki addressed him. “Barton? If I’d ever decide to conquer your deplorable world, you’ll notice it when you kneel in front of me. No gun or arrow of yours would stop me.”

“You’re an asshole.” The archer kept on walking in direction of the elevator. “Will likely get you killed someday.”

Tony rubbed his temple. _I need a Whiskey. Or five._ “I could do with a drink later. Community floor. 10 PM? And now, all out. Privacy and all that.” Tony waved and after some discussing the whole gang actually left grumbling.

 

“How do I now get out of that thing?” The brunette knocked on the armor. “Any chronological order to get rid of all the buckles and whatever holds this metal and leather construction together?”

Loki flashed him a wide, impish grin. “I can give you a hand.”

It still felt strange, magic that seemed to just so slightly touch his skin when the suit of armor vanished. “Still not complaining, but I’m relatively sure, I was wearing something under that.”

“You didn’t specify exactly what you want to get out of.”

“I suppose you could do that with your armor, too?”

“Certainly that is possible.” That smile was dirty and Tony liked it a lot.

JARVIS’ voice didn’t allow them to say or do anything else. Again. “Mr. Thor landed on the terrace just this minute.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” His voice could just be described as whining.

“I would never dare, Sir.”

There was a loud knock and Tony first howled and then cursed while Loki burst into a loud fit of laughter.

 “You better magic some trousers on me. I won’t stand here in all my naked glory while making small talk to him.”

“It is too bad. That would make it a whole lot more enjoyable. But if you insist.”

When Tony opened the terrace doors he was clothed in trousers and a shirt. A friendly greeting and the large Asgardian entered and went straight up to the man he grew up with.

 

“Mother told me to deliver a message to you. She is overjoyed that you got back what is a part of your being. She wanted me to remind you of the fact, that you are always welcome at our table. She will always be glad to see you.”

“Is that so.” _Let’s be honest, telling me about the sphere was her parting gift._

“Yes,” Thor stated firmly.

“I won’t.” _I can’t._ “I might be a fool but I’m not that insane. There’s nothing of enough worth to ever set foot on Asgard again and risk my life.” _You have no idea what price I paid and still pay to be alive. I’m not risking my life thoughtlessly._

“You would be under her protection.” Then the blond man hesitated uncomfortably. “Father was waiting at the Bifrost when I wanted to travel back here. You still seem to be outside of Heimdall’s all-seeing view.”

“So not that all-seeing,” Tony added.

The thunder god looked askance at him but continued without mentioning it. “Odin asks you to change that.”

“So that he can observe and control me? Also, asks as in orders, I suppose.”

Thor didn’t answer and Loki laughed.

“Leave it alone, Thor. If you have to, thank him for his courtesy, but I politely refuse the offer. If he wants to ask again he shall do it himself and I won’t be polite the second time.”

“He’s still the allfather.”

“But not mine. I’m no longer under his jurisdiction. If he wants something, he’ll have to force me. If that is all, I had plans before you arrived, so I would greatly appreciate it if you leave now.”

“Actually I have plans myself. I’ll visit Jane.”

“Don’t dare to tell her about me.”

“Not everything is about you.”

“Not everything is about you, either. This world doesn’t know me. They saw the Chitauri in the news, not me. Only a part of S.H.I.E.L.D. knows about me and how I was involved in the invasion. When your affair decides to tell anybody about me, some will seek revenge. They will endanger me and Tony. If that happens, it will lead to the death of some of your precious humans. Even if she’d just tell Selvig. They are like a family, she wouldn’t lie to him, would she? Selvig wasn’t exactly sane even before I brought him under the control of the scepter. I know exactly what he would like to do with me. I saw it. None of that will happen. I rather start a war and doom us all than just holding still. Do you understand the possible damage you might cause, numbskull?”

“She won’t do that. I would never put you in danger. I care about you, you're my brother.”

“We are no brothers. Just keep your big mouth shut.”

“We are at least brothers in arms.”

“However. Don’t tell her that I’m alive and on earth. Just once let your brain control your speech instead of just opening your mouth.”

Thor nodded. “You were always better at that.”

“I know how people called me. Now go, I’m sure you’ll find better things to do together than talking about me.”

After saying goodbye to Tony the Asgardian went outside, already swinging Mjölnir and rose into the air.

 

Inside of the tower, Loki stared after him. His good mood was gone.

After a moment of silence, he said. “Some on Asgard said he and I are a heart of gold against a silver tongue. That’s what he meant.”

“And that’s something bad?”

The god just nodded tiredly. He let the armor disappear and sat down on a couch in his normal, human clothes.

“First of, to have a clever way with words is a good thing. Words can have more impact than a missile. They are powerful. Second, his heart of gold is not infallible. He is aggressive, loud, and faster in action than in thinking. Hell, he hurled a fucking lightning against me, the first time we met. It just powered up the suit, but he didn’t know that this would be the consequence. He didn’t even know my name. I’m human, he was willing to kill me to get what he wanted. Not nice.”

“Nevertheless you worked with him.” He shook his head.

“I’m used to people wanting or even trying to kill me. Doesn’t mean I’m overly fond of them.”

Loki’s face contorted in anger. “You shouldn’t. You don’t deserve that.”

“However. For fuck’s sake, I don’t care what the whole of Asgard considers superior and you shouldn’t either. They just have no idea. Stop degrading yourself just because that’s what you are used to do. That’s something you didn’t deserve. Perhaps you changed, perhaps you always were the man I love, it’s not important. You are magnificent the way you are. At least recognize that you hit rock bottom and climbed up to solid ground again. You went through hell and showed hell that it can't take you. Could they do that? You've fucking earned everything you have and are, stop considering yourself second best to Thor.”

“Like you who is so often doubting himself?”

“It’s not me that has to resolve the contradictions of being both a powerful being and someone who was mistreated and then broken. To accept that you’re good as you are and that you’re loved and deserve it.”

Loki gazed at him and gave a chuckle. “Are you kidding me? You’re listening to what you’re saying, aren’t you?”

“You don’t even realize how powerful you are.”

“I know exactly what I can do.”

“That’s not what I meant. You are a bright, brilliant, strong and beautiful being. You can compare yourself to other gods. To beings living thousands of years. To cultures that were already populated with thinking life when Earth was just a stone in space. A few minutes ago you told Odin to fuck off, something Thor would never dare.  
You can wield magic. You can control a power that most people didn’t even understand. You're able to travel between planets and whatever there may exist in the universe. Hell, you're that extraordinary that I love you and even told you so. Still, you doubt yourself and your worth.”

The god stayed silent, thoughtfulness written all over his face. Then he got up. His face lit up in his most roguish and lively smile. “I remember hearing something about a shower.”

Tony’s face split into a wide smile. “Oh yes. I’m still in favor of that.”


	49. New horizons

A warm shower was heaven. Clearly and undoubtedly. But it also seemed to wash away the adrenaline and everything else that kept them both still upright. They were tired, thoroughly drained, utterly exhausted. Even thinking was a struggle. Talking even more. They crashed into bed and slept like the dead for a few hours. They had arrived in the morning when it was still dark when Tony woke up first it was almost dark again. They must have slept through the whole day. He looked at the clock, displayed in a window. Yawning he slowly rolled out of bed and stretched. Then he started to gently shake the sleeping god’s shoulder.

 

Loki groaned and pushed his hand away.

“Good morning.” Tony chuckled. “We have a date at 10 PM for drinks and it's 9.30. Now haul your beautiful ass out of bed and get dressed. Unless you want to go in your underwear which I wouldn’t be opposed to.”

“You arranged that meeting.” He yawned. “In what way is that my concern?”

“In so far, that you’ll accompany me.”

“No. I’m tired and I can't be bothered.”

“You can. I’ll go shaving, you find yourself some clothes and perhaps you might want to disentangle that nest on your gorgeous head.”

Loki threw a pillow in his direction with a few choice words that sounded suspiciously like the Norse equivalent of variations of fuck.

 

When Tony left the bathroom he smiled when he saw that he got up nevertheless and dressed in pants and a shirt. He beamed again when he saw that Loki wore his bracelets. They both knew that he didn’t exactly need them anymore, not as a keeper of safety.

 

When they arrived at the communal floor someone had already placed a smorgasbord of different glasses and bottles on the biggest table. Steve, Bruce, Clint and Natasha had made themselves comfortable on couches or armchairs. Tony filled two glasses and sat down, handing one to Loki who followed him.

 

Steve raised his glass. “I want to make a toast. To successful journeys.”

Tony nodded and added. “To ice, that is just big enough to fit perfectly in a whiskey glass.” Steve cast an odd glance at him. “What, capsicle? Ice is best served in alcohol. Everybody knows that. Apart from you, that is.”

 

Before they could ask too many questions Tony started to tell them a story about their journey to Scandinavia. A lie from start to finish. Loki was mildly impressed watching with how much ease he made up a believable story. The story teller watched with satisfaction, that they seemed to buy it. Barton always took an extra big gulp from his drink when he spoke in detail about some research Stark Industries might or might not make in Scandinavia because he was bored to death by that parts of the story.

When he came to an end, he leaned back and added. “I have an idea. A brilliant one!”

There was a sigh and Tony wasn’t sure who made it but he didn’t care much. He had the slight worry that it would backfire anyhow but decided that he could think about that later. “Nobody knows Loki. S.H.I.E.L.D. swept the Intermezzo in Stuttgart under the rug, like they did with the little town Thor disassembled in New Mexico.”

“It was more him,” Natasha pointed at the god that just raised his eyebrows in return, “who demolished said town.”

Tony stopped her with a wave of his hand. “They both were responsible. I think we can agree on that. However, he wasn’t in the news about New York, just the Chitauri were.” He added a break for emphasis. “If Thor can be an Avenger, Loki could be, too.”

Clint choked on his drink and began coughing hard until Natasha not so gently patted him quite a few times on the back. It was remarkable how loud this noises sounded in the absolute silence that followed Tony’s statement. Said man tossed the rest of his drink back while everybody else was struggling for words.

“Has it occurred to you that it might have been useful to first ask for my opinion on a matter like that?” The barely suppressed anger in his voice was obvious in that green eyes. “I’m not interested in actually working for S.H.I.E.L.D., I’m more than satisfied with being a consultant in name only. And I'm not interested in chasing criminals around or whatever.” _Why do you do that to me?_

“It was a spontaneous idea. But it's a good idea!”

 

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and counted his breaths before he opened them again and said. “That means you plan to reassemble the Avengers?”

“That is your biggest concern?” The Russian woman asked.

“Yes. All of us here have brought destruction over others and ourselves. No matter the reason why we did that or if it was intentional or not, point is, we all did. Harlem, the missions you and Clint did for S.H.I.E.L.D. and before. Not even Steve can claim that he never caused damage to others. Loki can do things others can’t. As far as I know, his ability to wield magic is unique on earth. He has control over his powers in contrast to me. If he is willing to help, that’s fine with me.”

Clint still looked slightly disheveled, but nevertheless, he chimed in. “I’m not fine with that!”

With a deep breath, Loki relaxed his muscles, forcing himself back to a more or less comfortable position. “Barton, just for this once I agree with you. Which might be a historic occasion.”

“Clint, just don’t be a little shit now. OK?” Tony flashed him a smile but it just made the archer even more reluctant.

“You don’t put him on this team.”

“I can see why your feathers are ruffled, nonetheless it starts getting annoying. If I held a grudge against everybody in this room that ever treated me like shit, lied to me or tried to use me, we would have a problem, dear.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows at them both.

 

Loki had promised himself to try and not enrage the others because he really had no interest in another fight and all the consequences that would have for Tony. He couldn’t think of a reason that if voiced wouldn’t lead to blood and thunder, so he added a pleaded one, “I’m heir to a throne, not a soldier.” _Two thrones and I will never ascend to either of them._

“And your point is? I’m a queen in a village somewhere in the rainforest where I retrieved an artifact for S.H.I.E.L.D.”

Clint grinned. “I remember. They even gave you…” A glare from the redhead silenced him.

“You’re a queen? Like, for real?” The face of Stark Industries grinned from ear to ear, “That sounds like an interesting story.”

“It is.” She nodded.

“Tell us more.

“No. That you’d have to earn.”

 

Loki cleared his throat. “I couldn't care less about your opinion. All of your opinions.” That was enough. Enough patience, enough courtesy.

Steve looked surprisingly interested. “He could undeniably be useful.”

The god felt his anger rise again at being talked about like that. Not for the first time in his life. “I am not a gadget. Nothing you can use, Mr. Rogers.”  
“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m not willing to be useful as someone to blame when things don’t go well, either.”

“That’s not what I said. Where do you even get that? Your skills should not be underestimated and I would rather have them on our side.”

“I dislike taking orders, Captain.”

“So does Stark. You can’t cause me that much more headache than he does.”

Tony protested but Steve just continued. “I saw that you can do as instructed in and after the lighthouse. I was on the receiving end of your power and was impressed. You might not like someone interfering with what you do, but you’re too clever to just do the opposite out of spite.” He hardly managed to stop himself before he’d nearly added: _Could also teach you some patience and tolerance. You could need it._

“I’m willing to expose myself to a double dose of headache, perhaps you should try to understand that this could only mean I would support that and think it’s a good idea. You could be a member of this team if you want to.”

“I have no tolerance for nonsense like that.”

“You’re with Stark, aren’t you? You should be used to nonsense.” Natasha actually smiled and said man laughed.

 

Tony’s name broke through Loki’s stubborn opposition and changed the reasoning inside him that was tinted with fury. Made reasoning possible were prior was just rejection. He had never thought about what he would do when he’d indeed be able to wield magic again. When Frigga showed him that small possibility to gain it back, he took it. But he never thought about what he would do next. He now had no more reason to hide in the tower 24 hours a day. Not a real reason. Nothing apart from the feeling of safety and home. Nothing apart from a lingering fear. But Tony, Tony would go out there again. He would never just sit down and lay back when lives were in danger. He just never would. He would never call himself a hero either. But an Avenger, yes, that he did. Taking it from S.H.I.E.L.D. and trying to turn it into something that might be worthy.

 

“You could at least try it and see how it goes. It’s not like we have any sort of contract binding us. No need for a two weeks notice. Give it a shot.” The female agent shrugged. Later she would have to explain to Clint why she thought that this indeed was something that could turn out to be beneficial.

 

After a lengthy break, Loki finally answered. “I agree.” He was kissed in response by a tipsy and beaming Avenger with happy brown eyes. “Go and kick ass, love."

“Language,” Steve stated and Bruce gave a laugh before he added. “You should call Thor later, he’ll be overjoyed.”

“Most certainly.” He looked at Clint, the only one that was dead against.

 

The marksman leaned back in his chair, got a bit of an evil grin, and then said confidently: “If you all are so obsessed with him being an Avenger, alright. Let’s say that it doesn't matter what he did or what he was.” _An enemy._ He looked at him stern. “When we are needed and you really go out there and fight, if you step out that door, you’ll be an Avenger.”

And because he was still pissed he added something. “Just don’t come running to me complaining that the crazy bastard turned against you or cast a spell turning you into a lizard."

“Not sure anybody would complain much while being a lizard. Not in a language you’d understand.” Tony grinned and the bowman sighed.

“Know what, Barton? The fact that you’re so opposed to that idea, pleases me no end.” Loki grinned like he meant it, and probably he did.

Clint did not dignify him with an answer. “But I have one condition if I should accept this play.”  
“What do you want?” Tony asked curiously.

“When he tries anything,” He couldn’t get himself to say if. It would have meant that he believed in Loki’s ability to change and it would have meant forgiveness he wasn’t ready to give yet. “I’ll be the one to shoot him down. He betrays us, I will kill him.”

Stark groaned. “Really? Aren't you one big fucking ray of sunshine?”

But Loki just answered nonchalantly. “So we’ve come to an agreement, Mr. Barton. Not that you stand a chance against me, but I’d let you try.”

 

Tony decided to ignore, at least for now, the death threat. “JARVIS, I’m sure we have some champagne somewhere here.”

Natasha stood up. “I know where.” Nobody was surprised. If anyone knew where everything on the communal floor was, then it would be the redhead. Clint followed her. They were whispering to each other. Too low to be heard. But they seemed at ease when they finally came back to the table with a bottle and appropriate glasses.

 

She handed around the glasses after the archer had filled them. Bruce just took a sip but nobody would dare to point it out. He would never drink more than a polite mouthful and they all understood why. Steve drank but as always it had no effect on him. He didn’t care.

“This stuff is good.” Natasha smiled. “I’ll have to take a bottle of your stash with me. Or two.” Clint grinned. “Three.”

“Drink up.” Tony chuckled. “JARVIS can order more. Oh and for now, pizza. I need something to eat.” He suddenly remembered how long his last meal was in the past when his stomach growled.

 

An hour later the pizzas were already down to a few lonely slices scattered around in boxes draped over the table and the floor where Clint and Natasha were sitting, their backs leaned against a sofa, legs stretched out in front of them. Their shoulders touching in a familiar gesture of trust and covering each other’s back for a long time.

Bruce and Steve were talking, soft and cautious.

Thor was still with Jane but for now, Tony was fine with that.

Loki leaned over to Tony and whispered. “Have you talked me into becoming an Avenger?”

“I’ve heard it both ways.”

Loki just shook his head with an amused smile.

 

 _This will either be the best thing ever or might kill us all._ Tony looked at the people gathered around him. He was all set to find out. “Alright. Natasha, let’s come back to the fact you’re crowned. I’m just dying to hear that story.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. For now. There is a second part to that story because I don’t feel like abandoning them now. So I turn this into part 1 of a series. I would be highly honored if you’ll read the next story, too! And to tempt you to do so, I'll post the first chapter now.
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting and kudos and everything. I appreciate all of that immensely! You alw
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting and kudos and everything. I appreciate all of that immensely! You always make my day with it.


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